Captain

Where else? Speaking of wineries........ Here's a deal for you NES guys to syndicate on - Rosemount is for sale dirt cheap! It comes with an excellent bitumen sealed airstrip with a hangar that I know used to accomodate the previous owners Learjet and his previous "toys" (sorry for calling them toys Sandy if you visit here) . Maybe the NES should hit the bottle for a while:laugh: and keep hands off throttle

I'm all in favour of winery chit chat fellas ........ but we have Tomo stuck down in the Tarctic, Bingles and Ahlow hanging by a thread off the back of the Haines down in SE Tazzy, Nanna still under the dashboard, the Evenruder is about to cark because it has done 20 hrs since Tubb last worked on it, and a red R22 is marooned (no, it's red) down on the ice while the owner doesn't even know that Tomo nicked it.

And all you want to talk about it grog.

We need help getting these guys rescued, or the Pinot will surely hit the aerator.

"I know", said the Tuberplanter "We'll .............

Just a slight interruption with photos from our Tartic trip

That's a tee pee (tee hee), .......... see?

Only a few days left for this month, so get your entries in.

How the heck do you do that so well?

Your shot looks great, yet if I took that shot it would just look bland and like a brown pussy in front of some blue sky with a bit of white stuff in it.

Steve,

Interesting what great focal length that alarm camera has. Me think it mazing.

Regards Geoff

You've hit 4000, Ian. Well done.

G'day Ian.

After all of the crap you were subjected to by 1 or 2 individuals, you have cracked 4000 membership now Ian ........... so the vast majority are voting with their keyboards.

You are to be congratulated.

And looking back down this thread, it wasn't that long ago that we were talking about 2000 ........ so it has doubled in about a year, despite your culling the membership of long term inactive ones at times.

Bloody good result, I reckon.

I, for one, still get as much fun and learning out of this site as I did when I joined a few years ago. I'd be lost without my daily fix .... here.

Regards & congrats

Geoff

But, but! I gonna go to bed now...

Actually, Ditdot suddenly had a brilliant Idea:idea: Ahvalocks, nah! let's use the Capitans Jaberrutaa this time and fly over there... slap some ski's on the feet and away we go............ then pick up the radical 22 and have a whale of time on the way back.............

So Tomo the Robbo Yobo Commo Homo ................ sapian was prepared to experience the wrath of BluePeace because of his intended use of free range whales for other than bumping into sailing vessels.

"You can't put a Robby on top of a Mobby and hitch a ride back to Aussie, your dickweed" insisted some BluePeace spokesperson lady with hairy armpits (not that there is anything wrong with that) "As they need to swim hither and yon wherever they want. Haven't you seen "Free Willy"?"

"Not for a couple of days" replied the Yobo Commo Tomo. "That is why I'm going to bed early tonight, to see how Willy is."

"You'll go ...........

He felt a jerk ..........

....... but The Rat objected to being touched in such a way, as he had his eyes on Nanna, and Tubb didn't do anything for him.

"Just drive the boat and don't Even (think about being) Rude (tee hee) like that again" said El Ratto to a rather chastised & rejected Turbs, who changed the subject quick sticks.

"Don't Bingles and Ahlocks fly beautifully" he said.

"Yes they do" replied Cappy "As they are very much alike as pilots, and both the Czara & the Sierra are great machines"

"We can see Straya" called Lockie on his SportsRadio, and then with disappointment in his voice he added "Oh, no it's not .................. its just Tazzy."

But as they motored up the Dequestenostreneau Channel, Turbs radioed the boys on the ropes "Lads, we have a serious problem. It's a wednesday and, unfortunately, Tazzy is shut. Look. They've even locked the gate, so we'll be here for days, even with the Locky's skills (tee hee), his best set of picks and his torch."

But the Lockie Extraordinaire replied ".....................

My Aunt is running the room service this morning so do you want a Continental or Full breakfast .... and how do you like your eggs, Tubbo?

...Big2$ who'd just made a beach landing - or tried to, buthe'd skidded on the ice and rammed an elephant seal, and he'd been repairing it, out of the wind, using a sixteen way imitation swiss army knife he'd bought from Spoils for $2.00.

"I came over here looking for Caroline" he said, but she turned out to be a real tartic, and had hitched a ride to Patagonia, then I ran out of fuel.

 

"Well how was I to know Tarctic was so far away" he said .........

....... and I thought it was featureless between Tumut and The Rock" he added "This joint takes the cake ....... particularly during a snowstorm"

At that point, Bingles, Tubb & Ahitscoldlocks were joined by another forum member slartibuttcheeks.

"What are you doing down here, Ross?" asked Loxy.

"I live around Canberra" slarti replied "So we come down here each winter to get away from the crappy weather"

"And watch out for that seal over there" added Bingles.

"That's not a seal" answered MLA-locks "As it looks strangely familiar.

"It's me in a fur coat" called Nanna "I got this from a Rat with a gold tooth for providing certain favours."

"Don't worry about that" said Tubb "There's a SW change on the way, so get in the trusty Haines Signature and I'll tow the Czara & the Cheetah back in tandem. You take the long rope, Bingles, so you don't get lost (just follow Steve), you get down here under the dashboard, Nanna, and do your thing, and I'll .................

The landing light was flashing a morse signal. How lucky they were to have Australia's own morse expert on board....--- ---;;;..........

Which translated into "Turbo's idea of the perfect outboard tool kit is an assortment of cold chisels & a 2 lb sledgy" ............ and after reading his treatise on water in the fuel causing total engine collapse, it could mean "I have an assortment of pre-prepared excuses, in case this one stops too (which will make it a hat-trick).

So Turbs restarted the Even-ruder (just because he could) and motored for home, with McMoyes perched behind enjoying the view, holding the end of the rope and going faster than he had since he wrung it's neck going to Yarrawonga.

At that moment they heard a call from back on the ice. It was ..............

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, the serenity" said Ahlocks. "There are 3 things that I love about the Tarctic. There are bugger all bushfires, there are even fewer loacked gates and there is a distinct lack of Queenslanders ..... but this one seal keeps following me with a wicked look in it's eyes and a rather suggestive smile on it's face. Do you think I might be a sealophile?"

"No Lockie, we know that you are actually a ................

"I have it" exclaimed The McJocklocks "I will make like Shackleton, eat a few dogs, wait for the weather to break, I'll have Turbs do some tuning on my engine, and with a persistant southwester I shall fly my trusty Szara to the edge of the ice shelf (at a consumption of 4 penguins per hour), then take a short hop to NZ, where I will wait for another noreaster and fly accross the ditch."

"After all" he added "J230's do the crossing of the ditch all the time, so my SS with it's trusty Axe will be able to ..............

"All the seals look the same to me" said Ahlow "How do I know which one it was?"

"I have a lot of experience down here" said Mawson "It'll be the one with the smile on it's face, propped up on one elbow, & having a cigarette."

"I hope this doesn't become a habit" responded the Ahlow "As I need to fly the Arazs from the Tarctic to Stray-ya, and that won't be possible with a love-sick laes giving my empennage another workout. That would be worse than ..................

The Czsportser touched down gently on the ice shelf, where an elephant seal immediately decided to mate with it, severely bending the rear empennage.....

.... and he made a bit of a mess on, and of, the front empennage too.

When skcolha was giving his backwards call to land on the iceshelf he called "Tarctic Traffic, this is Ratstrops 5905 dropping in for some fun and games with a leas, estimating backwards downwind at 14.53" and the response was "All stations in the Tarctic CTAF, this is a SAAB 340 on a straight in approach, estimating 14.51, so scatter penguins, scatter .... and the same to you Ratsdroppings."

At this skcolha got yrgna and said ".....................

"........ as he switched the rotaryaxe off to avoid being blown clean across to the antarctic ....... The beercan nosed over and soon reached VNE (Velocity Never Experienced ... about 106 knots :raise_eyebrow:) "Hope I can do one of those you beaut beach landings" i_dunno........

"Now" thought Le Crapp "If a J owner admitted that his finely crafted machine went quicker with the noisy bit switched off, he would be pilloried ...... or worse, by some Axe owners ............ but I say nuth-thing ...................."

My Aunt asked the obvious question, which perhaps should be posted in that other thread .......... If a SportSzara lands downwind backwards, is that against the rules or does it comply with that well-known aviation addage that "2 wrongs make 1 right'"? Will Turbs please check the rule-book and advise.

PS ..... my Aunt also wants to know whether Turbs has pulled the head off his little thing yet .... then she realised that she should clarify that she was actually talking about his little outboard.

.......Just then my phone ran....... "hello DotDash, I just thought I'd give you a call to see If you know anything about a missing R22 chopper from the Dalby area...! well....eerrrr.....ummmm.....................

..... "G'day from Yday .... my good man" said Thomas "I, ah, no nothing ah, about and ah R anything, although I do have 22 pics in my photo gallery. It must just be a coincidence."

"You look to be a nice young dotdash" said the CASA man who was full of cooperation and survilitude for pilots "Because you are a customer of ours and we want you to be happy with the services that we provide" he added kindly "But if you haven't seen an R22, can I please ask whether you have seen BeerCan 1, who was last observed at 2,500 ft going backwards over Savernake and calling a 120 mile final for 05 (and the call before that was a 110 mile final), so we hope he has landed backwards at Tocumwal, or at least before he gets to Warnambool."

"I saw him at ...................

..... then came the reply.

All traffic in the Wagga CTAF.

This is a Dashy, established on a 300 mile downwind final, estimating into the circuit area (but we certainly aren't gunna fly one) at 17.19 ........ so fly pidgeon, fly andf set yourself free ........ and please stay north of the river until we stock up on pax's and head out again.

Then Ahlow chipped in ..............

Opinions on this site are not necessarily those of Turbo, since he knows that the LAME who reads these stories is always close at hand to give Turbo's aircraft that little tweak here and that litte touch there, and the Jabiru presents enough challenges without having to contend withj contra trim or the never ending throttle cable.

I agree Tubb. They are a fine group of men and women who do us all proud ..... and the comments in post # 1853 are totally unwarranted, to the point where that bloke deserves the boot.

However everyone knows of my medical achievements and that LAME is medically acronyminous for "Laminectomy", in which I specialised during the 3rd year of my medical degree. (As opposed to a Laminotomy, which is the more simple form, being the removal of a mid-portion of one lamina, which may be done either with a conventional open technique, or in a minimal fashion with the use of tubular retractors and endoscopes).

Dear Rat,

One outboard is singing like a bee, but the wakeboard season is over, the other one is presenting a problem getting the head to depart the block.

 

Having paid a guy over $6000 to fox the 140 hp, I asked his advice for the 75 hp head removal. "You'll have to use the oxy" he said.

He must be a LAME too ...... as well as an outboard technician?

Yes, it's good, now get back to delivering breakfasts.

Love,

 

Gerry

Dear HatRack

Just 150 posts to go in the race to 2000. I wonder who will get it this time?

Beware that you don't fall asleep again on the verandah in your rocking chair with your lap-rug on, while it clicks thru the magic number, this time round.

Kind personal regards

The Receptionist Rat

PS No false fire alarms lately, so haven't had to pay RipOffLocks and his mates $750 per occurrance for a while.

PPS How are the outboard repairs going. Do you have the alloy off the bores yet? If not I can lend you some H2SO4 to clean them up.

........call the TOA of TO so that the TOA will be correct..........

.... and Thomas started his pre-flight checks ...... "Yes, it's an RAA arcraft and all looks pretty good" he thunk, so he gave his hire car calls and proceeded towards the into-wind runway.

" Goodness gracious" he said to himself (whereas many of us would have said "$@#!) "This engine sounds like it has more grunt than my usual Axe, it taxi's poorly, and there is a bit of an issue with the fan thing at the front".

Then he realised that his dislexic acronymia may have caught him out again as it wasn't an RAA aircraft, it was an R22, and Thomas was in the ............

these are probably too modern for the rat.........

...... "If I was a boy" (Bionce) ........ so cop that you Gerry Hattrick.

....MUR, his partner said.

When they arrived they made straight for the Rotal Bundy Cafe (CRB) and Thomas, who had an eastern European accent said the the bewhiskered proprietor Lazlo who was also from those parts:

 

"FUNEX?"

 

"SIFX" Lazlo replied

 

"FUNEM?" asked Thomas

 

"SIFM" replied Lazlo

 

"OKIFMNX" said Thomas

 

After breakfast they went out to the Jabortwo factory in a BCA......

"$#!@ and FMD" exclaimed Thomas "In these days of the GED it looks like I am also getting the FLU, and you need 6-DOF ........... but when it comes to AA these FRP machines aeronautique, made by JAB are A1".

"But that Turbo sure has ABE's" said Lazlo "& his ABS is a bit CROOK, too".

"It's his AAD as a 2IC that is the issue" replied Thomas "He needs to .......

My Aunt says that you should see http://www.abbreviations.com/acronyms/NASA for a partial translation.

A new member of the NES appeared today.

His name is Thomas and he is a brand new pilot who is acronymically challenged.

"The weather is great here, so I'm going on a UHF flight to FNQ where I'll navigate using NBG's, so OMG I'll POQ and use my VFR radio while I follow roads" he said to his partner.

"Well, be careful that you don't get RSI watching the ISA (for his partner was dislexic as well), so use the DBN to fly an ILS into BUNDY for a ..............

RATTATATATATATATATATATATAT - it was the Rat With The Golden Tooth ....

.......... did someone call me?

"Heck" said Tubbo "I'll be in that, as those blokes in WW are some of my best mates, so where is my red thong, my leather chaps, my bighorn belt buckel and my lacker sided RMW's?"

That sounds and looks like what we wear at a meeting of the Dalby Recreational Aviator's Group" said PoTomo "Except we each have a spudgun and 2 spare spuds down our fronts."

"In June we have a fly-away organised to ...........

Turbo, being just a simple country boy who had to leave school at the age of 32 to help out on the farm was having great difficulty following the deep wit of the Waggans, but figured he had been mentioned several times.

"Wagga Thingy, this is Jabo twotewnetytwotwo ten miles inbound for noughtyforty" he called using a slight ethnic accent to make it clearer.

 

"Go shave yer mother's back" came the reply, apparently from a Western Star B double on the Olympic Way.

 

He thought it would probably be safer if we all went back to morse code, and decided to start a post........

So with Turbs tipping a bucket on his fellow NES'ers from WW, the news came through that the Downside B & S ball is back on, and bigger than ever.

"Heck" said Tubbo "I'll be in that, as those blokes in WW are some of my best mates, so where is my red thong, my leather chaps, my bighorn belt buckel and my lacker sided RMW's?"

"But what about your jeans or moleys?" asked McB&Shlocks.

"Oh no" said Tubb "We don't wear them."

"I'll jump in the Jab and fly up as soon as this weather buggers off, and I'll .......

"Erky perky" said my Aunt, who was having a dump at the thought of it, out in the garden. "I'm not touching that with a pen or a 10 ft pole."