Captain

..... work out where his stibula was (or, having previously been shot close to his a.hole, could he this time have been shot in the ear.hole where, in vertebrates is a sensory system known as the Vestibula, that creates a sense of balance & spacial orientation for the purpose of coordinating movement with balance?).

While considering the above quandary he realised that as well as being a princess, Poka was also a baker and it should have read that she crust him off, as we all know that to have "cust" is the past tense of to "cuss", and as things were very tense at the time, Poca knew that .....

.... a partly naked Pocahontas (who Cappy always knew, respectfully [even though she had them out], as Princess Algoquina) was still .....

.... in the offending projection.

This has been happening for a while since they were stretched when he was captured for a few days up the Khyber and was hung by them, upside do, in order to get him to spill the beans on where Turbo was located (Turbs was the HVT (high value target) that the enemy were really after, but Cappy bravely stayed schtumm until he cut himself down [he was sick of waiting for Turbo to rescue him] and escaped to stagger back behind his own lines.

Turbo has never heard this story before as they were and are mates, so Cappy didn't want to embarrass him, plus it wasn't long after this that Cappy shot Turbo right adjacent to his bullseye (accidentally of course), and ......

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... they are likely to come in contact with the new Chinese GripU seat covers $24.00/pair less coupon and based on the structure of the Goondiwindi burr. The squeals ........

...... drowned out the terrible backlash, clutch and gear-wear noise coming from the Rotax gearbox, but the squeals got worse when during an attempt to tuck them back in, Cappy .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

red away like true Scots. Cappy was surprised to find how easy it was to haver and suspected that either Captain Cook had Scottish ancestors or a Scot had got into the Cottage.

This opened up a whole new question about the Great Navigator's past and ........

.... is why, in the true Scott's tradition, Cappy does all his flying without wearing undies.

He doesn't have a kilt, mind you, but he does wear tightish stubbies, to accompany his dark blue truckie's singlets, so occasionally a couple of things slip out of the stubbies and into the breeze, where ....

Cappy is also well known for walking 500 miles, and then 500 more.

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....afternoon tea.

There were 82 WAlians standing on hills that day all trying to get a signal, and all got Jacinta's message to bring two dozen scones.  The redeye to Melbourne was overweight on takeoff the next morning, and it stank of scones and under arm deodorant, but they were all .......

.... in their PPT so everything must be OK and super safe.

"I love the smell of redeye underarms in the morning" said Jazzy courageously, as the pegs came out and everyone was issued a can of Mountain Mist dunny spray (it's like bear spray for West Aussies), after they have .....

.... ogle, as their stood on the top of a nearby hill in order to get some internet so that they could do an AI search of the name Petronella, in order to determine her ethnic background and to learn what she likes for ....

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........debit card.

"Yes, even that" replied Jazzy and Turbo bought her a Schnauzer.

(We won't tell Cappy that she has pet names in ascending order and for Turbo calls herself Jac.

Cappy became wary and ..........

.... recalled the below Les Patterson humorous anecdote. 

But Cappy’s wariness was well founded, because he knew that .....

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........I get a reverse drive.

OT fitted it the next day and as soon as they started the engine there was a loud BANG!

"Where was the reverse drive made?" asked Turbo.

"china" replied OT and Turbo h............

..... ad been about to hand Onesie a knuckle sandwich when Jacinta, known as Jazzy to insiders like Turbo, called him again.

Vicmanistanies have always regarded Turbo as a mutant cross between Alan Bond & Clive Palmer, and Jazzy was on the bite.

"G'day Turbs" she said "You are one of the few people with fortune enough to bail out your beloved Vicmanistan, and I'd do anything, (repeat anything), yes anything, if you would cure our financial malaise".

"Even what we spoke about last night?" responded Turbo with his hand on his .....

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............play Elvis Presley songs all day?

OT was apologising profusely when Turbo butted in "Where was it made?"

"china" replied OT and .................

.... "I really thought that having the program written on pianola rolls fitted well with the embiance of the Drifters, and would look quaint yet be effective."

"I'm ok with that" replied Tubb "As I grew up in that era where pianolas were 1st introduced, but it's the peddling to make the rolls turn, while trying to fly, that is the issue, and these old pharts that are trying to learn to fly the AUF-way run out of puff real quick".

"Leave it with me Turds" relied OT "I'll apply my earthmoving design skills again and develop a power takeoff that will operate off the arse-end of the rotax to power the roll, and Bob will be your Uncle, as soon as .....

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Turbo you XXXXXXX XXXX, you promised me you'd take control. "They're XXXXXXX WHITE - GET IT?"

"not very often" said Turbo misunderstanding the question, and Jac as she was known to friends went right off "You XXXXXXX XXXX, I'm talking about the XXXXXXX prisoners!" she said and Turbo ........

.... soft peddled, as he had always had a bit of a thing for Jac, and he had in mind to get together with her and do a bit of the XXXX'ing and XXXXX'ing that Jac had just mentioned so suggestively.

But Jac had been under Dan for quite some time, so Tubb was a little coy and he felt .....

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....14 yo race car drivers who’d breached bail 21 times.

Their usual drive was an upmarket Audi, and dress code included. Machete, so they were severely limited with the plastic knives and forks in the MCD, but they were learning words like “bro” and......

..... "We know our Rights" & "What is this strange 4 letter word called "Gang" and WTF is a "Machete"?".

But it was at night, after the rollcall and lights out, that the problems occurred, as a warder was heard to say to an inmate (now called an "honored guest" under Jacinta's rules) "It's dark and I can't see you, so open your eyes and smile ............ ah there you are."

That warder was promoted within the Turbine Private Prisons (TPP) organization, but once Jacinta heard about it she went ape .....

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....in a position to claim $750.00 for a dibble before talking to Child Welfare, and .....

... use that money to buy some ochre and some gum leaves for use in a the WTC at the Moorabbin Children's Detention Centre, which is full of ....

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

This came up for discussion at one of the ad hoc AUF secret meetings, and they members decided to develop their own Welcome to Country with a similar fee, because the Bogans always had better Drifters and Smik Thrusters with the latest updates They decided to .......

.... increase the specificity of the welcomes, on the basis that $750 for a Welcome to Country could also be charged for a Welcome to Suburb or to each Suburban subdistrict (Eg Chinatown).

As a result, the "Welcome to Whatever" (WTW) organization was formed and registered as a subsidiary of Turbine Community Caring Inc, and this meant that even poor kids playing dibbles in a circle in the dirt could be .....

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......bottom to the lake. You swam or you sank forever, so better to make a successful ditch black or not.

 

Not many people know that Lake Boga is the home of the original Bogans.

 

They.......

..... were an original native people that were documented in a rock painting in the Grampians back in the dream time, but they had been given the flick by all the other mobs because they invented flanno shirts and knocked out the front teeth of all their kids.

They then issued an open invitation to anyone with a front tooth missing to join their tribe .... and were flooded with applications from Collingwood supporters.

So black and white flanno shirts became the rage, however all of the other tribes objected to anything white, as it triggered bad memories of invasion day (when Cooky distributed pamphlets throughout OZ titled "The Benefits of the Westminster Parliamentary System"), and this tribal objection to the Bogan mob was endorsed by the Lake Boga and Mallee Land Council, due to the fact that the Hon Sec & Treasurer of The Bogans had forgotten to send the brown envelope with the kickback cash.

But Lake Boga continued to prosper massively due to the strong sales performance of bBP (bull's Boga Prawns) and the .......

.... wait for the mess, which .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....would work. Mavis would hold her torch on the GPS and bull would  judge the distance from the ground but the amount of foliage being chopped up by the prop.

 

There was a ......

..... moment of concern when, in mid flight after clipping the huge casuarina next to the Big Mango, bull realised that he had left his sunnies on and .....

.... after putting it in, and they found a solution that ....

..... built a 25 m long deck on the trawler, moored it in McCanes Bay just off the Big Mango, and waited for the new moon.

At the appropriate time in the lunar cycle, which had synchronised with Mavis, bull strapped himself into the jackoff after smashing all the globes (he had already ordered a new set of LEDs from Aircraft Spruce), told Mavis not to step on the broken glass, and to take some photos (without a flash), as he undertook a dry run just like Kirby Shambles before an air race, in preparation for commencing his take-off run, ready to head out for a Turdbro inspired short field night-time landing on the trawler, which he had renamed the "hmas bone" for this exercise.

"what could possibly go wrong?" said bull as he kissed Mavis where the sun doesn't shine, which is apt, given that the night was as dark as the inside of a cow.

bull had a quick pull .....

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......in the earliest days of the world, when aircraft were made of rag and tube, and all recreational aircraft engines were 2 strokes started with a pull cord, there camest out of the East, Wise Men calling themselves Recreational Aviation Australia.

These Wise Men came bearing gifts and promises to the AUF stable, inside which place they prophesied that the RA-A would lead the world out of aviation darkness, and into the aviation light of the coming centuries. The AUF was taken in by these prophecies, and looked for............

..... 1000kgs, 150 knot cruise speeds indicated (avf'nref) and Controlled Airspace Endorsements.

Turbo, who is recognised as a Wise Man from just about anywhere, (just consider how little pushback he receives, and how 100% well accepted are his tomes that opinionate on just about any subject on any thread on Wreck Flying) was an expert on aviation darkness, although he had never bothered about a Night Flying Endorsement ("The dickhead regulators (DRs) can't see you then, anyway, if you make sure that you don't have any nav or instrument lights on (so make sure you also turn off your transponder and radio)" he said to rapturous applause, in a paper that he delivered at an AUF AGM). This earnt Turbo the title of ......

Below is just a small sample of the thrill of flying at night without lights, a pastime that Turbo encourages all pilots to partake of ........ or he declares them to be "Albos" (wimps and wooses).

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Somehow he'd equated a sharp response to the saying "Who's lost their pussy!" and if there was another rebuke Cappy would up the ante with........

..... a very cutting, yet exceedingly clever and funny response on the subject of The Turbine Pussy Farms and the fact that Turbo sometimes partakes of the ......

..... pet .....

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It was a few days later that he realised she had microchipped him with the serial number of a Jabiru J170D.

But why........

...... only the 4 cylinder, when Turbo is clearly a finely tuned & fuel injected V10 or even a poxier downdraft Stromberg GM pushrod V8 in a red car from a bygone era?

"I agree" commented Cappy "I have known Turbo for many decades, and he is the epitome of a Merlin if ever there was one, so if anyone really deserves to be chipped with the serial number of a Spitfire (and a Mk VIII at that) it is ...... 

Meg did a great job on cleaning Turbs up, as described in Tubb's last post, particularly with removing all those hundreds of rotting skin tags and the other unsightly dangly bits.

... when she wanted to put Turbo's pride and joy into the bread slicer.

Turbo bucked at that, but the bread slicer, whose name was Meg, had other .....

.... Turbo was awarded a tall white hat and a golden staff (no, not the infection) with which to smite his enemies.

This, and the fact that .....