Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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..... of King Turbo's leftovers from the round table banquet that was held earlier today, but don't nip Sir Onetrack, as he is a ......
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..... Turdbro's butler who was wearing a pair of stubbies. Tubb's butler/man-servant is a Paddy who's legs had never before been exposed to the sun, so they normally exhibit that sickly blueish-white look that only the Micks can exhibit, however this was also the usual freezing cold, misty and depressing sub-zero Melbournistan winter morning, so his legs were a kind of iridescent blue that the blue-healer found appetizing. bull, ever the gentleman, called out "Excuse me Bluey, but please don't bite him, because ....... bull was the 1st person to ever call his blue healer Bluey and has subsequently licensed the name and likeness to the ABC. bull has made a fortune as a result. The cartoonist got the image just right ..... and to aid our overseas readers, the dog on the right is the one that headed for the Paddy's iridescent blue legs.
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Essential Safety Note ..... bull had had a 2nd-hand Chinese imitation Recaro supplied and fitted by Turbine Race Car Structural Modifications Pty Ltd, but was having trouble getting the necessary CAMS approvals for the cut-and-shut to the Pommy aluminium roll cage.
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..... she responded by pulling out a Bentley cap plus one of bull's "make bone great again" red numbers the concept of which he had licensed to Don for his 2024 campaign, except to cap it off, Don rooted it up by using all caps on the cap. bull also has a "make tasmania great again" cap, but with the "again" crossed out, and then removed completely in the rev B version, before having "for once" added in rev C that was selling pretty well. The walloper obviously had eyes for bull (it's his Elizabeth Tayor bone structure that does it every time), but out of the passenger's seat of the Bentley came .....
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.... drove his ex-Bathurst 12 Hr Bentley over beside the Vette, to arrange for a dual orgasmic "Rev-Off", where ....... bull's Bentley on the way up the driveway at Turbo's Toorak mansion, for the Rev-Off. White lines up the side of a domestic driveway are a sign of true wealth.
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...... "Drive car road on collect side and care to be used if throttle sticks or battery becomes to a hot stage, at which moment stop vehicle in road and use PFAS foam extinguisher for battery control not to light up and boom to go. Prease Note srightry important Matter - Care is to be needed with the application to squirt PFAS Foam as much cancer is possible, and fried testis can result be bad for procreation (If under 40, your nuts much more important be than battery fire to happen quick stix.)" Turbo looked at his gift, which had been driven previously by Gregg Hansford, then at the slightly faded (called "mature red" in the Corvette caper) Vet that was looking a bit sad and rejected, yet still hopeful in that optimistic & cheerful American sort of way, and Turbo did an unexpected thing, which was to .......
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..... rriving at the stop sign before you do. It should also be noted that every buyer of these vehicles automatically becomes a spy for the CPC or the CCP or whatever they are actually acronymed as, under their "Dipstick Buyer Mind Control Algorithm" (the DBMCA). So you will then find yourself like a stunned mullet, driving for weeks and involuntarily taking photo of Warships & Military installations all over the country, immediately after which your pics will be automatically downloaded by the car and sent directly to your handler in Shin Zan, not to mention that your Chinese feed at the Bone Rissole, plus the Dimmys at the Woomera Roadhouse, will be sniff tested and rated on the CCP's website with a rating out of up to 5 sickles. Blonde ladies will also be automatically photographed using the car's cotton piercing see-thru camera and each lady will also be rated by your handler, while he leans back in his chair and handles ........
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..... blurry spy shots of P76's, and now added an extra 103 pages that list all the Chinese knock-off brands that nobody recognizes and which haven't had panels with rust penetrations prior to road testing. The new Wheels immediately required all scribes to be fluent in Changlish so that they could read the Manuals, and all needed to wear asbestos PPE, including fluoro nomex undies, to cater for battery fires while testing. Turbo's vast experience in this arena prompted him to compare the Chinese products with red US V8 transverse rear-spring sports cars, and to chime in here to Crappy's post by stating that "The Chinese vehicles are certainly .......
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And there, dear readers, in one 13-line italics post, is the reason why we admire, revere, respect ..... and sometimes fear ..... our esteemed best mate, as he has been ankle or armpit, or back-teeth deep in all the big issues in OZ over the past millennium.
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..... bull while holding up the bar at the Bone Rissole each Saturday night/Sunday morning (but to be fair to bull, he has always clearly asserted that he was always well enough to drag himself out of his sleeping position in the Rissole's War Memorial Rose Garden every Sunday morning and head to Mass on the hope of receiving a little "hair-of-the-dog" (but at least bull never fought the Priest for the chalice of communion wine like Turbo did with the regimental Chaplain when we were up the Khyber and Turdy was going through one of his DT sessions). The complaints from Wheels (plural, eh Tubb?) readers did, in fact, encourage sobriety and the Mag went on to spawn the "Big Wheels" trucking magazine (see issues 23 and 174 for articles featuring the Turgid Plonker and his chassis cracks), to be flogged off several times to new owners, and to become the ...... bull in the Memorial Rose Garden at the Bone Rissole, while waiting for the Cathedral to open each Sunday morning. (A plaque has since been ram-setted to the wall there, same like they did at his spot at the bar).
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..... get back to Paris during another retreat. As a result of the Frog winemakers refusing to sell their plonk in OZ, Wheels was awarded the Order of Australia and the more prestigious Skippy Winemaker's Freedom of the City at the towns of Cessnock, Nuriootpa, Rutherglen and Margaret River, so the Wheels journos (who are really just revheads with a pen) were sloshed for months, until .......
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..... Max Stall led their testing for the 1950 Car of the Year, they went soft in their reporting and said "Geez Louise, this POS doesn't go, it doesn't stop, the seats are unsittable, the legroom is unleggable, and the ......
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..... "Ah the old Pou du Ciel" said Planey Turbine with fond memories and a glint in his eye "They were a fine machine ....... until they hit terra firma, and that is when they reminded everyone of a battered Citroen C2V after a head-on with a donkey." But Le Pou du Ciel became admired and respected for another reason, which related to ..... Is zat a C2V or a Poo Du Ciel post impact? .......... Nobody knows, but if it is a C2V, ze donkey must be in zer somewhere.
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..... indicted Lucas Turbine for inventing those windscreen wipers that were driven by vacuum from the intake manifold and would stop working whenever the throttle was pressed. At that time Lucas Turbine was sponsoring his cousin Juan Manuel Turbine in the world F1 championship and also Giacomo Turbine in the MotoGP of that time, so they needed to sell a fair bit of gear with planned obsolescence in order to make the necessary ....... A rare photo of Mike Turbine with his 2nd cousin Giacomo Turbine. It was Giacomo that got most of the chicks.
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.... a reputation for being "The Customline for the Masses", which resulted in many Falcon owners converting to Catholicism and taking their cars to church. Turbo is correct in his comment included above, except that he has forgotten about the competition from Valiant, Wolseley, the P76, Lada, Rover and ......
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.... everyone staring and saying "Gosh, that person must be doing well". And there, dear readers is one of the great achievements of the Falcon, at least until the time of the XW GTHO - Phase 2, that owners were perfectly content with their Falcons, even if they just had a 3 speed column change, no AC, no bucket seats, noisy front ball joints and a valve radio ........ but nevertheless, the owners were wrapped, and they were also always ......
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..... GMH claimed that the back seat was too small to follow through, even if she agreed to give you a chance. This, however failed dismally, as all those that progressed through a Mini Cooper S period, and had graduated to a Falcon, knew what great things could be achieved in the back seat of a Mini, so a Falcon would be a piece of ........
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..... and sure enough there was Harry in his wetty & goggles, with a large number of Cayman Nymphettes who had set up a subterranean cave as a breeding station and were hard at it, using a production-line format that Harry had stolen from the GMH plant at Elizabeth, and then modified to ......
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..... went Trans himself in an undercover operation (and I'm not referring here to the nick and flick operation for bull to become a lady) and head over to Russia to do some research? "Don't get caught, Bull, my new little buddy, and punted down to Ukraine to fight Zelinski the cross-dresser and his mates" said Prawny who had a somewhat sad background with hermaphroditic practices in the under-sea world, and knew what would happen to a Trans woman in a war-zone who would look absolutely stunning given Bull's Liz Taylor-like bone structure. bull listened to Prawney, smiled and responded " ..... To Transmogrify - Where Grifters change the sex of cats against their will and without parental consent.
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.... identify. This also cut down on the number of sides of beef that the Resort needed to buy to feed Bazza. So a win-win, except of course for the occasional paying guest that strayed too close ..... but hey, you have to break a few eggs etc. However, based on the occasional disappearing guests that the airlines identified as "a one-wayer" (the numbers of which we increasing as Barry got a taste for certain nationalities) the Cayman Islands were not only known as a tax haven, but also as a ........
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The above is of considerable interest to Crappy as he has a substantial tax problem at the moment after recently selling his half interest in the Aussie Airports Corporation and CASA (CASA shares sell on the dark web and are as scarce as bitcoin, even though CASA are often described as a two-bit operation.) ...... an inside job, but after entering into a JV with Cappy to reverse audit the ownership of the Islands, they found that bull's involvement was nominal only & disguised through a blind trust (named after what bull gets each Saturday night) and the Islands are actually owned by a Cayman named Barry, who often ..... Barry ....... this photo taken while he was sunbathing by the pool in a resort on the Islands that he owns. Bazza (to his mates) is very snappy with the staff and a little bit up himself.
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..... Prawny/Harry more than anything wanted bull to be his mate (Prawny had destroyed many other personal relationships in the past with his overly direct and pushy nature), plus he knew that bull had an over developed commercial brain and that bull's well-known avarice would kick in, potentially .....
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..... which is fairly standard practice with nets. "Yes" echoed Prawny "I agree with Crappy, as holes are really what nets are all about, if you ignore the ropey/stringy bits, so I call BS on your proposal bull." (Prawny was often described as overly aggressive in his negotiating style). "geez, fair go prawny" responded bull, a little miffed, "i was referring to not fixing the torn section of my nets .... although i must admit to being more into dancing and having fun, rather than net mending." Prawny realised his error and tried to think of a way to make it up to Bull, who is a sensitive soul and an empathetic prawn trawler skipper. "I tell you what Bull, old mate" said Prawny trying to recover his negotiating position "I'll ....... Prawny getting ready to chuck his weight around at a meeting of the WPC, but without his white ear buds.
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..... one of the latest AI based instant translation devices using tiny wee little white prawn specific ear buds. The prawn responded in the Azerbaijanian lingo, but it came through to bull as containing a mix of Tasmanian & Bone based colloquialisms. "geez prawny, that is fantastic, can I license those for oz" said bull. "No" responded the prawn "As I need them for use exclusively in explaining the World Prawn Council's (WPC's) policies internationally, as a result we also even translate into Dolphin as those buggers are a pain in the poo chute for us prawns. However, in the interest of frankness I need to also let you know that Turbine Technologies have taken an option if I decide to change my mind". "thanks" replied bull "if you will give me a 2nd option, I will leave these holes in the net and ...... Below is an early but larger version of the prawn earbuds. These were designed for, and tested on, sharks.
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..... and an increased catch because ..... Cappy, having never seen a C, couldn't possibly be one, like Turbo often claims. And just because I shot him too.
