Captain

We are now using the past tense because TurboSound has produced an electronic sound capturing system that filters slurred speech (like Captain's every afternoon) and converts it to crystal clear English, so ..........

........... this claim by Turbosound went thru to the keeper until an investigative journalist took the below photo of Turbs testing his new invention.

As a result of that article, the shares in TurboSound, and even in Turbine Enterprises, took a hit that was ..............

WE NOTE THAT THE NES HAS GROUND TO A HALT & BEEN INACTIVE NOW FOR OVER 24 HOURS.

EEEEN HAS THEREFORE ASKED ME TO FORMALLY ADVISE THAT HE HAS RECEIVED AN ATTRACTIVE OFFER FROM TURBINE PUBLISHING INC ……. AND IF THE CURRENT INACTIVITY CONTINUES (COVID RESTRICTIONS AND SOCIAL DISTANCING NOT WITHSTANDING), SUBJECT TO LEGAL ADVICE, EEEEN INTENDS TO SELL THE NES (ALONG WITH bull, HEIDI, SALTY & THE UNIROUTE) TO TPI, WHO HAVE STATED THEIR INTENTION TO PUBLISH THE NES IN A SERIES OF "JAMES BOND" TYPE BOOKS, WITH DANIEL CRAIG TO PLAY A YOUNG TURBO AND WALTER BRENNAN TO PLAY HIM AS HE IS NOW. …………….. MODERATOR 3.

(EEEEEEN FURTHER UNDERSTANDS THAT CASTING OFFERS HAVE BEEN MADE FOR bull TO PLAY pussy galore, ONESIE WILL BE PLENTY O'TOOLE, HIHO WILL BE THE SUMPTUOUS HOLLY GOODHEAD AND SALTY WILL PLAY OCTOPUSSY.)

RARE FOOTAGE OF TURBS WHILE IN NORWAY.

THIS IS ALSO TYPICAL OF THE WAY HE RUNS TE.

AND HIS FLIGHT PLANNING/FUEL MANAGEMENT

IS ALSO SIMILAR.

AND ALSO ONE THAT SHOWS HOW PLANEY

FELT THE SAME AS THE SPAGHETTI.

......... the night are long in winter, even if Turds is not, but it suits his technique to speak like the Muppet Chef in .......

TURBO, CRACKING ONTO THE NORWEGIAN LADIES

………… that his Szar Nicholas beard, sash, medals and cummerbund had not been taken in the spirit in which they were intended.

Turbo hadn't actual run anywhere in 40 years, but he jumped on the sample TE skateboard and ………….

TURBS LOOKED THE SPIT OF THIS PHOTO OF

NICK AS HE GAVE HIS KEYNOTE LECTURE.

...….. doddle ……...

……… but the loyal Captain was wrong. Nothing Turbo or his conglomerate ever does in a "doddle", however he does "hobble" when he tries to walk, primarily due to the rash that he has had since he was 16.

……...… for TMI had protected the right wingers with a ………..…...

...……… a new encabulator powered and controlled skate board controller that TE had licenced to Garmin and which is now the rule in skate parks across the world.

When Turbo gave the keynote address at the World Skateboard congress in Prague, as he scratched his rash (which may be getting worse), he opened with "Who'd a thunk that we could have doubled our ……….

Turbo saw more sales opportunities in these class and political divisions, and set about manufacturing armaments for skateboards. He sprouted, "With my skills, this will be just a.....

...….. doddle to ……...

......not only the aircraft didn't fly. but he had no planks for production (TE NEVER turned back; every plank had been committed to production until a MK4 could be built using Bernoulli design wings), so Turbo sold the fuselages as they came off the line in Banglasdesh as Commodore replacements. They were much faster and if the props chopped a few people up que sera sera, and ......

...……. at the Skipper's suggestion TMI turned some of the planks upside down so that the skateboards worked in ground affect with 50 kgs of downforce at 50 knots (avref) which the skateboarders thought was great until they sped up entering the bowl when some of the TMI boards dug into the concrete and all of the lefty boarders did a face-plant ……...… for TMI had protected the right wingers with a ………..…...

……. all of his thousands of wings (since downgraded in status to just be "planks") were snapped up by Turbine Merchandising Inc, and turned into skateboards, each with an endorsement from Zali Steggall, which meant that …………...

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist screams at others on the CTAF frequency so as to define the active runway." - West Aussie Wonsie

"There's just one little flaw in your Great Plan", said OT thoughtfully. "How are you going to get around..........

……. the fact that the Pipistrel Turbo Clear Sinus is now known in the market as the "Golly"?

Turbo thought long and hard about these issues and his response was ground breaking (crashref) in the aviation (avref) industry.

"1st I'll take a leaf out of Gerry Harvey's book and offer no repayments and zero interest for 5 years and then I'll add the feature of those Global Shop Direct adverts on TV and we'll supply 2 Viri for the price of one (if buyers call in the next 30 minutes), plus you can return them before 500 hrs if not satisfied, for a full refund less $19 postage and handling."

The Viri went out the door like there was no tomorrow, with 10 or more then located at most CTAF airfields (doubleavref) and Turbo won another award for marketing excellence from the Mextorian Govt and form the People's Republic of Czecoslovakia.

There was just one little cloud (avref) on the horizon (edgeoftheworldref), and that was ……...

ASTUTE NES'ERS, AND PERHAPS EVEN THOSE THAT ARE JUST PROPPED UP IN THE CORNER OF THE SUNROOM, WILL HAVE NOTICED THE CAPTAIN'S VERY CLEVER AND EVER SO ASTUTE AVREF IN HIS POST # 12466 TO VIRUSES (SEE PHOTO BELOW). HE SURELY IS A REAL DAG (SHEEPREF) WHEN HE POSTS ON HERE AND IS AN INVALUABLE SOURCE OF INFORMATION FOR THE MEMBERS …….. MODERATOR 7

"You know", said Cappy, "You're not just a pretty face, are you? That is marketing gold, straight out of Coles and Woolies food portion sizing! Before long we'll .......

…. be "Down Down Deeper and Down" (sung with gusto as below).

But then the Skipper, who has been Turbo's best mate and closest advisor for over 50 years (and as a result had saved Turbine Industries from some terrible over reaches by Turdboy) noticed the fatal flaw in Turbo's Mk 2 design.

Turbo had seen the press articles about "Ultra-Violet" light being great for control of Viruses (Viri), but as usual Turbs was not listening and was partaking in an orgy with all of Karl Williams' girlfriends in his Moorabbin penthouse at the time, so Turbo designed the Mk 2 version of the Rectal Photon-emitting-Turboencabulator to be "Ultra-Violent".

"Rectum?" asked HiHo.

"Too right …. It ruined 'em" replied Salty who bought one of the ………….

TURBO AND THE SKIPPER FROM THEIR ROCKING DAYS IN THE UK BUT MORE

MONEY BEING MADE NOW FROM THE LICENCE TO COLES.

(ALDI HAVE OFFERED MILLIONS TO LICENCE "BIG FAT MUMMA"

.....on a mission.

He entered the imposing TE foyer where he was welcomed with soft drinks and cupcakes.

A secretary walked out in a tiny skirt and big boots and asked Salty how she could help him.

Three hours later and Salty was out in the street not quite sure why he had come to town or who.........

…….. he was himself (which is quite common after he has hit the JW Blue Label and when his mosquitoe riddled form is often picked up down in the park along the Renmark waterfront).

But then he remembered his usual trick of singing Happy Birthday to himself ……. "Happy birthday dear Salty" ...… "It's Brine" he cried with delight "And now on to bleed Turbine Equities dry so that I can get back to turning up at Fly-Ins in an F16 and posing for all of the ladies before …………….

THE RENMARK MOZZIES ARE WORTH TAKING NOTE OF.

THE BELOW IS BRINE FIGHTING ONE OFF IN THE BEER

GARDEN OF THE RENMARK CLUB, DOWN ON THE WATERFRONT.

(The Renmark Club is now controlled by Turbine Registered Clubs Inc based in Vanuatu).

AN EXAMPLE OF JUST ONE OF TURBINE EQUITY'S SCAMS.

DONT EVER SHAKE HANDS WITH THE PXXXXS.

...………… his destiny and a major clash with Turbine Equities, who had fleeced him of a small section of his savings and which, as a result, had delayed Brine from settling on his own F16 (avref) and his Enzo model Ferrari (porcupineref).

It was only a couple of hundred thousand $US, which didn't worry Salty more than a bite from one of those gigantic Murray Valley skeeters, but The Saltmaster is a man of high principals when he is ………….

BRINE, LOOKING A BIT GLUM, WHILE HEADING DOWN WITH HIS

LEGAL TEAM TO TAKE ON THOSE XXXXXX AT TURBINE EQUITIES.

.........…. rutual……...

…….. coming back to Dandenong for one, as everybody in the NES knew what Turbo was getting at with his above quoted smutty double entendre.

"I wouldn't mind a double one either" volunteered Salty as he rolled down the highway towards ...………….

THE ENVIRONMENTALLY ASTUTE MEMBERS OF THE MODERATTI HAVE NOTED THE ABOVE POST BY OT AND HAVE UNDERTAKEN A GOOGLE CHECK.

WE NOTE THAT THE ABOVE EVENT COINCIDED EXACTLY WITH A STEEP DECLINE IN KOALA NUMBERS (KOALA BODIES WERE SEEN FLOATING DOWN THE MURRAY LIKE THE BODIES FROM THE FUNERAL PYRES FLOATING DOWN THE GANGES), SO IT TURNED OUT THAT THE KOALAS WERE ON THE BONES OF THEIR ARSXS JUST BECAUSE OF THE TURBINE'S PROPENSITY FOR GUM LEAF MUSIC. WHAT A XXXX. WE THEREFORE HELD A VOTE AND CONCLUDED (AGAIN) THAT TURBO IS A SELFISH XXXXX AND SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KOALAS BEING SKINT. .........…. MODERATOR 3.

STOP PRESS

We are pleased to report that Turbine Enterprises have swept to the rescue of the Koalas around Renmark and have flown in 1500 breeding pairs (all stolen (by ninjas from Turbine Security) from Gunnedah, the Koala Capital of the World) using one of Virgin's laid up aircraft. TE's efforts can only be regarded as equivalent to the Billy Gates Foundation's relationship with the WHO, such that the grateful peoples of Renmark have recommended Turbo for an ORM and also the BIG prize, to be the River Queen at the next Murray River Festival. (It just shows that money can buy redemption …. but not class.)

NOT ANY MORE AS THEY NOW JUST HAVE THREE.

What started out as a friendly competition to see who could seduce the ladies the quickest descended into .............

……… the type of debauched & sexually charged event that Renmark had been famous for since WW2 ….. and the main reason why Brine moved there, as there was not a lot of ………..

The local Council and Environmental agencies stepped in and stopped the Gum-leaf stripping due to excessive environmental damage. That, of course, made the price of Gum leaves skyrocket, and they went to $30 each - if you could get one. Naturally, Turbo was quietly observing all this, and decided here was a marketing opportunity too good to miss.

THE ENVIRONMENTALLY ASTUTE MEMBERS OF THE MODERATTI HAVE NOTED THE ABOVE POST BY OT AND HAVE UNDERTAKEN A GOOGLE CHECK.

WE NOTE THAT THE ABOVE EVENT COINCIDED EXACTLY WITH A STEEP DECLINE IN KOALA NUMBERS (KOALA BODIES WERE SEEN FLOATING DOWN THE MURRAY LIKE THE BODIES FROM THE FUNERAL PYRES FLOATING DOWN THE GANGES), SO IT TURNED OUT THAT THE KOALAS WERE ON THE BONES OF THEIR ARSXS JUST BECAUSE OF THE TURBINE'S PROPENSITY FOR GUM LEAF MUSIC. WHAT A XXXX. WE THEREFORE HELD A VOTE AND CONCLUDED (AGAIN) THAT TURBO IS A SELFISH XXXXX AND SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KOALAS BEING SKINT. .........…. MODERATOR 3.

...…….. each one, and even in those days of no social distancing, the guys were lined up around the block while their lady friends just thought that they were ………….

...……… to have the procedure done again, as it is a strange phenomenon that once it has been done a few times it becomes fun and then is part of his repertoire.

"I know" said Salty "And I for one, can't get enough of it after I had that episode at the Remnark ………….

…….. tear ducts, for removing the blue heads of Rotaxes, as a cane toad despatcher and ………...….

The Journo was even more confused than the Skipper who kept calling "Fake News" and asking "Have the visitors been yet?" until the nurses came and removed the pills from the journalist using a long …...

………………… hook type of surgical device that …………….

Anyone can see that Turbo's eyes were on the female gorilla (played by Jane Fonda.)

…. with Rebel Wilson as her understudy.

THE INSTANT WHEN TURBO, AT THE REAR (AND NOT ONLY HIS), MADE HIS

MOVE ON DIANE. THIS SHOWS HER JUST BEFORE SHE JUMPED UP AND YELLED

"WAH HOO, WHO DID THAT?".

THIS PHOTO WAS PART OF THE RSPCA'S CASE AGAINST GORILLA TURBO.

Endlessly frustrated, the journalist wrote up a massive expose of the house of cards that was Turbine Enterprises, and it went to press on the Thursday before Easter. The reaction from the public was explosive, and ........

"Who's she" asked the medicated Captain, moving his eyes from left to right and back again, "Will she attack me?

When Turbo moved to reassure him she was much the same as Mavis at the RSL or Ske at the BoB (Well nobody can match Skye, but that's another story), the Captain reared back, his eyes wide with terror, and inadvertently tripped on the hem of his dressing gown, fallingh back into the tray of soup which had just been brought in by.....

……….. the journalist who was working undercover at the nursing home (as disclosed by OT's above tome), while trying to get the Skipper to take his pills plus spill the beans on Turbo, ........... who remains the Skippers best and closest mate, even to this day and even though Turbs had let him down numerous times.

But as mentioned above, he spilled the soup and took the beans, then inserted the pills.

The Journo was even more confused than the Skipper who kept calling "Fake News" and asking "Have the visitors been yet?" until the nurses came and removed the pills from the journalist using a long …...