planedriver

..it had been decided to introduce some new ideas, the first bieng Plano's Whine House....

Assuming a deliberate spelling mistake or two in the above line. Not that there's too much wrong with that. "Happy hour" will be from 5-6pm daily to maintain a good flow, followed by Turbo Tech Talk on how to play with your own blow-off valve without having to adjust the timer.:hittinghead:

After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year, Scottish

scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and

came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone

network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English

scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after, headlines

in the English newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found

traces of 200-year-old copper wire and have concluded that their

ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a

hundred years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Kerrymen," a southwest Irish newsletter,

reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 metres in peat

bog near Tralee , Paddy O'Droll, a self-taught archaeologist,

reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore

concluded that 300 years ago, Ireland had already gone 'wireless'

Geez Pete, they made you pay to drink the croc's water too! There's no end to how Queenslanders relieve us Southerners of our money!

If you want good clean oats you have to pay a good price, however, oats that have already passed through the horse come a bit cheaper;););)

Good to know you had a good trip Pete, probably arrived home proudly wearing a crocodile hat from the zoo, and carrying rubber crocodiles and Bindy dolls (made in China) for grandaughter.

Regards

Planey

A quick NOTEM here.

With the greatest respect to so many contributors, if one looks back to earlier days of the NES, the story flowed and made a made a lot more sense, as well as being fun for so many more.

Good on the guys for trying to keep it going, but I feel the interest in this section could be declining a bit? and I for one, would love love to see it change for the better, which should'nt be hard.

The last thing I want to do is to offend anyone in any way, but if we can head back to more along the lines of where the story started, we may find more throwing in their two-bobs worth ,and giving us all a good laugh, which would be great.

Judgeing by the number who have ceased to contribute of late , maybe we can can make this section better. Enough said!

Having now spat my dummy, and hopefully not offended anyone, I wish to inform you that Julie Andrews is possibly going to put in a special guest appearance at Narromine to partake of Admins free coffee and hot-cross buns. Bigpete may not be attending sadly, so there may be a dozen or two to spare.

Friarpuk may even have some of his "Special" Narromine-ded plonk available, but this is yet to be confirmed.

Geoff (who's put up with a lot of crap, bless him) may be found talking discounts at the McGuiers Polish stand, while Paley and Bendoon will probably be in the background ensuring that members do no not go too far astray.

With Carine there this year, offering a manicure for the ladies and also offering a very special service digging bits of blown pistons and gaskets etc; from under the nails of the unfortunate guys, it should be a resounding success.

Hope to see many of you there.

Meanwhile, the stalwart Capitan gets on his vintage crystal-set to see if he can hear any messages from the long-lost Echuka Star.

"Ello, Ello, Ello",------- Still not getting any messages, he figures he's in the attic digging out his morse-code pad?, or sucking up to the one who pays the fuel bill so he can get away at Easter.

Everyones mate, Decca, failed to even give us a wave as we flew over the bowling green this arvo from Flt lev 35, as he had his eye on that little white ball.

C'mon you Rusty NES'ers we want to hear from you!

Kind regards

Planey

Meanwhile, back at the ranch----------------------

I'll be there.

Have been wanting to attend for the past few years but never made it.

This year i've told all my friends to show some consideration and not die, get married, hold christenings, or hold divorce party's.

Looking forward to meeting many of the members.

Kind Regards

Planey

"Bloody sad".

Mother nature can be so cruel sometimes, when you least expect it.

My heart goes out to all those who have suffered severe losses. However, the sort of guys that are in this movement, will, i'm sure, help you to minimise the impact.

Hope you all win Lotto as partial compensation for all the hours and dedication that you've put into your aircraft.

Kind regards

Planey

Hmmm, does anyone know anything about conveyor belts?

I've just read ozzies original post and was de-lighted at his contribution;);)

Kind regards

Planey

New advert for the RAAus Mag - any suggestions on how to improve it :big_grin: - I am useless at this sorta stuff!Bravo Sierra Admin:big_grin:, you do a great job.

 

Kind regards

 

Planey

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, the Gold Coast man answered his door to find two grim-faced Queensland Police officers standing there.

'We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,' said one oficer.

'Tell me! Did you find her?' Wilkens shouted.

The officers looked at each other. One said, 'We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?'

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, 'Give me the bad news first.'

The officer said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning our divers found your wife's body in Broadwater'

'Oh my God!' exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, 'What's the good news?':confused:

The officer continued, 'When we pulled her up she had 12 five pound mud crabs and 6 good-size Blue-swimmers crabs clinging to her.' :big_grin:

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, 'If that's the good news, what's the great news?'

The other officer then piped in, 'We're put her back down and we're going to pull her up again tomorrow.':thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

A Queensland farmer got in his ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.

A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked.

"Sorry mate, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"?

"No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here?"

"He went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment.

"You'd have to talk to Dad about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg."

Not surprised at all at this fantastic result.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

As many ads say "check the rest, then come to the best"

Bye the way thank you for all the enjoyment you've given me too.

Yeeeeeha! well done guys for all your hard work.

Kind regards

Planey

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.

I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, " Jeez, I never saw anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic systems for over twenty years."

Now here's a thought.

Stimulus Payment Info.

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgin.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set or some such thing, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

If you spend that money at Kmart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India .

If you buy a car it will go to Japan .

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .

And none of it will help the Australian economy.

We need to keep that money here in Australia. You can keep the money in Australia by spending it at garage sales, going to a cricket match or footy game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (FriarPuks), JABIRU's, TERRIERS, CHEETA's, etc; as these are just some of the few businesses that may still be owned by Aussies

(NOT forgetting the "Clear-Prop" shop):thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Quote of the day.

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t."

A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. As the dentist pulls out a needle to freeze the man's jaw, the patient says:

"'No way! No needles! I hate needles.'thumb_down

So the dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and again the man objects.

'I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'thumb_down

The dentist, by now a little frustrated, asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

'No objection,' says the patient. 'I'm fine with pills.':thumb_up:

The dentist leaves the room, returning a moment later, and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'

'Wow,' says the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'

'It doesn't,' replies the dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.';););)

Boob talk

Bare Chested:ah_oh: Gees the NES has turnes R-Rated, gees common their could be kids watchin:blush:

As for competition I'm in my b cup man boobs are a sight to see :pig:

 

Well thats enough for now, I can hear Biggles on his way back at the sound of boobs and for some reason Asslocks has undone his padlock,

Crappee's quote

It's pretty warm out in the garden tonight, so my Aunt is having a wet tee-shirt competition

WOW!, i'm busting to see one of those, thought Planey, but he did'nt get any clues about the Aunts address.

Off he set with his trusty bloodhound determined to find them.

Dressed in his trilby hat, dark glasses:cool:, and un-buttoned raincoat, he was ready to go and flash his---------------------------------------------camera at the expected beauties.

If I get enough photo's he thought, i'll make a calender to sell at Natfly to all the other deviates.

Eventually arriving at the party, all was not what he'd hoped it would be.thumb_down

There was the ageing aunt and all her friends intoxicated on Dan Murpheys cheapest plonk, standing on their heads giggleing, saying "me poor old knockers are usually by my knees, but now they're where they out to be".

A few were topless and looked like they needed ironing. Even the sheep were better looking.

But used to far better things, and profanities a plenty :angry:being aired about the tips from Le Crappee, he got the hell out of there.

What else could you do------------when you don't hail from NZ:question: (sorry guys)

Thanks Captain

.... Where the stuff is BigPete?He's ....

 

Be kind to BigPete you blokes:angry:

 

The poor guy diversified his interests, to earn enough money to go go flying, and bought an ice-crem truck.

 

Little did he know that the weather was going to be this bloody hot, and look what happened.

 

If you see a shattered man, with a tin in his hand seeking donations at the traffic lights, take heart you lousey buggers.

 

I have just noticed that there are 39 people on this site at the moment, consisting of 26 members and 13 visitors.

A big awaits you visitors, so sign up and say hello. we'd love to hear from you, whether you fly or not.

If you were'nt interested in recreational flying , you would'nt even be looking at this great site.

Kind regards

Planey.

I very recently saw an image of a Jabiru on this site that was melting and somewhat distorted :big_grin:with the heat, but now can't locate it.

If anyone can help me i'd appreciate it.

Many thanks

Planey

How to take the Riverland Girl flying when you've got no fuel.

Dead stick landing.... preceded by a dead stick take off...

http://www.wimp.com/riskylife/

Hi AllWe would just like to advise that Recreational Flying will be at Natfly (with bells on) in the same place as last year:

[ATTACH]7165[/ATTACH]

 

Please note that there will be a tent for all site members to come and meet each other, use as a central point of meeting and have free tea/coffee/hot cross buns etc

 

Recreational Flying (.com.au) more then just a website :big_grin:

It's a place where all the free-loaders and interlectually challenged members who contribute to the NES can meet to bludge a free coffee and hot-cross bun courtesy of Admin.

(I'll be wearing my dark glasses and false mo, so no one will suspect it's Planey, unless they read my name tag.):hittinghead:

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.

3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change:$40.00

Coffee: $2.00

Total: $42.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.

2) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under caravan.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process Curse and swear.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin swearing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit darts trophy.

28) Another beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car is impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00

DUI: $2500.00

Impound fee: $75.00

Bail: $1500.00

Beer: $40.00

Total: $4,185.00

But we know the job was done right!

(we might laugh, but there's an element of truth in it) "Shhh! ;)

Mate thats utter bullsh:censored:-t, or to be more precise birdsh:censored:-t, I never ever saw a thing.[/color]There I was looking skywards as air-minded people usually do, when a flock of birds flew over and I copped one in the eye. My Princess said do you want a toilet tissue?, to which I replied, "No point, that bloody bird will be miles away by now"!

 

 

BigThong, quite proud of his new name, new status as Mayor's right hand man for the Thong Festival, which the fly in was now called (they'd managed to book Dusty Springfield, which was pretty hard these days,

 

No doubt about that, the boy obviously has some pretty good connections, she sadly died back on the 2/3/1999 but does have an angelic voice.

 

Having discovered his mistake, BigThong the organiser, burst into song, and with tears in his eyes and started to sing "I only want to be with you. You don't have to say you love me me, followed by "I just don't know what to do with myself"

 

But now i'm the mayors R/H man, it's quite acceptable for a man in my position, (Kharma Sutra No 437), to be consoled by the Riverland Girl, or, She who pays the fuel bill, or anyone else who measure's up ;););) within the electorate.

 

Le Crapee who was deliberately keeping out of this, was behind the scenes trying to woo the Riverland girl to come with him (possibly spelt wrong) to Narromine, since she'd given Planey the flick :rotary:on the basis that she was more intersted in younger fly-by-nite's:crying:.

 

So will she go with with La Capitan:heart:, JabbyGeoff;),or, IlikeitupsidedownPete:hug:?

 

 

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the man is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"

"I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says the old boy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out playing golf. I have a glass of vino, and all's well."

"Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?"

"Who said my Papa's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my Nono's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather is still alive?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning, too?"

"No, Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118-year- old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"