Captain

"......six months for that" yelled Madam Doubtfire, as she looked at the disappearing Nissan badge heading south, and realised her underpowered Toyota HiLux had no chance of catching Turbo, who deliberately compounded the situation by throwing lolly papers out the window......

"We have a diss'n Nissan, associated with a Lolly folly, allied with a paper caper" was the call on the police radio.

"You won't catch me" yelled the Turbolollypincher, who had a gob full of arctic mints and an observation "Geeez it's featureless around here" as he passed through The Rock.

"And Ahlocks the Harlock is missing, so put out an APB as there are heaps of Commodore drivers locked out of their cars and the Fire Dept is out of control ... so where is he?"

"He is ..........

My Aunt in the garden asked the simple question "Where is Decca? Did Nanna kill him or just knock him around a little?"

He picked up the phone and dialled the Rivet.......

"Have you heard that the wallopers were down at Cassa del Ratto this morning?" he asked firtively.

"Yes, there has been a complaint about a guest who stayed there a couple of weeks ago" came the reply.

There was silence at the other end of the phone ..... which is unusual.

"Apparently there was a theft of 100 kgs of Arctic Mints by one of the guests" said Slobodan Rivett.

"Is that all?"

"No. One of the Cherubs has signed a Stat Dec that it was touched inappropriately when the mints were removed".

Photo of witness attached ....... [ATTACH]11927[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]11928[/ATTACH]

"He sorta rubbed his hand around my palm" said the Cherub "In a rather unnatural and suggestive way." "I didn't think too much about it at the time, but I now find that I need "closure" and if that Pommy wanka at Katoomba can hook $200,000, how much can I get for a molestation and Arctic Mint theft inside story."

"You'll get ..............

Thanks to the Captain's great suggestion I have started looking into joining up with the SAAA convention at Cowra - will let you know what transpires

I know that you are busy sorting out the upgraded website, but when you have a moment, I would appreciate your advice of the latest on this.

Are the SAAA being sensible and co-operative?

And do you need any help in getting this moving, as it is not all that far away now.

Regards Geoff :csm:

Deccadent finds himself accidentally, voluntarily, quite suddenly, in a different world.

Is he about to lose his virginity?

 

Who is this Nanna?

 

….

"The short answer is YES" replied Nanna, ....... and Nanna is that girl that your mum warned you about and your mates all boasted about. "Eg .....Are you interested in a triple decker, Decca?"

With that, Decca sucked in a big breath, drew himself up to his full height, switched to his reserve tank and said & " ............

"....How did I get into this one?......she's as ugly as sin...why did I think up the name Deccadence.....this is as bad as they days when Reg Ansett's old boilers used to raid the flight deck.......help, TOMO!

"Still, ugly is just a state of mind and it is obvious that El Ratto and El Locko didn't find her too ugly, based on what she described."

"How's Tomo the Homo .... sapian going to help on this, anyway, as he has been closetted away in Dalby doing closet type things. This needs a man of the world like slartibuttcrack to tell me what to do."

"And tell me more about your name Deccadence" whispered Nanna "Does that mean that we will strike a chord and make beautiful music together ... ten times."

"I'll do me best to keep in time" responded Decca with an air of expectation and not a blue pill in sight.

"And do you fancy us older women, or will you go down Ahlock's route and just use me to get at my daughter?"

Decca thought for a while, scratched his bonce and said "............

....G'day, G'day, G'day... What's goin' on 'ere then?" :Disappointed: she said as she grabbed el Ratto by the the tail and gave it a twist. :ah_oh:

The Rat winced and shot her his bestest gilt toothed smile....."Wanna trough lolly Constable Doubtfire?" he offered. "Good for the breath and quite an effective mexican repellant." Doubtfire twisted El Ratto's appendage a half turn tighter , which drew him onto the tip of his toes:DevilDog:.

 

"You know something about one trying to do broadies in the main street last week?" demanded Doubtfire. :patch:

 

"No Sir, ma'am!!" replied Ratto, with an extra squeak to his voice, "But I do know there's a bloke with a kiwi sounding name asking about Nanna :smooch:, mother of the the riverlandmum :no no: who's mother of the Riverlandlass :heart::heart: .

 

===============

 

DikaDint has joined the aunt's garden

"Come over here Decca, and sit beside me on this blanket" said Nanna "For you have made a very welcome contribution to the NES and you need to be rewarded. Are you really limited to just ten?"

"Be gentle with me Nanna" he replied "But that doesn't mean ..... stop".

"So tell me a bit more about this mythical joint that you come from. Do you really have your own valley or are you looking to make use of Nanna's, and show me a photo of your snake".

"I'm the stud from Ballarat" said Decca.

"Don't remind me of the Rat" answered Nanna "As I met a bloke up Bidgee way who went like one ......... but DO tell me about the 1st part of that town's name."

"They are ..................

Its a...Ill wind from Narrowind thought the now not so dangly Dr Dangle as he felt the wind chill on the up wind side of his newly discovered wind direction indicator ( historical aviation term).

 

"time is a pressing so I'll just make a rapid diversion to the Riverland where.........

....where love is not maligned ..... unlike at Narrowmind,

The wind is always fair, like the Riverland Lasses hair,

Yet a man can be free to let it do just that,

While some of the Lasses can put it in a platt,

And some of the better blokes have 11 or 12 knotches, not just 10 dents,

You know it makes ..............

Desperately wanting the 1,946th, Deccadent began quickly putting a post together, his very first for the NES.

“Better late than Never” said Trevor.

 

“That’s a lie” said BigPete. “Trevor’s last post here was 1072, when he pleaded for mercy, calling for an end to The Never Ending Story”

 

“That’s a lie too” said Planey. “BigPete’s last post here was 1594”

 

“That’s a lie too” said TurboTyper. “Planey’s last post here was 1655”

 

“Well” says Deccadent, “I rest my case for a new forum; We’ll call it The Liar’s Club - Ian should be able to organise that by this weekend”

 

“That’s a lie too” said Ian, spitting bits & bytes of data.

 

“Geez I’ve had to do some research for this long winded post,” said Deccadent. “And if anyone wants any vverifficcation of the accurraccy of the above please refer to the Never Ending Story.”

 

“And here’s another fact; since BigPete last appeared there are 5.3 posts appearing every day here”

 

Deccadent fast forwards to post 2080, vowing somehow to catch up with the present and the lolly gobbler of Dr. Dangle….

"And Ten-dent's contribution was good and statistically correct" said Better-late-than-never Trevor, yet Dr Dangle the Turbo Dingler said nuth-think so it looks like one of the blue pills might be working as we type this, BigPete stayed schtumm, so we reckon that he has just been rebadged as the Turbodangler, and Planey hasn't been the same since that infamous incident known by to all as "The Knockback @ Narrowmind".

"It's a .............

"Dr Turbo .....,(I'm learning to fly on a Drifter, and have two solo hours, but I'm very clever)

.......... which is the same hours as he gets out of a new outboard.

And Dr Dangler does have a ring to it ..................

".....He looked at the new Honda hanging off the back of the Signature.

"If I change the timing slightly............"

HEADLINE DOUBLE BUNGER --- Honda Shares Slump 50% Overnight, Charlie Haines turns over in his grave.

"And I can never understand why these guys put so much oil in the sump AND in the leg as well, when it really should be so simple." said Dr Turbo. "Look .............. even those non-doctorated retards at Honda have made the same error. If I drill thru there and join that oilway to the exhaust, from whence (see how a doctorate makes you talk propper?) it can also lube the leg under exhaust pressure and after being pre-heated. That way I save 0.465673 kgs (Doctors always use 6 decimal places{because they can ..... and because they can afford a wider calculator}) and $4.65 in oil costs annually thereby saving the Vironment too. What a bunch of dropkicks".

I am pleased to report to all readers of the NES, that the TurboColdChisel has been awarded a honorary Doctorate in Outboard Maintenance by the Swingbourne Institute of something or other ..... for, like CASA, they regularly monitor this site and have noticed that the Tubbs has been giving services to Outboard Repair 2 or 3 times per year for the past several years. "It's just a shame he doesn't get them "serviced" by someone that knows what they are doing and who knows how to achieve the difficult task of putting oil into fuel" they added.

"He's obviously never going to qualify thru any of our formal courses" said the Dean "So in cases like this, we give an honorary award for "persistance"."

"And in Tubb's case he also has an honorary mention for the quantity of his outboard failures and the breadth of those problems ..... which demonstrates that he doesn't only put them back together incorrectly in just one way. He has demonstrated time and again, his dedication to outboard repair and this award will hopefully go some way to offset the fact that Evinrude, Johnson, Mercury, Yamaha, Suzuki, Seagull, Honda and Tohatsu have all added him to their blacklist and will not sell him another new or 2nd hand unit .... (however the good news is that there is a new outboard being developed in North Korea and they don't yet know about Tubb, so he may be OK for another 12 months or so)."

On hearing this Tubb tear-ed up and in his acceptance speech said ".....

Late News ---- Turbs offered new state of the art outboard test facility in Coober Pedy. "It'll be great" said the Mayor of CP, "As it has been specially designed so that the oil and aluminium that result from his little woopsies can't get back into the Murray like he has been doing regularly down there for many years"

"That's not fair" said UIOP "As it will now get into the GAB and we'll ............

As a little aside ..... El Ratto is bringing 2 of his grandsons (and Mrs Rat) to the MCG on Saturday night to watch the Hawks flog the Pies, and the Rat is looking for tips of how not to catch swine flu, rat sack or any other alien Victorien diseases.

Does anyone know the secrets of getting into or out of Toria without catching something fatal?

Mandating radios (with respect to promoters) simply will not work.Even if radios are required there needs to be a emergency safety mechanism to provide for failure of radio, battery, electrical system, headset breakage, cockpit fire, etc etc.

 

This emergency safety procedure will probably be that pilots should keep a lookout for other aircraft as it is not safe to assume that all radios are functional at all times. And isn't that what we do now....except that we do it seriously because complacency cannot be allowed to set in because there ARE aircraft without radios.

 

There is simply no way of setting up a system that works using the premise of mandatory radios other than ACT.

 

Surely this has to be the end of this idiotic proposal.

And if you can't afford a good radio then you can't afford to fly.

While it is impossible to guarantee their correct use, when used well they are in INVALUABLE aid to situational awareness ..... but that doesn't mean you should assume that everyone is on the right frequency.

So I couldn't disagree more with Qwerty.

....there it was again.....a persitent tap, tap, tapping from the south - could it be aliens?......

.... then more ..... tap .....tap ..... retap.

It wasn't an alien. It was a Victorien, the Turbodingle-dangler ........ who was trying to retap the head studs on his Evenruder (because he had forgottoen to undo a couple of them until the cold chisel wove it's magic). "You can have a lot of fun with a 3/8 UNF" he drooled as his hands fondled the tapping tool.

"And once I do this, I'll be able to set up in business retapping base studs on Jaby-roos, and any other yourng stud that thinks he needs a reaming ... and then I'm gunna drill and tap the chassis rails of trucks, right through that sign that says that you shouldn't (I hope that CASA or the RTA or my wife aren't monitoring this) .... and confidentially, if you thank that a 3/8 UNF is erotic, you should try a 5/16 UNC .... Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh .....................

ditDot decided to give Wide Bay a Wide Berth, and started preparing for the Dalby Air Show 2010, apparently leaving himslef plenty of time for phone calls etc.

They wanted the big jets here and a survey showed two small hills off the end of the strip, which was 600 feet long.

 

Now ditDoty wasn't really up on his hometown history, but Dalby was once famous for a ram whose prized possessions were tywo of the biggest in the world.

 

In fact the Queenslanders had said, in the 1800's when there weren't too many cameras around to confuse things, that when they buried the ram it took ten thousand men to carry one of them.

 

Southerners always discounted the story as typical Queenslander exaggeration which they apparehntly got up to all the time because there was nothing else to do.

 

There was a poem about the Dalby ram taught in southern country schools, but the teacher always say that it was just pure Queenslander fancy.

 

However, Turbo found out the truth in a rather roundabout way on a trip through Arizona once when he called into a Roswell Gas Station to fill up, and was greeted by a small man with big almond shape eyes, no nose and his ears burnt off.

 

"Ever seen a Martian?" he asked, and Turbo, wise from many cryptic questions from the Captain, where a wrong answer spelt certain embarrassment quickly responded with: "Am I looking at one?" to which the other replied "Yes"

 

Turbo bought him a beer and they had a long talk with Turbo eventually telling the Martian that he came from Australia.

 

"Remember the Martian face? " said the Martian and Turbvo admitted that he'd studied the matter.

 

"Well we had a similar situation we called the Earth's balls", said the Martian, and Turbo explained the old poem, leaving out a lot of the Queensland exaggerations about being able to buy X Ray sunglasses for fiftenn bucks and so on.

 

"How did you get here? " asked Turbo.

 

"Well" said the Martian "It all started when we thought the people who were warning us about global warming were just nuts, but soon it got hotter and hotter.

 

"I had several skin cancer operations which eventually took my nose, ears and eyelids, and life was really difficult until we all ran out of petrol and couldn't drive to the supermarket any more.

 

"People were dying of starvation, but I had a mate called Morse who said he'd found a way of communicating with earth, using a system of dots, which went quite well but he couldn't understand the replies becaise just when the dots got going, the guy left hi finger on the key and the sentences became unintelligible". (There's no proof readers, but the likely culprit lives a bit further out than Toowoomba).

 

"Anyway, we couldn't understand a thing he said", continued the Martian, "but we figured they were friendly and Morse had built this Recreational rocket.

 

"I'd wanted to sent a monkey up first but we didn't have any on Mars, so off we went taking two of the neighbours with us.

 

"We ran out of gas just over Flagstaff and coasted in to this desert area near Roswell, and would have been OK except Morse held off too long and we stalled in, waking up a local farmer, who coujldn't dob us in to the Air Force quickly enough...... and the rest is history."

 

Anyway ditDot dodn't know any of this, and a couple of centuries had decayed the giant organs to the point where test drilling indicated they could just be graded away.

 

Now in the old days they would have just coupled two Versatile Tractors together to pull the discs over the mounds to drag out the dirt, but instead they used 16 Feng Sheis, resplendent in their colours of bright green and orange........

Ohhh nuts ..... unlike many/most/all [strike out those that do not apply] of my previous posts, I thought up lots of humorous anecdates up near para 4 or 5, to respond to this post by the Turbowriter, which would have resulted in side splitting laughter and several coronaries by our older readers, but by the time I got down to para 20 I had forgotten 'em .............

....... "so I'll see your 16 Feng Sheis and raise you 4 Dali Sheis, a couple of loose rivets and a disused Holden Commode barrel" said Radavan as he .......

It really saddens me to see all the negative remarks about the airshow. It is an extremely tough job to get such an event like this happening with all the red tape etc. Most of the people working there were volunteers and copped more than their fair share of rude people having a go at them about trivial things that they had no control over. I was one of the marshalls standing out in the 4 degree 20 knot winds doing my best to welcome fly ins with a crappy hand held radio but I didn't complain....Why? because I did it for my love of aviation and my fellow pilots. See you in 2011. :thumb_up:

Your point is well made Chucky, and I know pilots from down this way who attended and thought it was OK.

HOWEVER ..... if you or the organizers expect attendees to give up 2 or 3 days of their work time + a weekend, be away from family, and spend a couple of thousand dollars flying up and back & accommodating themselves in your town etc you just HAVE to provide them with a reasonable experience ..... or they simply won't come back. The days are gone where the majority will accept second rate facilities and treatment, and if that is their experience then they'll just go and do something else next time it is on if they are not now looking forward to 2011, based on what happened in 2009.

Most of those who attended and have posted the facts & their impressions here went because they love aviation so you aren't Robinson Cruiser on that issue.

I don't recall anything negative being said or posted here after 2007 and I thought that was a great event ..... so something must have gone off the rails a little this year.

And also please bear in mind that the poll and this thread invited attendees to post suggested changes here, so be not too saddened.

......He'll return though, the curiosity is just too much to see another nearby location - Wog Wog, which came up in his GPS ahead of Wagga Wagga every time.

He wondered who might live in this little town, and whether it was founded before Wagga Wagga, Grong Grong, Mitta Mitta and Woy Woy.......

Perhaps that is where the Ahlovakian's hit squad and body guards live?

And by the way-ski said on of them "Some body?. Fancy coming all this way just to guard THAT ..... " he sneered.

Then it dawnwd on Turbs. The Dalby Fly-In is in late 2010 and he wondered whether he and the Rat would make it that long.

"Maybe we'll ..........................

"If that pair of idiots have buggered my drainpipe, :dog:I'll be fair up 'em!" he cursed....===============

 

Having noticed that a little green croupier shaking dice (:csm:) is el Rat's new mascot...Does this mean that planning is underway for Casino de Rat? :ilmostro:

"Now here is a lesson in life's rich tappestry for any of you young forum members" squeaked the Rat. "What may be just a lump of downpipe to some, and a means of gaining access to a maiden's boudoire (perhaps also with a lump?) for others, is a home to El Ratto, (who is like a rodent up one)".

So, dear reader, after the Rat had provided the Turbo-Plunger with one of his best rooms at a loss making concessional price (which is sure to allow the Plunger to claim a normal room rate back from his Japanese masters), the Plungerer morphed into a Plunderer, had his way with several local ladies and their Truckie husbands, and spent the night talking RAA & rivets with the war criminal Lockie and his band of Serbian body guards ............. and to make matters worse, the Turbothingy then took his TurboNissan cruising up the main street and attempted to jump the pedestrian crossings and to chuck a few doughnuts.

The fine people of Wagga have never been so insulted.

"Some planner" said the local LAC commander "Even little kids around here know what a TurboPatrol will do, and speed + wheelspin ain't 2 of 'em. It'd be laughed out of court if we had arrested him, so we just let him drift back across the border and pick on the fine people of Wangaratta. But we did check him out and he has several intel reports for CCF (Cold Chisel Fetish)" :finger:

So all was well and ..................

Kind regards from El Ratto :csm:

Harthy

I have entered it into this site's Events calender and have assumed that it will run over 21st and 22nd.

Is that correct or is it just to be a one day Event?

Rergards Geoff

Heading off now Geoff.

I went out for a look this morning and the fog/cloud came in about 07.00 + the Area 20, 21 & 22 Arfors are still predicting severe turbulance below 10,000 east of YNAR - YMOR, with winds 30 - 40 knots.

That's no fun if it actually eventuates.

If you do get away I will be interested to hear what it is like thru that area.

Regards Geoff

Up at 5am this morning - thinking it might still be a go.ArFor said "severe turbulence" and "freezing level 4500" among other horrific things.

Back to bed.

 

You bailed too Geoff?

 

I will try again tomorrow. I figure Sunday there will still be worth it.

I have pulled the pin completely. Too windy here and while the low freezing level is ok with me, the occasional severe turbulence below 10,000 warning, with moderate turb when it isn't severe, is a turn-off. There are showers coming thru here regularly and the cloudbase is down a bit (but not as bad as yesterday).

We've had SW about 17 knots gusting 25 here for most of the day.

I also don't like the look of the warning of the freezing level going from 11000 to 4000 ft over a 100 km section around Moree. Surely that might trigger some fun and games.

Although a friend of mine departed WW yesterday late morning in an RV6A. He called me from Moree to say that turbulance was OK, but he needed to stay below 2000 for the 1st hour or so (at about 180 knots mind you) to stay below solid cloud, yet the Turboplanner reported the cloud down on the hills all the way south from here yesterday as he drove home from WW.

I see that the Arfor for the Bundy area today is calling severe turb (and a SIGMET) in the lee of the ranges, so there might be more interesting stuff going on for the descent and approach up there.

Oh well. Another Airshow planned and another drought partially broken, I guess.

Bet it's bumpy over your way.

Please advise if you do decide to head up tomorrow.

Regards Geoff :man flying:

I know a couple of Wangarattites on this forum who might bash up (:hittinghead:) the Turbotinkerer over this post.

Kind regards from the Referee-Rat (:csm:)

Turbo had been quietly tooling through countryside NSW and north east Victoria noting how much of his taxes had been used to develop the vibrant industries and latte houses where the nouveau riche talked the day away.

The frenzy of NES activity had quite overcome him and he didn't quite know who to quote first.

 

He'd become lost for several minutes trying to get out of Compoundo del Ratt and finished up at a sign saying Wagga Beach (He wondered if there would be lifesavers), but managed to find his way back to Bayliss St, and was having a bit of fun jumping the speed humps in the 4WD when he saw it......

 

The paddy wagon was parked, lights flashing with one wheel up on the curb.

 

Yesterday's weight lifting femalecop and a skinny male colleague had some mother's son bailed up.

 

The male cop was down on his hands and knees on the pavement, and Turbo couldn't quite work out what was happening, but enough was enough - he was going to set the youth free by taking over the role of decoy as he did many times in his youth with the big V8 and skinny tyres that had cops racing for their car, radio and guns.

 

He floored the Nissan, but he hadn's counted on big fat tyres, small diesel engine and worst of all limited slip diff.

 

There was a kind of squawk, but nothing else and the cops didn't even lift their heads, so Turbo slunk off along the Olympic Highway, built at the time of the Melbourne Olympics and showing it.

 

There's been some interesting speculation over BigPete's whereabouts and through sheer coincidence Turbo can clear this up, confirming that Pete has reverted to his Tunnelrat days, and he's the one who has been selling The Rock to the Chinese, bit by bit.

 

You can quite easily see in this photo of The Rock where he has been gouging the mountain away.

 

Lovak: "It's I's began to budge"

 

That's nothing, you should have seen it when it crossed its T's.

 

How embarrassing, we've all heard of a horses hoof, but how are the Jab owners going to cope with the new revelation that they are flying an aircraft made of cows' hooves?...........

There has been a lot of guffawing going on at the Wagga Copshop lately.

"We saw an old victorian bloke trying to do a burnout in a diesel Patrol" said a well known female constable.

"Tee Hee and guffaw" said the rest of them at a station briefing.

And it is now obvious from Tink's photo that MinerPete is extracting ore from his tunnels below "The Rock" as "The Lion of the Plains" is obviously sinking, because previoiusly it would always stick out thru the top of that cloud in the tinkograph attached to his last post.

"We'll have to .................

El Ratto :csm:

"VKG for a car to circulate area around Casa le Rat. Receiving calls about a someone in Cammo uniform stalking a noisey dude wearing leather chaps and singing old seventies disco songs" :scratch head:.

Overhearing the police truck radio, NowYouSeeMeNowYouDon'tPete drew on his Tunnelmouse training and stealthily blended in with the red gums and bracken along the river.........and waited.....

 

====================

"SSSShhhhhhhh" whispered TunnellmousePete (:man flying:) "Be vewwy vewwy kwiet ....... listen ...... and you can hear the faint sound of a hammer striking a cold chisel ..... so The Planner must have made it home to work on his Evan Rude (or he is practicing on one in the boatshop in Albury)."

"And now" added PolicemanPete "We need to find out who has knocked off "The Rock", as reported by El Gwapo () when he rode north to freedom earlier this week"

"Maybe it has just been misplaced" responded Goldie-Locks () (who always sees the good side of everyone & everything (:pc strikes back:)) "And it will .........

Kind regards from The Rat (:csm:)