Captain

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

 

Years later he got out of the Royal car to mix with the crowd and some Australia from the back yelled out "The Poms can't play cricket!"  An English reporter  said "REALLY!" or something like that and Charles turned around and, laughing, said "Don't think I haven't been called a Pommy Bastard MANY times!" even though he wasn't supposed to talk about the meetings with Turbo or .........

...... the fact that Chuck had converted to Catholicism so as to be able to follow Pope Turbo more closely, and had banned all other churches (except those dedicated to St Greta) within the Commonwealth.

He also made Windows 12 compulsory after Turbo/Bill made him aware that it was part of the WEF 2030 initiative. 

Given how powerful and devious/deviant are Turbo's triumverant powers, Chuck asked whether Tubb can do anything to sort out the red-head and Turbo offered to have him forcibly moved to either WA or Tazzy, which would be enough to break any rebellious .....

..... then Chuck asked Turbo a question that even stunned Cappy, who has been Turbo's best mate and confident for the past 5 score years & 10.

Chuck continued on "They tell one that thee hast 2 aliases and that I am in the presence of true greatness. So prey do tell one, in complete confidence of course, do you really moonlight as the great globslists, Pope Francis and Bill Gates?"

Turbo was stunned, looked at Cappy (who was dressed as a Cardinal at the time ....., because black and red really suits him) and said "Blessed art those who have 365 ..... and Bishop Strickland just had to get the chop".

Charles looked at Camilla, who had always admired Turbo in an erotic way, even when he was just one persona, being the Turbo that we all know & love, and she said "FMD, Charles, so that means that .....

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......front page news. It wasn't that someone was feeding cake to sheep because pommy farmers did that all the time,  the problem was the luck sheep got a telegram from the King....who would be visiting shortly and wanted to meet here at .....................................

..... some random commoner's farm so that he can prattle on about global warming, sheep's pharts damaging the ohhhhzone later, the great reset wank (GRW), the dangerous similarity between raisins & sheep poo when cakes are being baked, and .....

...... which was ......

Poor Cappy's long & detailed & attempted humour laden response went missing due to his crappy internet out here in the Atlantic, so he sadly reverted to the above.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......explaining why there were all these sheep in cattle country. 
The Khybers.....

....., however, "Khyber Kelpies" was going from strength to strength by winning prizes at the Sydney and Melbourne Royal + also at the Henty Field Days, and using the below promo photo.

But the sheep in cattle country issue continued to be a bug bear and was ....

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......he get his money back.

 

"OK, give money back; here your ten cents" said the CEO of FYT

 

And yet again, this time in Australia the Khybers had escaped and headed for ...........

.... the hills, where they were confident that they would feel at home.

Some went up into the Great Dividing Range near DG and others headed for Bathurst where they planned to assimilate by entering a Kelpie themed Merc in next year's 12 Hour.

Everyone went ,"Ohhhh & Ahhhh, thinking that this would be cute, a bit like the Red Dog moving picture, except that the Khyber Kelpie image on the Merc was wearing an explosive vest and a ......

..... the "Kelpies are People Too" group (Kelpies are the K in the LMBTQPSK pressure group and political party) managed to obtain an injunction in the High Court on the basis that .....

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"But ...................

.... aren't kelpies just a little too hyperactive for a role such as this, after all they have been known to .....

..... a Mufti holding a gay pride flag. 

"G'day" he said "I'm Mufti the Poofti and welcome to my Student Radishification Class, where we examine the different types of radishes for cooking in caves in the mountains, and their effects on ......

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

..........benefits of having a leaderless country.

Malcolm also had a party trick where he mimiced Bob Hawke by drinking a glass of beer.

This so upset the rabid Left, that they.................

 

..... brought in a new misinformation law to penalize anyone not preaching the benefits of anything other than Chardonnay and Soy Chai Latte. 

After finishing his beer, Malcky again mimicked Bob Hawke by quoting his memorable America's Cup speech and said "Any person who forces redundancy on anybody today is a naughty bottom".

This really stirred up ......

On 04/11/2023 at 6:42 PM, Captain said:

..... wet .....

..... left of centre conservative political views, caused by TTBS having retained Malcolm Turnbull to lecture on Pump-Storage Power Generation, hydrogen powered Drifters, the merits of the 22-250 cartridge for bunny busting, and the .....

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....while chewing gum.

Not many people know that the term "[pick your term] and chewing gum" originated from the Tennessee-Turbine Business School where a percentage of the prim ladies failed each year because they couldn't type and eat gum at the same time and left the school with sticky keyboards and ...........................

..... wet .....

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..............typing at 130 words a minute, or ..............

.... dacious as that may seem to some, however the Tennessee-Turbine Business School (a JV where Tennessee were the smaller partner) had often achieved a higher standard .....

.... lasses, while smiling & vivacious inside (and down below), actually looked like they were .....

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......tension in the ..................

.... elastic in their  ......

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Mount Everest and K2, and Cappy couldn’t resist .......

.... a comment about their relative size, which increased the .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...assets.

Cappy, aided by the gin fell forward and his nose.........................

.... landed, quite accidentally don't ya know, right between ......

..... the Knocker from Knoxville, who with Tennessee Tina by her side, lined up to show the audience what the girls thought were the finest, purtest & largest 4 .....

...... Ratty and Turdy snuck into the audience and all ......

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....to back up Cappy on the 3-stringed .222, OT arranged for his American cousin, Justin, to play his 3-string shovel guitar, so they could make up a proper Hillbilly duo, that brought tears to the eyes of the.......

 

(Justin playing his 3-stringed shovel)

 

 

 

..... audience, who had actually come to see Turbo play his cigar box banjo, while have a Turbine Cigar Company stogie shoved into his .....

On 01/11/2023 at 2:05 PM, turboplanner said:

.....Outhouse Darktown Rumblers.

Their new song "There is nothing like a dame" was aimed at the aero industry and the lyrics had the Medical Board of Australia up in arms, defending its Members, but the problem was they couldn't go to the newspapers with the words.

 

But when Cappy sings "I'm in love with a wonderful guy"  the 22 million LBQTIW Australians are brought to tears.

 

When CT saw the word Don Burrows, he couldn't resist joining the band, and he sang a trad version of Bali'Hai. 

 

When he sang:

"Your own special Island, your own special land" the audience were moved to tears, but became confused by the next line "Filled with a million furry bunnies........................"

 

..... and then he played a solo guitar lick on a modified Sako 222 with strings attached to the stock. and a fretboard up the forend, which .....

Due to OTs previous reply to a comment, and not the main thread, the NES is now split asunder and this cannot be blamed on Cappy.

..... Turbine Mulesing Contractors, who were a bunch of Kiwi shearers out of season, who ......

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Captain has raised an important part of Australia's history. There was a time when everyone did it. It was called crutching, and within a few years the process had been applied to sheep to prevent blowfly strike, which Turbo had battled with for years.

 

He had drawn the line at mulesing though.

 

As a result of Turbo's endorsement, "Crutching" became very popular within the LMPTQRSTU community and Turbs gave regular talks & demonstrations.

(There was also some limited take-up in certain heterosexual Tasmanian rural communities ..... and DG were right into it, holding a festival the week before the Melbourne Cup)

The more adventurous tried mulesing and some seemed to adopt it as a lifestyle after buying donkey costumes.

On 18/10/2023 at 10:50 PM, onetrack said:

what to do about offensive personal odours"

As a long serving, and sniffing, close mate of Turbo, I can confirm to out thousands of NESers that when his pong is sometimes brought to his attention he just resorts to the Turbine family solution/tradition of cutting the arse out of his dungarees, thereby keeping the flies away from his face.

7 hours ago, bull said:

...............Turdo  and the Captain where both in a bit of bother over some cats escaping and going feral in Tasmania Australia....The local authorities had issued arrest warrants for them both and had informed interpol to scan international travellers to.......................

..... any jazz festivals as those were real cool cats who were originally members of the Don Burrows quartet, but had dumped Donny when they heard the tracks being penned by Turdy & Crappy, who were the new 21st century Rogers and Hammerstein, and who were putting together a new trad band, to be called the .......