The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

......embarrassed, knowing Doubtfire couldn't catch both of them and Cappy was tethere. In a few strides he was down a sidestreet running for the Highway and looking for a Kenworth, even if it was an SAR. There was one coming now driven by what looked like a Yowie, but was Raj fom Delhi. He gunned the big one tonne Cummins engine (Turbo is currently working on a project to take a tonne out of a semi trailer but at the moment removing the Cummins is still on the drawing board being worked on.

 

They were soon heading north, and Sergeant Doutfire was looking Cappy up and down.

 

Cappy nearly crushed his Rosary beads ..................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

They were soon heading north, and Sergeant Doutfire was looking Cappy up and down.

Cappy nearly crushed his Rosary beads .....

..... which had originally been owned by Pope Alexander VI — Rodrigo Borgia (or Roddy to his mates), and had been gifted to the Skipper by Sophia Loren, who was a relo of Roddy's.

 

The crushing of those precious beads occurred when Cappy learnt that Doubtfire had been coopted to ASIO in the ISIS Insurrection Section and in true Canberra fashion, she was about to be sent to the Spratleys dressed as a Chinese grandma to see what ISIS leaders she could find.

 

Now Doubtfire is a comely woman with red hair & considerable cleavage, so for her own good Crappy thought that perhaps ..... 

[turboplanner]

....he should help her practice some moves in case she was accosted by one of those Isis fidels. You only had to look at the Isis wives to know what ..................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....he should help her practice some moves in case she was accosted by one of those Isis fidels. You only had to look at the Isis wives to know what ..................

.... black sunnies and a black bedsheet can do for a woman's attractiveness.

 

So, any Chinese ISIS leaders on the Spratleys were in deep strife once Doubty gets there and dons the ASIO issued "official mix in with the locals grandma disguise" (the usual ASIO OMIWTLGD kit), which also includes ......

[turboplanner]

.............two Glocks (which was a condition of Agent Doubtfire who was looking for some sport.) Turbo wasn't happy about this because he knew where it was going to lead but the gutless Langley just ordered Turbo to "observe" which he did...............

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............two Glocks (which was a condition of Agent Doubtfire who was looking for some sport.) Turbo wasn't happy about this because he knew where it was going to lead but the gutless Langley just ordered Turbo to "observe" which he did...............

.... so Doubtfire had 2 guardian angels, with Crappy keeping in touch with her via the Aussie equivalent of 2 fruit cans and a length of string, only available between 6.46 & 7.02 pm on a good day because the ASIO budget is tight (and the Minister needs to fly over to the [Fly In F$%k About] FIFA World Cup), and Turbs has the full resources of Langley, Elon's satellites + rockets, and he also has a squadron of personal drones, which is apt as he can drone on at times.

 

Turbo's favorite Tool (apart from Cappy) was ......

Edited July 1 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......the Drifter III Drone, an iteration of that ageless aircraft that was aerobatic (you could spin in from 10,000 '), and economical on fuel thanks to the Bluehead which had auto stop when it was pointed for home.

We can't tell you anything about Drifter III because we were told to keep the name secret.

Turbo gave the Bluehead full throttle until there was nothing on the gauge but the maker's name.  The D III, with a load of ten tiny Twister titanium turbine powered attack drones, is not a very resonsive aircraft, handling roughly like a J230 with four big men in it, slowly ....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

We can't tell you anything about Drifter III because we were told to keep the name secret.

Turbo gave the Bluehead full throttle until there was nothing on the gauge but the maker's name.  The D III, with a load of ten tiny Twister titanium turbine powered attack drones, is not a very responsive aircraft, handling roughly like a J230 with four big men in it, slowly ...

..... Turbid tracked (OTref) towards the Spatleys on a Langley approved watch, wait and see (WW&S) mission which required a terrific degree of patience, something that Turgid has in spades, as proven by his waiting to see the Libs back in power in Vicmanistan.

 

Langley had given him their latest set of Virtual Reality goggles, where he can idle the Drifter (now operating as a Lurker (Bernieref) Aerial Asset which he can just maintain station gliding into the wind at idle at 27,000 ft, monitoring all aspects of the flight (and targetting) thru the left side of the VR headset, while for a long mission such as this, at the same time he can watch Bugs Bunny Cartoons or torrid porn through the right side of the headset.

 

Turbo chose the ......

Edited July 1 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......left side; he was irritated that CIA made him share a VR with Cappy who insisted on the right-side optics,  because on some occasions where AWACS were giving target instructions you could hear a raucus "yibbidy, YIbbidy, YIBBIDY!" and on more than one occasion Tiger 1 had been asked "WHAT IS GOING ON THERE!". All Turbo could say was "nothing".................................

[Captain]

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......left side; he was irritated that CIA made him share a VR with Cappy who insisted on the right-side optics,  because on some occasions where AWACS were giving target instructions you could hear a raucus "yibbidy, YIbbidy, YIBBIDY!" and on more than one occasion Tiger 1 had been asked "WHAT IS GOING ON THERE!". All Turbo could say was "nothing".................................

.... because Turbo is ever loyal to his mission buddy and has often gone wayyyyy out of his way to hide Crappy's indiscretions.

 

Cappy particularly liked The Tazzy Devil and Daffy Duck cartoons, and even more when they were dressed up in those costumes on Pornhub, but as is usual for Cappy, the mission and his best mate came first, so he dedicated himself to being just the Weapons Officer, turned off Bugs doing stuff to Daphne Duck and .....

[Captain]

Apologies to our thousands of dedicated readers, but Turbo dropped his virtual reality glasses and broke them, so the Drifter Lurking Drone is now over Thailand following the same track (OTref) as MH370 ..... but worry not, as not many people know that Tubb is very adept at getting out of bad situations, and I am confident that he can either get us back to the Spratleys to save Doubty, or we will find MH370 out west of the Abrolhos.

Cappy is just the Weapons Officer and is not permitted to touch the flight controls, so I am waiting just like youze thousands are.

[turboplanner]

.........Turbo had to take over. This was difficult at the time because he had contracted to count the number of potholes between Melboure and Brisbane up the Newell. The government had specified a fast cross country aircraft, so Turbo quoted and outrageous price and won the contract, and had to pull the old Cessna 210 out of the hay shed, hose the possum crap out as best he could climb to 500' agl and count the black holes. The first thing he noticed was the flooding all over the paddocks and creeks; global warming had finished. He was also tasked to tell them which vehicles were causing the propblem, so he set the old SLR with the AI module to "Only take photos of Caravans and adjust the shot to be near a pothole, oh and make all the 4WDs blow smoke." The C210 is back in the shed now; good job done again!                                                              After reading Cappy's pointed comments, Turbo realised he had doubled up, so he hit "Screw Up 4" which included a reassuring statement for Cappy whose panys would be sprayed by now. He couldn't remember where he was supposed to be, and the operation became serious...........................        

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

After reading Cappy's pointed comments, Turbo realised he had doubled up, so he hit "Screw Up 4" which included a reassuring statement for Cappy whose panys would be sprayed by now. He couldn't remember where he was supposed to be, and the operation became serious..........

.... when Turbs was found wandering the streets of Moorabbin in his PJs & with his Teddy under his arm.

 

Some well-meaning NESer went to Moorabbin HiFi and bought him another cheap & on-special VR headset and showed him which end of his body it fitted onto, so via a dodgy Wi-Fi connection at the local Coffee Shop (Moorabbin Mocca & Macchiato Makers) Tubb was back at the controls of the drone (isn't technology wonderful) and ......

 

A photo from the MM&MM website as they tried to get it fitted.

 

Edited July 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

 ...........Cappy was saved. As we've all seen, as usual, Cappy took the credit, so Turbo got even by standing on the Pub counter and telling everyone the drinks were on Cappy all night. Cappy became the town hero, so that one backfired, and the town Council toward dawn were called to order by the Mayor and resolved to build a statue of the "brave and resourceful Captain!", The world is safe because one of the councillors was an artist, and decided she would carve the statue. Turbo has seen the 17 sheets of paper with balloons, suggestive words, and attempts at the human body. When every one woke up the next day...................

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

When every one woke up the next day......

..... the Council had done a deal to buy the poxy Mextorian Dan Andrews statue (which depicts him covered in windscreen glass & standing triumphant over the Bike Boy), so they quickly cut the bike boy section off and remelted it, then took an Oxy to Dan's face and prepared to remodel that using a bust that is the combination of Rock Hudson (NTTIAWWT) and Alexander the Great.

 

The CWA girls in the town were a bit excited, but given that Turbs and Cappy were still on their mission, the girls were safe and the ...... 

Edited July 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......mission went on, all the better for the inspiring, but moth eaten statue of Cappy drawing thousands of visitors a day. The kebab stalls, Dim Sim trolleys, and Taco throwers could hardly keep up with the demand. In fact,     .......................

[Captain]

.... even after a fully mechanised Chico Roll production line was installed, the demand kept building and an opportunity was established to turn the statue into a "Big Thing", with a rotating restaurant inside the head, so that .....

[turboplanner]

........so that they could look out on the world like Cappy does. One guest asked why there was sloshing water all round the round window, and although we didn't want to, we had to explain that was the gin.................

[Captain]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

we had to explain that was the gin .......

.... as the inspiration for the Big Thing was a fun-lover (and a fun lover as the CWA girls are aware).

 

Not many people know that the reason that Cappy built the ever reliable 6 cylinder 230 was to visit every CWA Branch in OZ and try to score. The outcome was spectacular, but the results will be kept under wraps to protect the guilty. Suffice to say that many a CWA branch, and their associated local nursing home, were happier places after his visit.

 

As the Weapons Officer, Cappy was still unsure what buttons to press to optimize the weaponry in order to provide best protection for Doubtfire, as a redheaded sizeable woman in the Spratleys wearing traditional Chinese dress will stand out like the proverbial .... but he still had time ..... and as the Drifter Lurker Drone was now over Vietnam, Cappy decided to drop a 200 pounder on the bloke who shot his mate Tommy at Long Tan, so he called on Turbo to hold her steady while he looked thru the bomb aimer. "Right a bit Tubb" he said "Steady", "Left a bit" and then dropped the humorous line that all bomb aimers use, when he said "Back a bit" .... & they all laughed ..... and he released the bomb.

 

As the DLD cleared the cost of Malaysia, the thing occurred that all remote drone operations have grown to loath, when both Tubb and Cappy both felt the call and needed to ablute without delay. It was like their tracts had synchronized, because ..... 

[Captain]

PS .... Both OT and bull have been quiet for a while.

 

Hope they are OK.

[turboplanner]

.......the atmosphere was so "full" that the slightest spark would result in an explosion. Turbo held his nose to the tiny observation port [avref]  and Cappy squeezed his head out into the bom bay, and that's the way they flew home to .......

[Captain]

.... the sounds of .....

[turboplanner]

.....the Grongy Rock Band at the last BNS Ball. Not many people know that GRB were neck and neck in the Rock industry with LRB but the GRB guys would rather race each other to put the wheat crop in than sing. Sadly since that era the population of Grong Grong has been falling off. Once, famous people like Wheels Magazine's Bill Tuckey would drive down from Sydney with the latest Car release to test it on Grong Grong Straight, with Turbo tagging along to hold the spoon. The spoon was a switch held on a long stick. Turbo would put his spoon under the rear tyre, and Tuckey would slam on tnrottle. There's nothing more painfull than your spoon being skun by tyrespin. That's all gone now; Sex Education and Birth Control handouts in the Primary School ended the flow of BNS partners that taught Cappy all he knowns, and Turbo is still under a Notorised agreement never to set foot within five miles of Grong Grong.

Worse, On the 210 pothole flight up theNewell a few days ago Turbo was setting up for the clover leaf so the cameras could get the exact Newell surface, he found Grongy or as the millenials call it "The Grong" has been bypassed! The highway now makes a big curve where Cappy and Turbo  used to park; what could be worse than that.............................

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Worse, On the 210 pothole flight up theNewell a few days ago Turbo was setting up for the clover leaf so the cameras could get the exact Newell surface, he found Grongy or as the millenials call it "The Grong" has been bypassed! The highway now makes a big curve where Cappy and Turbo  used to park; what could be worse than that.....

.... ?

 

The .....

[Captain]

While Cappy and Turbo will always call it Grongy, and have fond memories of their exploits there.

 

Turbo is having trouble at the moment accepting that he was and is Gen Baby Boomer, whereas he is also "hip" & now behaves like he is Generation Alpha (2013 to 2024), where he brings potato chips, Coke and ruskets to a TikTok dance — and still steals the show, and he calls memes ‘those funny picture postcards’ and prints them out for sticking onto his fridge using with Freightliner & Offenhauser fridge magnets.

Edited July 6 by Captain