Captain

...... only one track" said Onetrack and that means that apart from me enjoying hearing my WF name once more in the context of the NES, it .....

..... help from you via your best Julie impersonation, as none of the PLO Johnnies would ever dream of harming anyone as virginal as you, so then you can .....

"...we have to take into account the environment. Fill them in and there'll be no more mutton birds to........."

 

….. knock off (kill not bonk) the Quokas, because the Mutton Birds and Quokas are mortal enemies, even worse that the PLO and the residents of New Jerusalem.

But CASA stuck their beaks into the issues again so as to ………... 

[Turbo advises NES readers, that like many people, he is only human, and unlike some other people around here admits that he has many children, you have to do something in Victoria. However he had a flash of inspiration and advises the shortly the Turbine Family Choir will be leaving for a world tour on the stage. Turbo had read about a family in Austria at the beginning of WW2 who sang their way to freedom. No title for the show yet but Turbo is thinking of calling it Sound of Music]

 

….. however as is so often the case with Turbo, he has gone to far when he decided that the story needed to be hardened up a little by combining it with elements from the Jason Bourne genre. Below is a sample from the initial draft promotional trailer.

Note Turbo Nicolson's brilliant portrayal of Julie, where he even had a breast reduction for the role.

..... call up my mates at Mosad. They'll do this CASA bloke as a favour & in their spare time".

CASA had also been busy being officious out at Rotty and issued an Airworthy Notice on the tunnels "You must be playing with it" said Yasser "They are mutton bird holes mate" and ......

…… perhaps then be able to run Westpac's send-whatever-money-you-like-to-whoever-you-like-overseas-moneylaundering-foreign operations.

Another thing you can get involved in is AMP's new insurance initiatives as I think there is a great insurance opportunity with PLO Constructions out on Rotty where they need cover & a no-claim bonus for their ………..

ANOTHER STOP PRESS ……. The Palestinian community on Rotty have just held a meeting in their new Mosque hall, catered by the Rotty CWA hijab wearing ladies, to ask the question "How many tunneling crews is Yasser (the Foreman) going to send down those tunnels before the dill realises that there is water 1.5 metres from the tunnel entrance."

" انه أحمق لعين" said Hamede "And it's like the poms did to the Aussies at Gallipoli (palestiniantranslationref)

The last of the tunnellers on Rotty, coming back up out of the water.

"Stuff that" he said in Arabic with conviction.

A top FIFO dude in the tunnel, just before the Indian Ocean made its first appearance.

The Rotty tunnelling efforts eventually got back on track after the initial attempts headed west. "We thought we had to head to the west bank" said a spokesperson "And we went sufficiently west that, being very community minded as FIFO (IO) always are, we thought that we may as well have a look for MA370 (avref) while we were there."

Meanwhile, however, the Palestinian tunnelling crews (who became unintended frogmen) are facing a new challenge in the form of a New Mosad top secret killer shark based in New Jerusalem, see photo below.

"יאם יאם " said the shark in his best Hebrew brogue.

"اللعنة" replied the frogmen, "نحن محشوه ".

STOP PRESS ……. Below is a new poster from a FIFO promotion that has been initiated by the Fuckir as a fresh recruitment initiative.

It is supposed to be a comedy so those attending will be relaxed and unable to resist the subliminal messages to take a free FIFO Bride, live in a free mansion in the Arabic speaking sector of east New Jerusalem and join up to fight for what is right.

The below has been translated from Arabic so apologies for any incorrect or inappropriate InGlish.

.....He was the one wearing the Spoiler outfit, but no-one realised this, until he identified himself, and asked to see everyones logbooks.

 

"The dog ate mine!", said Cappy, using his favourite homework excuse. "That's not good enough!", said the FOI, "There'll be some serious.........."

 

…. consequences" so in typical CASA fashion they demanded that the Skipper hand over 2 of his grandkids until his Log Book is found and approved.

"Sorry about this kids, and goodbye" he said to his grand-nippers "Have a nice life and I hope you don't end up working for these RSoles."

"Pinching & brainwashing nippers is one of the few ways CASA can attract "employees"" observed Tubb.

And with this, a new Stolen Generation was borne and …………... 

....making another mistake. Turbo abjectly apologises for putting aviation material in the NES, and acknowledges how cleverly the Captain got Turbo to crap on CASA, while leaving no trail back to himself.

 

He also apologises to the 15 LAMES out there and will give them the address of the Captain's compound if they'd like to deal with him directly, or even better, ..........

 

"What" said some Moderator or other, aviation material in the NES? "What? In my experience, the only avref in the NES is when one of the hundreds of contributors add an avref (avref)" said some obscure WF (avref) Moderator or other.

……… we all know how diligent & dynamic LAMEs are, so your delightful Skipper reckon that they would make an ideal foil for the FIFO terrorists. "After all" he said with his usual wicked yet dashing smile "If the LAMEs withhold their services (like Mrs Turbo does), FIFO will just be IO and they will be XXXXed."

"No worries mate" said the native Australian biscuit cook "As a lame LAME in lamé will be an ideal target for my IO commando groups when they ..... 

...Llama. This was an important question because the fliers had been agitating to get away from LAMES, and words like ANYTHING else would be better had been coming from the flyaway campsites frequented often by three or four finger pilots who......

 

... got Cappy's post totally wrong. He was referring to Lamé (/lɑːˈmeɪ/ lah-MAY) which is a type of fabric woven or knit[1] with thin ribbons of metallic fiber, as opposed to guipé, where the ribbons are wrapped around a fibre yarn. It is usually gold or silver in color; sometimes copper lamé is seen. Lamé comes in different varieties, depending on the composition of the other threads in the fabric. Common examples are tissue lamé, hologram lamé and pearl lamé and below is the cute little number that bull wore to his "coming out" at the bone debutant and LMBTQPLAG ball last week, where he embarrassed himself by .....

.....he's got his lunch with him, and....

 

... if a LAME is a .....

....Foxhunter became CEO of CASA.

 

"I didn't want the job" he told the press "but CASA have deep pockets and I can see several advantages in........"

 

.... such an amalgamation, after all, my blokes carrying an AK47 will add immeasurably to their authority & prestige when they ask some poor schmuck of a pilot' whether his maps are current, or ......

...... scratch, and look what happened on that occasion, when .....

In parallel with all of the above wallbuilding by Abe Onerobe (who refused to ever go to the theatre), the Fuckir and Arse-Armour were convening a meeting of the Board of FIFO with membership the only agenda item.

"The simplest way to increase our membership is to take over another like minded organisation and integrate them into FIFO" said the native Aussie donut maker 'So put your thinking heejabs on and tell me what is the biggest terrorist organisation in Aussie? I want youze to identify the one most like IS#S."

The board members thought long & hard, scratched their dates (for lunch had arrived) and after 5 minutes they all turned as one and said ............ "It's CASA" ,

So a plan was hatched to take them over CASA via an amalgamation with the NTSB via IATA and then a backdoor reverse takeover of CASA, ........ and that is how .....

.....thanked the Lord for having a friend like Turbo.

 

“What are your plans?” asked Turbo.

 

“Would you.........”

 

.. think that if I can't be Heysous, I could be Ponsy Pilot ........ but then again Onesie already has that title, so how about .....

……. your beloved Captain, dear Readers, dropped to his knees and was very contrite.

"Indeed, I am not worthy" he confessed.

He then flogged himself …….. but we can't say any more about that, nor show a video, as a banning may quickly follow.

So Cappy finally bowed with reverence, then kissed Turbo's ring (quickly while he wasn't looking) and ………..

Captain being contrite just after he flogged himself.

QUOTE ….. Upon entering the VIP lounge, Turbo was quite surprised to run into the Captain, who was holding up the bar again, in the best pilots fashion, and expounding on the virtues of Jabiru aircraft to a couple of puzzled bystanders.

"Hey, Cappy!", said Turbo, "What a surprise to find you here, this far from home! What are you doing here?" "Well, you see", said Cappy, "It's like this, I was just....."

…. looking into the Mexican Haysoos caper.

"After all my other awards, I thought that a boost to Captain Jesus might be appropriate, but perhaps just a little presumptuous which is just not my nature. So Cappy Haysoos might be the go" explained the Crappy.

But then he remembered the middle cross outside New Jerusalem so said "Holy XXXX …...

.....a lying, snaky, Money grubbing con man. As soon as the first summer came, Turbo's vast crops of cotton on the cheap land he'd bought in the Simpson Desert died. so he moved the facility to Queensland and built a damn.....

 

…… fine statue to himself and he came up with a revolutionary proposal to take all foreign FIFO members and organise an emu parade down every road from St George to Gunnedah and pick up all the cotton that had fallen off the trucks or used cottonwool buds after the ear wax was cleaned off.

"I'll make more than with building that poxy wall under the temple, with less ……..

And with Tink's farmyard joke, which had the NES readers rolling in the isles and wetting their dacks, the Skipper thought it safer to head back to the other thread, although Planey might want to continue along this line. 

....the thread has disappeared.

 

'WHERE ARE MY TABLETS!?" Moses Turbine yelled to his wife Rachel. "I'm sure I brought them down from the mountain yesterday!"

 

"I'll have a look dear" said Rachel absentmindedly as she watched Dr Phil.

 

AO's burner phone was no match for the tools Moses had developed in his days at the CIA, and he received a tingle in his wrist indicating a message was coming though from Turbine Security HQ...........

 

……… plus a tingle elsewhere when Raoul also tried to call.

The call from Turbine HQ was just to advise that Moses had left his glasses on the console (a-bloody-gain), that they were sick of cleaning up after him, and next time could he please try to get it all into the trough.

But he was further distracted when Rachel yelled "Hey Moses, you XXXX, I just found your tablets. They had fallen down behind the cushions on the lounge when you fell asleep watching the wrestling last night."

"No wuckers Rache" he responded giving the biblical concept a touch of good old Aussie lariken,

Then Rachel, daughter of Mohetep, asked the big question of our age "Hey Mose, who is for the high jump on that middle cross?"

MosesPlanner fell strangely silent (for verily you can usually never shut the XXXXX up), …….. then ………..

.......a third Party we won't mention . It got worse, as Raoul was.....

 

....... on the phone after he had been called by Abraham Onesie (who had been promoted to the position of Pharisee).

Abraham O's call was steeped in contoversy so was made on a encrypted burner phone and even Raoul was shocked when AO the P asked "Do you supply crosses?"

This was to become such a sensitive issue around New Jerusalem (not to mention on the little hill just out of town) that your scribe, Peter the Skipper, who had already started to write a Gospel, decided to leave it there and head over to Tubb's 2nd thread .......... except that .....

.... a 2 timing XXXtard (TinkyWinky was heartbroken) ..... as Raoul was supplying Argentinian timber flagpoles to another and a woody to ....

.... soon Turbo was in the flagpole business too, using Argentinian wood supplied by his lover Raoul. The poles were needed to fly the flags of Kangaroo Island, Fraser Island, Pitcairn Island, Pinchgut and any other poxy bit of ground that was disconnected from the mainland by more that 4 inches.

Soon you couldn't get into any council chambers because of the flagpoles which made them all look like the redoubt at the Alamo.

Again the money rolled in and Tubb walked away from the wall building contract just like the original bloke did pre JC.

Bur all was not perfect with affairs of Turbo's heart, as Raoul turned out to be .....

Onetrack's Pygmy Bluetongue promotional Jim-Jams that failed so badly and sent the Theme Park close to the wall.

The 1st Nation guys, the Hebrew speaking chaps, the ex-ISIS members and the Palestinians just didn't go for them.

Although to be fair, the Palestinians that survived were still drying out and may not be a representative sample.