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Captain

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Everything posted by Captain

  1. ..... and an increased catch because ..... Cappy, having never seen a C, couldn't possibly be one, like Turbo often claims. And just because I shot him too.
  2. "Yes maam" replied Cappy "But like a good mate, I deliberately pulled the shot so that it missed his freckle and hit him in the no-man's-land between his bits" ..... a cramp so that the razor strop (accidentally) hit him across his magnificent clenched ....... Experienced NESers, and Bernie-from-Degilbo [the one in the Wide Bay–Burnett region, & not the other one], will note how Cappy has had to correct Turbo's spelling and intent again (see "feigned"), as so many of us need to do with his posts these days.
  3. ..... she used that index finger on her right hand, that is so visible in the photo, to ......
  4. I hope this this is not telling tales out of school, but when Turbo and Cappy were up the Khyber, and when Turbs was delirious after Cappy shot him near his freckle with Cappy's Three-Oh, Turbo would often mumble about the delights, the thrill, and the majesty, of "undoing 18 buttons". Cappy never understood Turbo's fixation with that action until he saw the Matron's photo, and he now has even more respect for his best mate than he had previously.
  5. ..... "Me and the Matron are doing your sponge bath tonight, and if there is any sign of arousal the Matron will ...... The Matron when she was 25 and good looking. She could pop the top off a coke bottle with her little finger.
  6. .... privacy screens + weed fuelled nurse's uniform malfunctions were the order of the day. "And it's all on medical benefits" said Clarry, who voluntarily extended his hospitalization and .....
  7. .... dictatorial competition that for a short time saw The Turbine Corporation move into tunnel systems and offices below most of Melbournistan's municipal hospitals, and that really .....
  8. Known to his mates as Yessir Crack-a-Phat Turbine.
  9. ...... the smell of cow manure, working for decades as a Chippy, and talking to his dad, Joe, about his mum's claim of being a virgin too, all while living in the West Bank of NSW, and all the time fostering good relations with the adjoining non-state of Palestoria, where ......
  10. Thank you for your response, OT, and I will of course accept Turbo's apology through you. ..... Cappy is always wary of responding to any accusation that he has 'tendencies", however given the high standing of the NES and the attendant need/obligation for truth in journalism, Cappy is prepared to admit an unhealthy tendency towards Tim Tams and particularly to eat them out of a ....... Cappy and his 3 brothers in leotards in the Cook family colours, taken a couple of years ago. As you can see, Cappy's has been air brushed so as not to embarrass the others.
  11. Hey Onesie. I have very poor reception here in Tahiti and can't read that correctly after the authorities automatically translate all posts into French, but did Turbo just refer to me as "that retard"?
  12. .... riff-raff off Aircraft (avref) Pilates, who are often scouring themselves all over various topics and forums (forae) that ..... Please note Cappy's spelling corrections to Tubb's post as we can't have anyone "genufucting" here during hours when school kiddies and Stewed Ant Pilates (SAPs) might be lurking about.
  13. And has needed to make 60 annual edits to include new yuppy multi words like "Hii guuyys" and "Turbine Enterprises" to reflect their domination of western culture.
  14. ...."Purges" is the kind & gentle word for it. Based on Cappy's decades as a leading Veterinarian (in the field and also in academia), what Turbo does is probably better described as "Scouring" in the worst possible sense of that term. Apologies for belaboring this point, but the NES always demands that we get the terms correct and accurate.
  15. ...... purge your enemies to your heart's content, and that also means that you can ..... Knowing him as I do, as a best mate, I can say that when Turbo "purges" he usually does so like a man who has eaten 5 crook mussels, 4 rotten oysters and a bucket of manky prawns such that you wouldn't think that his body could take it any more (so Cappy will refrain from posting some of the videos that he has taken of Turbo in the past, mid-purge), but in the use of the term mentioned in the post, Turbo will arrange for anyone that Joey or Idi or Tung don't like to be taken around behind the dunny and terminated using the services of Turbine Purging and Termination Contractors PLC.
  16. ..... Joey Starlin, Chairman Mao and Idi Armin "As it will make the exterminations faster and with Turbo as your Head of Security you can also ......
  17. ..... a lot more per kg than bull gets for his by-catch. The Sharkus-Hairybackus is a well know killer, so Turbo .....
  18. And there, dear readers, plus our tens of thousands of NES lurkers, endeth the NES, there being no way to continue. So has it been deliberately shut down or has Turbo's computer/tablet/phone, or whatever else he uses, simply run out ....'s. If so, Cappy would be happy to lend Turbo 5 ..'s until payday ....... or pension day.
  19. FAIRNESS WARNING FOR ALL NESers. It has just come to Cappy's attention that the above image may possibly have been enhanced by AI, .......... so Grot's mum was certainly ahead of the game with her AI skills. The bloke at lower left is from Turbine's Prehistorical Nails & Beauty and is giving it a pedicure and nail trim, which can be dangerous if you trim the nails too short so that it hurts.
  20. ..... , and in considering Grot's predicament it pays to remember that prehistoric crocodilians (PCs) were not the pissy little 20 footers that Turbo and Cappy sometimes wrestle today for the tourists at Steve's joint (so that they can check out Bindi & her mum). Back then they were more sizeable and below is a pic that Grot's mum took with her box brownie, when men were men (well partly developed Homos-apiens anyway) and the Crocs were proper full sized, although ..... That is Grot standing fully erect for the 1st time, at the bottom of the arrow.
  21. ..... crocodilian .....
  22. ..... that this is ideal material for making the bangy bit in the centre of a bolt bomb, [which were all the rage when Cappy was at high school (Yes, dear readers, he did proudly go that far with his edumacation)] so he scraped the red bits off the matches (which were thereafter known as "Heads" or "Blunt Toothpicks"}, put them inside the nut, added a cap from his cap-gun, screwed in the other bolt and headed around to throw it at Throg's mum's cave, after which ..... See the latest Hamas video below .... all liability denied.
  23. For those NESers unfamiliar with "The Big and Expansive History of Mankind" as written by Cappy, published by Turbine Press, and for sale in the city via Turbine and Robinsons & on the interweb via Turdazon or AmaTurd, the evidence is now clear from original neandertal cave paintings found in France, and in identical Egyptian hieroglyphs from which the following is a direct scanned copy.
  24. It is little known that the first use of the wheel was to use the timber offcuts to make skateboards. This invention made the Neanderthals very jealous as all of their females loved the freedom and antisocial acts of the Homo-S skateboarders as they zoomed around the front of Neanderthal caves and buggered up their paintings with their wheel tracks.
  25. ..... had invented the single greatest advancement for homos-apiens since they developed the term "Hunter-Gatherer" and Grok Turbine had come up with "Redhead matches", but hadn't yet worked out what to do with them, until .....
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