Captain

...a big distraction.

... caused by a fire truck with a claxon, that was ah-padlocked to a ..........

.... however the NES hasn't been slimed by the TubbyPlanter, it's been .....

A rare photo of the well endowed Golden Toothed Rat[ATTACH=CONFIG]18515[/ATTACH]

....taken by that well known key-hole peaking, possum stuffing, Holme Banging, home wrecking, Tooradin flying, Truck Industry influencing, gold-tooth rat photographing stud, ...........

PS But where is a photos of the even rarer AH-(choo)-Lockslie who has gone missing and doesn't even return the Golden Toothed one's emails

..but that comes across as a kinda donkey, thought Aki. Which clearly don't go climbing sewer pipes... which brings up another problem....

..... which, according to the definition on Twitwikiface, refers subliminally to that area 4 inches below a Queenslander's .............

.......rice paper shorts. "But OMG (he was clever enough to use Facebook and Twit) how that paper used to chafe my undercarriage (aviation term)..."

.... but the Amolin always helped (when applied by a young nurse) .... but I digress" said Acki who was reminded by the Nob that OMG made a great supercharger for the Zero, which was smuggled to Japan via Alaska (and the Elusion/Emulsion/Alusian Islands [it's th Islands what Dick Smiff chop-chopped over, so cross out those that do not apply] and sold as an ACME to Kawasaki by that well known Eskimo smuggler and Amolin salesman .......

It seemed that the NES was replete (Turbo used this word several times a day, because it was always an argument winner) with an enigma (which hopefully the Rat will not confuse with enema - that's the problem with attending Rodent High).

But I digress, the Enigma was about to speak........

......... 64345 438273 6549872 53 4778" he said. (Technical tip ... there is a Enigma machine in the National Science Museum Of Repleteness (NSMOR), so use code # 257b, subsection v.i.i.i.m.c for the answer).

"9373645" replied Acki, who was right back into it "I feel 55 years younger he said, when I was a replete recruit, resplendant in my ...............

...that will get it anyway"

..... they can, with .....

Suddenly the CI heard the smooth purr of a 3300 (replete with 3 blade prop) in the distance, above the nearby low rumble of prognostications from billious. Alarmingly, the CI's chest started to glow green.

Meanwhile, a short distance away, the Rat was testing some new aviation accessories he had aquired at some interesting "shops" on his sojourn north. He was delighted to see that his new computer had already acquired a target and was busy painting it with the laser. Zooming in he saw a familiar shape on his screen....reminiscent of an old fashioned cast iron stove.

 

A wry smile spread over the Rat's face like the dawn of a new day, briefly glinting golden in the setting sun.

 

"Missiles or guns?", he mused, as his thumb deftly flipped up the safety covers........

... "Hang on, he thought. What does 'replete' mean and what type of person uses such a term in the NES tome?"

"An edumacated one" replied Suzette "One that probably doesn't deserve a good rocketing, and one that ...........

".......on prune and rant and rave, and take on any 747 jock, Navajo driver, 182RG redneck, Sikorski sycophant, Dash 8 dropkick, and educated, smooth Recreational hero that raises his head above the parapet."

 

(profanity deleted from post - Moderator with ******* attitude)

"Oh" thought Bill "We had better not get mixed up in that. We would be better sneaking around airports and zapping unsuspecting Recreationalist that we see smiling."

"I know a good way to get intelligence" said the CI (looking for praise) "We can get on BookFace and see what friendly groups are there having fun, then go get 'em."

"Great idea" whispered Bill "Call up www.Twittface.commo on your I-tablet thingo and ..............

"avoid it, for they are the backbone of our Movement"

BANG went Bill with his special 18" plastic straight edge, right across the CI's knuckles.

"I want no more of this talk about 'back-bones' " he yelled "For we are pubic servants working for the CASA secret inspectorate, back-bone is not something that is mentioned in our charter, nor something we want to encourage out there amongst the great Recreational unwashed"

"Geeeeeeeeez" Bill added "Just imagine what will happen if Dick Smiff finds out about this?. He'll go ...................

".........a fun killer from way back.

"As long as he doesn't fly over 500 ft and under 500ft is that OK?" asked the Moderator

 

The CASA Inspector was about to say "Yes", but a shadow of doubt slid across his face and he said "It might be but I better ask Bill"

"Don't give up so easily" said Bill, hitting the CASA Inspector on the back of the hand with a plastic ruler. "At times like this, fall back on your basic training and remember the CASA Inspector's Mantra".

"I will" said the Inspector, as he stood to attention with tears in his eyes (from the ruler) and sang the CASA Inspector's song (to the tune of "Hitler had only one left one"), saluted, puffed out his beer gut, & said "There is always something in the Rule Book where you can screw any Pilot that you don't like the look of, or who has a bad Recreationalist Attitude, (but never take any PROPER action agaisnt the blokes who flew REALLY unsafely at NATFLY) where you can .............

However, Turbo had been watching the Ozzieplosion very carefully, and after becoming enthused by Major Event had thought: "That's It!, any ordinary paddock WILL do. It's about time we went back to the basics."

So he bought himself a Dinner Suit, collected some shopping bags and styro foam, pulled the engine out of the Victa, borrowed another one from the neighbour's ride on and.......

...... read the old rule book.

" I shall always fly below 300 ft, as that was mandated and therefore must be safe."

"What's that?" questioned the CASA Inspector from behind a tree and removing his Zoro mask, while aiming the bright light fair into Turb's peepers and tightening the thumb screws (except it wasn't on the Planter's thumb). "I've got ya, you reckless Recreationalist" he mused "If you go over 300 ft I'll zap ya with the 1965 Rule Book and if you fly under 500 ft I'll use the current rule. You're stuffed both ways Tubb (not that there is anything wrong with that), so this is heaven for a CASA Inspector."

"Wait (and desist)" yelled one of the Forum Moderators who was dressed all in white (with a halo, too) and shall remain nameless "For I am ..............

..... Planey with a bag full of .........

...as he drew back for the swing, he felt a tug on his coat tail...

"Well" he said "We've never before seen that in the NES. Who is that tugging at this time of the morning?"

("You've obviously never been locked away in a prison camp for 7 years" commented Nobu)

"Who do you reckon" commented Suzette "It's ...........

...putrefy and produce that classic odour of the Sportszar, which nobody who has ever flown one, or even walked past one, will ever forget.

Which will result in my phonecall to Goldy Lox today to apologise ........... as I have always assumed that the fruity classic odor of putrifying banana has just been him, with the offending banana being tucked down the front of a certain part of his clothing.

"WOW" said Suzette "That means he must have a huge ................

...banana...

 

C'mon McGuyvers, what can ya do with a banana?

"Beauty" said Locksly "Stick the banana peel in the gearbox of my Axe (just like we used to in the box of the Morry Minor before we sold it) and shove one of the brown bits of the Nana (the fruit, not the grandma) in these rivet holes where it will ........

G'day, Dark-Casm ....

....that nasty sounding KerCHUNK if you don't turn the key exaaaaaactly the right amount when trying to start them.

Which compares markedly with the noise made by those fine 3300 Jabiru engines, which commence with "Clear Prop", then the sound of the starter being pressed, the prop turning slowly thru 270 degrees and the pilot saying "Oh bugger, so much for that trip, does anyone have any jumper leads, a heat gun and a ..................

...door down trying to buy Pachinko balls to rebuild the reduction drive bearings.

Which has solved a long standing question of just what is that sound that 912's make when they shut down .... and the answer is "Pachink".

"Yeah, sure" said a long cynical Goldie Locks (who appears to be missing from the NES wheile his other duties have taken over) "But what about .............

thanks Ian, I have rung Rebecca first with no joy, that's where the $380 solution came from! the problem happened first during the warranty period and an exchange card was sent free, it is now 3 years old

Regards Geoff

"Toshiba!" ejaculated Turbo "here's a hanky Sony" said Suzette, "Where are we going Pachinko?"

"To the parlor" said PinBall "Where our silver balls will be of some use and where I will meet up with a bunch of Rotaxians who will beat the .............

"Non I want to speak to vous" said Turboplanner in pitch perfect French "We need to get together"Suzette gave a knowing smile "These Aussies don't muck around" she thought.

 

"Can you drive a boat?" asked Turbo

 

"May we" replied Suzette

 

And as Turbo spelled out his clever plan, her hopes of some action died as he went on and on.

 

"The cost of fuel is too high now" he said "making the hourly rate too expensive"

 

He lost Suzette at this point, since she charged by the night, and as she disconsolately swizelled a stick in her drink he went on.

 

"So I've decided, Like Major Wheelmirror to build an aircraft.

 

"If Ozzie can build one out of half a dozen shopping bags, anyone can, but we'll go one better - ours won't have an engine"

 

I'll just drop it off the trailer at that cliff over there", he said waving a spaghetti laden fork around the restaurant "and you'll take the boat out down there"

 

"When I shove off the cliff, I should get ten minutes flight time" he said "You hit the gas as I approach, and if all goes well, we'll cart the plane back to the beach and start all over again.

 

"That should give us 50 minutes flight time in the hour at outboard motor rates....."

"Oh Tubb" she sighed "My name is Suzette, not Suzuki, and while you make me laugh with your erotic courtship I am not yet Yamahahaha, while you do make me curious (but not Mercury-ious), and I am not game to even mention your Evin-rude Johnson, or what you can do with your toe and your hat to dear Suze (commonly referred to as a Turbo To-hat-su) .... so don't muck around with planning dear Turbs, just close your eyes, think of Bangholme and ..............

Turbo wasn't sure, he was busy hopping into crape suzettes at the Wagga Wagga drive by

"Is that a crap-e crepe?" asked Suzette "Do you have a Spelle-Checkor, or do you want to speak further with Grande Marnier (as opposed to Grande Pierre) about ............

"Jeeez I wish I had bought a Jab" he thought as he went on to lament "All I need is some PULP within 20 kms of the strip, for enough rivets to hold for the return journey, for the sunscreen not to run out, and for ...............

...... someone to reply so that I will look good, with a .............

Teeee Heeee ...... "Operations" begin ........ Teee Heee .... good one Nylon.

"What operation?" wailed voluptuousyoungnana "I never volunteered for any medical experiments. Flashasaratwithagoldtooth didnt say anything about getting cut up when he convinced me to join the tubbs on his midnight excursions"

 

'Will voluptuousyoungnana get out of this mess?????"

 

'Who will fly in to save her????' :man flying:

Rattle, ting, ping, thwack, pong, ting, ping, rattle ..... was the sound that came over the horizon.

"I do hope they have PULP, a few Jerry-Cans, and a ride into town where Voluptua is" whispered the brave :man flying: Ahlock :man flying: the Warlock (or perhaps it is Whorelock), who was on a mission to save youngnana from one of Tubb's "operations" (for which he has been locked up in the past).

"Jeeez I wish I had bought a Jab" he thought as he went on to lament "All I need is some PULP within 20 kms of the strip, for enough rivets to hold for the return journey, for the sunscreen not to run out, and for ...............

.......lion skin covers for Jab pilots, and pink labradoodle fakes made in China for the Rotoraxe handlers......

..... unless of course it is a 914 RotaryAxe owner, in which case it is a gold coloured version (and real gold at that).

"Hey, Tubb" yelled El Ratsack "How many members do you have in the PGPRC, and are any of them good sorts?"

To which the TuberPlunger prepared a response that said "...............

PS The Crappo is in Cowla tonight, having been invited to a reunion of the Cowla Bleak-Out Plisoners, and Nobu send his legards to all NES'ers.