Captain

........keyed the beggar. "That should slow you down a bit" she said, "now start the Land Crusier"

Onsie who'd working on Stations in the Outback as well as his jury rigging course, walked over to the fence, and bit off two lengths of No 8 wire and jumped the Freightliner to the Land Cruiser knowing full well he was connecting 24 volts to 12. Doubtfire didn't have a clue; it looked ok, and .........

…………. neither OT or CD really understood electrical stuff (as they had both been dumb prXXXs at school) and they had all sorts of trouble with normal electrical terms like amps, volts, watts, impedance, impudence and impotence.

So when the Freightliner was hooked up to the Cruiser through a 36 V to 276 V, 10,000 W Inverter (it was a pure sine wave unit so it was good sXXt), both Onesie and Doubfire proved that old Sparky's saying "One flash and you're ash" as they both ………….

With OT's longstanding jury-rigging skills, he soon had the frame twitched up with fencing wire, and associated lengths of star pickets, so he climbed into the cab to return to town.

 

No sooner had he got up to highway speed, than a set of red and blue flashing lights appeared in the rear-view mirrors. Yes, it was Constable........

........ Doubtfire who had a warrant for Onesie's arrest after he had admitted in his above post to rigging juries ................... in his instance it was nothing less than the Lindy Chamberlain trial & also the little known yet still serious Pell case.

These low profile trials meant .......

……… with all that movement in the cage, the chassis of the Freightliner cracked right where Tink had predicted it was the most strong.

Those still working in the transport industry gave a wry smile in a generally similar manner to the way Planey used to on Wreck Frying, and Turbo's PI Insurance went through the roof, but that wasn't all of his problems because ...…………..

………… those 2 were rabid before they disappeared, so great care was now needed to handle them in accordance with Australian Standards (or a couple of quick shots from a 22.250).

PPE was ordered, a Freightliner was commandeered (hopefully not one that Turbo had designed or been within 6 ft of), a 40 ft modular cage was fitted and a video team assembled to record the glorious nakedness of the 2 noble savages (not to mention which one of them crawled out in front and who brought up the rear (erky perky again)).

David Attenborough flew in, Jacques Cousteau was exhumed, & his imitator Jack Custard from Port Lincoln got ready to ………………..

TURBO IS THE ONE AT THE FRONT, GARGLING AND GENERALLY ACTING THE FOOL.

... "don't you Pell me!!!" barked Cappy gripping the thermometer in both hands and driving it into a rather vital area,

 

Turbo doubled over, executed his pest parachutist's shoulder roll, (historic avref) and lunged out with his left foot connecting Cappy's left foot and they both proceeded to roll entangled at an ever gathering speed down.....................

……….. and down, and …………..

...... On seeing the tangled intertwined bodies of Turdy & the Skipper, Planey became aroused ..... but that is another story.

………. , let's stay in touch (partofanavref), as while you sort our NYC, I'm heading down to OZ to sort out the homeless on the streets of Moorabin, which has many of the same issues as New York (including a grating local dialect) and the Turbine Industries high-rise Tower (known locally as the TIT, ..... which Turbo can be a bit of a one of too) that has been mentioned a few times in the ISIS World's Top 10 Target List (IWTTTL), but worry not, as the Jack Ruby technique of …………......

left arm,

the right holding the MarkII Jack Ruby Turbo-eliminator he kept out of sight until .......

……….. Jack, Lee & Jimmy Hoffa can get a flight back from Cuba where they have been hidden away in a witness relocation program, before ...……...….

...... give him a bell, as The Skipper had one of the business initiatives of all time, for he had made a series of purchases in the US while the economy is down and also in response to the US's love for rifles, Cappy has registered the name "Dealey Plaza Shooting Gallery", he has taken a 99 year lease on the Book Suppository, had bought a uteload of Carcano rifles and hired a heap of Afghans who look like JFK (at a pinch), with Mavis playing the part of Jacki and bull as the Governor bloke who also got a hole in him.

Heidi has agreed to be the security bloke on the boot, Salty will drive the car and Planey will ride one of the Harleys (so there is a 2nd target of opportunity). Eeeen can lol about on the Grassy knoll if he feels so inclined.

"Don's in, and so is Jeffy B, Billy G, Onesie T and Georgey S, so how about you Tink?"

"If you kick the can, old mate, you can even have 1st s...........

AS AN ASIDE …...…...

With OT resident in WA, which everyone else knows as "The Far Eastern Transvaal" and it's capital of Perthesburg, all NESers can appreciate that Turbo is really having a dig at the rusty "Boars", who now outnumber the Skippies, who are in withdrawal as they haven't jailed a Tembu or bashed a Zulu for years, and who have spent considerable time lying low while taking over Peppermint Grove (now renamed Peppermunt Kopse where the predominant language is Afrikaans), but given the present virus shutdown, they have now made their move and mobilised in an offensive line between Leonora and Esperance for a 2020-2021 rerun of the 1880-1881 Transvaal Rebellion.

Turbo, always in need of egotistical fulfillment, has therefore immediately gone to the Melbournistan Costume Hire & Boar War Reenactment Joint (MRH&BWRJ) in order to take his place as the 21st century Turbo Morant. (Captain is more your young Winston Churchill and will not stick his head up until the rerun of WW2).

Don't say I didn't warn you ......... rule 303 and all that.

…...…… mum and seconded by his wife, his nippers and his goombah.

This shocked all at the Gumly Gumly Rissole, where Robin of Loxley had until this time been (wrongly) held in high esteem, but not as high as ……………..

………. there was already one on his car and on the empennage of his Beercan which said "Firies are XXXXwits" (those were both put there by his sister), but more concerning was the sticker on his Merc that said "Locksmiths are …........

……. long-haired, louse (of the order Phthiraptera) ridden, loquacious lickspittles" and that really stung Ahlo, as it was stuck on by his ...…………….

………. there was already one on his car and on the empennage of his Beercan which said "Firies are XXXXwits" (those were both put there by his sister), but more concerning was the sticker on his Merc that said "Locksmiths are …........

'Water, water everywhere" he used to mumble "And not enough to wash with." and when he would close the canopy of the Sportstar, all that could be seen was the cabin full of yellowish hair and a beard full of last week's breakfast.

Ahlox was always a sad sight, but during this time of his despair, even his best loyal mates, The Skipper and Turbo, thought of giving him the flick.

"He's a dick" Turbo would say over and over again, both in person and during their encrypted What's App business discussions. "No, Tink, give him time, he's a good guy and because we have been mates for 40 years we need to stick by him no matter what." the Captain would say loyally, ....................... but in the end Turdy was right.

.... was amazed at his noble Capuletesque appearance, as prior to this he had always looked like a cross between the Ancient Mariner and Forest Gump during his deadbeat running phase, but now he looked taller (but not yet tall) and even had a ........

This is how Loxie always looked previously and he was an embarrassment to have a coffee with.

...……. a drink, because as is usually the case with us both, now that the Questa Casa ladies have seen you and I, those girls will dump OT (who is still sitting forlornly behind door 2, now with his tutu off in an attempt to attract some action) and flick their other clients, to attend our place of drinks and offer their affection for gratis and a small sample of our …………...

..........grammar on Wrecked Fline. "Never start a proposition with a fart" he told Onsie who was known as the all-time record holder for clearing the front Bar at the Kalgoorlie Socks and Shovels. This new found loyalty was due to Turbo giving Cappy a treat of a Chocolate frog after yesterday's visit. And that reminded them of the Great Kalgoorlie .....................

…………. Chocolate Orgy (the GKCO), the raunchiest in the entire history of Questa Casa, where OT wore a pink tutu, no pants and tassels on his ankle bracelet, with Lindt dripping from his chin, as he sat behind Door #2 and attracted …………..

Imagine looking into Door 2 if you weren't mentally prepared for it. (Erky Perky).

........see if they could break last month's record of 23.

"That's impossible" said OT when Cappy phoned, but...........

..... the Skipper was 100% loyal to Turbs and he berated Onesie because of his terrible ........

"Well why were you telling all those lies about me being old" Turbo said "I'm so sorry: wailed Cappy, "I'll never do it again!"

Turbo knew all too well that Cappy would be canning him tomorrow, but made sure he was well tucked in bed, and went back to the n..........

.... ext nurse, for while Turbo was decrepit he was also a real stayer and even more of a goer, so the nurses (only those that were willing, you understand) were lined up to ......

"No, I'd never let on, where I'm working from", said Turbo. "That would be a major embarrassment. It's all about keeping up the image, you know! I learnt this from politicians, long ago!"

"Ahh, yes, the image of prosperity and unlimited funding!", said Cappy. "That's a brilliant face and image to keep up, but sooner or later, you know, you'll be......

....... identified as the Christopher Scase (wankaref) of the 2020s and then the problem will really hit the propeller (avref) because of the ..........

Meantimes, Cappy was bringing up the cup of hot cocoa and soft slippers for Turbo, as he reminisced about the "Good Old Days" to anyone who would listen - which was only the care nurse.

And don't forget, also Wanda who was always propped up in the corner of the sunroom in G Wing (avref) where Turbo spends most of his days (while occasionally frightening the RNs by yelling "Clear Torpedo" and mumbling something about Human Factors and the good old days in the AUF (Oldavref).

WITH REGARD TO THE BOTTOM 3 PARAS OF TURBO'S POST # 12256, ISN'T IT NICE TO SEE THE SENIOR MEMBERS OF WRECK FLYING REMINISCING AND RELATING THEIR CUTE STORIES IN PEACE AND SAFETY IN THEIR TWILIGHT YEARS - MODERATOR 10

That's a bit cruel and anti Turbo. I wonder if Moderator 10 might actually be Planey?

……….. a XXXX job, but that's another story about to …………...

WITH REGARD TO THE BOTTOM 3 PARAS OF TURBO'S POST # 12256, ISN'T IT NICE TO SEE THE SENIOR MEMBERS OF WRECK FLYING REMINISCING AND RELATING THEIR CUTE STORIES IN PEACE AND SAFETY IN THEIR TWILIGHT YEARS - MODERATOR 10

...….. it was so overcrowded with Queenslanders.

Through all this confusion and sewage treatment plant failures, Turbo and the Board of Turbine Industries (where Cappy is a non Executive Director and advisor) were coming up with new ways to make money. The best was from a presentation from Turbo which centred around the nostalgia of the Mextorian Green City Dweller and the fact that once the Covid-19 lockdown is over and perhaps 12 months later, the Socialist Green Left will be nostalgic for the extra Govt controls that everyone accepted. Turbo therefore proposed a dynamic and somewhat daring initiative to install thousands of remotely controlled encabulator powered incubators across the country, where the virus can be kept alive and where the little buggers could then be sold in souvenir snow globes for ….....

THE TE SNOW GLOBES WILL LOOK LIKE THIS ( COPYRIGHT PHOTO FROM TURDY'S POWERPOINT PRESENTATION).

PATENTS HAVE BEEN APPLIED FOR.

Loxie (who had been allowed in under the "Senior" class, who were only supposed to watch) made his fatal mistake when he........

...……… , in all his usual innocence, raised the issue of Easter being moved to Christmas, and he launched in with some contentious statements like "How are the kids in sunday school going to wrestle with Jesus being borne and dying in the same week. That is going to mess with their heads more that the Covid shutdown will, and even more important, the Cadbury chocky bunnies will be past their useby date and even more stale than the WW2 rations that we were still being issued with in 1965."

The new Eastmas celebrations were addressed by the various churches by ..................