planedriver

The not very well-prepared student - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper.

The final question asked:

"Give five advantages of breast milk."

What the hell do I write for this one he thought? and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Cats can't steal it.

3. Available whenever necessary.

4. If you're lucky its been pastureyes'd

Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a five part answer.

Again, what to write? Just one more answer he scowled. But suddenly, his face brightened.

He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly scribbled his final answer:

5. It comes in very attractive containers.

A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"

She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."

The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"

She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."

The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."

Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub."

He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

Hmmm' date=' 'Rakehoe'...Dika knows the jargon ....in the garden.:cool_shades:[/color']

The worrying question is----------who is crossdressing as Madam Doubtfire:question:

"That's the stuff", Deccabiker said TurboConstructionworker, "we'll need to repaint it to match the stage theme of course, so could you go down to Bunnings and get some Puce for us?"....

Not quite convinced about Deccabikers idea yet with the fling-wing shredder door, we have a TurboConstructionworker at hand, but do we need a BobTheBuilder as well:question:

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water

in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.

You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.:kboom:

....poor wheelbarrows can't land there...

Meanwhile Planedrivel who's been somewhat bed-ridden of late with, or caused by occasional visits from the Nanna, has been busy working on his new design job.

Not wanting to give too much away at this stage, all I can say is that the landing gear incorporates some bits from the old Victa mowers that were lying around in the shed, and a few old props from Tubs blown-up outboards, and will protrude in front of the tyres.

The commercial side attached to the idea is that when operating from grass strips, the Victa bit bits will chop up and bag the "Cat-Heads" and OwFark Thorns which can be sold as stock-feed to goat farmers, therby offsetting the flying cost's:loopy:.

Had four days off, so took the missus and kids to the Zoo at Dubbo.had to drive... the weather was atrocious. Apart from the gales that blew us off the map on the way up, the trip home was 8/8 cloud at 500ft AGL....

Ben

I just came back from the Sunshine Coast and a trip to Australia Zoo, but due to a back injury had to hire a (geriatrics) electric scooter to get around for the day.

Don't you dare tell any of the guys on here:cool:

Rgds

Planey

:black_eye:

Deccadence is as Deccadence does

However, as we know, he once lazed at a desk with a cup of coffee or hostie on it and flicked a switch every now and again, with a few interspersed "Operations Normal Skipper", although he dodn'y know what abnormal was.......

Our mate Decca possibly knows more about flicking switches and how to procure a leggy latte than he's probably prepared to admit. Thats why Ian included this smiley:black_eye: I kid you not!

Why is this thread in Laughter is the best medicine?You aren't having a piece of us are you flying dog?

You must have a suspicious mind.

Flying Dog would'nt do a thing like that?**#

He probably thought these forums were to do with flying and not powerboats with 2,000hp on the tail, but I suppose that would constitute flying, but rarely getting out of ground effect.

That things certainly faster than my old egg beater, but then i,m not a drug runner.

Though I have been known to pop the odd panadol, or two.

A passenger has been seriously injured after a bridal bouquet brought down a small plane in Italy.

The accident happened after a bride and groom hired the plane to fly by the wedding party and drop the wedding bouquet to a line of female guests, Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera reported.

Forty-four-year-old Isidoro Pensieri had the job of throwing the bouquet out the window.

But trouble struck when the flowers were sucked into the plane's engine, which caught fire and was destroyed.

The stricken plane lost altitude and crashed into a hostel in the town of Suvereto, near Livorno, north-west of Rome.

Pensieri suffered multiple fractures and head injuries in the crash, and was taken to hospital by helicopter. Fifty people in the hostel and the pilot escaped without injury.

That's brilliant.

My nephew in the UK spends a not so small fortune on R/C models including overpowered motor gliders and ceiling fans as I call them (hellies), but having seen this reckons that that he'll have to move the dining room outside to the entertainment area to get more practice.

It's amazing how far the models have progressed since I was actively involved.

He recently sent me these figures of his latest electric-powered motor glider which have a climb rate beyond most RAA stuff.

Check this out---------

Hi Alan,

Sorry I missed your call earlier, I was out flying hellies and my 'Lift-Off' Hotliner.

I have attached the graph from the on board data logger.

It is basically an overpowered 1.9 meter glider with outragous vertical performance.

By zooming in I was able to extract the following information.....

Max Height: 1800 feet

Climb rate under power:-

At 21.9 sec height was 301 feet

At 31.9 sec height was 1570 feet

Therefore in 10 seconds it climbed 1269 feet

Multiply by 6 = 7614 feet/min.

Who said planes are boring!!!

Regards Robin

I cant afford the real thing of late which makes me think that I should renovate the model I have in the garage that needs some TLC.

Kind regards

Alan

A truckie came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires ... mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights.. is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon !

'Oh,... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The truckie asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?'

'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

A shapely divorcee who moved in next door earlier in the year, loved growing her own vegetables, but complained that she couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red this season.

She was admiring my roses and noticed my vegetable patch which had a good crop of plump bright red tomatoe's.

The woman asked "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

I replied, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed with my gardening prowess, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden, to see if it would work for her.

So twice a day for about three weeks, (22days to be precise, I was checking from behind the curtains), she exposed herself in her garden hoping for the best.

One day I asked her, "By the way, how did you make out with your vegie patch, did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No," she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous.";)

Absolutely amazing!

You could'nt put a price on what the finished model would have been worth.

Doug you could have warned us that there were 80odd pages to download, and that the little boy in the early photo's is now probably married with half a dozen kids, but he would have learned one hell of a lot along the way.

I didnt see anything of his misses (neither did he) but maybe he's like some ultralighters, and prefers it that way.

And to think that I thought my Airfix Lancaster Bomber kit took a long time to build.

Thanks for sharing the link.

Regards

Alan

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked up a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly sir, replied the boy putting the last of his pocket-money on the counter, they aren't for me, they're for him. He's my brother. He's only four.

We saw the ad on TV, and they said if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike.

Right now, he can't do either."

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea , it is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today:loopy:.

It was fun being a baby boomer :rilla::rilla: until now.

Some of the artists of the 60's

are revising their hits.

They include;

Hermans Hermits - Mrs Brown you've got a lovely walker.

Bee Gees - How can you mend a broken hip?

Roberta Flack - First time ever I forgot your face.

Paul Simon - 50 ways to lose your liver.

The Commodores - Once,twice,three times to the bathroom.

Marvin Gaye - Heard it through the hearing aid.

Procol Harem - A whiter shade of hair.

Leo Sayer - You make me feel like napping.

The Temptations - Pappas got a kidney stone.

Abba - Denture Queen

Helen Reddy - I am woman hear me snore.

Leslie Gore - It's my procedure and I'll cry if I want to.

And my favourite...

Willy Nelson - On the commode again.

Thankfully, you're still with us.

Ceiling fans are best for keeping us cool.

Rgds

Planey

How about this one then?

 

I didn't take it obviously.

Presumably you were landing somewhere to set-up your Slati-Hotplate hot-dog stall for the benefit of others. (What a kind man)

Rgds

Planey

To join up with the SAAA would be brilliant.

After all, we all have the same common interest.

Regards

Planey

You're saying that my jumbo-pack of toilet rolls I bought at the markets today must be a good investment for the future. Thats great!.

However, my grandsons daiper investment, was full of surprises and a bit on the nose.