The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....elevator hinges, especially on Jabs which have a habit of..........

.... resisting movement and being heavy on the controls (sortofavref), until a Kelpie is around.

 

In relation to this well-known Jab issue, Kelpies have been seen jumping up on horizontal stabilizers and giving them a nip (Noburef) so as to encourage the elevator hinges to move.

 

"Hurro" interjected Nobu "I is here and I know a rot about this issue" he added "As I spent many weeks working as a shepherd during my 3rd escape from Cowla, so I'm leady to come back into the NES if you want me to add some context, some lather crass Japanese ranuage humour (I know that simple folk like Clappy on the NES find my stuff funny, but selious heavy hitters rike CB plobabry would not), or ......

[Captain]

Not many people would have known how to capture this great photo after he had sorted the stuck hinge issue on the horizontal stabilizer plus on the rudder, and had now moved on to the aileron hinges before checking out the range of movement of the flaps. There was however an unanticipated issue, as he must have chewed off the winglets. Bad dog .... but Nobu thinks that his experlience means that he can letlain the mutt to pre-war imperial standards.

Edited August 29 by Captain

[turboplanner]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

Not many people would have known how to capture this great photo after he had sorted the stuck hinge issue on the horizontal stabilizer plus on the rudder, and had now moved on to the aileron hinges before checking out the range of movement of the flaps. There was however an unanticipated issue, as he must have chewed off the winglets. Bad dog .... but Nobu thinks that his experlience means that he can letlain the mutt to pre-war imperial standards.

The old Jabiru portrayed as a Bluebird trick.

[turboplanner]

................Claterpillow Dlivers like OneTrack - he go clack, clack, clack clack round circles cause ho only got one...but he was cust short by a bayonet point up the nostril ...........................

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

................Claterpillow Dlivers like OneTrack - he go clack, clack, clack clack round circles cause ho only got one...but he was cust short by a bayonet point up the nostril ...........................

..... which he resisted, as all WA people are fiercely independent, after all, they are all descended from the crew of the Batavia after being dropped off on the way back to Indonesia.

 

Not many people know, as it is not taught in schools .... and certainly not mentioned during gender transition studies (where the 8 genders in WA are critically reviewed), but the genetic mix of your average Western Australian means that a WA Welcome to Cuntry starts off in Dutch, then Indonesian, South African, then Japanese ("Hurro all youze ex-pearl divers" yelled Nob from the NES peanut gallery), and after 15 other local dialects, it finishes with a Swan Lager, a quick durry, and a ...... 

[turboplanner]

....story about Pearl Luggers. Perhaps Cappy will tell you the story about the day he was diving off Bromme, and ........................

[Captain]

On 31/08/2026 at 9:54 PM, turboplanner said:

....story about Pearl Luggers. Perhaps Cappy will tell you the story about the day he was diving off Bromme, and ........................

.... Pearl approached him underwater, with a proposal that .....

 

The Lugger family are bigger than the Paspalleys, up in the NW.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

.... Pearl approached him underwater, with a proposal that .....

.... involved a pink bikini, a traditional copper and brass diving helmet, Cappy's helmet & 3 blokes from down the pub.

 

This got .....

[turboplanner]

......out of hand and was called, in GA circles. "The Coffee Royal Affair"

A former Prime Minister was involved (so NES Readers please don't tell anyone what you're about to read.) It was in the thru bolt days and Cappy had gone to pieces and wouldn't use the fix Turbo had been selling all over Australia; a piece of 3/4 inch Reo threaded both ends. Cappy was beginning to irritate the lower end of the Pub drinkers, with his pathetic excuses and was threatening never to fly his 230 again. People will remember on page 447 (when this site could afford page numbers) that Cappy's sole reason for building the 230 was to fly from Wagga2 to the Milewa Vineyard, to pick up loads of grog.....something about less duty in Victoria, and when you drink like Caapppy does, that's important; ........ the plausible stories we had to tell to cover up what happened on most flights. Cappy's blubbering had attracted King Smith who used to give Joy Flights at Wangaratta. By this time Turbo, ever helpful, said he had a spare Chev 350 with aluminum crank and straight cut timing gears. It had done five seasons in a Sprintcar, so was dry-sumped to operate upside down. Cappy was not having a bar of it, he said if he put another engine in the Jab it would be a Jaguar. Turbo had choked on his beer and was about to point out there would come a time when the only people driving Jags would be living in India, when King butted in and said "Turbo, if it's one of your Chev 350's, put it in and I'll fly the Jab to London. Cappy wasn't talking to them so they just went over to Cappy's place loaded the Jab pulled the engine out, threw it in the skip and bolted the Chevy in. The first thing they noticed was the sound. Neil Diamond wrote a song about the Chev 350 called "A beautiful noise." Next they noticed how the straight cut gears gave instant power......"Something you need when you're upside down in a Bombay cyclone" said King, big noting himself. The Jabiru was perfect for low level runs over the local airstrip, wing-overs at the end of the strip, and generally impressing the chicks with the noise. "Why don't we take it to London?" said King and Cappy couldn't get the grog on board fast enough. They got as far as a muddy flat in the Kimberleys when the engine quit. It wasn't a thru bolt of course, and it wasn't a Chevy fault or a King fault or a Cappy fault it was crap fuei which had been burning off too fast. Cappy said he'd ring for some fuel, but his phone was flat - he'd been playing SuperMario all the way up. King's was flat too, he'd forgotten to charge it. They stayed alive by eating Kimberley mud snails mixed with coffee grains and brandy, hence the "Coffee Royal mystery". King was supposed to be back at Mascot taking passengers to Melbourne and a dude who was up for the races, Reggie Ansett, stepped in and flew himself and all the passengers home. They cheered him at Tullamarine, so he did it the next day, but that's another story.  Meanwhile Turbo was becoming concerned that they haadn't made Bombay, so he loaded the land cruiser with fuel, the other Chev 350 and various tools and set out alomng the route. He'd been going for 12 days when he....................... 

 

 

Footnote: There's a memorial at the Coffee Royal site; some wanker had carved 1929 over the date, but its been fixed - see photo.

[Captain]

On 03/09/2026 at 7:43 AM, turboplanner said:

It had done five seasons in a Sprintcar, so was dry-sumped to operate upside down.

Which it had done a few times, as Turbo was what the Sprint Car community know as a "real tryer". Fearless but a trifle silly when the adrenalin started to flow. The type where other world champions would take him behind the speedway dunnies and read him the riot act, or kick him in the nutts .... as Al Unser did when they had a series of match races at Wangaratta.

 

On 03/09/2026 at 7:43 AM, turboplanner said:

if he put another engine in the Jab it would be a Jaguar.

As Cappy had a proven and copyrighted a process for rectifying cracked Jaguar heads.

 

On 03/09/2026 at 7:43 AM, turboplanner said:

He'd been going for 12 days when he........

.... tumbled to the fact that he had gone to the wrong address, as he had entered "Kimberley" into his TomTom, as that was the name of a particularly delightful nurse and stripper in Brisbane, with whom Turbs had conducted a torrid yet stormy affair/medical consultation (MBF had actually paid up because Turdy had never before seen - yet explored that part of the female anatomy), so as he drove into Fortitude Valley, Tubb realised that .......

Edited Thursday at 11:40 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

......he was going to mean eating Goat steaks and chips fried in goat fat. Tubo had never forgotten the meals out at Ipswich where Pauline never explained and you got a lift under the ear if you complained. It also meant the Long Road with few truck stops, but there's nothing better than an aged roo steak on the coals beside the road. Three days later they were in WA, and the signs "CAT Grousers $50.00 from OT." He'd brought along a drone to search for the fliers. SShe hadn't said much so far, but ....................

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but there's nothing better than an aged roo steak on the coals beside the road

And tenderized too. As Turbo always used to say, "From the car or truck grill to yours in no time flat", although he had learnt through trial and error that roo steaks are still OK to consume until the hide has lost all of its fur.

 

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He'd brought along a drone to search for the fliers. SShe hadn't said much so far, but ........

.... drones are good for lots of other stuff while driving, and as Tubb has so often said, "Get yourself a drone, Cappy, as they are much less likely to dump you even when you behave in a substandard manner."

 

This is the principal that ......

[turboplanner]

.........Turbo's Flying School used, when they advertised for instructors.

Turbo hadn't flown for a few years, preferring to blow up Outboard motors instead, but he was impressed  at as Tecnology Show by the full scale Lightwing Pocket Rocket https://www.lightwing.com.au/light-sport-aircraft/ on sale for a tenth of the price Turbo had been paying for an outboard.

 

Turbo coudn't get to the Ultralight Flying School fast enough, grabbing the keys and walking out the door towards the one aircraft they had.

 

It was a more modern looking Jabiru LSA55. 

 

That's when the Drone appeared explaining that all the talk about not needing a licence wasn't true, "Well you don't need a Licence Son, you need a Certificate!" The man walked with a limp, had gin skin, a gut that had people quietly removing the Lifeboy when they saw hin on a jetty, and as he passed they keys back to Turbo, said you'll be OK. Turbo still wasn't sure this wasn;t a bad dream, but the Instructor reassured him he was an ex Airline pilot with 20,000 hours.

 

Apparently you didn't have to check the fuel "If you can't hear it sloshing, you land" quipped the Drone. Turbo froze at the thought of all those airline flights with the Drone at the controls.

 

The takeoff leg was so steep that Turbo didn't have enough time to see if his fly was done up. He attempted to turn onto cross wind, but the aircraft was skidding so badly that the ball wasn't even in the aircraft. "You're doing well" the  Drone said. Turbo turned it on it's side and pulled the stick back hard, he managed to get onto a wide downwind. It worked, and he performed a wings vertical turn onto  Base. Pulling the throttle back was a mistake; when he  rolled into the turn to final the aircraft simply flew sideways. He was out of control. "You're doing very well" said the Drone, and Turbo thought it may have been a recording. Turbo threw the aircraft at the ground, and it landed quite well. "He did very well" the 20,000 hour aairline pilot said, and Turbo made a mental note to drive interstate in the future and NEVER..............................

 

Image Source: Nicholas Hughes Engineering, Ballina

[Captain]

On 05/09/2026 at 6:56 AM, turboplanner said:

He was out of control. "You're doing very well" said the Drone, and Turbo thought it may have been a recording. Turbo threw the aircraft at the ground, and it landed quite well. "He did very well" the 20,000 hour airline pilot said, and Turbo made a mental note to drive interstate in the future and NEVER.....

..... get involved with anyone from the airline industry ever again, as while Turbo had got the aircraft down unbent, and that is always good, he had been given an F by the 20,000-hour airline pilot because Turbo had failed to take the cabin crew out to dinner after the flight, and to then try to crack on to a couple of them (this is an essential post flight debrief in the checklists in the airline caper).

 

But the 20,000-hour airline pilot was also a .....

Edited 14 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

........n Indian out here on a temporary Visas Turbo told him he would sign him off on a full VISA, and Raj, (not kidding, that was the name) took the bait. When the CASA FOI next decided to make it hard fo Raj and told him his visa had expired, Raj said (as Turbo had advised but not meant literally) "Oh my goodness me, Sir, You can be getting stuffed because I have signed Visa from Prime Minister Mr Al Neesi, your Honour, Sir." And sure enough there it was "Anthony (Ants) Albanese"

 

The Casa .................................................

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........n Indian out here on a temporary Visas Turbo told him he would sign him off on a full VISA, and Raj, (not kidding, that was the name) took the bait. When the CASA FOI next decided to make it hard fo Raj and told him his visa had expired, Raj said (as Turbo had advised but not meant literally) "Oh my goodness me, Sir, You can be getting stuffed because I have signed Visa from Prime Minister Mr Al Neesi, your Honour, Sir." And sure enough there it was "Anthony (Ants) Albanese"

The Casa ......

..... system had never been established to record or monitor who was the PM of the day, and therefore with all of the Indian and Sri Lankas employees in the public service, Al Neesi went within 2,000 votes of winning the next election, and he was accepted into the next Cabinet because Labor didn't want to be victimizing a member of a minority, even though there were the minor issues that he was not a citizen and had not been elected.

 

Al was immediately elevated to the position of Minister Assisting the Minister for Aviation and spent most lunch times in the CASA canteen eating Nahn Bread with his non-wiping hand, and scooping up .......

[turboplanner]

.......fresh ghillies with his toes as was the custom back in Khaladhungi, and pressure was brought to bear from the CASA employees to stop this..........................