The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

There was a scramble for seats, and Cappy finished the song in a weak falsetto, and was bordering on being kicked out as a dud (this apparently happens frequently) when .......

.... his opera singing, piano playing alter ego Dudley Moore took over once the cameras were on.

 

The crowd were stunned and Delta was beside herself with admiration, so the entire .....

 

Crappy looked just like this .... always happy and jovial, but taller

[turboplanner]

......audience burst into tears. Cappy sang  excactly on key, exactly on tempo, exactly the right about of vibrato, and that's all Turbo had to say about that.

 

Cappy made it into rthe cut, but now he had to cut his Hair, cut his nose hair, wash himself, and put on TV makeup, abd he had to do that every week. The Bayliss Street Latte joints  hung on his every word, and people whispered he sounded very much like an up market Johnny Farnham. 

 

People in the street stopped him and aske if they could get a selfie, he was a STAR!

 

Then the WAGGA WAGGA Morning Herald came out........................

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Then the WAGGA WAGGA Morning Herald came out....

.... to expose the fact that he was also a star on The Farmer wants a Floozy, and one of the finalists on  I'm a Nuff Nuff get me Out of Here, so Cappy was getting more exposure, cash and chicks that was .....

[Captain]

13 hours ago, Captain said:

The Farmer wants a Floozy, and one of the finalists on  I'm a Nuff Nuff get me Out of Here

Cappy has actually been asked to host those shows + read the news, as not many people know that the network plans to flick the Erwin kiddie. So let's see how it all goes over coming weeks. He has also been offered Karl's gig on the morning show, so perhaps a name change to Cappy Steppenoverit is on the cards.

[turboplanner]

The avid readers of the NES will be interested to know Turbo broke this news on his blog TURBINE TALES!.  

 

NESSERS are asked not to tell any one but Farmer wants a Floozy made the mistake of filming at the Cowra BNS  and we know what the COWRA ball is like don't we. In fact they did away with the Orchestra completely this year because no one listened to the last three.

 

People will recall Turbo wrote about going to Cowra a few weeks ago; well really it was for protection of the caste; Cappy was there in a St Kilda football outfit, Turbo went as a Papuan Warrior, carrying a Message Stick (which was big enough to give anyone the message.)

 

The TFWAF camera crew set up, and the contestants arrived by limo and exited arm in arm.

 

It was good TV for the first few minutes, then a group of wheat cockies from Murringo grabbed the chicks and started to show them what REAL farmers were like - this was all on film.

 

The TWAF farmers, who'd been selected from the Gold Coast (and you know what that means) ran for the Hummers and the TWAF filming fell into chaos.

 

Almost naturally, as if he haad been doing it all his life, Captain Cook VIII. took over as Director, and asked Turbo to be Key Grip. 

 

They turned the cameras on the real farmers, and pulled no shots. The Network realised they had a Gold Logie in their hands and the rest is history.

[turboplanner]

14 hours ago, Captain said:

.... to expose the fact that he was also a star on The Farmer wants a Floozy, and one of the finalists on  I'm a Nuff Nuff get me Out of Here, so Cappy was getting more exposure, cash and chicks that was .....

......necessary because his head started to get swollen and he started talking of Hollywood. However, it has to be said that he's got talent, and does a better job that the current lot of ........................

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...necessary because his head started to get swollen and he started talking of Hollywood. However, it has to be said that he's got talent, and does a better job that the current lot of ...

..... warkers, who ....

[Captain]

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

asked Turbo to be Key Grip.

.... and he's had a grip on it ever since, which is not a bad effort for a man of his seniority on Wreck Frying.

[bull]

10 hours ago, Captain said:

.... and he's had a grip on it ever since, which is not a bad effort for a man of his seniority on Wreck Frying.

.....and one handed to boot!!!.now this caused a stir amongst the ladies at the rissole at............

[turboplanner]

............and Bull had to think for a minute. There was the cherry brandy down the dress incident at Bone, the groping at Charleville even though  they all do it, the accidentally slipped on the slope incident at Broken Hill, judged the best turn on ever in the barrier, the ..................

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............and Bull had to think for a minute. There was the cherry brandy down the dress incident at Bone, the groping at Charleville even though  they all do it, the accidentally slipped on the slope incident at Broken Hill, judged the best turn on ever in the barrier, the ..................

.... above items all being essential progressive qualifications for an AO in Australian not so polite society.

 

But to make it into the lead in the FWAF and IANNGMOOH really accelerated him up the ladder to King's Birthday (it will always be Queen's Birthday to me) honors.

 

One interesting observation was that as he was accelerated up the awards ladder, he noticed, as a fleeting glance, the names of bull and the Turgidplonker there, stuck at a lowish level as he went by, and he was heartened to know that AOs cannot be bought with either cash or prawns, yet they can be .....

[turboplanner]

......given to the everyday hard working person, who's managed to live a life without spitting in the street, saying "eh" after every sentence, encouraged the spread of Ultralights all over the world although "two people in a Drifter over Moscow" failed when the weak Rotex engine didn't stand up to just a 9 mm round from below.

......given to two people who served the Motherland. Pompey or Pommy or whatever its called these days and.......................

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......given to two people who served the Motherland. Pompey or Pommy or whatever its called these days and...........

.... perhaps soon to be The Islamic Republic of not so Great Britain, and given his stout service, numerous medals (including the VD and Scar) plus his still weeping wound, this made Turbs a little .....

[turboplanner]

............Nervous.Poms were nasty little pricks if you upset them, and when Turbo said something about an asinise Order, or a stupid plan, Cappy had a bad habit of sniggering loudly enough to be heard by an Officer and when the "What was that, Cook?" spilling the beans with "Turbo said that Sir" in the tones of an Angel. Inevitably the Officer would say "Him again" and Turbo would be grounded for the Friday night dance. Cappy would tell everyone at the dance and make a hero of himself, but then came the Friday night and he'd yell Turbo's name but Turbo was locked up and the poms.......................

[Captain]

.... didn't realise that at the end of the night Cappy would walk Mavis Slim over to the stockade ..... because she could fit between the bars, and then give Turbo a well deserved.....

Edited Saturday at 04:15 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......decent meal from the pub and a pot of beer, then slip him the keys to the Brig as she walked out the door wagging her .........................

[Captain]

.... bustle, and jiggling her .....

[turboplanner]

.......ears. This distracted the quartermasters long enough for Turbo to get out, and fly out of the district in his BarrelRoller..................

[Captain]

..... which he designed, using the chassis of a Freightliner (pre stress-cracks), and the body of a .....

[turboplanner]

.........DC3.

This most unusual aircraft my not appear to be flyable with Captain Cook's components, but not many people know that NHVR recently caught a Freightliner with the speed limiter  "altered" The driver had been about to drink a cup of coffee and was so hot he let go, and it bounced into the speed limiter. The NHVR operative didn't accept that explanation, aand pulled out he Swiss Army knife and found the speed limiter set to 251 km/hr. Turbo calculated the power demand at that speed at 8,353 kiloWatts, but the operative wouldn't budge and the poor driver was headed for ..............................

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but the operative wouldn't budge and the poor driver was headed for ......

.... Mextoria, where you can obtain the best protection from prosecution that money can buy.

 

"Do nothing special" the driver said modestly "Just treat me like Dan and I'll be living in a mansion down the coast in no time ............... and also, can you get me an introduction to that mystical fellow (he is like a mixture between Zorro & the scarlet Pimple, but with a capital T) the Turgidplonker as he is famous in the trucking and speedway games and I have idolized him since I was in short pants and had a .....

[Captain]

13 hours ago, Captain said:

..... he is like a mixture between Zorro & the scarlet Pimple, but with a capital T) the Turgidplonker .....

Here, dear readers, is the image of the individual that the driver had in mind.

He got it spot on, too, as that is the young virile Turbo that I knew, admired, and was proud to call my best friend.

Edited Saturday at 08:45 PM by Captain

[Captain]

And here he is mid 2026, trying to find his way home after a night on the Jungle Juice at the Moorabbin equivalent of the BOB (which is one of the few dives that have not yet been firebombed or ram raided in Melbournistan).

 

 

Edited Saturday at 08:54 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

Turbo thanks Cappy for his kind, virtuous..............Turbo wasn't quite through with the praise of his dear friend when the second image appeared, grossly distorted by AI so he will leave the praise there - bastardo.

 

......shown about to begin patrolling in his new Auscheck job. Auscheck had noticed some whining about having to carry an ASIC card coming from some social media platforms and bogs.

 

They had approached Turbo asking him to do something about it.

 

Turbo asked what amount of force could be used. "You decide" said the AusCheck chief, a former prison Governor.

 

And so,Turbo went to work. As you would expect, a poke in the nuts with that big sword madean immediate change in attitude, and ASIC cards soon appeared on every lapel..........................

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and ASIC cards soon appeared on every lapel......

.... and in wallets and man-bags, next to the condoms, as an ASIC Card is a surefire way to get a .....

Edited Saturday at 09:20 PM by Captain