planedriver

It pays to travel 1st class.

Airbus retrofit.

There was this small church down in Echuca that had a very big-busted Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.:thumb_up: Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another Organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons, though, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'. thumb_down

She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the MinisterPete got up in the pulpit and said....

'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday.';););)

(Sorry Pete, could'nt resist it. Bet you're jealous Captain)

"Half your luck Nev":big_grin:

"Good stuff" don't forget to invite me to your centenary Ian:thumb_up:

Regards

Alan

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are still busy looking at their thumbs.

its been a sad day for me, just found out today my flying instructor Jack Curtis, passed away recently:crying:

I flew with him on numerous occasions in DC3's.

Presumeably it was another case of too many Birthdays which comes to us all.

I would guess that he'd have been about 82, but he always looked as fit as a fiddle.

RIP Jack.

Good one Paley

Beaver fancier myself most any Beaver will do

 

even one of the also Rans

 

although I must admit that

 

while under the Clumulus stimulus

 

I have had a Jabortwo at ……..

However, others who will remain nameless, swear that i'm Erector Sportstar, not just a limp blimp like others;););)

What will they think of next:angry:

Good post Paley, and whats more it's clean.

My hairdresser would curl up an dye to read it:laugh:

Pink pumps, thinks Admin, not wanting to miss an oportunity to make a quid.

Maybe i'll buy some in, and offer them alongside pinkapple props for Jabyroo prancers in the Clearprop shop.

Having watched the cricket at the SCG today, with thousands wearing pink for a good cause:pig:, maybe, just maybe, I can start a similar new trend for fly-ins.

Pink wheel spats, pink sheepskin seat covers, pink pitot covers, and the list goes on.

I even know someone who might be interested in a pink paint job, especially if I call the colour Riverland Rose, and they can stick one of their own labels on it :pig::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:.

Our mate PinkPete'll be in it for sure, and Le Crappee could do the same with his upmarket Corolla. All the chicks will :heart: it, and think he owns the CAME soap company as well, how cool?:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Sadly, the pre-loved Christmas lights were not the success that had been hoped for, but this is different. If sales go well, not only will a charity donation be able to be made, but Ian can make his final paytment to the tradies for his new roof.

This is a great cause so get behind this one, unless anyone has a better idea:question:

[quote="hihosland;74233

Pete of course was not to know this and being thus scared whitless 'n

..itless by this apparition resolved never again to a perving-go on yet-to-be-mother-of-RiverlandLass and so diverted for ever-more his attentions to .............

finding out more about the birds and the bees thingy.

YounginnocentPete"]

He'd had a grandstand view while hiding in the long grass, watching all the strange goings on with the Riverlandmum leaning against a gravestone.

When his mate enquired as to how old the Riverlandmum was? NownotsoinnocentPete replied "dunno, but I can tell you that the impressions lead me to think that her backside died in 1904"

The RiverlandLass grew up to be as ever popular as her Mum was:heart:, probably because it's always been in her jeans. hihosland and turboplanner are currently teaching be a bit of french.

As the years rolled by, young Peter initially studied to become a gynacologist, but later decided to become a motor mechanic. As a result of all his past training, he can now strip and overhaul a Jabbyroo engine without having to remove the cowlings, by working purely through the exhaust pipe.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Planey and his cousin once raced a Beeeza Bantam (mentioned in earlier posts) that would do close to 80MPH on the straight at Crystal Palace. It was balanced, shaved and ported head,etc; and the crankcase had cork araldited to the inside to increase the crankcase pressure.

It was based on the 175cc Bantam Super.

A couple of years earlier, we'd fitted a 500cc Machless motor to a canvas-covered canoe with outriggers which is probably still sitting on the bottom of The River Thames near Hampton Court. (No funniest home videos in those days).thumb_down

Ive seen his several Raptors fly and they seem to me to be a great heli.

The last I heard was that he'd just bought a Raptor 90? ex-manufaturers demo unit unless I got it wrong, and he reckoned it was a mean machine.

I reckon if he'd saved his money, he could have bought himself a Robinson R22 Beta and taken me for a fly as well!

Have'nt flown my plank for a few years now, must dig it out and recover the wing.

My nephew spends half his earnings on his fleet of heli's. I refer to them as his ceiling fans, and he gets the "Sh-ts"

Gee some blokes have got it good.

Sexy registration for your Avid too.

Thanks for sharing your pics with us.

Kind Regards

Alan

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did

something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time ...

"Priceless!"

women well know, the 4 words that they all hate to hear during lovemaking are "Oh ......... sorry about that",

Planey reckons thats you're not quite right there Captain:question:

I think it's supposed to be----------Vasectomy= Never having to say "i'm sorry"

I learned this from the key-ring that the nurse with the cold hands gave me;).

Also a "stitch in time, saves nine", whatever thats supposed to mean:confused:.

Thought for the day. If Santa comes but once a year. I'm not going to grow a beard.

Ho, Ho, Ho,

What a great post. Ive only just got around to reading it all.

It certainly stirred to pot a bit, not that there's anything wrong with that.

The reaction proves that most recreational fliers are very concerned with safely issues, and we would'nt want it any other way.

If anything appears to the contrary, some of the very experienced pilots are always kind enough to pass on good advise learned over decades. Their vast knowledge is the main reason they are still around.

Last time I looked in the mirror, I found that I have two ears and one mouth. Therefore, I figure it is wise to do twice as much listening, as talking;)

Good luck and stay safe, and remember "if in doubt, hold back".

Regards

Planey

Are you a sportstar in the air, or, in the cot:question:

 

If it is the latter,you should keep it to yourself.

 

The Riverland lass reads these posts to pick up her "hot tips" for the week, and you could easily be led astray:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin: and the Crappy Captain who is seldom lost for words may never let you forget it.

 

 

FamilysocialitePete is busy checking out the Christmas decorations in Melbourne, so you can't ask him for advise.

 

 

Admin, due to reduced sales in the "Clearprop" shop, has a fantastic line of pre-loved Christmas lights with 4 or 5% of the globes still in working order,and they are going for a song if you're interested:question::thumb_up:thumb_down:censored:. Some even have electronic music playing "silent light". However they could be an absolute bargain for a mentally handicapped handyman.

 

 

For the intrepid "Gray-Brigade" wanting a mystery tour around Oz, there is always the loose-needle compasses in need of a spot of super-glue, and they come with a guarantee that you'll visit interesting places that you never thought existed, and make an ideal Xmas present.

 

 

What more can one ask from an international site like this:question:;););)

I know Dave,

I got a good night sleep last night.

How'd you go:question:

A quick diversion here.:yuk:

Welcome to all the new players who've come "out of the closet" with their warped minds to contribute to the NES.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up: ahlocks, turbotheblower, blown a seal, etc; even keepitclean or i'll moderate yer, Admin.

You've got a hard act to follow on from BigPete, IreallyamaCaptain, Geoff, Slartiberger.I'lpervertuchucky and a few more I can't think of at the moment.

Thanks for all laughs you've given me over the past year, and I hope if Santa brings you a visit from the Riverland Girl, your delivery comes after mine.:big_grin:

Have a wonderful Christmas guys.

Kind regards

Planey

Now back to the truthful, offensive, tonge-in-cheek reports.

Oh it's great to be young, hopefully by the time I get to that ripe old age there will be a one for all pill. Oh by they way I just heard the have mixed Viagra with Valium so if you don't get a:censored: you don't give a

As far as Viagra is concerned, my urologist tells me that the latest Viagra is available to put in your tea. It does'nt do anything to improve your sex life, but it stops your biscuits going soft.

Regards Planey:thumb_up::yuk::yuk::yuk:

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy

nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So

he tied her up and then went off flying.

*****************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the

house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey,

pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What

should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said.

'Just get out.'

********************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the

other is a husband.

*************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,

of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card

with the letters ... 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the

optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

***********************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell

you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.'

'Thank heavens,' said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of the Bishops home-made Chardonnay".

********************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her

husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some

more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn

them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going

to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be

CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!

Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt

them You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT!

THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'