Captain

51 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......    Cappy, in the past, has often tried on stunts so he can be the last or the first, once jumping into Paul Keating's lap, but readers can be assured that the show will go on. It was just a glitch on Turbo's lap top that kept the dots in the feed, then spat them out here as Jacinta .................................................... 

..... said "Alan?"

"Yes" she continued "But with 2 L's, and that means .....

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......    Cappy, in the past, has often tried on stunts so he can be the last or the first, once jumping into Paul Keating's lap, but readers can be assured that the show will go on. It was just a glitch on Turbo's lap top that kept the dots in the feed, then spat them out here as Jacinta .................................................... 

Oh, ..... so the computer ate his homework again.

Oh well, at least we are off and running again.

But, Dear Readers, was that actually a shoddy reaction to Tubb's past criminal exploits being exposed to sunlight ........... or the fact that you all now know that he drove an FE?

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Country Fire Authority members letters of appreciation to Jacinta.

And so, Dear Readers, it is my melancholy duty to inform you that the NES has ground to a halt ...... a little like Mextoria.

And it is too late for Turdy to add some dots via an edit, so the NES is basically fxxxxd .... again, like Vicmanistan.

But it has been a good ride, while it lasted and 954 pages is not to be sneezed at.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo grabbed a chisel and ........

... he proudly held it aloft, as it was a timely reminder of back in the days when he drove a battered FE, when the 'Vette & the Turbine Conglomerate were just a gleam in his eye, back when he was famous & known around the docks, the markets & within Pentridge as "The Moorabbin Chisler".

Some of his scams were legendary, and he often sat Chopper on his knees while inside H Division, and regaled him with the MC's exploits, many of which Chopper subsequently used in his books.

(It is little known that during his various stretches in Pentridge, Turbs celebrity criminal status meant that was always given the place of deference & honor, and used Ned Kelly's cell, which was never locked & had been tastefully decorated with period furniture).

That Chisel was a candidate to be a prime exhibit in the Vicmanistan Criminal Museum & Hall-of-Fame (TheVicmanHoF, which, given Mextoria's proud & dominant criminal culture, is regarded with similar status as the Smithsonian), and Tubb had rejected several offers from Jacinta & the Vicmanistan Governor General, who wanted The Chisel to be gold plated & placed between the Machete exhibit and the ......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The finished design was beautiful when the carving was polished. He  had a body contour seat, a ........

..... shape of which would put Formula 1 seat molding technology to shame.

As a result Oscar Piastri showed a lot of interest and contacted Turbine Moulded Seat Technologies P/L who, ever astute, had picked up the licence worldwide.

"Why did you spell "Moulded" that way?" asked Oscar "And can I have a drive of your Little Red Corvette (thanks Prince), as I have never been in something with that much grunt and finesse?"

Turbo thought about it and said ".....

19 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Turbine Jones was horrified to receive this response, and immediately fired back, "I can't believe I'm receiving treatment from a saloon in this manner! I know my rights, and I'm going to sue you (utilising Turbine Legal, of course) for refusing to serve me, based on my appearance, my gender, and the product I asked for! If it's good enough for President Trump to sue every time he gets offended, then it's good enough for me to.......

...o, .....

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Wil, as she was known used to shoot off with Annie Oakley.

Crappy's great uncle, Winchester Cook, used to shoot off with Annie too, but he boastfully maintained that his had a different meaning.

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo was moved to tears at this note from his dear friend Cappy.

 

With the greatest of respect, Turbo points out that it wasn't him, although he is quite capable of it, but a Great Uncle, the son of Wilhemina Turbine .

 

Wil, as she was known used to shoot off with Annie Oakley.

 

His father was Jonathan Jones who carried a big knife like Davey Crockett and was the only survivor of the Alamo, who was saved by climbing up a chimney when the Alamo was overrun by Mexican immigrants.

Crappy apologizes to his best mate and all others who are involved with the Turbine franchise.

Crappy was sucked in, again, by the accuracy of the Turbine family's intergenerational aural storytelling, and the realism of it all, as he could immediately see Turbo (the great man himself, and not his GU), sailing through the air like Nadia in a tutu, then skidding to a halt on the veranda in his R M Williams kangaroo leather high healed brothel creepers.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

In one fluid action, Turbine Jones swung up into the guard's van, kicked the air brakes on, and swung out in an arc, landing lightly on the verandah of the Lone Star Hotel ....

.... where he sauntered up to the bar, like John Wayne in chaps (arseless leather dacks, and not real blokes), and asked the barman for a light ale from the Moorabbin Boutique Brewery (they distribute internationally, like YellowTail), to which the barman replied .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...........prominent assets.

Turbine Jones, grabbed him by the leg, threw him out of the train's path, and kicked the fireman in the aXXX.

The fireman responded by throwing a lump of coal at Turbine Jones, hitting him in the cods.

 

In one fluid action, Turbine Jones swung up into the guards van, kicked the air brakes on, and swung out in an arc, landing lightly on the verandah of the Lone Star Hotel.............

My Dear NSEers and our thousands of Avid Readers (ARs). On your behalf I offer our combined thanks to Turbo for the above post, as it is extremely rare (even harder that finding a bloke who landed in France on D Day) to have a first-hand account from somebody who has performed all the procedures for stopping a 19th century Steam Train, and then landing like Nadia Comanechi on the porch of the Lone Star.

We are, indeed, a lucky bunch.

43 minutes ago, onetrack said:

So Cappy was then trussed up like a Christmas turkey, a gun placed at his head, and he was ordered to hand over the title deeds to the Greenland Ranch. Ray Stevens actually sang a song about this terrifying episode, and it was only due to the sudden appearance of Turbine Jones, that Cappy still .....

... has all his bits, as the buzz saw and the cattle guard on the chooty certainly look like they could readily remove his ......

37 minutes ago, onetrack said:

(Dear NES readers, please note how Cappy squealed like a girl when he was threatened, and those dreadlocks he's resorted to, do nothing more than make him look like a girl.....)

Crappy has only one word for Onesie and that is "Don't knock if you haven't tried it" (well 7 actually) as Cappy had leant to dress like a girl while up the Khyber and the locals soon identified him as a little on the fuggly side.

In fact, he looks so crook that the locals used to walk straight past him and head over to the Turbine Goat Farm just down the road, where goats were just ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

They labelled him Captain Cooked, held protest meetings every Sunday, and the word soon reached Don who was busy trying to colonise Russia. He was irritated .....

... because Crappy had dyed his hair blonde, wore a cheap hat from the Launceston MACKAS (free with every large Big Mack Meal), which Cappy reckoned was specially made and claimed that it represents the Spanish abbreviation for "Make Colombia as Kosher As Sh!t" and he (Crappy) had paid a non-refundable deposit for Greenland, before he was about to invade Jamaica, Panama, Cuba and Canada just for fun.

As a result, Crappy has been invited to speak at the WEF straight after Don, who is now seen as Crappy's warm-up act, and he will .......

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy realised he was listening to balls of cocaine being shot by compressed air under the sea to  Hangar at Miami International Airport, where it was shipped out as Smiths Chips by 747 all over the lower 48 and ........

.... this presented an enforcement issue for President of Colombia (POC) Crappy, as he had already started a somewhat similar scheme of reintroducing the "Cain" back into the Coke -a-Cola worldwide and also into Pepsi and into Dr Jurd's Jungle Juice, from that pub west of Newcastle.

"Hey" said Cappy the POC (Crappy admits that he has also been called a POC many times in the past), who had been seduced by the highs of the drug trade, as evidenced by him saying "Coke laced chips washed down with coke laced coke makes for a pretty good business model, plus a .....

17 hours ago, Captain said:

Crappy has received hundreds of requests from inquisitive NES readers to identify Turbo's friends in the above snap, which was taken by yours truly with my Box Bownie.

From Left to right we have Ita Buttrose, Turbo (the great man himself), a young Rose Hancock, Joe Bjelke-Petersen and Princess Di (she was with me but in retrospect I should have hit on Rose).

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....he will make Donalds takeover of Venezuela look like a kids kindergarten party. Of course, Bulls (note the use of Capitals, now that Bull is a fully qualified Dicktater) use of his prawn trawler boat as the primary landing craft, was instrumental in all the takeover landings, as no-one expected a beat-up old prawn trawler from the Gulf, to spearhead a full-scale invasion force.

In fact, everywhere that Bull pulled up to a wharf with his prawn trawler, the locals fell about laughing - so that was a good enough start to make them drop their defences, and once their defences were dropped, it took little extra effort to drop their.....

..... pretense of happiness, because nobody had really laughed in Venezuela since Nicky and Cilia had taken over.

And Bull, the people's magnificent, proud, and handsome El Toro, really cut-the-mustard with the Venezuelan chicks, and while some branded him as El Liberatateror, while others like OT used the somewhat cruel term Dicktater, the "tater" reference was clear & repetitive, but it was not like some thought, because the shape of Bull's head was like a passed the use-by date unpeeled Yukon Gold with 20 or so lenticels scarring the surface.

However, as Bull has demonstrated within the NES, he is a fair-minded and .....

Dear NESers and our thousands of readers. Please make allowance if Turbo is not on the air so much this weekend as Turbine Corporation is presently dealing with the flak from raids on Turbine Learing Centers Minnesota Inc, and their need for more prefilled invoices and photos of miscellaneous kiddies during the learing process. Got any pics of cute little nippers? Please send to Turbo via the NES.

It says something about Turbo's age that his 1st reaction was to get ready for the latest Board Meeting in black-face as a Minnesota Minstrel.

Turbo and the rest of the Turbine Corp board about to go into session. Note that they are 60% female so that quota is met, and they are confident that no further criticism can occur.

"Nugget" Turbine is 2nd from left.

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........Persuader.

bull Bull had let Turbo know in a secret conversation [Turbo as CIA 3489Delta was obligated to text this thru to Langley of course], that his mate Don told him to do what he needed to do to make South America Great again (MSAGA), and if the Persuader was needed, to go right ahead. After blowing every speedboat full of cocaine out of the water on the track from Venezuela, Don was in a buoyant mood and was thinking of keeping Capitals for HIMSELF.

Bull quietly reminded Don ......

.... that he, BULL, was the boss of South America (and once SA has been subdued BULL expected to take charge of the Faulklands, Drakes Passage, Antarctica and its northern island Tastarctica), because with BULL's best mates being Turdy/CIA 3489Delta, Crappy/MOSSAD Kill-Team 6 and Onesie/ .......

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo believes it's high time, Bull, now a ship's captain like Cooky, deserves to be elevated to Upper Case on his well deserved Simon Bolivar appointment which ......

..... needs further consideration, because both the Portuguese language on the eastern side of South America, and the Spanish language on the western side, demand lower case for any new el liberatateror (experienced & astute NESers and Lurkers will immediately recognise the essential historic reference in that name to "taters", which were 1st discovered in Brazil and which are really nice when mashed or baked).

So Turbo as usual, unlike Albo, has shown his excellent reading of the room, and thereby exposed the ancient juxtaposition of the Capital letter and the lower case structures of Sth American society, but in that area precedence in social structures is more often established by the capital letters and numbers associated with the AK & the 47, being what bull/Bull has always called the .......

On 06/01/2026 at 1:40 PM, Captain said:

So our mate bull, thru his development of the bbh system, was at the top of the world's technical tree, with both florida and texas also renaming as a tribute to him, and don has made bull candidate #1 for the presidency of venezuela (similarly renamed), so el toro is now learning spanish and how to say "do ya?" in portugese, before he ......

..... took on the role of being the Simon Bolivar of the 21st century.

"after all, both our names start with b" commented bull "and I have a great vision (a gv) where I shall re-amalgamate venezuela, colombia, panama, costa rica (where cappy will be my prefect to get his gold project up and running), ecuador, bolivia, peru and brazil (where turdy will licence the hair trim for application around the world, and he shall be my off-sider there because he looks so much like the dude that runs the show in brazil now, see photo below)."

Then bull/simon continued "i shall be known as el libertador (which is also a spanish bomber famous for winning WW2 [avref]).

After putting a deal together with javier milei, who was already a mate of bulls from the prawn trade, el libertador went ......

Turdy is the spit of Alexandre de Moraes, so is a lay‑down misère for the Brazil gig. In fact, I don't know which of them it is in this photo, as Turdy has a frilly poncey little collar too.

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

........Leading Hand of the secret Govt programme, not only because Bull had invented the BBH, but because he was also know for being "handy" with the girls.

 

And with his BBH's, Bull found he could reach the girls that he couldn't normally reach, so that made things even more exciting, as the girls would turn to see who had grabbed them, and all they could see was.........

... our beloved bull, with an innocent smirk on his face.

It is little known that bull had been accused, during his high-school experimentation years, of being "All Hands" ...... but as he so often says "I got, and still do get, a lot of knockbacks, but the percentages of successes are still worth the effort".

With his BBH system, bull was able to reach out and "say a physical hello to ladies", as bull describes it, within a 10 m radius and once Elon heard of this feature, he invited bull to be a partner in his Robot Development Program (Elon renamed it the "robot development program" (rdp) in honor of bull and also dropped the caps off x and spacex too).

So our mate bull, thru his development of the bbh system, was at the top of the world's technical tree, with both florida and texas also renaming as a tribute to him, and don has made bull candidate #1 for the presidency of venezuela (similarly renamed), so el toro is now learning spanish and how to say "do ya?" in portugese, before he .......

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

Further to the above, bull soon found there were many others clamouring for his hand extensions, and as a result, he formed "Bulls Big Hands Inc" to start producing his invention on an industrial scale.

Very soon, as the fat profits rolled in, bull started to realise he could now afford.........

.... the luxury of actually eating the prawns that he had caught & was marketing at huge margins. 

But soon a section of the population from Qld said "But how can we also use our BBH's to open our pop-tops of XXXX or VB, .... with which we build our Modern Middens (MM's)?"

bull, ever the one to think his inventions through in advance, replied "........

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"You had to manage it carefully up to 20,000 feet  and then you could relax until you started flying in the strategy, and you had to be on the ball then." Chuck had said.

Turbo turned to her then and said "The future of all flying is in the strategy" and they both walked slowly inside.

Where Kate was heard to utter the term "WTF?" To which Bill replied "FAFO" and the room went silent.

"Wowee. Bill must have taken a job up in the Pilbara" postulated Alastair.

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...been gussetted. Cappy gave her that look that says "You look like you've tried that before" and she hit him in the teeth with a bronze griffon. Cappy, ........

.... via his PhD in Griffon Archaeology was fortunately able to identify this particular bronze griffon as one that had been stolen from the 3rd dynasty tomb of TutanTurbine, by the renowned archaeologist Light-Fingers Wilson, and had been transported into Vicmanistan as payment of a debt. 

That meant that ......

1 hour ago, Captain said:

"I'll show you my scar if you'll show me yours".

Then she added, in an even more alluring tone "Teach me all I need to know about "Strategy".