Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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..... said "Someone has knocked off my dried arrangement", but then she put on more makeup and spent an inordinate amount of time explaining that hers is not dry and is arranged in a conventional fashion. While bull doesn't mind that, he actually prefers the arrangement from the country that includes the major city of Sao Paulo. (It is little known, dear NES readers, that this town is the origin of the famous Arnotts dry bickie, which was developed in Sao Paulo by a bloke named Raul Vovo, who sold the recipe to Turbine Bickies and Cakes PL, and they on-sold it to Arnotts for a fortune and a royalty deal. As part of the original contract, TB&CPL also owned any future recipes that Raul might come up with, so when he perfected the Iced Vovo in a favela above Rio, TB&CPL moved quickly to ......
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Turbo the Urban Archeologist (UA) is 100% right about this. Bone & the bloke with the flour are definitely the origin of the term "Pointing the Bone" ........... and bull is the origin of the term "Having a Boner".
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Once Charlie got the leaves dried out a bit, the ceremony was undertaken by someone who was obviously a very successful hunter.
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..... ding and said "Quiet while I play the "Welcome-to-Cuntry" recording that Quaintarse have lent me, followed by those cute yet snotty nosed private school kiddies singing that Peter Allan ditty as a bonus cultural embellishment." (Those kiddies were all checked out and endorsed by The Leprechaun himself). Charlie, ever the opportunist, grabbed a bunch of mango leaves and tried to kick off a Grade 3 Smoking Ceremony (There are 5 grades of Smoking Ceremony, each with their own scale of charges), but like everything else in Bone, those leaves were water-logged, so he ......
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.... with his pedal-to-the-metal (Corvetteref), but the correct phraseology was actually with his throttle-lever-to-the fabric, Herb and the Velcraptor (the middle 4 letters is what observers did when they noticed it, with its blue head covered in a pair of Herb's old army surplus goggles, glass lenses and all). "Hey look, 2 blue heads" said Mavis who knew her 2 strokes (that's all it took with Herb too) & was rostered on by the CWA next to the Tea Urn on their "Beg for Donations Table" at the Bone International & tippy top secret A10 Military (confidentialref) Airport, just as Herb did a beat up with the Rotax 30% over-revving & a harmonic vibration 1/2 developed in the vertical stabilizer, both of which leading to the Velcraptor showing a bit of concern ..... as he/she was sitting where the pistons would go if it all turned to custard due to either a cold or hot seizure (you can and could never be sure which it would be). Herb tried to calm the Velcraptor, as he knew what damage they could do if they panicked, so Herb trotted out his best calming line to shout above the noise of the wind and the piston slap, which was ......
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..... the Manager of the Rissole's dining room was a clueless Mextorian Dick, why would Clarry Nott from Nth Bowen Heights want to feed the birds in the 1st place, why the Club Manager was CASA-centric and is he a spy for the aviation control body in Can'tberra, ......... and WTF is a Casawery?" Then the proper Cassowary jokes were trotted out, ..... including several hilarious puns about the spelling of their .......
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Cappy is relieved that OT is so prescient as to be aware of the above, and he notes that OT's hide is thick, yet his insightful mind & sparkling personality are not.
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Crappy apologizes to OT and his family for the overstatement contained in the above. Tubb can be a little harsh at times.
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.... had seen what bull got up to in the privacy of his own home, and so "The Bastard" followed bull's licking technique (which concerned many of the CWA ladies [who used to be known as CWA Chicks]) and that resulted in ..... "The Bastard", in the early stages of sitting down and about to lift its leg into the "cat position" or alternatively to assume the "bull position".
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..... 3 from the platoon were designated as lookouts stationed on the outer perimeter, while the others sat down for a spell, put one leg in the air, and licked themselves ... then changed over so that every cat had a lick (but only of their own, of course). Have seen that, the Cassowaries gave it a try and with spurs as dangerous as they are, they killed 30% of their own group, but those that survived enjoyed it a lot. The Cats saw what happened, and .......
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..... in response to panicked calls from the Bone Neighborhood Watch, TCF sent an expeditionary force from their sh1thole in the wilds of Vicmanistan, knowing that those gigantic striped, green beret moggies will never come back (not due to fatalities .............. as after all, why would anybody or any animal go back to Mextoria after escaping to Qld?). The Moggies in this taskforce had been specially trained in fighting against big blue headed birds that have sharp slashing cat-killer spurs, as Turbo had fitted stainless spurs & little blue hoods, to emus as part of the training regime ......... then needed to get rid of 15 tonne's of assorted Emu bits that the moggies had dismembered in training. When the Moggie taskforce arrived in Bone they said "Geez it's humid (like everyone does), ....... and then they got down to business and ...... A promo photo of the Turbine Cat Farm's top trainee. Same pussy with cane-farm cammo, and in action in the main street of Bone.
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.... bull, a combat veteran (he had had a lot of bad blues with one of his early girlfriends that had slashed the tyres on his Monaro), didn't run but instead went towards them like a very agro Eastern Brown, and pulled out several cartoons the subjects of which were cane toads + he had a spray can of Cane-Toad-Pong (CTP, made by Turbine Assorted Fruity Pongs P/L) which he used like a Minnesota ICE agent uses pepper spray. The Mango Thieves wanted to fight, in true Qld tropical tradition, but in this case they recognised that bull was the real deal and he could ......
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..... this freaked him out, via a vivid flashback of turmoil & bloodshed, not to Nam, nor Korea, nor even to the Zulu Wars, but instead to the deadly Mango skirmishes around Bone, where bull's role had been to ......
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Note from Cappy, the Xxxe-man from the East, to his friend and compatriot OneRoot, a Xxxb Xxxt from the West. I apologize, dear Friend, for my above post overlapping with yours, and if you feel aggrieved, I can send you a small jar of Frankincense to use as an aftershave or to rub on any of your bits that are chafed. It is particularly good for sand abrasions in your budgie smugglers or to treat fire ant bites ...................... or to present to special little kids in stables.
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..... and wondered why they could here a couple of hundred phones clicking and taking photos. And let me assure you, dear readers, that a platoon of naked SASers with fire ants biting their sand covered dangly bits are a sight to behold (and photograph) and you could immediately comprehend why the Taliban always decided to give them a miss whenever they could. (Many experienced SASers also carried 10 or so fire ants in antique silver snuff boxes as an interrogation aid) and that was declared by the shiny arse'd Generals back home, who never actually did any dangerous stuff, but still got a chest full of medals for being brave in the office when subjected to paper cuts, as .....
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As recorded in WA Police records (where they only keep the stuff that suits them), Onesie has often been recorded as being the bulge-er (both muffin-top and the other) and not the bulge-ee.
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.... Sand Urchins & Urchinettes. These are kiddies that have been cast out of wealthy Rockingham villas and are almost all the illegitimate offspring of .....
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... with that, Dear Readers, you may possibly have gained the impression that Onesie has the typical WA chip on both shoulders + one on the head of his ....
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.... and all of the Iranian military guys below did a whoopsy, then slipped over on it. "It's almost a pleasure to be killed by the Alexander-the-Great of the 21st century" said Mohammed Mohammed bin Mohammed of the Woulda-if-they-Kuda Quds Force, as he ......
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It is a little-known fact that Turbo was the founding member of the charitable (at least that's its tax status) organization named Soldiers-Without-Borders, ..... who also do good work providing patients for Doctors-Without-Borders (or Medicines sans Frontiers, if you are a Francophile poser). Turbo also set up Fathers-Without-Borders, as there are little Turbos wherever he goes, or shortly thereafter, and the Turbine clan base is ever expanding worldwide (Alexander the Great, eat your heart out).
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...... "It's a Rotax powered, Pakistani assembled drone, maaate, as you could hear the whine of the gearbox before it got over the Packi border. And watch out if you hear the clunk of the gearbox backlash as that means that the engine has stopped (or self-destructed) and she's on her way down to zap some poor unsuspecting .....
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Do not be impatient dear NESers. We need to give them time to respond as Tubb has probably been punted off to an undercover role in Iran, perhaps as the body double for the next Supreme Leader, and Onesie will certainly be down at Swanbourne lifting up the SAS's training regime by running up and down bigger sandhills.
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.... (the Afghans) had trouble with the concept as they all had Iphone with IOS 20, thanks to little Joey Biden and the Kamel, plus in the Afghan lingo, the words for "active" and "passive" only vary by their inflection, & add to this that most Afghans are left handed in order to better hold the goats, so that when it really hits the fan, flamethrower action-wise, it's a bit hard to use an optimistic upwards inflection in order to get your TFL unit active, when the Pakistani Special Forces equivalent of a Ghurka (although taller, fatter and smellier) is wanting to .....
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..... but Turdy remained cool as he had been there before and that always provides an advantage. (Turbo is even tougher than Bernie). It is little known that TFL (Turbine Flamethrowers Ltd) had used Ukrainian technology which was way ahead of its time because the ignition system was both .....
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Dear NESers and our thousands of readers. Cappy is very concerned for the future of the NES at the moment as bull appears to have gone missing (again) so I assume that he has had success and is shacked up with a bovine lover for a prolonged session, Onesie continues to provide signs in the bottom right corners, so at least I don't have to go over to sandman-land to meet with him to discuss this malaise, Bernie is lurking occasionally but is otherwise silent, and Turbo, my best and longest mate, has gone missing in the wilds of Mextoria, (a cold, lawless and dangerous place) ..... so I fear the effects of a machete attack or he has been caught up in some gangland power struggle with his Moorabbin Crew. (Or is Turbo actually Sammy Newman in real life and has been off in the RPA having some holes cut & tubes fitted). So what do I do? ..... recruit more NESers from the Accidents and Incidents forum page (where there appears to be a lack of a sense of humour) or do I just wait ..................... and wait ........................ and wait, here on my own?
