turboplanner
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Everything posted by turboplanner
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..........Turbine Promotions Inc. has booked them for a 2026 tour up the east coast to Cairns. This of course puts them into the heart of the Orange Fish and Chips State and Queensland Bitter herself. Cappy was not brave enough to identify the person on the right of that cartoon, and we shouldn't disclose who it is, but recently he took Onesy in the Challenger up to the Spratleys as a trial and the photo shows Onesy in Party mode with XI. Or it did until someone from the Chinese Embassy came out to Moorabbin and cut Xi out of the photo with a pair of scissors after asking Turbo what he would prefer. Earlier in the night Turbo mentioned that he was getting short of fuel and XI promised.................
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.......Yardstick for teaching young bikies how tp enter corners with any hope of getting out and how to stck the parts trailer and camouflaging it, and how to do a pot change on the side of the road as well as ...........
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.............ascerbic aim at Pauline Hanson when she started eating her fish and chips, or farm wrestling with Lidya, who was .................
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.........avoid spitting on the floor of the House. This came to the attention of the Speaker over time, and he spoke (which was his job) to the Labor Party recommending this skinny South American,whose nickname was "Snarler" Keating, be pushed up the tree. And so it was that Snarler .....................
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........lock up the royalty. This involved flying in to Sao Paulo in a [warning, non-recreational aircraft] DC3, which was OK unless it was raining, but they handed out plastic raincoats and Iced Vovos (c). Not many people know that one of Australia's most notable Prime Ministers from the Country that includes the major city of Sao Paulo, was born in that city. His name was Sao Paulo Keatinodad. Sao's father had shot through pre-nuptially so he was a bastard. His mother worked hard in the streets of Sao Paulo selling Sao biscuits, and made enough to take young Sao Paulo on a freight ship to Australia. Brought up on the dry biscuits, young Sau Paulo was very skinny and remained so for the rest of his life. He changed his name and became a proud Australian citizen, Paul Keating, who never missed................. A few years ago one of the better Victorian Planning Ministers was being squeezed out of office by a campaign of bullies against him, so Turbo took part in the below the line SM campaign. The sh!t was flying fast when out of nowhere the Great Headkicker Himself joined in with eight words. The Minister was back in a landslide upset.
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.........sneaked into the Bone CWA Rooms (Remember them, the CWA women always said "CWA Rooms" but they only had on pokey little room) and quietly nicked a dried arrangement from the wall. Mavis woke from her afternoon nap and.......
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Note the school teacher has ditched the shoes ready to join the guy with flour all over himself. This is a Bone Tribe man abd this tribe was the one tnat was always pointing the Bone.
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"........always look to the front!" No one there at the Bone International Airport that day can really pinpoint what happened first that day, but Herb left the Raptor in an arc at 700 feet clutching his 'se; the Raptor went nose up but the cunning bluehead quietly put out a claw and it levelled off on final. The other bluehead hurled its pistons left and right and the Raptor glid [Raghead ref] down to a perfect landing. The adoring crowd clapped, the Velcraptor bowed and then walked over and gave Chalie a good belt in the ........
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........species which actually came from an AUF pioneer, Herbert Von Hinkler. Herbert built a Recreational Aircraft on Mon Repos Beach. He didn't complain about the sandflies, he didn't complain about the Stingers, he didn't complain about all the turtles digging holes under his jigs and he didn't make endless posts about whether it was best to glue the wings on or bolt them on, or what was the best brand of dope, or how do you get dope off your wings, or is it OK just to have one main leg because they were expensive. No, Herbert wasn't a grizzler, he got on and did it. The Bastard had migrated from Bone to Mon Repos - usually a day in Bone is enough, and it would strut along the beach then sit and watch Herbert building his aircraft. It was herbert who realised these beautiful blue birds didn't have a species name so he wrote to the Queensland Museum suggesting Velcro, after the velcro on his aircraft's harness and Raptor after the name of his airctraft. The Queensland Museum got the name slightly wrong but The Bastard had a species like you and me. Eventually came the day when Herbert was ready to fly the Raptor. He'd made a second seat for The Bastard, and early in the morning they both climbed on board and ....................
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.......the formal Notice going up in the Bone RSL Dining Room: "DO NOTT FEED THE CASAWERY IT'S BEHAVIOUR MAY OFFEND By Order The Manager" This led to a night of jokes that ...................... Not many people know that Cappy and OT are fully qualified Psychologists; it's great to see their work on NES.
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.......from then on just went street by street laying down one leg in the air and making loud noises. Street by Street the Cassowaries killed themselves in droves; all except an old one, once a pet of bull's, known as "The Bastard". He ...............
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.........silently marched down the rainforest street frontleft, backright, frontright, backleft, listening to the whip birds. Suddenly there was a THUD! THUD! THUD! as a Cassowary belted the crap out of old grandpa Schultz at No 5. Ernie, a Bone identity came round the corner in his Land Cruiser. The SCATS as they were known flew up trees, down sewers, under hedges, and perched in Fan Palms (licuala ramsay). The cassowary, who knew Ernie had been palm snitching because the tail of the cruiser was dragging on the ground raced down the street. Bad move, accompanied by hisses and growls twelve clawed furballs dropped on him. Within two minutes he was plucked. The SCATS gave each other high fives or high fours depending whether the next cat was in front or behind, and they continued down the street frontleft, backright, frontright, backleft, spitting at the whip birds. As they marched around the corner into Alligator Street, slightly wheezing after the climb ...................
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........his Cassowary patrols. Bull was a very resoucefull fellow and you had to be in Bone. Grow a beautiful palm frond in Bone, and it would be gone the next morning. Find a big prawn ball and 18 other Prawn Trawlers. He first came to TurboWeCanDoAnythingJustIdeas (at that time Just Jeans had been launched). Turbo was building him a Prawn Trawler Sinker when that little fart OT sold him a surprus D3 Tree Pusher and the rest is history. He'd train the twenty Cassowaries to roam the streets of Bone sniffing for any hint of Bull's property; everything on the place, the car, the 4x4, the trees shrubs and flowers was marked with Bull's trademar prawn juice. They'd been trained to bash the front door down and belt the crap out of the inmates. Anyone who had been belted in the hoojars by a Cassowary knows the price they pay. Bull would go out in the morning, see where the ambulances were and take his property back while everyone was crying over Dad or Mum - Cassowaries weren't particular. One morning .........
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............sneak up to the cars of the illicit Mango pickers, and release a coupe of cane toads into the car. When the pickers came back they realised they could never use the car again because of the stink, so with the revers logic of all thieves they took offence, pulled out shotguns and wet looking for the person wh'd cane-toaded their car and ..........
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.....to stop the fireants biting. For that they went back to basic training by bitingf their heads off or throwing them over cliffs. Soon there were no fire ants but strolling over the hill came a huge man chewing on a prawn, It was Bull, an animal lover from Bone who is the one who reomed all the Coastal dingoes to Fraser Island (now called Kow-dun-ge.etj) His gaze fell upon the pitiful bodies of the little fire ants. He grabbed four of the SAS dudes in each hand and threw them over over Primary Dune or as WAs would say the big one. Bull noticed the water bottles all stacked in a circle, standing up their tops facing oinward and ..................
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...........Brazilian Fire Ants at the stop of a sand hill. Running up the other side ha saw a Platoon of naked SAS soldiers, each carring another nakes SAS soldier on his back. They sat down at the top of the hill................................
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.....mongrel British Bulldog which roams the streets at night in Rockingham, the dirt streets of Rocky where....................
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.........bowed to the Greater Alexander. The Iranians left the ships and swam for their lives. On reaching the shore they threw their flags away and ran until the realised the were in Al Hadistanitan where the were safe from The Iranian Palace Guards who carried Elastrators in their holsters; a terrifying weapon. The 503 bombing run had been a success. They'd lost a few pilots but being AUF hardened, they didn't worry. Donny phoned up and grovelled to be allowed to stay at the Spratleys. One Track who'd been carefully studying the military skills of Cappy and Alexander .........................
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.......and in fact Turbo (or Alexander the Greater as he liked to be called) had been activated in the middle of the night (at first he thought it was bad fish) by a phone call from Trumpy. "Alex," he said (he was trying to ingratiate himself with Turbo, wanted to come to the Spratleys), "These XXXXXXX ships in the Hormoose corner of whatever it is are being sunk by the Iranians that we beat, and good too. Can you stop them?" Of course Turbo said "Yes Sir" like Albo does, and he now found himself leading a pack of modified Pterodactyls all with 503s, taking off from a base just far enough to guarantee destruction over Hormuz Strait [why to they call it a straight when it's a corner], As they came into a Strait formation, 503 bits came raining down.........
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..............it approached. They frantically shovelled a trench and covered themselves with a thick layer of dirt and rocks. They were Members of the AUF (Afghanistan Ulltralight Federation) and they'd been hit by the schrapnel of a screaming 503. Mustapha Krapp yelled ".................................
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......do what soldiers do like shoot'n and shxt, and crawling along in drains. They were dragn their bellies on the ground when...........
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.....active and passive. When it was passive you pulled the trigger and a 10 metre spurt of sticky Napalm fried the enemy. When it was active, if the enemy overran your base and pinched the flame thrower out of your hands, you could use your Iphone (IOS 18 or later) to reverse the direction of flame to fry the basXXXXX!. Not many people know this so NES readers are asked to keep it quiet. When Cappy and Turbo were seconded to the Afghanistan War, they...............
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.....and loungerss. Turbo is back again having been on a call from his CIA mates to help with a litte matter in Columbia involving a house made from hundred dollar bills a fleet of fast boats and a big Columbian knowm as El Tourisimo. Bruised, battered with one eye bandaged Turbo was lucky to get out of there with his clothes on his back, he didn't have time to put them on when the flame thrower poked through the window..............................
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Is your first name Lucretia......................and she hit him in the mikunis with a bed pan. Turbo ................
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....he would have to go into the Horsham Base Hospital; the pain was terrible; there's nothing quite like a backfire through the Stromberg and the fix is so embarrassing because they use a chimney brush. They don't call it a Base hospital for nothing and the nurses ...................
