Captain

.....hind legs.

And this was how it all came out about Turbo's fetish for Chrissie Hynde and the drummer from The Pretenders. "Martin was hot" recalled Turbo.

Then he added "I just loved Chrissie's interpretation of ...................

......greyhound with mange and badly in need of a feed.In fact his fur was so worn, and he was so........

... emaciated that consideration was given to putting him down (and let's face it, who'd miss him if they did?). Editorial Explanation .... The Rat is a bit sensitive to this "putting him down" caper, as he is getting a bit mangy & lame himself, and to that age where his kids have been trying to get him to take a strole with them down behind the shearing shed, while they carry the .22, but he has been able to dodge them so far.

"That's nothing that a good feed won't fix" said Mavis, then I can make use of his so-called body again "Bring out edition 6 of the CWA cook-book and we'll knock up some tripe, turnips, swedes, lamb's brains, ox-tail casserale, lamb's fry and pigs trotters (edition 6 was published late in WW2 when offal & tapered vegetable were all the rage) and poor old Poxy-loxy won't look so poxy any more, although it will take him a while to get over those carpet burns on his ..................

....looks like when he is unclothed (naked, nude, in the nuddy, wearing his birthday suit, sans vêtements, ohne Kleidung, senza vestiti, etc, etc, etc)"How come a thity something year old looks like that?" asked Mavis

 

"Well," said Nana, "It all began when...........

..... he tried to rescue my off a balcony. Apparently he thought that he needed to seduce me with promises of rescue, but little did he know that I do this sort of thing for recreation and as a hobby, so the result is that the young and firm Ah-Roxoff with his tight six-pack, now after just 6 months of attention from Nanna, as per play-thing, Poxy-Loxy looks like a ..............

..........Magneto switch which he had quietly unscrewed while Cocky Locky wasn't watching."We'll be in crappy crappy if I don't get that back", said Cocky Locky "because although the Tsara Tsara has a glide ratio which would make most Jab owners weep, that's "The Rock Rock dead ahead, and...."

.... Szaras with Axes can keep flying, even with both Magneto switches unscrewed.

"If you keep doing that we'll both be screwed" said Loxly, who flew beautifully with 105% coordination and, what with his starched scarf and leather flying helmet, he looked like a 30 year old WW2 fighter pilot.

"That's about right" commented Planey "As that would make him about 97 now, and that's exactly what PoxyLoxy .........

The cocky fireman was flexing his wrists and puffing out he chest for the rescue job when there was a scraping sound and the ladder started to slide sideways with cocky lockie at the top - it was a case of...................

... deja-vu, as Turbo has kicked the ladder out from under most NES contributors at some stage or other in the preceding 6941 posts.

However Cocky-Locky's behaviour with the young damsel on the balcony in post # 6940 reminds Ratus Ratus of a similar experience the last time that he went for a fly in the Szara with Ahlot the Harlot, as the Locky refused to land again until Ratto came across (not that there is anything wrong with that, as El Ratto is a particularly fine example of the species)................ with the .................

My Aunt is out in the garden playing with her plume (et votre crayon), & getting pretty excited about the upcoming post # 7000 and the competition to see who will be the luck bugger to snag it.

..fridge and scrawled "mineral water" on his sixpack of happiness.

However Ahlow's "six-pack of happiness", as he used to describe it to Nanna, had turned into "23 litres of flabbiness", as subsequently described by Mavis once she had had a good squizz.

"His weight and balance (aviation reference) in the Szara (Beer-can reference) will be shot to pieces." she added "He must look crook at those Saturday morning love-ins, and his .................

........ "Is Tubby having a shot at our waistbands when he refers to "out-of-round"?" asked Salty, as he looked at the Rotund-Rat, Obese Ahlox, Plump Planey and Corpulent AndySux, then took out a brand new Texta, unwrapped it, and went to the ...........

...important around the Ratfly crowd who don't know the difference between.............

....... a 2000 hr TBO and a ......

.......dericious.

The Texta had become the scourge of mankind, responsible for the near extinction of many species including the Orange breasted parrot, textad brown and sold as quail, the yellow eared honeyeater, textad part black and sold as fascinators for Richmond football club supporters who usually plucked and ate them after they lost the game, and the white rhino, textad black and sold as mighty Angus beef. Turbo himself was guilty of touching up rhesus monkey haunches and selling them in Tasmania as Peking duck, but that's another story for.....

... another day.

"I agree" said AhLox "As Textas have been a boon to me. All I had to do was find a rusty old Combie and buy a black texta, and I scrawled "Master (I left out the bit about also being a "bater" ..... as I thought that may not help sales) LockSmiff" on the side, and I could then automatically charge everyone $500/hr (+ GST). And the proof is in the pudding, as I even caught out old Ratty when he needed help by a Locksmiff at his Bordello, and I now drive a Mercedes van that has even been signwritten (and it's not the poxy Loxy small Merc either, it's the big flash one with the 6 litre engine, the 8 speed auto, the leather upholstery and the gold plated key cutting machine)."

"Me too" volunteered Brine "As I buy rot-gut at the farmers market and colour it in with Textas before I sell it as JW Blue Label"

"Me, also" said AndyCough'supstuff "As I used a Texta to change my J230 to an R230, and that makes me very ...........

".........that animal ruvver Turbo isn't around or he'd have us eating turnips instead of this derectible native diet which neary as good as Japanese law fish"There was a whistling sound of a duck flying overhead and in one fluid motion Rat slipped out his gun nd knocked down the rare pink eared duck, one of only 24 left in the wild.

 

"We'll cook this for Turbo, tell him it's chicken" said Rat, and once e's eating it, Nobu, you get the IPHone, and I'll spread the feathers out behind him and we'll post a photo on Facebook. "That'll......

..... ensure that the other 23 don't step out of line."

"I suggest that they get some gleen texta's and colour their ears from pink to gleen, as the common gleen eared ducks are not endangered, and they are .................

All,

I note that there is now, about 6 weeks after the AGM, still no set of audited accounts on the RAA website.

I further note that the Treasurer said in his Statement that the Auditors had advised that all is sweet ......... so did he have them audited or not, and if he did, why not present those?

This is unconstitutional, unusual, unacceptable, amateurish and pathetic to present a set of unaudited accounts to an AGM.

Overall it certainly shows a lack of Governance, control and internal systems within RAAus.

And now after reading the November magazine, we have a report by the President that does not mention the accounts, we have a set of pathetic, incomplete and slanted answers to David Isaac's questions on notice (at the AGM) ..... and they were "On notice" for goodness sake ..... AND in the latest magazine we FINALLY have a report from Tizzard (given his performance and actions I now refuse to refer to him as a CEO) who gives us about 7 column paragraphs in his "REPORT", most of which was about how to fly a circuit.

These guys are in cookoo-land and based on all of the above and Don Ramsay's letter in the Nov Sport Pilot, I can only conclude that RA Aus is now being run very badly ..... is out-of-control ..... and apparently with bugger all protection for the Board Members by way of Insurance.

The lack of proper financial reporting would be enough on its own, but with all the other loose ends, I am left with the only real course of action being to conclude that the members need to appoint an Administration Team to sort out what is really going on and to get the procedures and systems back in place.

I know that most members don't give a Rats, but if this is not sorted out by a team that know what they are doing, this might come back to bite all Board Members and Ordinary Members on the bum and in the wallet.

Regards Geoff

...... left the Grampians and overnighted in the Barmah Forest on his way back to the freedom and idylic calm of Wagga X 2.

Having experienced the thrill of the hunt for the Panther, Ratsack donned his camo bandana and loin cloth again, although for this new outing he shortened it to a mini loin cloth where he though that the occasional glimpse might flush out the Riverina Lass or her Grandmother.

After dodging a few Mextorians that had crossed the Rio-Murray, Rato soon had his pot brimming with a delectable mix of Dunnarts, Tuans, 2 baby Koalas (twins), a pretty tough old Platipus and an Echidna.

That mix was soon stewing up next to the microwaved potatoes, but the 3 Mitchell's Hopping Mice that he had captured soon thought the water too hot and leapt out, buggered off, and were never to be seen again.

"You should have microwaved the little buggers" said Nobu, as he sat on a camp stool (not that there is anything wrong with that) slicing up a Lyre bird to use in the salad. "I ruv the outdoors" he added "And even more, I ruv the fact that ....................

......... "Is this the smell of freedom, wealth and entrepreunership that is a feature of this band of rich soil that lies between Mextoria and f''Queen'sIsland."

"No mate" replied the loin-cloth clad hero of this sorry tale "I did what those seniors did up at the lookout, except that I had no dacks on. Where is the nearest panther free stream, and why did those Liar birds in your line 5 have your camera?"

"Get a new spell checker you dickhead" yelled Lawrence the Lyrebird (Who was a bit of an agressive bugger, but all his mates knew that he DID tell porkies, & he was also a bit of a rough-nut, so while his mum had christened him "Lawrence", his mates all called him Lorry) "And we didn't pinch it, we found that camera down the track a bit, & peeee-yooooooo, what's that pong, as it smells like someone crapped on a panther in a pineforest, while they ...............

chicken with nuts ....after all its a well known fact that anying exotic tastes like chicken or nuts or chicken with nuts....especially if the Eater is nervous and trying to talk him/herself into being big and brave and eating that slimy garden slug/witchity.....Ratpoo was hoping for a taste of nuts after all he hadnt had nuts for years , having lost them in a public brawl at some general discussions in Temora where they were sampled as a delicacy by the exec of the.......

..... disfunctional organisation.

So while El Rodentus faught for the wellbeing of the members at the Temora meeting, all as witnessed by Salty, and Andyshatintherat'shat has decided to belittle that brave effort by referring to the Rat's nut-less state, in this public forum, Ratatouile is at this very moment clad back in his loin-cloth and cammo-bandanna (and freezing cold, I might add, after the SW change came through yesterday) to continue his quest for Tubb's fluffy asian .............

.... Rainbow Serpent, after which it exhibited most of the colours of the rainbox except indigo.

Today the Rodent went to lunch at the Black Panther Cafe in Halls Gap, where he expected it to be a normal cafe, but instead it was like a Chicken Shop .......... where they served Black Panther using various cuts, and to his surprise he found that Black Panthers tasted just like ........

.....gets a whiff of feral pussy.The scent of his prey (hunting reference for all the hunter gatherers out there) usually sends Robingetshisroxoff into a paroxysm (look it up) of maniacal fervour

 

"What rerigion is he?" asked Nobu who had come out of hiding in Gariwerd to pay homage to the great Ratpoo and his ability to go off on a tangent without even thinking he was lost

 

It was about this time that Turbz appeared in an emu feather skirt borrowed from Olblackratspoo ancestors and proceeded to.................

........ remove the emu feathers from the skirt and place each one around his body through plaiting them into his back hair and pubes using hangman's knots. "It's a digenous initiation ritual" said Turbo, while biting on a Roo's skin pain reliever (which look a bit like those dog chews made from hide, except Turbo's had fur on it).

"That rooks rike it hurts" commented Nobu with admiration "I'd rather be circumsized with an oyster shell" he added, but then he witnessed the impossible when Turbo inserted the biggest Emu feather up his ......

........exceedingly good looks, not to mention being fully dressed compared to the Rat who was wearing a loin cloth and cammo bandanna.The Rat was carrying a garden rake.

 

"You'll need more than a garden rake to scratch Pussy" he said from long experience "her claws are longer than............

.... the list of excuses that Poxy Loxy uses to ward off taking the Rodent for a fly in the Szara (however, come to think of it, all of Ratso's so-called "mates" always have a shipload of excuses for everything that he wants to do), but then again, Ratty is getting equivalent thrills by hunting Panthers and doesn't have to put up with the worry about gearbox whines & rattles, however the adrenalin rush that you get from the hunt for panthers using your bare hands, pales into insignificance compared to what Robin of Loxly does when he ..............

.......was in the process of polishing his balls when Turbo walked into camp.......

..... Tubb had been the one on the right in the photo that Ratpoo had taken (see post # 6911), down at the sign in Halls Gap advertising their party, but Ratty hadn't recognized him, what with the jaunty tilt of his beret, his caterpillar mustache, his shotty, the pain of the nugget on his nuggets, and his ..............

Tocumwal. Stay a coupla days. Nev

Tocumwal is by far the best if you can take a couple of days. Talk to Eddie and if he has the time, and you pick a good day, you can stay up for hours. Eddie is a great teacher.

PM me if you want their phone numbers.

Regards Geoff

....... the Rodent, believing every word that the Turps Drinker printed, sucked it up and headed out into the untamed wilds of the Grampians (or "Gariwerd" as the Rat's ancestors used to call it) using his not inconsiderable tracking skills looking for the Black Panther that Tubb had released there years ago.

I am pleased to report that the mythical creature does exist and here is a photo taken up at the Boroka Lookout ......... where a heap of seniors, on a bus trip, cacked themselves.

So it is confirmed that Turbo's fluffy little "Siamese" ball of fun has turned into a fine representative of the species, but because the panther buggered off once it got a wiff of what the seniors had done in their dacks, El Ratsack continued his search, single minded about what he was after and ignoring Koalas, Kwokas, 2 Japanese WW2 soldier escapees from Cowla and various Axe gearboxes that had been dumped (or fallen off) up near the waterfall.

Well .......................... imagine Ratatouile's surprise when he discovered a second group of Panthers, and when he jumped out with his net to capture them alive, he came face-to-face with these blokes .....

........... but they were having a party .......... at their training camp ........ so the Rat joined in, gave the secret sign, brought out his tin of Nugget and .....................

........ today he heads north for meeting of the Hall's Gap CWA, where he will present a 2 stage lecture, the first being his very popular talk on Multiple Organisms, a subject about which many of the CWA ladies show strong interest, and the 2nd being his ongoing problem with Ahlock the Harlock (and the lack of flights behind the Axe in the Szara [not that there is anything wrong with that]), ....... then the Rat has been retained by the Grampians Progress Association to go out with brave abandon and capture the Grampians Panther (which should be a breeze after Rato caught and shot that Tazzy Tiger a couple of years ago (for they are as hard to find as a decent Tazzy Treasurer ..... but thank goodness that we now have a magnificent one), then your brave Ratatoille is stuck and marooned in NW Victoria while the state shuts down and all citizens take 4 or 5 days off because of some Equine Event (talk about Mañana in Mextoria, these blokes and blokettes are much worse than those f'nQueens Islanders) even though we are in the midst of the worst recession since 1937, but then again, as Nanna and Mavis have so often said "Give us the Mextorian boy and we will ...................

A confused and tearful rat who had lost his way amd was trembling at the the thought of what Turbo might have found when.....

.... in fact, El Ratto was doing a spoonful himself, as he has just been at Phillip Island all weekend for the bike races, had a squizz around Dandy-Nong & Ye Olde Bange Holme, and was at this moment at Port Fairy (not that there is anything wrong with that) trying to dodge Turdy's malicious rumours, & what he might have found when .......

diff can sieze and put you into a spin, which can be embarrassing when.....

..... when you can't tell the diff between the CWA and the CPA, or a Tax & a Ru, or Bange-it-Holme & Dan-de-Nong, or Brine & Brackish, or an efficient CEO & a useless lump of dead weight, or AhLocks & a member of the Magnificenti Moderatti, or .............

......wonderful in sponge cakes if you don't mind the after taste and .....

.... the fact that your own gearbox goes deathly quiet, to the extent that your ..........

..............boxes, for example it will quieten a Juke Box down from 100 DBa to a cool 30, and it'll quieten a Box Kite so much that..............

... the yanks are using them as drones over Melbournistan ........ and then there are the uses that the CWA girls have proven, which are .....