Captain

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

On another occasion Chip had decided axe work was getting too hard, so went and bought himself one of those Chain Saws. He took it back and said "This thing doesn't work, it's useless; slower than an axe!"

 

The dealer checked the fuel, primed it, pulled the cord and it started with a "RRRRP!...RRRRRP!...RRRRR!" 

"Is that what you have to do"

 

Cappy got to know Chip quite well when he was down on the west coast salting the Henty Gold Mine, just north of Queenstown.

Chip told Cappy that story but varied it slightly ...... in that he said to the Stihl dealer, "That chainsaw is useless. I have cut down 3 huge Huon Pines and it is slower than using an axe."

The dealer started the chainsaw to test what was wrong and it went RRP, RRRP etc after which Chip said "What's that noise?"

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....metre long and cleverly camouflaged by King Island Seaweed, imported to Victoria by KI TurboKelp Pty Ltd with the barb sticking up at about nut level for anyone turning around and lowering himself from the boat.

 

There was a second row around Victoria consisting of people in brown shirts and shorts, long brown socks and tan boots and like mermaids, hissing "Come on Nutheads, Try it on!"

 

2000 Tasmanians died that day, groined by fish hooks as they slid down the gunwhales and were used as bait by the Fishers Party who sold the flake they caught to fish and chip shops up the east coast of Australia. It was the best fundraiser they'd ever had.

 

Distracted by the screams of pain, the rest of the Tasmanians charged up the beach where they were mowed down by the 50 cals of the snipers sitting in sun lounges on the penthouse decks of the rish and famous Victorians like CT who was popping away with them on his 222 Brno.

 

It was all over by nightfall and the next day Victorians with their dogs or children walked around the beaches of Tasmania.

 

"It's SMALL!!" said Mavis who'd driven down from Gumly Gmly in her new Fiat 500 Abarth.

 

"What were those things roaring out in the middle during the night? asked ...............

 

 

 

.... Mavis.

"Those were the feared, inbred, and seldom seen Tazzy "West Coasters" who have not seen the sun since 1942 and they were chanting in their coven, in fear of the coming dawn." responded bull, while trying not to appear to be one of them.

The new location of Tasmania threw the AFL into confusion and whoever is the new Gill (Craig?) McLaughlin /Andrew Demetriou clone said the following about the new team ".........

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

beach where they were mowed down by the 50 cals of the snipers sitting in sun lounges on the penthouse decks of the rish and famous Victorians like CT who was popping away with them on his 222 Brno.

 

THIS IS VITAL INFO FOR ALL NESERS as it is the 1st time that it has been confirmed that while CT projects a country DG type bunny busting image of the lovable farmer/rabbit harvester, he does maintain a seedy seaside Penthouse valued in the $ multi-millions.

It is suspected that this has been purchased using black money earnt by his smuggling operations through his 100%, yet disguised, ownership of DG International Airport and Space Centre.

Could CT be the Aussie equivalent as Sam Bankman-Fried. If so, CT is a real CT.

More news to come as  investigations continue.

...... rig them, longline fashion, across The Rip and hope to snag The Nut as it came through.

Tasmanians, being ever resourceful people almost turned the theory of plate techtonics around when they realised how hot it is (temperature-wise, not chicks-wise) up on the main island.

"We prefer it sleeting all the time, and blowing like billy-oh" they said.

But then they noticed the 56,000 hooks, each one ....... 

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He didn't have to say any more; Tasmanians have a memory that rewinds every 20 seconds and their thoughts had now turned to ..................

..... whether continental drift would make Strahan a suburb of Port Phillip Bay, right next to Brighton, and Zeehan an exclusive area just up market & to the left of the Mornington Peninsular.

As Turbo has so famously observed, "Better that it is Tasmania, than New Zulund".

bull's Chandelioer Emporium was selling to almost every Tasmanian as they built houses that look like a Griffith Pot Grower's Mansion, ready to take on the flash joints around Brighton, and his other business, bull's Italian Look 3 Stories Tall Immitation Granite Columns Pty Ltd (b'sIL3STIGCPL) was constantly sold out as Tasmanians embraced lifting their houses (A la Griffith) and adding 2 besser brick stories down below.

bull's House Lifters Inc was also doing well ........ all in preparation for Tazzy to bump into Vicmanistan ready for bull and Turbo to then be neighbours and able to play golf together in a 3-some with Dan at .......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 and Albert Gore as he likes to be called now is telling the world he has a switch he can flip to fix things.

Turbo reached out #1 to Albert to see if he could hire the switch, or ...........................

...... dinarily Albert would have reached back to Turbo pretty quickly, however he was down in dressing room 3, identifying himself as a petite lady and getting ready, in full tranny gear, to punch the living daylights out of Greta because she had taken much of the spotlight off Albert, and had taken over his dire predictions gig by also saying that everything would end in 13 years.

Albert even put a block of ice in his gloves to thump Greta, as he knows that there will be no more ice in any icetrays by 2036, and .......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

For the benefit of Generation X people, reach out doesn't mean reach out any more; it's a new substitute for spoke, wrote, emailed, phoned, messaged, X'd, posted, and saves time working out what you actually did which would then lead to your boss asking for a copy, or a Court asking for the evidence.

Following receipt of Turbo's above note, Generation X will now "circle back" (avref & yuppyref) to consider the detail further.

On 21/11/2023 at 9:07 PM, turboplanner said:

I.......prepared to take the skirts off table legs

Even today it's not unusual t be invited the high tea in Tasmania by another Flyer, and while eating Cream Sponge Cake with a cake fork from a sponfe plate, comment on the table legs and hear you host say "Aye, she's a lovely one this one, and don't give me any trouble e'en" or .........................

BEFORE CONTINUING THIS RIVETTING (AVREF) NES THREAD, CAPPY ADVISES A CORRECTION FOR THE RECORD. CRAPPY HAS CONTACTED ALL WRECK FLYING MEMBERS AND AUF LICENCE HOLDERS IN TASMANIA AND ALL HAVE DENIED THAT THEY WOULD EVER INVITE TURDBOY FOR ANY TYPE OF CAKEY REPAST, OR EVEN FOR A S#%@ SANDWICH. 

AND WHAT DOES EEEEN HAVE TO DO WITH IT ANYWAY?

....... your Tazzy visting privilages will be ......

On 21/11/2023 at 8:22 PM, onetrack said:

...... major cyclic stuff-up, ......

(Avref)

Crappy, as a leading member of the Undercover Aviation Regulator's Association (the UARA [which some wags use to call out to Cappy "U R an a.h&%$] was dismayed to hear from OneTrack, an equally respected WA a.h&%$, that there is an issue in some chopper or other, and Crappy needs more details of year and type before he can issue another grounding.

..... arranged to turn on the Aurora (Turbo can do that), so he told Wynyard to stick it and decided that he would just ghost on down south a bit further & into the strip at Queenstown where he went to the pub for a feed and to crack-on (he is almost guaranteed success down there as they don't get too many like Turbo in Q.town [or even Strahan or Zeehan] these days), however he had forgotten to turn the Aurora back off again.

The consequences were ........

.... stand.

These practices in Mexico have followed the bull family worldwide, as the family size grew, because while the blokes couldn't drink or stand any more, they sure knew how to breed.

To this very day, La Cucheracha reverberates around a number of otherwise peaceful valleys in Tasmania, where "our bull" is a champion at singing and dancing La Cucheracha and he can often be seen playing with his castonettes (although some do refer to what he does as "fiddling" with them).

The entire Tasmanian bull family often go back to Mexico and Spain to ..........

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......removed the tops from 24,350 Coke bottles at the Taos, New Mexico Coca Cola Depot. Detectives traced them to ........

..... see what the resultant drawing looked like (it was a slow day at the Precinct).

"It's like a circle that has been circumcised, so a bit frilly around the outside" said Detective Jose bull, of the Mexican branch of the Spanish bull clan.

The Spanish bulls were landed gentry who had the contract to provide stroppy animals to the Stroppy Animal Fights (the SAFs).

"SAF is not a catchy name" said the patriach of the bull clan. "What would be a good marketing name that we can capitalise on?" he further asked.

"How about we call the male SAs by our family name?" suggested Juanita, who was a particulaly bloody good sort (a PBGS) "And we can then call the female stroppy anumals a name inspired by Hillary Clinton & Nancy Pelosi."

So it was decided, and the males were thereafter called bulls, the SAF became Bull Fights, and the females were called c........

..... it really hit the fan (almost an avref) when Turbine Recycling & Adult Entertainment Shops (TRaAES) were found to have knocked off all the copper wire from the charging stations, and to have ....

.... solve the entire EV problem worldwide"

And it did, because Turbo also bought the rights to that little jigger that Peter Brock used to sell to stick on your fuel line & double fuel mileage, and Turdo just stuck one on each EV battery so that he could guarantee them for 15 years or your money back (for the 25 cent jigger).

Sales were brisk and Turdo was ....

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......Popular Mechanics in 1959, where they featured a Lincoln with 4 ducted fans which would have been a hoot to get off the ground, but somewhat problematic staying there without .............

....... Turbo's legendary sense of balance and coordination.

The Turbine Personal Transport Company (TPTC P/L) had, however, come up with a massive improvement after buying 200,000 unsold GM Volt EV's, pulled all the batteries out for W & B purposes (& dumped them in an illegal land fill near Southern Cross ..... soon to be covered forever like Lassater's Reef by the ever present shifting sand hills [Ohhh the Sand, the Sand]).

The Volts, were renamed as Cars Now Under Trial (CNUT) and fitted with the latest drone type electric motors.

All went well until Turbo realised that DJI and Xi had "done" him again and, while cheap, had sold him their leftover stock of shop soiled 2019 drone engines, so he needed 300 just to get the chassis off the ground, then 200 more by the time Test Pilot Turbo (avref) {TPT) wriggled his lean & trim, yet lanky frame into the CNUT of an aircraft.

"Oh FMD" said Turbo to his design team. We foprgot something. Go and dig up those batteries again and order 200% more engines, because we'll ...... 

.... endorsed the "Drifters For The Common Man" movement, which is the closest they would come to the always foreshadowed Flying Cars that were promised by ....

.... cruising level (avref) .....

..... then decided that this misunderstanding was too good an opportunity to miss, so he stood on one leg and let fly (avref) with a silent but deadly ......

..... this, thereafter was adopted as the school's "Footy Chant", which was way more popular and effective than that used by Man United or Port Adelaide.

In fact, Koshy got his idea for the Port Adelaide song after he heard a recording of Loxie's indiscretion and subsequently saw the photo of the mess he made, ..... although Koshy thought that the mess was what happened to the opposition, so when he found that it was self inflicted, he ......

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...... The Entity .....

..... is a triumverate, being Turdy, Frank and Billy, resides somewhere etherial & floating between Rome, Epstein Island and Moorabin.

The Entity is so spirit-like that it is requested by Interpol and the CIA to break wind periodically so that people will know when it is near.

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....beliefs in cat farming, Drifters, spark plugs and the NES.

T/F/B aka The Entity also has a lot of difficulty swallowing the outrageous fairy stories dreamed up by the United Nations. The photo shows The Entity's fingers at a recent meeting where the UN asked The Entity to join with the same Veto Powers as Russia and ...............

.... the Chair the UN's "Cats Have Human Rights" committee in a manner similar to the way Iran chairs the Women's Rights Committee.

Turbo didn't quite understand the subtleties of what was meant and when he dressed all his lady cats in burkas, Tony Guttieres said ".......

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

It was becoming obvious this obscure website and long-running story was possibly all a front, for a multitude of players who were like chameleons, with an ability to change positions, relationships, and powers, in an instant - all of these being signs that not only was the long-running story outrageously unbelievable, but that it was being used for........

....... Turbo's/Francis's/Bill's attempt to build a Turbine Industries' based competitor for the World Economic Forum, so instead of WEF the new version is WF'sNES, which is catchy and should go far.

To promote this concept, Turbo/Francis/Bill requires every new member of WF to use the below as their avatar and to pledge allegiance to his .......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......made money by addicting people to windows and then exploited 8 year old Romanian children by employing them to write the algorithms,  as anyone who has used Microsoft for business will attest.

Cappy.....

...... who can't even spell aligoricalithms, but who was a very bright and somewhat pretty child, still employs a sidekick to handle his computer activities. 

As Crappy so often says, stealing & modifying Elon’s saying "I didn't get past year 5, but some people who work for me did".

This rang a bell with both Onesie & bull, who both .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......night of the short .......................

..... memory, as several indiscretions meant that Turbo had to don his white gear and provide many & varied absolutions,  before changing into his best nerdy clothes, and geeky look, to provide packets of predried maggots and grasshoppers for the desert.

"We not need your glasshoppers" said the bloke that owns the lestaulant "We got prenty of cockloaches".

Then the ultimate indiscretion occured when Turbo, still all nerded up, had too many chardies and started to entertain the group with his stories about Epstein Island and how Bill .......

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

 

But Albo, as usual, knew better and one day ....................

..... does not a Prime Minister make.

"I just really like dancing in colorful shirts" bleated Albo.

So Tony Burke and Chris Bowen joined them as inspiration, and with Turbo also retained to give his usual "How to be a Statesman" lecture, it was all primed to be a 5-some that would live on in infamy, and in Aussie political folklore, as the .....

.... to cheer him up (a bit), Penny took him down to Chinatown for a feed and a ......