Captain

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

In fact, Turbo's kickout at the oversize mozzie, and his resultant comical fall, flat on his bum, was actually videoed by Cappy and uploaded to his YouTube channel - you know, the one titled, "idiot fails", and Turbos "fail" is the biggest laugh of the.........

..... interweb and Turbo went viral (This does not refer to that rash, nor to his bad breath).

Some may not know that Turbo always carries a 7.62 projectile around with him, claiming that this is the bullet that wounded him. After all, a war wound is a much better earner than is a mozzie bite when he had a hole in his insect net.

It was however, bull that pointed out that Turbo's projectile contained no rifling marks, and when that fact hit the papers there was .......

2 hours ago, Captain said:

All NESers please note how Turdy got the concrete pad wrong at lower left, and as a result the main wheels are parked on tarmac and not concrete (duurrrr). What a dill. He must have had his hand on it at the time and fantasising about getting a large Gulfy to balance up that side of the house.

Turdy & Crappy often get paralytic around that fire pit in the back yard, then take the 707 for a spin (avref) around Melbournistan without clearance, and using bull's callsign & rego numbers from the Jackoff.

For those new members of Wreck Frying, for Stewed Ants and for our thousands of subscribers to the NES, it is my great privilege to inform you that Turbo does not only look like Johnny T, he also had a passionate affair (which he has never forgotten) with Sandy from Grease, and Turbs wealth has subsequently allowed him to make a copy of the Travolta Flying (avref) Ranch.

The below photo shows Turbo's joint as part of a seniors living facility just outside Moorabbin (some of the oldies, and the local council, do winge a bit about the aircraft noise) and as you can see, this photo was snapped during the last drought. (Photo taken by Cappy as he was mid-field crosswind in his Gulfstream).

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

The limp that Turbo displays constantly today, is directly related to the multiple penetrations of those Khyber Pass mosquitoes, and just the mere whining sound of a nearby mosquito anytime, is enough to send Turbo in a fit of twitches and convulsions - movements which are often mistaken for........

..... 70s Disco Dancing, ....... when Turbs was only a little beyond his prime and he was the Model for John Travolta's Tony Monero character in SaTurday Night Fever (note the highlighted word, which was the genesis of Turbo's current nickname).

Travolta later reprieved an older Turbo character, Vini Vega, were his dance with Uma showed that the Turbo's twitches and convulsions had been largely brought under control by a combination of legal and illegal medications.

However, Turdy's limp persisted, as caused by ........

John portrayed Turdy to a tee, when in his later 50's.

John, taking off Turbo, making the secret sign of the Rotax Bluehead Fanclub (a perverted Boy Scouts sideways "Be prepared" .......................... for a cold or hot seize).

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......Order of Service at the Bungarra scratching World Championships.

It was at one of these that OT's animal, which he had trained all year ...........

.... , using the rear leg behind the ear scratching technique, however after spending so much time training, OT's animal had gravel rash on its .....

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo had to go night after night being penetrated by huge mosqitos

And those "mosquitos" were bigger than normal mosquitoes, hence serious damage could be caused while being penetrative. Hence Turbo's many quirks and aversions.

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often bugger-up the ......

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often stuff-up the ......

The Capster apologises, once again, as in his own sad and under-achieving manner, he messed-up his original response by reusing Turbo's Buga-Up/bugger-up line. I hope that the above change has Fixed-it-up.

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Wagin Up, Margaret River Up, Wagin Up Nd Buga Up Communties who........

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often bugger-up the ......

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

..... Over here on the Left Coast, we play games with real swords, and firearms, and explosives, and we don't have to sell tickets, the word of mouth news-spreading is enough to........

.... fill the stadium.

Wise men from the East still have trouble with the WA language that is used for word-of-mouth, as while the WA lingo is similar to pig latin, easterners still find it hard when they hear "Will-up you-up be-up going-up to-up the-up sword-up, firearm-up and-up explosives-up tournament-up ?-up. "-up.

But in WA these tournaments are run by ......

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The phone rang, the Premier flew into a rage and left yelling "AM I NOW!" and the advisor was able to quickly add  "except for blast mining", the Premier came back and said "Now where was I?" saw the document, signed it, and so Turbo is back on deck.

Crappy is delighted to hear Tubb's story because, as usual he appears to be one of the few people who can get anything done in Vicmanistan (Many think that it might be because of his long-standing physical relationship with the Premier, but it was quickly pointed out that such a relationship was with the last Premier, not the current one, although Turbo agrees that this one is certainly "HOT").

PS - Crappy is maintaining the dibs on the 'Vette, as you never know what is around the corner.

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Had been attending Suntan Clinic twice a day and learning the First Nations language which these days required a lot of “deadly” and “bro” sounds and “mobs” and now said “We abolished tickets years ago and......

..... now that tickets, which are a symbol of white male oppression (Eg "Turbo has tickets on himself"), are no longer available, we need to concentrate on the thousands of benefits that accrue from the linking of the Free Palestine and the Aboriginal flags, after all it is well known that the Palestinians have been around for 250,000 years (just consider Yasser Arafat who looked like he had done it tough for each one of those years) and the Palestinians are certainly big on Smoking Ceremonies (just look at Gazza each night on the news, for the evidence).

"Hang on there Turdy" said bull and OT in unison from opposite sides of the country, who thought that TurdBoy was being overly ........ 

DEAR NESers ...... Has anyone heard from my best mate Turbo, who has been AWOL and unheard of on the NES for the past 5 days.

I haven't been too worried until now, as he often used to go missing for several days up the Khyber, but was always located exhausted and needing a skin graft, in Village number 23B, with the delightful and captivating Villager # 29.

But unless he is now off exploring the delights of the lady villagers at Darraweit Guim, I am a little worried.

Regards Crappy

PS - Please note that I have already called dibs on the 'Vette, if the worst should come to the worst.

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

The legal circles were abuzz with the news, and Turbo couldn't move anywhere in public without a microphone being shoved under his nose, and the question asked, "Do you think........

...... that whoever did actually discover OZ, be that Captain Cook (known as Jimmy-the-Chef to his mates) or Hot-Lips Turbine, received a "Welcome to Country" every time they went assure to use the bathroom? And if they did not act with appropriate cultural sensitivity to respect the previous 249,800 years (being 250,000 minus 200) .... or if they turned their backs on a "Smoking Ceremony", should legal action be taken, or the entire Turdbine Clan simply just put to the sword (or Nulla Nulla)?"

Turdy had already been briefed on possible adversarial questions and this was, obviously one of them, so he ......

22 hours ago, Captain said:

As is mentioned on the pewter plate now housed in the Moorabbin Natural History Museum, Australia was actually discovered by Captain Horatio (Hot-Lips) Turbine who was, at that time, lost on his trip from London to Portsmouth, and who .....

..... had turned left instead of right when he sailed out of the Thames and had therefore gone the long way from London to Portsmouth.

Hotlips and his crew were therefore the first group to choose to holiday in Tasmania (the highlights being Burnie and Bell Bay), Melbourne, Wollongong, Newcastle and in Queensland as part the same cruise itinerary.

It is understood that, as a result, they found the cruise to be both depressing & very disappointing, although their reviews on TripAdvisor have been scrubbed by ......

12 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

(and here Dear NES readers, we have the definitive book on the real story behind Capt James Cook's exploits, where it has been revealed what a terrible scoundrel he actually was!.....)

..... as it has now been proven that he did not actually discover our Great Southern Land (the GSL), but instead bypassed it and took a shortcut through the Panama Creek, so that he could claim expenses for the Botany Bay to Cooktown sector, using faked receipts.

He also couldn't locate Venus when in the South Pacific, and instead recorded the transit of the moon, which was easier to find. "Those dicks in the Greenwich Observatory will never tumble to it" he is recorded to have said to little Matty Flinders).

As is mentioned on the pewter plate now housed in the Moorabbin Natural History Museum, Australia was actually discovered by Captain Horatio (Hot-Lips) Turbine who was, at that time, lost on his trip from London to Portsmouth, and who .....

16 hours ago, bull said:

As the aircraft grounded a massive roar could be heard as.............

..... the ladies cheered once they realised what a human dynamo prize had just arrived into their laps (somewhat literally ..... or that was his intent).

OT's eyes popped when he saw the smorgasbord that met his aircraft (avref), and even though he had just put 140 hours of non-stop flight (another avref) onto his engine (rotaxref) [OT is a brilliant engineer, and had designed, manufactured and fitted his own design of fuel bladder, plus also his own bladder bladder], and while Onesie was tired, he was not too tired to .........  

16 hours ago, bull said:

 [Turdo,s harem with a sex prisoner wearing the yellow hat in the background sulking cause  he has also run out of viagra]

Dear bull. The photo is a little fuzzy, but I think that may be OT wearing his "Welcome to WA" yellow hat, as he has been there now for a few hours and may have been making a pig of himself.

3 minutes ago, bull said:

....suddenly found his feet bound in vine and 4 of the before mentioned crusty members had taken him for their sex slave and dragged him off into the bush ,the sat phone left laying on the sand. We are not some backward simple tribe my man ! one of the crustier members stated. We know the Quality of these imports you seek are very inferior to Turdo! Now we demand................

.... that Turdo & his outstanding capacity + endurance be cloned, like Dolly the sheep, but we want about 20 of them so that we will be certain to be .......

5 minutes ago, bull said:

I'm sure the crusty "big" members of the tribe will keep him busy ,lol

And there, dear readers, is one of the great and amazing things about the Wreck Frying website and Forums (Fora), and noting bull's loyalty to Onesie, it is clear that we all stick together and provide support for each other, no matter what.

7 minutes ago, bull said:

..... to appear impartial, as a small fight began when a rather large and crusty version of the tribe began demanding more "attention" than the young nubile members from Turdo he had to call in reinforcements, so out with the sat phone and straight onto ...... 

...... Prince Andrew, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton and 20 others as mentioned in the Epstein Island flight (avref) logs.

"Those 23 will provide the same copulatory capacity and enthusiasm as one Turbo" Turbo explained to the "attention" seeking lady, as he .......

5 minutes ago, bull said:

.Just for the info of our esteemed NES members This tribe's location has been a very well-kept secret amongst Turdine/CApitinano/Bovine conglomerate head members. And will not be disclosed on a public forum 😉

However, OT is already 5 hours into his flight (avref) heading over here, in the hope of getting some of the action.

7 hours ago, Red said:

Do you have coordinates?

Dear Red. Welcome to the NES. Are you perhaps related to those 3 blokes in the top photo in bull's post a few above, and does your 2nd name start with an I?

7 hours ago, Red said:

Do you have coordinates?

Sorry Red. Both bull and Turbo are notoriously uncoordinated. 

13 hours ago, bull said:

.............amongst a tribe of sex starved female natives in the massive jungles of.........

..... Panama, where Cappy is located at the moment.

Cappy, ever the supporter of sex starved female native populations around the world, did his best to ......

A photo from the Panamanian jungle.

That is not Cappy, nor is it on of the SS'd ladies.

14 hours ago, bull said:

Now as this war was starting to brew Turdine industries could see an opportunity to make a few bucks and........

..... then realised that they already had 3 of them in bull's 1st photo, so Turdy ......

Sanjay's magpie inside his tepee, after its wing feathers grew back, and they were ready to be re-plucked.