Captain

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... mixture control, missed it and grabbed him by the ....

..... throttle lever, and when her magnificent hands started to do their work, he .....

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....leather jacket when he reeled back in horror, much like a CASA ramp checker after Turbo opens the throttle ..........

 

For purposes of authenticity, could Cappy confirm that the aircraft was built before S/N 00000000000046356476597, and had the cross piped that used to go from the No1 engine to No2 then through the fuselage under the Flight Attendents' jump seats to 3 and 4 and burn their 

.... because the noise from Turbo's PA28, with its perennial broken exhaust, sounded similar to when the Whoopster let rip, and Tubb made a comment about the need for Whoopie to lean it off a bit.

She (?) expressed surprise and went straight for the .....

Yes Turdy, and you are correct as usual to question that, as Cappy can confirm that the SN was 00000000000046356476596, and it was a 747SP that had also been fitted with the triple by-pass that saw Nos 2 and 3 phonetically out of sync with #1 and #4. So the sound was just 1/10 of an octave off The Brown Noise. 

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........with the sound of a Qantas-London takeoff..................

.... , and it was an original 747 too, fitted with Pratt and Witney JT9D's, so the blast shredded Cappy's RMW moleskins (well known for handling the heat from blasts, and hence their use as part of Elon's astronaut uniforms to the ISS and to the Moon).

Whoopie was proud of herself and was confident that this blast would make a podcast highlight reel, however Cappy could not find the BIC and was about to search Whoopie's .....

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Whoopie walked over to him and sat on his knee. Onesy quietly slid his phone out and started recording. Those who know Cappy know he can be corny at times and as Whoopie slid onto he lap he said "My little Whoopie cushion". Whoopie fired up and let one go; Cappy reeled back in disbelief; the cameras, and Onesie, had caught it. Just as Whoopie moved in for a second blast.....

..... Crappy whipped out his BIC lighter, and as his thumb hit the little roller thingy at the top, Whoopie went one step further, rolled onto one cheek and ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........went  on a rampage complaining to the studio that there should be an equal number of female monsters on the set and ..........

.... that was easily addressed, as there was a Labor Party Conference at the joint next door to the Studio, where Jacinta Allen, Penny Wong, Katy Gallagher and Kistina Keneally where all available, and the beauty was, they didn't need costumes ..... although nobody wanted to see them in their cozzies either.

The Studio was dumbfounded, the Director was perplexed, but Turbo knew a commercial opportunity when he saw one and he quickly identified that .....

8 hours ago, Captain said:

.... prepare for his Monster-from-the-Black-Lagoon-scenes.

 

Many female humans found Turdy strangely attractive in his Monster suit, and as they stared in thru his gills they could almost sense the possibility of there being a personality and empathy, & they felt his strange clammyness, so that they knew that they had been ....

..... in the presence of greatness, and the associated extreme animal magnetism, so they ....

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

...... lunch after a period of wild manoeuvering in the Drifters and Gyros in the chase scenes (where Turbo only plays a bit part, unfortunately), and the smell of puked lunch makes even the toughest of the hombres (we're looking at you, Turbo), go green around the gills and start to.......

.... prepare for his Monster-from-the-Black-Lagoon-scenes.

Many female humans found Turdy strangely attractive in his Monster suit, and as they stared in thru his gills they could almost sense the possibility of there being a personality and empathy, & they felt his strange clammyness, so that they knew that they had been ....

The Smolnek pussy is up the top there on the right.

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Things were a little rough yesterday when in Take 17 the Wolves had stopped fighting when Lara Smolnek's cat flashed across the "trail" which had been built over the bitumen of Sveltasky Street. Everyone fell about laughing until the cat zagged back onto the trail and there was a pile of actors, wolves, director and key grips......

.... and it has been a thing of movie making tradition, and legend, that key grips and lead actresses (with the occasional lead bloke) so often lose their .....

Important note for concerned NESers ..... The Smolnek pussy is OK after being talked down from the highest Sequoia, and being stroked inappropriately. 

On 15/02/2026 at 2:10 AM, turboplanner said:

.......be better than the iron curtain of silence or the teddy bears go flying stories, or even................

..... and Crappy apologizes for he dear best mate again, as while our thousands of NESers will be interested to know, but as only I know from being there, Tubb is a little delirious again from the punishment that he received from the KGB in 2005, where Vladimir himself gave Tubb a flogging with a barbed wire Teddy behind the Iron Curtain, in a situation that has since been borrowed for the recent Jason Bourne doco, where Turbs is the speech coach, the stunt driver and the choreographer for the ....... 

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......did it, and who else can say that!?

There were two other guys hanging out in WF a few years ago, and they nearly pulled off a flight under the bridge in Aerochutes, but there were two chicks sunbaking on the beach below with nothing on the clock

and they didn't see the Container ship. They gave their aircraft full throttle but both got tangled up in the overhead cranes.

We never heard from them again, but .......

..... after some research, we now know that one of the chicks is going steady with bull, while the other still sunbathes on that beach in the razz, even through she is in her 80's.

As for the Aerochute pilots, one is running for an AUF Board position this year, so that should make things interesting, as a bit more Derring Do at that level in the AUF can only ..... 

..... "Things to do in Melbourne that require a touch of Derring Do" and after the mentions about "Walk in the main street after 5 pm", "Visit the overloaded Machete Bins", "Hang around Carlton and film a gangland shooting" or "Have dinner with Mick Gatto by donating $20,000 to charity", he spotted an article about the Design Criteria that had been used for the construction of the Westgate Bridge.

Once he saw reference to the fact that "A C-130 Herc could fit easily", that steel trap, yet quirky, mind of his started firing and this made the Challenger decision seem both logical & delicious (and even tingly wingly in the nether regions), so he .....

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....detective badge.

He knew Penny liked to be arrested, so he just gave her a warning and she nearly scratched his eyes out, but the Ray Bans come in handy for those moments, and he was able to ....

.... live another day by using what he had learnt on the couch from being a dedicated fan of both Theo Kojak and Frank Columbo.

(In true commercial form, he also had a job-lot of 5000 T-shirts made that said "I survived Penny Wong" on the front and "Ray-Bans save eyes from xe5b1an attacks" on the obverse).

Those 2 detective types established themselves deep within Turbo's persona such that his bullet head, Grik look, trench coat and forgetfulness became features of the Australian Aviation Scene, where even today every time he makes a contribution on the more serious forums (phora in Grik) inside Wreck Frying, the ......

What a combination

21 hours ago, Captain said:

...... TKO (Trip by Kath, Oh).

Then, ever magnanimous in victory, Turbo said "I was lucky that it was just Albo, and not Ping and the mean girls, as .....

....., apart from his well-recognized pugilistic victories, behind the dunny down on the wharves, over Tom Domican and Tony Mokbel, our best mate Turbo is actually a lover not a fighter, and Penny would not have stood a chance once he turned on his turbocharged charms, and flashed his ......

On 10/02/2026 at 7:46 AM, turboplanner said:

The bell rang for Round 1 and Albo started skipping around the ring. As fast as Turbo ran, he couldn't catch Albo, until CWA member Kath Woodridge tripped him up. As Albo fell to his knees, Turbo fell over him and won by a ........

...... TKO (Trip by Kath, Oh).

Then, ever magnanimous in victory, Turbo said "I was lucky that it was just Albo, and not Ping and the mean girls, as .....

3 hours ago, Captain said:

That also looks a lot like Turbo after he was pushed into the fence at Warrnambool following being sandwiched between Johnny Stewart & Howard Revell.

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......anyone whose skin looks a little scaly gets a recommendation to use a good masking cream, to reduce the obvious lizard-like appearance, and to avoid being suspected as a reptilian alien.

 

Of course, Canberra is full of shape-shifting reptilian aliens, with an amazing ability to crawl up anything and anyone, and none more so, than the Great......

..... Leader of our Cuntry, who works very hard for the benefits of all Aussies, as he doubles, like Scott Morrison did, as the head of CASA and as a technical advisor to the AUF, plus the .......

Crappy expects to be locked up for posting the below photo of our fearless leader (and I don't mean Eeen) ....... but at least I have removed the bikini.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbine Undercover would install cameras around the area and this was so sensitive that Turbo was required to do this himself. No one ever picked him in the tradey fluro, false beard and shorts, even with the white legs. 

 

Located on the outskirts of Canberra, this location was humming .......

..... as were Turbo's cameras in the lady's dunnies.

However, all video and still shots were always completely under-exposed, because the cameras had automatically set themselves based on the bright white light that was emanating from Turbo's legs.

There was also an issue with this CIA, which turned out to be money saving shared offices of the well-known FB meme workshops of the Cats In Aprons group & the Aussie subgroup of the Galapagos based Caffeinated Iguana Alliance.

Nobody noticed these groups because on the outskirts of Canberra, everyone is ......

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

And I can assure you, dear NES readers, when you see a girded Turbine lion in full flight, you don't want to hang around

Because they will hump your leg in true Turbine fashion.

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

And I can assure you, dear NES readers, when you see a girded Turbine lion in full flight, you don't want to hang around, and Turbos release of his girded lions, soon saw the whole area.......

.... was sitting down in the park and having a mass latte break.

This, dear readers, was probably as you suspected, because Tubb's lions were not actually "girded", they were "girdled" .......... in pink tutus, and to make matters worse Tubb had also girdled his loins in a set of Warrick Capper shorts which were even a couple of sizes smaller than the Wizz used to wear, and if you looked carefully as he took his 3 minutes to get out of the 'Vette, groaning like my grandpa used to do, you could see the edge of the scar on his perineum ... see photo below.

But the protesters didn't really care, as after their refreshments they thanked Turbo for the lovely intermission, picked up their Palestinian and Gay Rights flags and .........

Tink's lions looked a bit like this, but more fierce-erer.

A bit like this ........ but extracting yourself from a Corvette is more revealing.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo in the nicest possible way, and mindful of Een's edict about calling fellow members XXXXX, respectfully reminds him that we don't refer to "black ice" these days, "it's African American ice."

Or where Crappy is at the moment, we refer to it as “glace noire”, which sounds so much nicer and unconfrontational.

Mind you, you can call someone a "deadset XXXX" in French and it sounds deadset angelic.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........four of them advanced on Cappy, who smiled and .......

... thought about it for a second then looked at the below factual and peer reviewed photo, so he .....

8 hours ago, bull said:

.....the gun protestors!  Bull Cappy and"Moses" where soon surrounded by red and green haired freaks who........................

... were all bored lesb1an5 and were copying the Minisatans and protesting about ICE.

"geez lousie" said bull using his bull-horn (but without the punctilliation marks) "don't be a bunch of wankettes, as it is no use protesting ice down here in vicmanistan or taztarctica, as ice is just a fact of life for 9 months of the year .... and dare i mention the scourge of all bike riders, being "black ice", for fear of being labelled a racist about frozen adam's ale or agua."

The protesters looked bull up & down, then Moses, and finally at Crappy, and a few of them considered the possibility of jumping back over the fence, but then thought better of it and .......

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........Moses like, where one day he can be chucking down bbq prawns with Bull, who's patched as "BULLET!" in his local HA Chapter, and on another, shooting rabbits with CT up next to the Airport.

In fact,reflecting on the day's events ........

..... he was not certain that being Moses Henriques like, is high enough up the divinity totem pole.

"Geez" he said "Being just pure, old, honest & innocent Turbo is higher up, pole-wise, than someone who just plays for NSW and the Sydney Sixers."

"In fact' he added "Now that I can catch bullets with my teeth, instead of my freckle, by using my inate divinity skills, I might duck up to DG with BULLET and the C^*T for a bit of bunny busting and whilst there I shall verily ducketh (note his natural divinity type talk) into the local from whence cometh the ......

2 hours ago, bull said:

...............and the glue he had used was water soluble !!! So the protests started and very soon Turdo was facing.......

... east and praying to whatever God he happened to be favoring at the time.

Crappy finds it interesting that because his great mate is the nearest living thing that he knows to divinity, that Turbo seems to float between being Dali Lama-like, to .......

Turbo's favourite T-Shirt.

Tubb has bought a full set of these, in case he gets the callup to be the next DL.