Captain

Well don't tell anybody, but she recently said you were a spunk (can anybody else read this), and she would like......

…… to get together with both of us, all in a state of considerable undress, to discuss empennage design and its effect on Bristell tail performance, while Roxette lets her hair down with a ………...

That was our marketing department on the front row Cappy and you'd just grabbed Roxette[second from left]'s..........

As an aside, just between Turbo & I (so others please don't read further), Roxette is now 73, but she still has my number and we get together occasionally when we both feel well enough, to play "hide-the-smurf" ..... but I have to say that she mentioned recently during the height of passion, that she occasionally still meets with you in the High Roller Room at your Casino.

…….. there was one position, which frankly was more "Smurf Plugged" which created the issue with the Censor, BP and the Catholic Church, which meant that Turbo was ……………

THE AUF DINNER AT THE RISSOLE AT NATFLY IN NARROMINE WHEN THE SMURF CRAZE WAS AT IT'S HEIGHT. TURBO IS AT LEFT AND EVERTYONE HAD TO PAY HIM A GUINEA TO LICENCE THE COSTUME.

WHAT WAS TURBO THINKING? ............ AND THIS ISN'T EVEN THE WORST EXAMPLE, SO HE WAS A REAL SICK PUPPY BACK THEN.

………. you had the latest and greatest in 1950's 2 stroke technology …….. or you were a Smurf nutter ………… or you drank too much colloidal silver …..... or ……...

AHLOX IN HIS SMURF OUTFIT AND A DURRY ON THE WAY TO THE BOB.

THE RESULT OF TOO MUCH COLLOIDAL SILVER

A PARTIALLY NAKED TURBO DIGGING UP HIS STASH OF ENCABULATORS THAT WERE BURIED DURING THE PATENT DISPUTE ......…… WHEN PLAYING PAPA SMURF GOT YOU LOTS OF ACTION WITH THE MOORABIN SMURFETTES (WHO WERE PRETTY DESPERATE).

………… yes, dear readers, Drifters really are SEXY!, and I would have joined the mile-high-club in one if the 582 hadn't run out of puff at 1200 ft and if I would have had an autopilot, without which it's pretty hard to climb around into the back seat with your main squeeze (even harder than in the back seat of a Mini 850), and ...…………..

Turbo respectfully points out that in the above post #11:17 Captain AGAIN has, in his excitement of possibly catching Turbo in a rare mistake, made another of his many mistakes and he himself, who wakes up every morning saying "How are we this morning, your Greatness" referrng to the mirror in his room. He usually replies in a much quieter and weaker voice "Very well your highness" except for one day when Turbo secreted a voice activated microphone which triggered a recording of Turbo's Plumber, Darryl's booming voice saying 'NONE THE BETTER FOR YOUR ASKING, XXXX!"

Turbo is also intrigued at the bonding between Captain and bull, one using all lower case; it's a bit like the film Big Fauss and Little Halsey, so at any minute we may see them break out in a Thruster, one flying and the other doing gasket changes as passenger, or even........

………. the great Thruster Vs Drifter war of '64 when the AUF was dogfight city and Rotax 582's were in strong demand.

"i have a blue head" was one of the favourite sayings on the teletype when the pilots were social distancing in '64, when telegrams took a week and ……....

STOP PRESS

NES GRINDS TO A HALT ….. AGAIN.

TURBO FAILS TO PROVIDE LEADIN TO NEXT STORY ...….. AGAIN. ( EXPLANATION - A LEAD IN FROM PROF HOG IS NOT RELEVANT AS HE IS NOT AN NES CONTRIBUTOR AND IS JUST A GUEST BEING QUOTED BY TINK).

I DONT KNOW WHY TURBO DOESN'T JUST XXXX OFF …. AGAIN. …...………. MODERATOR 6 (AGAIN) WHO IS GOING STIR CRAZY IN SELF-ISOLATION WITH TOO MUCH SELF-SATISFACTION ………... WHILE HE (OR SHE- NTTIAWWT) KNOWS FULL WELL THAT TURBO IS DOWN AT THE GYM WITH LOTS OF LADIES AND THEN PLAYING THE POKIES AT HIS MOORABBIN CASINO THIS MORNING …… BEFORE HE MEETS WITH ONE OF THE MORANS DOWN IN LYGON ST FOR LUNCH OUT ON THE FOOTPATH IN FULL GAZE OF DANIEL ANDREWS & HIS JACK BOOTED WALLOPERS.

...……."blessed eh are the cheesmakers, eh, bignose eh?"

This was, of course directed at Turbo and OT who nobody has ever called proboscisly challenged, so with that it REALLY hit the fan, which meant that the ever brave Salty, Heidi and The Skipper were required to leap …………..

....….. cough and a splutter (rotaxavref) ...…….. but not Covid-69 related.

"thank xxxx" said bull and he launched into his best ever tome in the nes as his wordsmithing talents flowed like bundy at a gypsy joker's picnic.

it was spectacular although still devoid of capital letters, but the crowd went wild as bull commenced with his oft remembered fnq words "we find these truths to be self evident eh, that ...………………...……...

"what a tight xxxx turbo must be" commented bull. "i have a lot that i wanted to contribute to the nes, and as usual the words are wanting to flow from my keyboard, but then this silvertail moorabbin dill (xxxxref) must have run out of his quota of ……...'s, so nobody can make any nes progress. what a xxxxx.

And with that the NES ground (avref) to a full stop (avref) for want of Turbo adding a few ..........'s.

........ his social distancing and personal isolation practices were questioned by a self appointed Citizen's Committee and occasional Lynch Mob.

"Hang on, you bunch of wankers" said Loxie, while going for their sympathy vote, at the commencement of his diligent defence opening argument "i am a Fiery, a hero of the recent conflagrations ..... AND, this will be a clincher, I know Turbo, the inventor of the Encabulator, who can also be useful as a ..........

.......especially the day he flew down to Brown Bros in the Beercan and loaded up with six dozen bottles.

They found him six kilometres away by following the tracks and broken fences from the end of the strip, still on the ground at full throttle with his nose wheel collapsed and the mains stuck on the rail line, yelling "GetUp!, GetUp! I tell yer!".

There was the sound of a train whistle and around the bend........

........... went Ahhlow, as he couldn't stand the sound of trains.

But after the the Gay Mardi Gras, Ahlox had also jumped the fence (nttiawwt), and not for the first time either.

Ahlow was therefore over the fence and around the bend (otf&atb) and was looking for support from the NDIS (ndis).

" I reckon that I can get him back over-the-fence (avref)" said Mavis and then Turdboy (nttiawwt) can try to get him back (nttiawwt) ready for next year's GMG.

Turbo started to prepare himself with essential oils & a candle (nttiawwte) while Mavis took a rather bewildered looking Loxy down to the ..............

...……… he rolled up on one cheek, with that far away gaze in his eyes (that have traumatised so many Gumly women over the years), the crowd gasped and rapidly (it was almost like a panic at a soccer game) took 2 steps back to be at least 1.5 m away from him, but then his eyes softened as he pondered how to make a quid from his Fly-From-Home concept, and he looked down at his pecker, which is the fun name that he had always given to his …………..

………….. then came up with an interesting concept of Sheltering-in-Place and "Flying-from-Home".

"I can understand" said the Great Loxie "That CASA and the ATSB might be a bit sceptical, and I accept that there may be some issues if you have a 450 sq.m block and a 470 sq.m house on it, but I say … Where there is a great Aussie will, there is a great Aussie way. We are Aussies and Aussies always win ……. well ……..., except for Gallipoli, the great Kiwi-Underarm-Bowling-Incident (the KUBI), the great Encabulator Scandal of 2017 and …………………….

....... brand our rabbits as Rabbit-19 & as a Virus antidote which taste great with a Corona (& the mandatory supository slice of lime), their sales will take off and we'll make a motza just like what Tink does".

However the marketing & mating meeting was brought to a standstill when .......

....... , who also breed like rabbits, came up with a solution without their Dear Leader's involvement, which was .........

.......train to become electricians and carry out emergency repairs to Retirement Homes.

Somewhat breathlessly Turbo appeared in the foyer and announced that effective immediately, he had appointed Planey to the position of CEO of Turbine Industries in order to keep encabulator production going at top speed, while he, Turbo focused on TurbineFood, a new enterprise based on rabbits.

 

It was really quite simple, the cat farms, which had been supplying thousands of tonnes of produce to Chinese Restaurants for years would be extended to breed rabbits, since they had the required Biosecurity (wire netting) approvals.

 

Residents trapped at home by the Coronavirus lock downs would soon be able to grow their own meat with the TurboPack, a pair of rabbits, which would be delivered to homes. In conjunction with Loxie, Turbo had arranged for the State Fire Services to deliver them, since they were classified as emergency transport.

 

In each box is a TurboLearning home school booklet; this may shortly be delivered separately due to the rabbits soiling the pages, but Chapter 1 teaches the children how to care of their rabbits. One pair of rabbits breeds 4 to 12 kittens a month, so you can start harvesting in 30 days, the amount depending on the size of your family, i.e. if you keep 2 pairs you'll have 8 to 24 kittens the next months and so on.

 

The TurboLearning book shows the children how to wring a rabbit's neck, skin and gut it, and prepare a delicous baked rabbit pie or another thousand or so recipes (if you've lived on a farm you'll see the humour in that).

 

The only tricky part is the gutting, where Turbo has recommended the Centrigual Swinging method.

 

Using this method you can skin and gut a rabbit without getting any blood on your hands. You simply make a slit up the stomach skin, grasp the rabbit by the front and rear paws and quickly swing your body around. The guts depart from the force. The two tricky parts are to make sure the arc is on the downwind side and don't stop swinging or you'll have a string of guts around your neck.

The Captain was intrigued by this as his family had always employed servants. "How........."

...... the .......

...... hard going in isolation on your own, and knowing that the NES doesn't want anything else to do with you either, while Turbine Tower is empty, yet Briney is running out of puff with Elle and .......

The Captain .......

…………. went green …………. from the dye ……… and with envy ………….. because Elle was submitting herself to Brine's cracked, dry and parched, salty hands.

The Skipper was also envious of Salty's Purple Heart …….. until he found out that it just came because Brine had been sucking an indelible pencil at the time.

Salty was indignant (although he would have preferred it be Elle), but that's another story which involved the ……………...

...…. Elle McPherson, as she has heard that Salty is an expert with the manipulation of mammalian protruberanthingys.

"I'm pretty good with them too" said Turbine when he heard it was to be Elle (about whom Tink had been having wetties for half a century) "Arrest me too please."

"No, I'm Spartacus" yelled HiHo.

"no, no i'm Spartacus, eh." said bull "and i'm on my way down from bone now to be incarcerated, eh".

"Spartacus is my middle name" said Onesie "And I'm particularly skilled at ... …....

...couldn’t seize any of the items in case they’d been contaminated. It was then he felt a tickle in his throat. His nose began to run. He raced for his Doctor’s surgery but there was a sign on the door. “We TOLD everyone not to come here, PHONE! He reached for his phone. Oh No he’d left it at home. Constable Doubtfire nudged the patrol car round the corner and he had to run down an alley and take the long way home. The Doctor said he sounded positive, and he should go to the nearest Testing Centre which was past the Supermarket. Two days later the test came back positive.”Oh..........”

……. SHXT" he said, with an air of concern.

"No, not that end" said the Doc "It mainly effects the chest & lungs."

"Lady's lungs?" he asked with his usual candor & innocence "As I've always been a bit of a Txt-man and therefore always wanted to …………….

Your delightful but innocent Skipper just noticed the excellent yellow badges that both Heidi and Onesie display below their avatars, and the Skipper is very envious but a little embarrassed that they both feel inclined to advertise so publicly that they have First Class Members. Erky perky, he thought to himself.

The bloke contacted Salty through eBay, asking about a swap deal, and arranged a meeting time and place. The fact that that place was a lonely carpark was something that Salty.....

…….. thought smelt of a particularly dodgy Ahlocks connivance who, as we all know, exhibited a most peculiar pong (a bit like a mouldy dead snake in a bad septic ….. and known in the plumbing trade as a "Steve" like smell) which even travelled over the internet invading all on ebay and everyone on Aircraft Spruce & Wreck Flying too, so that ………..

...... set up a traditional "Sting" which involved Salty and a strange .........

...... one of them had advertised the shroud on ebay and his seller name was traceable, because it was ........