Captain

........... a full length roof rack, complete with landing (avref) lights and piano keys, and with a Thruster tied down, but with quick release (QR) clips ready for instant action.

Doubtfire was also dreaming of a thruster in the back seat (titbs) as it had been a while (missingoutref), so she started to pack her share of the souvenirs and ..................

...... notify the authorities of the find in order to have it preserved as a vital national monument to our brave pioneers or should he cut the aircraft, the GPS batteries, the note and a couple of human remains (& Sir Charles' pet dog) up into saleable souvenir chunks (his favourite is a 80 mm diameter snow globe type plastic ball on a cheap plastic base but containing a small piece of the remains plus dust from around the crash site instead of snow).

Of course, he (what a bounder) chose the souvenir route and fired up his angle grinder to .........

……. At the gold course …...

It is a well known fact that your beloved Skipper is involved in the mining caper and is in SA searching for gold ……………… and Cappy says "Bugger me, Turdy has already identified where it is. I'm so glad I am his best mate".

…….. Tink's STP Course was linked back to a Hamas based funding initiative and a connection was even identified directly between Turbine Enterprises and the Bedlinen Conglomerate that was so well known for their Harley spare parts scam, which ...……….

…...… settled back down, because it was time to spend 4 hours cleaning & polishing the engine again.

This triggered that unique Turbo brain again when he evaluated the number of professionals that own Harleys, where the majority (90% of the 27,000 annual sales) are tax accountants (most working for H&R Black and the RTO) who are going through men-o-pause and leathering up for an imagined bad-boy image (the wildest thing any had done previously was to cut out an ingoing toenail and to use butter that was 2 days out of date).

Turbo has a great affinity with these bad-boy beancounters (BBB's), due to his often espoused ………...

Salty's ankle bracelet interferes with the fuel tank selector when he applies full left rudder, so that he is then in danger of doing a "John Denver" (sickavref). (Singing "Grandma's Feather Bed" as he goes down (evensickeravref)).

And how twisted and perverted is it that Brine tucks the antenna up into his undies? Erky Perky.

……….. and where Brine still wears an ankle bracelet to atone for the crimes of his grandfather.

Turdy always feel at home in Remnark because of the similarity of his personality to the 2nd syllable.

The rest of the NES readers, being 1,684 in number, all kicked the tin and donated for Turbo to subscribe to a new spellchecker for his steam-driven computer, where the original spell checkers has either died of old age (turboref) or gone into isolation just so as not having to read and check his tiresome (but dymanic) ……….

.........a leak by Turbine Press which ran a story about five Chinese dissidents, Charlie Hi Ho, Wing Fat Bri, Wun Tak, Bak Bone and Crappy Cooky who had been cruising the country buying up Toilet Paper and Masks and sending them back to the People's Republic. This had enraged the resident of Orange, Parkes, Forbes, Bairnsdale, Castlemaine, Bendigo, Culgo, Vite Vite, Ballarat, Camperdown, Maount Gambier, Bordertown, and Port Ausgusta, whose residents were reduced to hopefully sticking their heads out of the dunny door, but would be shortly banding together in arms with a resolve which would make Gallipoli Veterans look like sleep walkers, and their target would be those five Chinese. Turbo would have escaped once again and ......

……….. gone into hiding with Mavis and Glad for a fortnight of self isolation and regular injections while playing Doctors and Nurses (or Pilots and Cabin Crew (avref)) in Tink's waterside mansion in Port Ausgusta (or his other joint on the river near Salty's castle at Remnark), which the Border Force couldn't locate on any map, because ………….

....... HidyHo, Brine, OT, bull-from-bone and the Skipper were engaged in a high security conference call.

"Planey will bend the rules & take out the big XXXXX" said Onesie "So I reckon we should align with Planey & the BF, put out the contract and get it done once and for all, as I'm sick of all the Turbo this & Turbo that which now pervades the NES".

"i agree" was the instant reply from bull, followed immediately by the others.

"Great, let's get it done" they chorused "Before ......

........and here, dear readers you can see the poor man is in denial; Turbo thought perhaps a book might help, like "Cappy, the tiny shrimp who turned into a big crayfish" or.........

……… loyal NES readers will see from the above, that while Turbo and the Captain have been close mates for decades (even though Cappy has baled him out a few times when Turbs' blind enthusiasm went too far ………... although to be fair, the Skipper must advise that Turbo has always repaid those debts in full (so he is indeed a great mate), ……… therefore the way that Turdboy has turned on his great mate in his above post can only mean that the poor chap is going stir crazy at home in isolation and without his usual ……...

........with the boost to self esteem, nature would take over.

Turbo doesn't like to give away private information, but for the comfort of other failures, he has to say that the Captain was a failure with this process. Mavis had been whingeing about it for years. "I might as well have been lying in bed listening to the XXXXXXX canary sing" she used to say to Turbo in the days before the blowup. What could he do?

but add a few dots ……….

……… was to make convex mirrors that makes it look bigger, ...…..

……… while at the same making him look thinner.

This led to the now world famous and Nobel Prize winning TTMCFFOP Mirror.

"I have been very pleased with my Turbine Mirror Company's sales of our patented Turbine Targeted Mirror Concept For Fat Old People (nttiawwt) where the sales in Renmark, FNQ and Perth have been particularly strong and I'll soon be unveiling our new design for the ......……...

……… was to make convex mirrors that makes it look bigger, and then ...…..

......... that when standing, he hasn't seen "it" for decades.

"That's why I started the Turbine Mirror Company in the late 50's" said Turbo (who, with the TMC, considers Lite-N-Easy to be his mortal enemy, not to mention that bitch, Jenny Craig [although Turbo had been trying to use his wealth & shallow personality to crack onto Mel B for years) "As I realised that ..........

...……. then it turned out that Jimmie had more chance of flying by wiggling his patented Mouseketeer ears, and as a result, the owners of Benson Gyrocopters went on to make durrys, after teaming up with Charlie Fences (who changes his name accordingly). Although Roy (see below pic) would have had more problems (he had a weight & balance (avref) issue plus he had no eyes), but he solved it with a ………..

…………… a closet Annette Funicello groupie.

"Dont be ashamed of that Turbo" said the Skipper "A lot of guys had their 1st one (or 100) with Annette (and they still would …..… except that she sadly passed away in 2013), and then there was Jimmy, who was a ..............

"AHHHHH. I STILL LOVE YOU, ANNETTE" SAID ALMOST EVERY BOY EVER.

....scribbled a Sing, Sing, Sing commercial for his group the Four NursingHome Preps ©, whose day was divided between racing for the dining room when the bell went, and singing old songs to entertain the customers, who frequently requested Al Jolson numbers, especially Een, ………. (these 10 dots were donated by the Skipper in order for the NES to continue)

...…………………… who, like the Justin Trudeau kiddie, was into black-face, but much worse than that, was a …………………..

JUSTIN T, IMPERSONATING EEEEN, IMPERSONATING TURDBRO, WHO WAS IMPERSONATING KAMAL,

IMPERSONATING ERNIE DINGO, IMPERSONATING DAVID GULPILIL, IMPERSONATING SALTY,

IMPERSONATING MAHATMA GANDI WHO WAS DOING A VERY GOOD IMPRESSION OF ROBERT MUGABE.

AND THE NES STOPS AGAIN.

BUT WORRY NOT DEAR READER AS YOUR CAPTAIN HAS SENT TURBINE INDUSTRIES AN AUTHORITY TO UNDERTAKE A FULL-STOP CAPITAL RAISING, AND WITH CAPPY'S SUPPORT (AND UNDERWRITING GUARANTEE) THE NAB HAVE AGREED TO PROVIDE TI WITH 1 MILLION FULL STOPS, BUT SPECIFICALLY LIMITING THEIR USE TO WITHIN THE NES.

For our thousands of NES readers and for our hundreds of NES contributors, the Skipper can also disclose that Turbo was a member of a swing band when at school and they were originally known as the Four XXXXs ...……… but after several creativity disputes within the band, they changed their name to The 3 Good Blokes & 1 XXXX. (The 3 Good Blokes went on to form the Salvation Army & a couple of Children's Charities, while that single XXXX went on to great heights in the NES).

...…….. seemed to immediately draw some conclusion that the Captain Morgan Rum advert was relevant.

Nobody had previously done that so nobody knew that our very own Skipper had licenced his name to, and had written the very tricky dialogue for, the Captain, Captain, Captain advert campaign.

Turdbro had missed a glaring opportunity to have a Turdy, Turd, Turd, Turdbro McTurdy advert which would have increased his profile even further.

However Salty (who has been more in attendance in the NES over recent days than in the previous 12 months) must have received a pass-out from the nursing home and ………...…..

....no doubt ask Cappy to be a consultant given the amount of time he has been confined to hospital.

Here it should be mentioned that Cappy was only confined due to his frequent visits to the sperm donor clinic where he indulged in some rather vigorous.......

……… discussions on frequency.

"Why can't I donate daily?" he would ask the nurse.

"Well" she would reply "Chafing is an issue and we had a case reference from Bone, and an almost identical one from Renmark, where one of their citizens almost wore the end off his ...............

……… scuit factory with & to the Sao cutter (who was very cute and certainly justified his close attention).

"I could make a quid out of 40,000 grasshoppers" said Turdy (ever the capitalist & opportunist) "Either as tucker for the lower classes if this virus keeps going, or as raw material for dunny paper, or as encabulator feed to produce …...……….

……. and particularly consider that bloke in the Bible who "spills his seed on the ground" because that is what most of you are".

"Not THAT Bible you clown" said your adorable Captain (who was dressed as Moses and with his burning bush ......……..… which was painful because he had brushed against a candle at the BOB with his dacks down) "It's the RAA Operations Manual Gospels, the latest CASA Psalms, the Human Phuctors Commandments and the Aircraft manufacturer's Catechisms that he is referring to ....................

THE SKIPPER IN HIS MOSES COSTUME, but having gone commando after the fire in his bush.

AND IN HIS FREO TRIBUTE UNIFORM AFTER HIS PUBES CAUGHT ON FIRE AT THE BOB.

YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF CANDLES WHEN YOU "ARE AN HAIRY MAN" AS THE GOSPELS SAY.

……...

"You absolute twerp!" said Bryon, "You and Cappy have just ruined a perfectly fine orgy with your..........

........ "STUFF out on display like that, once those Firey's uniforms fell to the floor with a flourish and a hip pump, as all the others paled into insignificance. You and The Skipper sure are magnificent specimens".

As usual, Turbo was keen to keep Onesie, Salty & Heidi on side (but for some reason didn't care all that much for bull) and said .....

...…….. and over use of Prussian Blue at a young age, which is well known throughout Prussia for buggering up the follicles, but to also ………….

AN EXAMPLE OF THE PRUSSIAN FOLLICLY CHALLENGED AND WHY THEY ALWAYS WORE THEIR HELMETS.

AFTER RESEARCH, IT TURNS OUT THAT ALL HAD BEEN SMURFS AS KIDDIES.