Captain

....... the size of the "Big-Chip" @ Kettle-ville, which is even bigger than the Big-Mango @ Bowen, or the Big-Cumquat @ Roochedor, or the Big-CaneToad @ Roma.

 

As a service to NES readers, ElRatDroppings has conducted an internet search that discloses that the "Big-Thing" syndrome, which originated in little Queen's Sland, is alive a well with the following being under construction:

 

• A Big-Pete is being built in Echuca. (With agates the sizes of the Big-Ram at Goulburn ..... and a gift shop where you would expect it to be).
   
  
• A Huge & Tubby Planner is being banged together in Bangeholme, with the Planner looking off into the horizon in a visionary stance.
   
  
• A Big-Padlock Padlock is being whacked together in Wagga X 2, to give AhLocks something to practice on.
   
  
• A gigantic "Young Enthusiast" is being planned for Dalby, except (without too much effort) it will be twice the size of the town.
   
  
• A massive Pete & Bess is being considered for Upper Cumbuckter West, and in a compromising position, too.
   
  

All of this Big-ness is causing a huge shortage of papier-mashe, so all NES'ers are asked to chew up some newspaper and send it by priority post to .............

 

My Aunt says that she wants a Big-Thing ................... out in her garden, too.

....... for they are a quaint bunch, those Queen Slanderers.

But beware, as they have a chip on both shoulders the size of the "Big-Chip" @ Kettle-ville, which is even bigger than the Big-Mango @ Bowen, or the Big-Cumquat @ Roochedor, or the Big-CaneToad @ Roma.

And as a further warning to our Overseas Viewers, the NES is copywrited, Tubb is copycatted, and Pete-the-Bess .... is ........................

...pair of bolt cutters. They must breed them tough down there in Bangholme"

"Not really" said Turbo cracking the arsebone of an ox between his teeth. "It's just the way we've always lived.

..................... on-the-edge ............................ of NSW ......................... of real fullfillment ........... eating the arsebones out of Oxen, ......................following Collingwood, ........................ getting our main entertainment out of the NES (how sad is that) and ........................

...One of them was driving an orange RAV4 with spots on it, and as he looked out the window, Turbo recognised the familiar face of SlartiButOut......

"Who can blame me" said ButtCrack "As a double take is justified when you see someone trimming their nails with a Bosch Anglegrinder (& there were sparks), and cutting their nose-hairs with a ......

" I say old chap, you wouldnt have a coat hanger handy would you. It seems I've locked my keys in the sub and I forgot to put the cat out" My watch is on the blink and Q has'nt given me a new one yet so I havent got a spy cutting torch available with gps, digital tv,moblle phone,death ray, and a can opener on one side and on the other a ......

..... thing that replaces rivets in Szara's, a tool to take stones out of horses' hooves, a file to sharpen the cutting edge on Odd-Job's hat, and a great big .......

.."Possum skinned Elvis impersonator sighted bothering local females." whispered double-O-Rat into his cuff radio :patch:. "Warnings on file include possible damage to hearing and high risk of fleas. last seen gyrating and singing mostly off key...."

...... as Tubb made his way from his mini-sub in the Murray, up onto the shore, removed his frogman outfit (which definitely looked more like a cane-toad than a frog), adjusted his Tuxedo, adjusted himself, gave that typical Lazemby, Moore, & the new-bloke, supercillious grin and said to GoldMemberPete ".......................

"Do sleeper Aliens from Exarch look like Carrie Fisher?" asked the Rat "Because if they do I'm gunna dump Olivia, grab Carrie and .................

....... and further to Planey's other thread, which looks like will eventually overtake the NES in number of views and responses .... I'd like to thanks Sue, who was a chorister with me at St Mary's CofE, and who taught me a lot ..... but then ................

.......n xasperating grin.

"I'm from Exarch (look it up in the dictionary), where I work in the Xarchate and we were running short of rivets because some nutter visited earth and brought back a Xprotxtarx which pox's them all the time (we have twentyxix hours in our day by the way), and we have to replace them one by one in between retuning the Xotax engine and fixing gearboxes after every second flight.

 

No one was quite sure what this sleeper alien was up to.....................

"Do sleeper Aliens from Exarch look like Carrie Fisher?" asked the Rat "Because if they do I'm gunna dump Olivia, grab Carrie and .................

....shining xample of a xcecilplains xpert horseman.....

"That's a bit Xcessive & Xaggerated" said Ester "Can't you Xpress yourself without Xamining the Xcitement that comes from Xcrement?"

"Xcommunicate the Xclusive Xalted one" yelled Eckles "As this thread is getting Xcruciatingly Xemplary, and I need some Xercise before I Xhale and Xpire. I'm Xhausted from making an Xhibit of myself, but it is Xhilarating being this Xistential."

"Don't worry about the Xodus, as we'll Xonerate ya" said Ronny D, with a .......

Thanks Planey.

And the same back to you.

...Extremely exuberant hanger...

.....Xactly, you xcellent & xtreme xample of an xtrovert young Nthusiast, who Olivia Jack-Newton considers to be a .........

A TRIBUTE TO AHLOCKS ........ No, all NES'ers, he is not bereft of life. He did a Locky job for ElRatsack the other day and I just wanted to say thanks. And he did it for Mates-rates too (which to Ahlow means "Normal Commercial Rates" + whatever it will bear ..... which he often evaluates based on what brand of watch the customer is wearing. Unfortunately Ratso was wearing his Rolex at the time and AhLow went for the doctor. Ahlow reckons that anyone wearing a watch with a brand that starts with R, (or a plane that starts with a J) is available to be R...ipped off. He wouldn't accept that it was a copy of a Lolex, made in Hunan. Much appreciated Steve.

The rope was good quality nylon so it was going to hang on for a while and those hills were coming up fast.....

....... for there were big hills in Xanadu, (but then I may be Xagerating)" said Pandora-the-Prissy-Pilot, who liked to use rope & was actually Olivia Jack-Newton, while Ronny Dunn was actually John Revolver, hatching a cunning plan to hangar his 707 in Olivia's .............

Don't ask me how to pronounce it right, but I do believe I speeled it correckly.

Was learnt the hard way, as I nearly got the flick when I called it what it should be called to some tourist (terrorist me thinks)... but was told in no uncertain terms that is the name for it... go an check yourself...

 

And so the story continues....

.......... "Xanthorrhoea" thought Pandora-the-Petit-&-Pretty-Pilot. "That's as good as saying ......

......He had just heard that a school changed a nursery rhyme to Baa Baa Charcoal sheep.

"No doubt this will soon be followed by Bye Bye Charcoalbird, probably rewritten by the charcoal sheep of the family, the pirate Charcoalbeard, on a night which was as charcoal as the Ace of Spades." he said.

 

"Collingwood will become Charcoal and white, if you misbehave you could be charcoal listed, and people will charcoal your character or worse, charcoalmail you.

 

"At the Edinburgh Tattoo we would see those famous soldiers, the Charcoal Watch, ...and in Parliament the Usher of the Charcoal Rod.

 

"It's just about enough to make you go out and pick Charcoalberries.

 

"Turbo could just imagine pointing out to his young son a charcoal swan, and as in "The Emperor's suit" , hearing him say "But Dad, it's BLACK!"

.... and if you don't toe the line you'll be CharcoalBalled with .........

I don't know what are the rights and wrongs of John's position, but I am concerned that the Board (or some members of it) feels that it needs to impose, force and intimidate the secrecy provision, to an extent that crucial data is compulsorily kept from the membership.

And I pose the basic hypothetical question ..... If a very critical issue (say a major problem with the accounts) arises and there is absolute Board secrecy, how will the members know quickly and what will the members be able to do about it (other than perhaps have a separate audit of the annual report).

Election to the Board does not make Board Members omnipotent.

If the members are only told what the Board thinks they should know, what the Board condescends to tell them, or what the Board considers should be fed or spun to them, is that in the best interests of the membership?

Everything I have observed over the last year or two indicates to me that the organisation is going over the top of it's crest, with a Board that, as a whole thinks that their's don't stink, and as a result problems are most likely on the way.

..." wash onece a week whether we needed to or not........

....... and then we would make hay, make whoopie (but not Goldberg), make love, make more hay (in which to make love to Whoopie), make off, make out, make fun of the Queen's Landers (and their once-a-week-wash with a stiff back), make up (a theme for the NES), put on make-up, and make .......

Have started exporting them down south,as well as bags of sugar cane mulch.The Federal Treasurer Mr Swan is looking at contracting a Cecil Plains entrepeneur who reckons he can build a cane-toad fence between Queens Land and the real world, for only 10 times the normal price, as it would also be an important nav-aid for flyers returning from down south, and making it his first great bit of worthwhile Astraaalian infratructure, and is in keeping with his normal budget restraints.:confused:

 

That'd be great the Nanna said, "I'd then only have to worry about big snakes in the grass, which sometimes to take you by surprise:face and heart:".

And speaking of Snakes-In-The-Grass, Tubb drew himself up to his full height, sucked in his stomach, thrust out his chest, tightened his corset, adjusted his truss, got a cramp, and added ".......................

...Aileron trimmer, and then a bath in what Destitute used for fuel, followed by a plunge into the fast growing undercarriage where snakes and beetles usually lurked.

"That's nothing, and is for wimps" commented Tomo The *$#& "Up here in the great state of Queen's Land (that is the little maroon bit up in the NE) we suck sav's, do things with sugar cane, breed Cane Toads and .......

....but he kept getting an engaged signal. The narcissistic rodent had filled his index with his own number.

"Which can be pretty painful" advised Nurse Planey "Because your index gets a bit twitchy when you have the mange and your narcist has a cist."

Then Doctor Tubb piped up "The best cure is a possum skinned suppository and a rub with Vic's ......

"You say that you are a 'Captain"" said Bollox, "So can you marry me, legally?"

"Yes I can" replied the CapRat "I have the legal right ...... it's just that I would prefer not to, as I don't love you (even though you fixed some lox at mates-rates), I am already taken, and I ...................

.......real unplugged version with a see thru top, 10,000 shiny sequins, and side by side positioning.

"Did someone mention 'side-by-side positioning' and seaqueens" asked ...........

Did anyone attend the SAAA Convention in Cowra this year (last weekend)?

What was it like, how many RA-Aus aircraft were there, and was it better than last year?

BlueLox gave a wink, and said "this is better that fighting fires""We never made tis much money when it was a woolshed" replied BlueRat, flashing the slightest tnige of gold

"We're putting The Band back together, plus I'm gunna have another crack at Aretha Franklin when she was a young'n" replied ElwoodLox "And I don't mean the Elastic Band that is my Rotax. I mean the .................

...that is beside the point (or is it?)

"Which it isn't" commented the RaRaOz Techical Manger "Because (at least in the better edumacated major states) we all know that .......

...pram his mother had bought on Ebay, when she misread the description. She'd complained, but as they said, the Kawasaki engine should have been a dead giveaway, and have a nice day.

"Jimmeny Cricket & fair suck of the fire hose" said AhRox "That SakaKaki on a prams sounds even more like my .................