The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He would do a quick reconnoitre, take a few shots of the lines with his Brownie, always managing to get those lifts which allowed him to land higher up. Turbo infiltrated the lines lower down and told the Khybers stories of a ghost ship from God piloted by a Debil Debil, and that helped to hold the lines down.

.... when they all fell into a boredom induced slumber and Turbo, ever the opportunist, went to visit their womenfolk.

[turboplanner]

and measured, before becoming a folk hero for centuries. It wasn't until Turbo was in Jerilderee one day looking for a hard to get Facel Lite MkII powered by a Bluehead that he stopped off at the Kelly Museum and read the Jerideree Letter,

 

He then realised the real truth of the Ned Kelly Legend, which little Jimmy Chalmers copied this week. Ned should have started with a Cat Farm, but history got in the way, and horses couldn't.........

 

True Story:

Turbo had been at the Brisbane Truck Show which started on a Thursday with serious Industry entrepreneurs coming through looking for deals on 600 trucks for their project and finishing  on a Saturday night where most of the action was keeping four year olds from falling out of Kenworth Cabs. About 9 pm on the Saturday night when Turbo's legs ached from days of standing on concrete, a man with a beard walked up, smartly dressed and introduced himself as Rob Kelly. Smartass as he was, Turbo couldn't stop himself  saying "Are you one of the NED Kellys?"

 

The man stepped back his eyes opened wide and he said "Yes", how did you know?"  

 

Turbo admitted to being a smartass and Rob said "did you know the story?" and spent the next hour explaining how at the seige of Glenrowan, they managed to get Ned away, and one of his brothers stepped into the armour and the rest is history. Ned rode up through NSW and finished up settling at Ipswich where he married and lived out his life and is buried in the Ipswich Cemetery, under a different name of course.    They finished their business pricing up a truck for the dealer and Rob went on his way.   

"Truck Shows" Turbo thought, and forgot about this unlikely story.

 

Some years later Turbo was reading the Saturday Newspaper, and there was the story; a team of investigators had traced Ned at various locations heading north and were researching the graves in the Ipswich cmetery.

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

and measured, before becoming a folk hero for centuries. It wasn't until Turbo was in Jerilderee one day looking for a hard to get Facel Lite MkII powered by a Bluehead that he stopped off at the Kelly Museum and read the Jerideree Letter,

 

He then realised the real truth of the Ned Kelly Legend, which little Jimmy Chalmers copied this week. Ned should have started with a Cat Farm, but history got in the way, and horses couldn't.........

 

True Story:

Turbo had been at the Brisbane Truck Show which started on a Thursday with serious Industry entrepreneurs coming through looking for deals on 600 trucks for their project and finishing  on a Saturday night where most of the action was keeping four year olds from falling out of Kenworth Cabs. About 9 pm on the Saturday night when Turbo's legs ached from days of standing on concrete, a man with a beard walked up, smartly dressed and introduced himself as Rob Kelly. Smartass as he was, Turbo couldn't stop himself  saying "Are you one of the NED Kellys?"

 

The man stepped back his eyes opened wide and he said "Yes", how did you know?"  

 

Turbo admitted to being a smartass and Rob said "did you know the story?" and spent the next hour explaining how at the seige of Glenrowan, they managed to get Ned away, and one of his brothers stepped into the armour and the rest is history. Ned rode up through NSW and finished up settling at Ipswich where he married and lived out his life and is buried in the Ipswich Cemetery, under a different name of course.    They finished their business pricing up a truck for the dealer and Rob went on his way.   

"Truck Shows" Turbo thought, and forgot about this unlikely story.

 

Some years later Turbo was reading the Saturday Newspaper, and there was the story; a team of investigators had traced Ned at various locations heading north and were researching the graves in the Ipswich cmetery.

 

And so Dear Readers. How can someone of Crappy's limited composition skills follow that. Crappy is overwhelmed.

 

Turdboy wins the NES story development skill quest and at the same time kills off the NES as Crappy feels inadequate and will now go back into his box, ...................... some say good.

 

Prior to his retirement Cappy can however attest that Rob's story is correct as Cappy's bushranger rello, Thunderbox, always reckoned that Ned made a cameo showing at the annual B&S Ball (Bushrangers and Sinners Ball) where he was inducted into the Bushranger's Hall of Fame.

[Captain]

Not many people know that Cappy has been locked in a long and mutually pleasurable relationship with one of Ned's female progeny from his secret life in Qld.

 

After a long session after which she expressed effusive thanks, she gave Cappy the original of a secret sepia rubbing showing Ned's brother on the way to Melbourne, block of ice in place. You can see where the armor had chafed him, as he was a different fit to Ned on the armor sizing scale, but squeezed into it never- the-less, in order to save his more famous brother.

 

This has great historic significance and ties together so well the ground-breaking data disclosed in Tink's recent long post.

 

PS This rubbing is now being considered for inclusion on the obverse of the new $5 note.

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo has been moved to tears thinking of the generosity and self sacrifice of Ned's brother Seamus Kelly, who never got the recognition for the many raids he carried out in northeast Victoria and the Riverina while his lazy bro Ned was entertaining journalists at the local pub.

 

Also at the sensitive way his friend Cappy had depicted Seamus.

 

He respectfully asks for a dot or two.

 

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He respectfully asks for a dot or two.

..

[turboplanner]

..Captain Cook VII awoke in a strange place. There were Aerial vehicles floating through the air enjoying the popular sport of banana peeling the beachgoers, CCVII quickly became one of the targets in his out of place clothing.

He was standing on the sand of Kealakehua Bay in the exact spot his ancestor had been speared. Back home, he'd been trying to invent a batteryless alarm clock using AI, and AI did what it does and turned it into a time machine uncommanded. CCVII had a Drifter so he was most interested in the aerial vehicles and after returning the banana peel up its owner's nose, asked him for details. Putting his finger to his nose and blowing out the banana peel, an affable Kamehamea explained the balloons were made from Diprodon guts, and they filled them up with the green gas seeping out of the secret places, but wouldn't say any more.

CCVII was itching to fly so........................................................................................

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Putting his finger to his nose and blowing out the banana peel, an affable Kamehamea explained the balloons were made from Diprodon guts, and they filled them up with the green gas seeping out of the secret places, but wouldn't say any more.

CCVII was itching to fly so.......

.... he wanted to be friendly and cooperative, like are all of the members of the Cook family, but several technical issues got in the way.

 

"Excuse me my good chap" said CCVII, ever the gentleman (and always bearing in mind what befell CCI in this region due to a sharp object between the shoulder blades) "But what are the good people of Kealakehua Bay doing with the guts of an extinct car-sized Aussie wombat (a good example of which was found at Redbanks, just east of Burra, SA,) and when + how did you learn that their guts kept the green gas in, while also complying with the FAA regulations contained in 14 CFR Part 31 – Airworthiness Standards: Manned Free Balloons, with particular reference to the several operational rules in Part 91 and certification/maintenance rules in Part 21 and Part 43?"

 

The affable Kamehamehan (AK), thought a moment, gave them an embarrassingly long scratch, pulled out the byelaws of the Kamehameha Fixed Wing and Balloon Club (the KFW&BC), and quoted from the Introduction which said "........  

[turboplanner]

"....Members of the KFW$BC shall follow the Rules in the Rule Book at all times."

 

CCVII, a bit of a stickler for rules was getting excited and asked to see the book. In his own era no one could beat him in defining a paragraph, or pointing out the importamce of a particular comma.

"We don't have one" laughed (AK), and CCVII stood there in awe of the exquisite skill of these odd people, cannibals, who would have a great laugh when the equivelent of a CASA FoI tried one on. Even better (in the eyes of some serial law breakers, when they'd finished laughing the tribe would chop him up and eat him for lunch.

 

An older warrior hopped up and invited CCVII for a spin, One Leg had been out fishing when a storm came up and blew him way out  into mid ocean. Sick of eating the fish he caught during the next month, he'd chopped off his leg because he knew humans tasted much better that fish.

 

They spent the afternoon drifting around over the Hawaiian Islands looking for .......

 

The people of Redbanks in the Burra District of South Australia regularly reported cars being hit by wombats - three injured in SM but always there was someone who immediately corrected their English to "wombat hit by car", so that even today no one is following up on controlling these dangerous animals from South Australia.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"We don't have one" laughed (AK), and CCVII stood there in awe of the exquisite skill of these odd people, cannibals, who would have a great laugh when the equivelent of a CASA FoI tried one on. Even better (in the eyes of some serial law breakers, when they'd finished laughing the tribe would chop him up and eat him for lunch.

"So, no $150 hamburgers for us mate" commented the AK with a glint in his eye and glancing at CCVII's pink succulent calf.

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

They spent the afternoon drifting around over the Hawaiian Islands looking for ......

... a good and worthy break along the North Shore where CCVII could get a decent left, as he was a goofy footer and his triple fin 10-footer meant that he could .......

[Captain]

45 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The people of Redbanks in the Burra District of South Australia regularly reported cars being hit by wombats - three injured in SM but always there was someone who immediately corrected their English to "wombat hit by car", so that even today no one is following up on controlling these dangerous animals from South Australia.

Even though the Eastern Road at Redbanks is littered by wrecked cars and dead Diprotodons. This was a valuable development for the local Aboriginal tribe who had been taken to court by a 28 million Aussies Class Action for selfishly & systematically exterminating these lovable big wombats over the last 20,000, 40,000, 60,000 years .... and here they were, now able to prove in open court that the big buggers were still around and that the tribe/clan/nation had been doing the country a favor by keeping the roads uncluttered by these oversized hairy-arsed dangers to traffic.

[turboplanner]

......perform like no other, and particularly better than the Hawaiians who'd never seen a surf board in that era and thought it was some sort of pet animal.  CCVII, showing financial skills that were handed down through the generations to the present Cappy, suggested a Surfing Festival, Winner Takes All. Every male on the Island nominated and they all raced into the hinterland to cut surfboards from the standa of giant hickory trees. Two weeks later they were all lined up.  A wombat gut airship was tethered on the beach so judges could carefully observe all the moves like breaks and stuff, and they were ready..................

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Two weeks later they were all lined up.  A wombat gut airship was tethered on the beach so judges could carefully observe all the moves like breaks and stuff, and they were ready....

.... for the competition, so while swearing to abide by the rules, behind their hands it was agreed that if CCVII won, he would be the subjected to tribal law .... and while they told CCVII that he would win a Wahine who might kill him with kindness, and while, like all in his family, this prospect made the blood rush from CCVII's head, in the background astute ears could hear spears being sharpened by the community's Black & Decker angle grinder, which was ......

[turboplanner]

.....found on Cook's ship, The Bounty, and cut spear making time by weeks using the old method of sand grinding which was also hard on the hands and could lead to ..............

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....found on Cook's ship, The Bounty, and cut spear making time by weeks using the old method of sand grinding which was also hard on the hands and could lead to .....

... chafed nipples and the skin inflamed on your bum, hence why CCI's orginal ship had been called the Golden Hind-Quarters, and that could also lead to .....

[turboplanner]

.....the horrible sight of a group of sailors after they climbed up to the Yard Arm smoking and talking and lookig from underneath like a row of Rhesus Monkeys ....................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the horrible sight of a group of sailors after they climbed up to the Yard Arm smoking and talking and lookig from underneath like a row of Rhesus Monkeys ....................

..... (RM's), which was all the fault of the Admiralty in 1740 when they insisted that all able seamen should climb the yardarm pantless .... which also coincided with a period when there were a number of quite fruity Admirals in charge .... but hey, don't knock it if you haven't tried it, because as the old saying goes .....

 

That reminds Cappy of when he was completing his Law Degree at Oxford, there was a story going around about Winston Churchill, where his aid briefed him one morning that one of the Lords had been caught in a park overnight being intimate with a guardsman.

 

"Churchill asked "Wasn't the temperature below freezing last night?" to which his aid nodded affirmatively.

 

Then Winston replied, "Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it?" 

[turboplanner]

.......when you make the Yard Arm, you make the rules.

 

Not many people know that in the sailing ship days, one or two sailors were usually flicked off the yard arm in rough seas; the saying means that if a person had survived many crossings, he knew what he was doing and had the right to tell others what to do.

 

Attached is a photo of George Turbine's "Gold Star" which he built himself a lot faster than people take to build a tiny recreational aircraft today.

 

This gives NES viewers an idea of the enormous height and swing which was the sailors daily workplace, they not only had to hang on, but tie every different knot known to man while hanging upside down by the knee and keeping salt water out of their nostrils at the same time.

 

These Tea Clippers flew [avref] from London to China at a speed of 17.5 knots (about the same as Cappy's Facet Opal [avref]) and ......

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

These Tea Clippers flew [avref] from London to China at a speed of 17.5 knots (about the same as Cappy's Facet Opal [avref]) and .....

... George got very upset if they didn't average 17.5 knots for the entire journey, including farewells, untying, docking/tying up and for visits to several Polynesian islands on the way, where ......

[turboplanner]

.........the natives were friendly. There were many ships logs handed to the CASA of the 1800s - Lloyds of London.

You would think anyone could do the maths and see tese ships were doing closer to 100 knots to make the schedules they were claiming. It was Garrad Lloyd himself who decided to check out what was going on and he was shocked ...................

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........the natives were friendly. There were many ships logs handed to the CASA of the 1800s - Lloyds of London.

You would think anyone could do the maths and see tese ships were doing closer to 100 knots to make the schedules they were claiming. It was Garrad Lloyd himself who decided to check out what was going on and he was shocked ...................

..... when he found that they were taking a short cut via .....

[onetrack]

......Tasmania, which gave them a big advantage in terms of strong winds - and in addition, he found they were also loading on cat meat and furs for the Asian markets from the well-concealed, huge Turbine cat farms, with the doubly added advantage of when the cat furs were loaded, all the ship rats deserted, thus aiding............

[turboplanner]

......to the available food which tasted  much better without the rat droppings.

Garad was confused because this detour to Tasmania. It was imperative that Lloyds didn't find out what was going on, so Sir Joshua Turbine, an old Etonian "had a word" with Sir Angus Taylor III, a Western District Victoria Baron - he owned it and was also an old Etonian, Sir Garad was knighted by email and given the post of Governor of Tasmania and New Zealand, and no one ever found out about the Latitude and Longitude of the Time Door. It was almost discovered when it was thought that Captain Cook VIII might be about to become the father of his own great grandfather, but nothing came of it, and the Golden Star just moved along with trip times similar to a Boeing 707 until one .............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

all the ship rats deserted, thus aiding.....

.... the increase in the rat population of Taswegia, so that the Tasmanian Tiger became so fat and lazy that they became extinct and didn't even care about it. (The last one was named "Thylacine" by his mates, except he didn't have any.)