Captain

56 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Then came the day when Sanjay found the........

..... disturbing lineage information that he was actually a Cherokee on his mum's side and Chippawa on his dad's.

"Oh, crikey" said Sanjay wearing his improvised headdress made from the feathers of his tame (now bald) magpie "This must be why I get a HORN every now and again that is often LITTLE but becomes BIG at times".

Sanjay considered how to still include the best of Indian (dot, not feather) beurocracy within CASA, while at the same time increasing their power to take the scalps from errant LAMEs.

This sure got the attention of the LAMEs Association, but was a bit of an issue .....

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......ended by requiring a 75 page English essay with a pass requirement of 102% before obtaining a student licence, with a nest of FoI's around Australia to make sure there were no tell tale accents.

 

Sanjay had somehow failed to read the first paragraph ......................

....... but his Essay contained 53 "beauty bottlers", more than 30 "Coo-ees", several "china plates", numerous references to Darraweit Guim & their Progress Association, and even more tellingly, now that Turbine Industries are a bigger Aussie icon than BHP, there were heaps of grovelling references to the various Turbine Corporations and an admiring, if not perverted, description of Turbinia.

All of the above meant that Sanjay was designated as a .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This may seem an odd thing to say and very unlike the CASA of the old days, but it was taught in the flavour of Astronaut transfers and everyone in the school wanted a chance to do it. There were a few misses, but you'll get that in any activity or even.......

..... a couple (perhaps a few) consecutive losses are still acceptable provided they are not industry leaders or Forum/NES luminaries.

However, the Minister for Aviation (avref) became a bit concerned after lunch & 2 bottles of red one day, when he had his wobbly boots on, and a question were asked of the Gubbermint in Parlment, which highlighted the .......

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....to Turbo's great consternation the "round part" was not the throttle, it was the trim wheel, and the aircraft started to go into a terrifying dive, which made Turbo blanch, go white-knuckled, and reach for the.......

..... Sky, Dougie Bader style.

But Turbo is a cool operator, once you scrape off all that surface rust, and he remembered his prize-winning joke accent from his days up the Khyber that Peter Sellers had borrowed for his moving pictures, so he activated his PTT and said "Excuse me sir, but oh my goodness, so could you please be flying straight and level for the sake of Shiva and our ancestors?" (Readers will note Turbo's calm demeanor and the fact that he was so focused that he did not have the time to include the essential [avrefs]).

The stewed-ant replied, "Oh crikey, you are correct kind sir, and I have levelled off at cruising throttle and at a safe altitude, praise be to the multi-headed elephant god."

Turbo de-blanched, recovered his composure, then walked to the ......

The Elephant God as referenced by the Stewed-Ant. With the rise of the Indian economy and the increased spending power of many of their citizens, Turbine Idollic Statues PLC has been established in Ranchi, to make such structures. (Just like Alfred Hitchcock used to make cameo appearances in his films, the nipples as depicted on each statue are dead spits of Turbo's own).

..... selected a large tub with crushed nuts and caramel sauce, while the Dervishes preferred ....

1 hour ago, bull said:

..Now for months afterwards he has shown a tendency towards leather and tight pants muzzles and leads  and such , and whenever he hears a siren he would do these weird..................

...... spins & zoomies, before sitting down on the footpath and licking his .....

Cappy in his long shorts, on his way to meet Turbs at the exhibition.

Cappy after the VicPol GS bit him on the arse.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Mavis would greet hm with "How's the hunchback of Notre Dame tonight?

bull......

...... who is even keeled and well balanced by a chip on both shoulders, just took it in his stride (although his stride is certainly a little wonky because of his hunch) ..... as he thought he might have a chance with Mavis later that night and didn't want to bugger it up by the short-term satisfaction of a smartarse sarcastic response (bull had learnt from Turbo to subvert his true feelings if there was even a slight chance later).

However, then bull also remembered OT's primary mantra that .......

The NES appreciates Turbo's latest contribution seeing as he was just released from Pentridge, after it was discovered that TC&AS (Turbine Caustic and Acidacious Substances NL) were the source of the attacks at the Melbourne protest, after Turdy donated a couple of gallons of acid to the Free Palestine Coalition. "What's the worst that could happen?" he said at the time, as he handed over the pannikin of fuming acid.

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull didn’t have a. .....

..... heart, or a conscience, when it came to ......

2 hours ago, Captain said:

and picked up the soaked "skid-mark" of Greenies. (A "skid-mark" being the correct and appropriate collective noun for a group of feral Greenies).

Explanatory Note: The use of the term "skid-mark" in the above note does not refer to what Turbo does in the 'Vette each Friday night while cruising Lygon St. It refers to the Greenies that bull so despises, in the context of bull believing that the Greenies are a "skid-mark" on the underpants of Aussie society.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

They'd chained themselves to endangered kelp, only to realise they couldn't breathe, so like all greenie protests, the even had to be cancelled and wet, tired, cold, and breathless they were on their way home when their worst nightmare, a giant Cray Boat bore down on them.........

..... and swamped their kayaks that were made from hemp, coke bottles and used nappies.

It was bull's cray boat, so ever the professional skipper, and despite it being against his very nature, bull stopped the boat and picked up the soaked "skid-mark" of Greenies. (A "skid-mark" being the correct and appropriate collective noun for a group of feral Greenies).

"Give them a feed Marky" said bull, who had Marky Mark rostered on as his 2nd mate for this trip (many people think that bull does not have any mates, but the normal on-board Cray Boat hierarchy has solved that).

Then bull continued "They can kip in the galley, but if Sarah H-Y is one of them, take her to my cabin, tell her to have a tub, and I'll be there soon to ..... 

4 hours ago, Captain said:

 ..... but he was also a bit keen to perve on ("feel-up" in braille) bull all kitted out in taffeta .....

Side explanatory Note .... bull being by far the most attractive of the 4 present NES contributors, and the same even when CT is in da house.

It is undeniable that our bull has a mystical yet earthy mix of Qld and Tazzy animal & crustaceanal magnetism about him.

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......full metal jacket on the old blind gentleman, and ripped his cane off him, and broke it into pieces, all the while screaming, "Don't you ever call me.........

...... a "Lady" again, unless I am wearing my makeup and that little taffeta number, with full accessories, that I like so much."

The old bloke (Cappy and Turboref) was shocked at being cane-less (who would ever break a blind bloke's white cane? Well bull would, as reported by OT), but he was also a bit keen to witness (he would have to feel his way ... NTTIAWWT) bull all kitted out in taffeta, with gloves, high heels and a handbag, so he whispered to bull ".......

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

Naturally, having a very strong, clinging odour of prawns about him on a constant basis, only ensured that bull always sat alone, anyway. That was, until the day a senior.......

..... gentleman, who was blind, came up to captain bull, tapped bull with his cane and said "Good day ladies".

Our bull, not wishing to cause embarrassment, went ......

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... and the deceased cray travels to China business class on Qantas (which also is why you don't see many people in business class). The reason they won't upgrade you of course is not because they think you're lower class, but they know there will be complaints about the smell, so like many industries, they cop it for the sake of the easy income, and .....

.... the other reason that upgrades no longer happen is that the upgraded plebs (ordinary.economyclass.folkref ..... like Cappy and Planey) will, in their upgraded enraptured excitement, often sit in the wrong seats and therefore trap the bona fide business class crayfish within the crack in their .......

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....“Cop this you, you Queensland..............(thinking - he was a West Australian) Wog!”
Captain bull picked up the boat hook and was about to disembowel (gut) Marky when he realised  he needed the WA icon. Just then a Doof doofised version of the Love Story theme came from the cray boat’s 16 speaker hi fi and they settled down to winching in the cray pots. Eventually Marky........

..... realized that he loved the swashbuckling cray fisherman's life, he respected Captain bull (our bull, not the other Bull), Marky M soon had a lover in every port, same like bull does (and some WERE the same .... which is called being sharing and caring in the maritime lexicon) and M'yM used his outstanding previous political skills (well, "outstanding" in the tiny cesspool that is WA politics) to ......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull, with that innate Trawler and now Cray Boat Captain skill of summing up people as they slide down the deck in rough seas knew that this Captain Marky woud be a keeper, even though he kept referring to front and back and left and right and "Where's me .........."

...... latte, me Cray Industry equivalent of a Gumment pension, and me own Personal Assistant?"

bull, who also wanted a Personal Assistant to clean out his pipes during lonely nights at sea, replied ".......

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

....Made in China!!!", he exclaimed. "Well, I'll be f******!!" exclaimed OT. "I didn't see those little stickers on them, when I bought them from TurboCrayBoats, Inc! There'll be some repercussions come out of this shady deal, for sure!!" - and OT reached for..........

..... the phone to call the General Manager of his Cray Fishing Operation (CFO [avref]), Marky Mark, who Onesie had been able to pick up on the cheap from Centrelink.

"Hey Marky, old mate, how are they hang'n?" Onesie always liked to bond with his staff by talking down at their level, and he .......

Marky and his kiss-curl, plus his bored 1000 yard stare that working with OT often engenders.

1 hour ago, bull said:

...submarine and then................

..... Turbo, who has never been known to apologise or regret anything in his life (which has been of considerable duration), decided that he needed to .....

37 minutes ago, bull said:

..has to live with the constant jibes about her "beam" [if ya get what i mean 👌] And now she has the fact that amongst  the NES there seems to be a payoff to achieve the "first class member " title! Re: Bull Turbo and the Captain are much more prominent members of the NES then the now famous "OT" who somehow gained superior rating above other members and i think this should be addressed by the "New censoring bureau"} just a thought!.............Now back to the story,,,Turbinia now flew into a uncontrollable fit of rage and lunged at Turbo who just managed to........

.... strike her in that special vulnerable spot on the side of her temple (I am told that you could clearly hear the bones shattering) where David pinged Goliath (ref 1 Samuel 17) with his rock.

Turbinia went down like a .........

16 minutes ago, bull said:

Re: Bull Turbo and the Captain are much more prominent members of the NES then the now famous "OT" who somehow gained superior rating above other members and i think this should be addressed by the "New censoring bureau".

AN ASIDE TO DEAR BULL .... Let it go mate. OT has massive power, not only within the NES but on the entire Wreck Frying site ...... as I have discovered several times to my cost. Plus, and in addition, WA people can be vicious when slighted. Let it go, it is just not worth the cost, and while not wishing to be specific, have you noticed recently how OT has got rid of both CT and Planey.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........ three Airbuses a month finish up in New Zealand instead of Tasmania"

The FO said "They're much the same aren't they?" and the Captain .....

..... (not OUR beloved Captain) responded that "Yes, they are fairly similar, except that one used to be run by a horse headed cocaine sniffer and the other has a Senator that is more like the other end of the horse."

He then continued on by saying "Listen mon Premiere Officer, just remember that as flight crew provided by Airbus, we are supplied by the European equivalent of the TSAPS group, which is run by Turbinia, who had been sent to Europe after that terribly embarrasing indiscretion in Canberra, and who is now having a torid affair with the head of the European Union and also with the wife of the boss of France (Turbinia has shown that she must be AC/DC/BC/FC/GC and every other C .... NTTIAWWT) ...... so as well as being kept pretty busy, Turbinia also has to ..........

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The FO blushed, the ..........

..... Captain became slightly aroused, and the FO then said "I know that we are over the South Island, but even here, is a XXXX like him aloud to say on the radio, for all to hear, that we XXXX our grandmothers and that ......

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the victim's mouth and down his windpipe thus silencing him at the same time.

They'd been discussing this on rhe radios as AUF flyers tend to do as they go along when there was a short, sharp, transmission from Sydney Centre ......

..... that said "Hey, g'day to the AUF dude that is flying in Class D, as usual, at 45 knots ..... if you don't bugger off we will have ASIO exercise their carroting discretion once you land, and then we will have CASA take that carrot and use it to ......

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

........the major carrot farms were located, looking to haul back a decent supply of carrots, to enable them to carrot a few more of the........

..... more senior public servants.

ASIO were then asked by the Five Eyes to explain their carrotting techniques, which of course starts with growing very long carrots, concealing them within special pouches in the ASIO operator's clothes, making them easily accessible once the operator is up behind the target individual, and then for the carrot to be strong enough when wrapped around the target's neck and pulled tight using the wooden handles that are molded into the carrot.

The technique is slower than using wire, but softer on the neck (just consider the result when tested on Jeffrey Epstein), and the operative can have a carrot dinner afterwards to get rid of the evidence.

As an option, the ASIO Field manual shows how the carrot can also be used effectively by inserting it into .....