Captain

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........Pekinese Rockies."

Turbo realised then that the Chinese had cloned his cats and were, even as we speak, operating a Giant Cat Farm. This couldn't be allowed to go on so ........

..... Turbo called another of his close mates who is the boss of ASIO & who gave him the name of a well known Labor politician who could get this all sorted with the CCP, and thereby prevent the cloned 10 ft Chinese moggies from blanketing Aussie and eating ......

It is only fair, however, that Cappy acknowledge, here & now, the great work done on such short notice by Clarry's Chinese Cat Cloning Conglomerate Company (the well known CCCCCC) for blanketing OZ with lion sized pussies, however 40 million kangaroos also needed to die in short order to make their manes, although when diced up the roos also made great Short Soup and Pork Spling Lolls.

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....authentic. This upset many in the Nationals who were then required to go many to their thousands of tribes and suggest they gird their loins. Since most of them had been wearing Armani suits for three generations, this didn't go down well.

Oppshuk, from the Coast Salesh, who was in the middle of setting up his CNC machine to carve a new Totem Pole which he had just sold to the Guggenheim for $14 million, was not amused, so he ................

..... started to grid his lions using the WD084 mercator projection and ended up with 1 lion per square perch.

"Where did you get that many lions from, in what is, effectively, a non-lion country." asked Turbo, who was midway through incorporating Turbine Carnivors P/L.

"Well" replied Oppshuk (known as Oppy to his mates) "That is a very interesting question, young TurdBro, because I have found a secret stash in the ........

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Leader Mik-Muk suggested they .............................

..... gird their loins in order to be ........

..... the Mi'kmaqs from Nova Scotia, and from Toorac [known around the local coffee shops as RacMaks] (those Mi'kmaqs had done alright for themselves & pocketed a good quid during the industrial revolution), who thought that they could also contribute by teaching the Aussie aboriginal people's how to make a bow, and how to fletch an arrow.

"We don't want no new fangled weapons down here, eh" said Tommy Praise-Mayo, "As .......

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......committee of four people drawn from ........................

.... a wide ranging base of ethnic and economic subgroups, which ....

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......could set up a Panel to delegate a person of substance ................

... who would, of course, be bipartisan in their quest to form a ......

..... Special Subcommittee that .....

..... formed a bipartisan Committee to investigate forming a Group to assemble a Committee of Inquiry to consider ........

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......got upset because the Dingos were only being driven by the ferals who just ignored CASA and didn't wash. 

So the good Doctor .....................

..... included 44 gallons of Dingo liquid soap with each purchase, CASA reacted by adding a Clean And Sterile Actiongroup to their power structure and the Dingo sales ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....people might get more interested in chucking dirt around than flying, and of course his fears came true; today there are hundreds of thousands of young people digging here, shifting dirt there, planting trees there, and no CASA to worry about.

It wasn't until ..............

......  CASA added their CONSTRUCTION AT SPEED AUTHORITY that they buggered up the construction industry too, by requiring 100 hourly tear-downs and all operators over 16 to have 2 medicals each year and be swabbed for any sign of excessive enjoyment.

With that, Dingo sales dried up and the Doc got really ......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Peak Hill Shell Service Station paid five pounds for a licence to build dingos and Azlika bought the second one built, Serial No 5........................

.....13654876.78.66557, with all numbers after the initial 5, being the number of patents that the Doc took out on the dingo. "Noone is going to knock off my design" said the Doc and these are robust machines that will last a lifetime, as evidenced by the fact that a sublicence has been issued to remove the wings and add a digger extension ............ and the Dingo mini-digger was born.

The Doc loved the design and his only reservation was that ......

The 1st of the non flying Dingos. As can be seen, the wing attachment holes have been bogged up and painted red.

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It was also the short era of the Dingo, a tiny aircraft designed and built in Australia by a Doctor, and which today would fit nicely into the Recreational Aircraft category - an underpowered engine needing constant maintenance and flying vices that would make Mata Hari look a saint.

 

Not many people know about Dr Cook who came from Peak Hill in NSW. He would two the aircraft up Peak Hill, turn it around, put on his Operating Theatre suit and rubber gloves, and help the low-powered engine by taking off and flying down the hill in the boundary layer. There are old copies of the WreckFlyne forum of the  1890s, hand-written of course, with diagrammes and notations by the good Doctor, including the epic .......................

 

..... postscript after the Peak Hill became the Peak Quarry and subsequently the Peak Big Pit.

This newfound mining wealth turned Peak Hill into the outback equivalent of Peppermint Grove and this meant a lot to the Doc and his Dingo, which with typical medical black humor, he named Az ......

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............sure sign of a poor upbringing, possibly in a school run by .............

.... one of the Cook family teaching dynasties that .....

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

One young exec, who used "reach out" instead of "email" or "phone" (as in "I'll reach out to the customer rather than I'll phone the customer), and words like "woke" and "gaslighting"..........

..... although it is recognised that these words are essential & relevant whenever the gas actually needs to be lit, or one needs to transition from slumber, however the use of such words during a dissertation on the merits of the female form in aviation and their suitability to actually be in charge of anything mechanical, other than a dishwasher, was a .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......in the past. Now he just uses the name Ambivulant and uses AI to make posts so they are ...........

..... all derived from Alan Incognito (AI), who many of us suspect is connected to Turbine Robotics.

Soon everyone started to use AI, even for 5 minute presentations at Rotary, or at the local Aero Club, with many styling their weekly piss-up as AI @ the AC, and dear old Al was run off his feet preparing ......

56 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........put all the fragile products at kid height so when they pulled them out and broke them the "Trolley Weight" as the Supermarkets call it, would increase, and he could buy the Bentley S, or even a Thruster, but ........

..... he was found wanting when he joined Wreck Flying and pretended to know & comment on everything about Incidents and Accidents + the history of Aviation Legislation back to 1740, but that was ........

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......means lower prices. In fact if they took everything off the shelves the poor people would be able to afford groceries. Gone are the days when, if you ordered a pound of radisges from the grocer he'd hop in his Ford Prefect, go round to the market gardener, then drop them round to your place, or when .......

..... he took over the market garden + 6 more, expanded the store into 20 adjoining suburbs, and flicked the Prefect in preference for a new Customline, then he would .....

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The first step is to give it a good wash using a bottle of "Flash" dish washer from Aldi. This frees up ...............

...... some much needed shopping space at Woolies and Coles, and that ......

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

"That sounds great!", said Cappy enthusiastically. "I've been having trouble trying to develop enough strength to pull the control column in the C-150, so if you can deliver on your promises, I'll gladly......

..... loop the proverbial C-150 loop, then add a Dutch roll and a French croissant, before I ......

For those thousands of readers who are not yet real pilots, below indicates a Dutch Roll.

The French Croissant diagram will follow. 

PS .... You do not always have to land on runway 08 ............. and the phuging phugoid oscillation can be a deadset pain in the arse too. 

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

bones sticking through the flesh

Sorry Onesie, but Turbine Pharmaceuticals, which just offer salt tablets (without much salt) rebadged as penicillin or whatever is needed, don't have much to suit bones penetrating skin.

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The C150 has an undercarriage like a Sherman tank, an instrument panel like an Austin 7 and a whine like a Humber Snipe diff. Cappy loved it; much better than the home made stuff and ...............

..... felt himself to be a REAL pilot again, .......... then felt himself again, and .....

..... "She didn't die, but she is severely incapacitated, so can you .....

57 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........when he tells them stories about flying,  and the escapades of Cappy flying, or rather manhandling his J230 through the grape vines of the Riverina, like the time .........

..... when a particularly attractive and voluptuous young nurse asked Cappy "Which takes like more skill, darling, to fly like uncoordinated or to have that like little ball thingy just sitting, like boringly, down the bottom like that?"

"It is the former, my dear" he replied with extreme modesty. 

"Wow Cappy. You are like really just an older, cooler (yet also wayyy like hotter) and taller, Tom Cruise in Top Gun, or is it Tom Hanks in like ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

A small thing, but it shows that anyone can be caught out, particularly when trying to introduce new and original subject matter, although Turbo is a bit confused about how one would oggle a nurse .....

As is increasingly the case these days, although I do accept that he is often overloaded running the Turbine conglomerate + via his required constant and essential interaction with governments worldwide, NES contributors need to explain stuff to Turdy, so here is another example.

To "oggle", or sometimes spelt correctly as "ogle", means to "eye amorously or provocatively". And from his considerable personal experience, a number of nurses really love it.

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

(and here we are again, Dear NES readers - having to explain once again, that both Turbo and Cappy suffer from the same dreadful aging syndrome - the FTKU syndrome. The Failure To Keep Up syndrome dogs many of the older members of the NES, and it rapidly shows up in disconnected posts and ramblings that disjoint the NES - sort of like the disjointed ramblings of current and past U.S. Presidents....)

"Have the visitors left yet Matron, as they appear to have eaten most of my grapes again?" said Cappy as he was being wheeled down to spend the day with Turbo, for them both to be propped up in front of the TV, to oggle the nurses, and to occasionally be permitted to use the internet.