The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

....dealing out the wafers and communion wine he came to Cappy on his knees. Within two minutes the wafers hd dropped into the river and were being eaten by ducks, the communion wine had run down his suit and trousers, although there was an argument, by some, that the trousers had already been soaked. It was allover Cappy using lower case to needle b.Bull. The Serving Table was wrecked. The first pew on the left side was on its back, as were eight choir grirls, the Mace was sticking out from a timber wall, and pages from today's Wall Street Journal were all over the floor. Cappy lurched up, squelching as he ran and smacked Bull in the nuts. Bull gathered himself then gave Cappy an uppercut. A thousand phones recorded the fight. Turbo was happily recording the event when ....................

 

Fiiiiii......nally

Edited September 14 by turboplanner

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Bull gathered himself then gave Cappy an uppercut. A thousand phones recorded the fight. Turbo was happily recording the event when ..........

..... Turbine Catering tuned up with 15 tonnes of loaves and fishes, and the crowd declared it to be a miracle, that only .....

[turboplanner]

....Turbine Catering could achive.  Turbo patted down his long hair, straightened his gown, looked around at the 11 Apostles - Cappy was laid out on the floor; and began to cut the fish into four pieces.             Nobody noticed,and if they did they shut up because the next act was Turbo's walking on water scene, and they knew that sometimes he slipped off the ropes.

 

Turbo gave them a sermon about being good to each and pointed to the floor where the graphic vision made it obvious. There were a couple of announcements about taking your fish with you, and it was time for the walk..................

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

There were a couple of announcements about taking your fish with you, and it was time for the walk........

..... that bull had hired Turbo to do at 3 shows/day + Matinees on Sat and Sun.

 

Turbo had been chosen as he was certainly the nearest look to a "Jehovah" type character that bull had ever seen, and Tubb had shown his prowess when he accidentally touched bull (NTTIAWWT) & cured him of a persistent in-growing toenail, and a bout of leprosy, when they attended the Melbourne Cup together in 1986, so ....... 

[Captain]

Turbo appears to have gone on a sabbatical after his latest walk-on-water performance, and Crappy has been tempted to just undertake multiple AI generated posts through to take the "1000 page" major prize that Eeeeaaan has offered.

 

But alas, he cannot, as he is just too honorable.

[turboplanner]

On 16/09/2026 at 9:27 AM, Captain said:

Turbo appears to have gone on a sabbatical after his latest walk-on-water performance, and Crappy has been tempted to just undertake multiple AI generated posts through to take the "1000 page" major prize that Eeeeaaan has offered.

 

But alas, he cannot, as he is just too honorable.

Turbo apologises for his absence but he has been on mission in another State under cover. Watch the newspapers.

[turboplanner]

Turbo came up with the "Road to Galilee sequence.  It had to have a sea, and that was on the opposite sside of the Parwyn Park, so it was a long walk with Turbo having to heal  lots off blisters, and forgive the Wicked. Cappy was waiting in a grove of trees for that, was quicker; he tapped him on the shoulder and said "The Lord will provide!". Cappy wasn't sure what he was going to get so he tagged along, and he was whacked in the ear by a falling fish. Around the next corner.............

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Around the next corner.....

..... bull had snuck in an Old Testament Fire & Brimstone sequence that he had designed to address the needs of the .....

[turboplanner]

......people who had picked on him in flying forums. His long flowing hair (no haircuts when you live on a trawler), beard (nhwyloat), surly countenance (which the prawner does so well), and RM Willliams boots which only the Moderati wore.

As the little train carrying the tourists came roundd the corner, there was a recorded BELCH (Bull had tried to keep it up all day but he didn't have enough wind), a huge blast of fire, and bull stepped out onto a platform carrying his "Tablet of Stone" it was made of plastic of course, but the kids had already started to cry. A choir of Angels, with very short skirts started to sing. Clouds thundered in the background and it began to rain, except for the area where the train was parked. A husband from Griffith was heard to say "You can see the XXXXXX nozzles! but otherwise a highly religious atmosphere.

As Bull read out the ten commandments there were red faces in every carriage, but bull continued on telling the group that Salvation was only available at the Church, which was the next stop. When the tram arrrive at the church there was such a rush to get in that the font was tipped over......................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

As Bull read out the ten commandments there were red faces in every carriage, but bull continued on telling the group that Salvation was only available at the Church, which was the next stop. When the tram arrrive at the church there was such a rush to get in that the font was tipped over........

..... before it was all calmed down by Turbine Security and Collection Plates PLC, and after a few of the attendees were given a good clip, things settled down and the collection could be taken.

 

Now I'm not saying that stand over tactics were used, but when the guy with the collection plate stands there for an inordinate time eyeballing each attendee, and menacingly touching what looks to be a Beretta 38 under his cassock, until everyone had a 3rd dip into their wallets and purses, then you can be pretty certain that ......

[turboplanner]

....the Catholics had a hand in it. Not many people know that the Catholics invented the tin collection plate. After a short prayer the Priest would watch the plate moving along the pews and could hear every single one piece piece which dropped. His eyes would burn into the members of the Congregation who would drop their beer money for the week out of embarrassment. The Methodists still used the "Shawl of Christ" and had some old dear playing organ, and eventually went broke and joined the Presbyterians, who used credit cards which idenitified the owners, and they were able to move up to padded pews and air conditioning and black BYD Crew Cab Utes for the Parrson, who.......

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and they were able to move up to padded pews and air conditioning and black BYD Crew Cab Utes for the Parrson, who......

.... also preached at the Baptist church on Saturdays.

 

Turbine Religious Inspiration and Supplies (TRI&S) suddenly realised that this was the opportunity that they needed, so they .......

[turboplanner]

....flew [avref] a team of the lastest US Rappers, built aan auditorium in Park and soon there were tens of thousands coming in to hear the religious meetings and putting their heads under taps all over the place.

 

It was shortltyy after that success that the Las Vegas-style wedding chapels were built, and then ............

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

It was shortltyy after that success that the Las Vegas-style wedding chapels were built, and then .......

.... the Wedding Slot Machines and Blackjack tables were added, with the croupiers wearing white veils and throwing rice + confetti each time a punter has a small win.

 

The result was spectacular for bull and he .....

 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

shortltyy

Cappy notices the suss sexual connotation of Tubb's calculated & deliberate use of this term, particularly with its close connection within the story to marital vows & religious contexts etc, and Cappy wishes to make the point that his use of the word "Slot" is completely unconnected.

[turboplanner]

.......added another six cruise ships. By now the creek was getting crowded, so he put in an order for 6 Cat D11s to widen it. He took particular care to order them from OT, because OT was the only one who could set a D11 up for swamp work. Many others tried, but when a D11 is about to roll over and your seat is five metres above the mud - twice the maximum "Falls From Heights" safety limit, OT's $234,450.00 anti roll device is a worthwhile addition. 

With all the dozers, ships, diesel generators for the Theme Park, Bull started running out of fuel on a regular basis. He'd vaguely heard the Strait of Hormuz wasn't strait any more so he loaded a couple of dozers on one of the cruise ships, hired  an armed force from General Oswald C. Cook and headed for the Gulf. He went into the wrong gulf and had to back out. He was soon on his  way and slid into the Strait of Hormuz. A hired Pirate boat shot out and the occupants plastered the ship with their AK47s. It was only a short burst because Sergeant Raz Cook whacked it with a twenty Five pounder and the last they saw of them were six little black specks swimming for shore. The ship went round the corner and the crew realised the Horn of the Strait of Hormuz was only 50 metres wide, so they anchored, offloaded the D11s which cut a channel through, and like a flood, 156 ships  charged through, including the twelve Turbine Tankers bound for the Park of Saint Bull, as he styled himself these days. When they all got back there was a big dinner and p..............................

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

When they all got back there was a big dinner and p........

....eople entered into a dangerous regime of self-congratulations, as the Iranian dust-up thingo wasn't yet over, ..... however bull had an all-knowing cheshire grin on his dial.

 

Then Reuters turned up to interview bull because, unbeknownst to everyone else, including bull's mate Don, the D11's had been let loose and had connected the Persian Gulf to the Red Sea via a mile wide canal.

 

As the world congratulated bull for solving world peace and getting the cost of oil down below $AU 20/barrel, in true modest bull form he said to Reuters "Those are all OT's D11's, so it is he that deserves the accolades, what with his productivity enhancements and hotted up engines (OT uses the Sarich fuel injection converted to CATS), so the D11's made short work of traversing Saudi Arabia with a 900 km long copy of the Corinth Canal, and there were already 1700 tankers traversing the canal both ways.

 

bull was nominated for, and won, every Nobel prize that year and he ......   

[turboplanner]

......received a very nasty letter from Donald threatening to increase his tariff rate, and interfering with Don's Mid Term plan to carpet bomb Iran.

 

Bull sent him a raw parwyn........................

 

 

[Captain]

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......received a very nasty letter from Donald threatening to increase his tariff rate, and interfering with Don's Mid Term plan to carpet bomb Iran.

 

Bull sent him a raw parwyn......

..... and a request for Mel to go on a date with hm to the Mar-A-Lago Mackas.

 

bull could do this in Florida, as he was a celebrity at all Mackas stores, because in addition to the several Mackas outlets at his Aussie complex, he also had the franchise rights all the way along what became known at the UN as "bulls Jeddah, Medinah & Riyad Canal" (thebJM&RC), and he also had jetties built all the way along to allow the largest of Supertankers, and his own fleet of private Superyachts, to pull up and send an apprentice up to grab Mackas, a diet coke and a McFlurry for each of the crew.

 

The success of bulls Canal was .....

[turboplanner]

.......unbelievable, and bull only charged 1% of the cargo value. he was howled down by the peanut gallery until he explained that last month's freight through the canal was valued at $800 million dollars, and his take was $8 million.

 

There was a rush from the people who were trying to find out how to fit a tyre valve on a Jabiru, but they were too late. Bull had shedded the D11s,and was looking for the next venture.

 

He realised from his short Gulf stay, that the Arabs had so much money, they'd become bored with life and bought things like tame lions, panthers, crocodiles etc.

 

So he offered $1 million per family package bookings at his African Wildlife Safari Theme Park Rides and Balancing Act School.

 

Several people messaged him, or in reality, AIbull saying those animals lived in African Countries. Bull asked around to be sure then said "I'll bring them in", and so it got to the point where he had $300 million booked and no animals........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Several people messaged him, or in reality, AIbull saying those animals lived in African Countries. Bull asked around to be sure then said "I'll bring them in", and so it got to the point where he had $300 million booked and no animals.......

.... and even after he scrounged up the occasional tough & oversized feral moggie off a property at Deni, that had been fighting wild tuskers for a few years, bull would pass it off as some exotic wildly uncontrollable man-eating African cat, & the Saudi's would knock it off and take it home sitting on the parcel tray of their white and gold Rolls Royces, and keep it for a pet, ..... that was until the .......

[turboplanner]

......cat ripped the trim to pieces.

Eventually Bull got a deal on an old Tiger from Dreamworld, had a set of false teeth made and billed it as a Sabre toothed Tiger, but just when he'd cracked a whip to get it to snarl, it would roll over and go to sleep. Turbo went up to Queensland and picked up a truckload of wild pigs.

Bull would let them run through the audiences and that started to become popular until .......

[Captain]

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Bull would let them run through the audiences and that started to become popular until .....

.... as all of the little kids had seen the video of monkeys jumping on the back of the wild boars, as show below, and they all did it.

 

bull was worried about corporate and personal liability ..... but then realized that parents were paying high premiums to allow their nippers to do this, so he tripled the fee and brought in bigger and more dangerous pigs.

 

That also meant that .....

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....the older boys could ride them. Savage brutes and unstoppable. Turbo remembered the even bigger ones north of Hay. He'd seen what appeared to be cattle grazing off in the distance and walked towards them. As he got closer, he realised they were pigs, and huge.

 

He was now 385 metres from the car and 150 metres from the boar which had started to snort. They were bigger than Shetland ponies.

 

The boar lifted his head and looked at Turbo who raised the rifle fast, luckily they both took off to the left. Their back hair was standing straight up and as they galloped into the distance the boar was making a HHHHHSSSSHHH sound on every leap. Not one to fire at and miss.

 

This would be spectacular in an arena. So Turbo headed for Hay in the landcruiser with a stock crate on the trailer, leather pants, leather gloves and a tighly woven and greased rope.                                                

Turbo looked from horizon to horizon, and finally found a herd of four huge pigs.

 

With the rope out the window he charged up behind them, his arm holding the coils. Turbo hade been a Queensland Ringer when he'd run away from home at 14, and it wasn't long before the rope dropped neatly over a female's head, and he was winching her into the trailer. As he bent over the trailer side to loosen the ropes she charged the side and hit him in the nuts. There was no point being a Ringer if you couldn't take a few hard knocks. The next pig he roped was a boar, all clicking tusks and 150 mm hair up on his back. The rope on the bull bar slipped and the boar was off, Turbo skidding on his heels behind for about five kilometres. As the pig stopped, Turbo expertly flicked the rope round his snout and tied it off. The boar pig-rooted a few times, but then quietened down and Turbo was able to ride him up the trailer ramp. The next pig was the other female and she was smart enough to just walk into the trailer. The biggest boar who had watched all this, just walked up into the trailer, which was lucky for Turbo. He was to be called "DYNAMITE" on the Rodeo Circuit, and no one could ever ride him except Turbo, the ringer from Goondiwndi.

 

Turbo bought is first aircraft with his winnings from Dynamite, kept him in his back yard when he got too old to buck.

 

On the way home Turbo stopped off at the Hay Roadhouse for a coffee. He should have got takeaway, because just as he was coming out, a little old lady strolled over to the trailer, put her hand through the bars and said "Hello Piggy Wiggy; are you going to market?" There was an explosive CRASH! as the big boar hit the bars, bending them outwards, just missing the old lady's fingers.

 

Turbo started the Cruiser, dropped the clutch aand was out of town!

 

The wild pigs were a highlight of the show, with plwenty of bloodied riders. Flag and Barrel Race girls knew just how to handle the pigs and there were plenty of hotly contested races. Cappy waas on with a flag and barrel girl for several years..........

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy waas on with a flag and barrel girl for several years .....

.... becaase she waas also a buck jumper, aand Caapy waas aalways.....

[turboplanner]

.....the Clown.

Not many people know that the Clowns at Rodeos are highly skilled Ringers; able to stare down a bull (not you Bull) that's thinking of charging, standing between a horses hoofs and an injured buckjumper.

When necessary the Ringer will put himself in harms way by encouraging the bull to charge him while others carry the injured buckjumper off the arena.

Well Cappy's not one of those of course; he's one of the ones who gets the bull's horns under his overall straps because he's talking to someone when the bull charges. It still serves a purpose of course, and Cappy does go to a lot of trouble putting his make up on, even when he's not at a Rodeo.

One of thes occasions was at the Annual ................