The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Speak English ya XXXXXXX idiot"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Frenchman replied "ATTRAPE"!!!!!!!

which wasn't that helpfull, and the A380 nose started to twitch..........

..... then did a series of things at once.

 

It tried to surrender to the Lufthansa simulator in the next building, then it put its nose in the air (avref), voted left, attacked the British (describing them as pig dogs, + it put sh!t on Shepherd's Pie and Haggas), and it strutted around the building while expressing admiration for Brigitte Macron, before ......

Edited April 7 by Captain

[CT9000]

......the sim speaker came to life and announced "please make the control in the mid position otherwise death and serious injury will occurs" ..... 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

......the sim speaker came to life and announced "please make the control in the mid position otherwise death and serious injury will occurs" ..... 

.... "Ah" said Xi to his Instructor, "The old "PMTCITMPODASIWO" message that we all train so hard for, so it is just muscle memory that ........

[turboplanner]

......I can put into a song?

"Yes" said the instructor

 

"Ying Tong, Ying Tong, Ying Tong, Ying Tong, Ying Tong, diddle I ......................"

[onetrack]

...po, (keep up lad!" said Xi) - at which the instructor went a deep shade of puce, started gurgling, and making sounds like............

 

Edited Thursday at 09:51 AM by onetrack

[Captain]

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

...po, (keep up lad!" said Xi) - at which the instructor went a deep shade of puce, started gurgling, and making sounds like............

 

... his favourite comedian from the Goons, so he responded, "Does your derg bite?"

 

And Xi threw himself into the sketch, as Xi has a great & effusive sense of humour, so he said "Zat is not my derg" ... see below for full context ..... you can just see Xi playing that part, can't you? As a result, even the Sim speaker wet itself laughing.

 

"I ruv Strayan sense of humour, eh" added Xi as he patted the Instructor on the knee and added "Do you want to get a reum?".

 

The Instructor, who was of Uigur heritage, responded .....

 

 

Edited Thursday at 09:03 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

 ........in uigerese. "Xisht anr uf eyswch eee"

 

RA pilots at the stage will have some idea of why his students never pass official exams, or are always zooming when they should be landing.

 

"Xisht anr uf eyswch eee" the instructor repeated, and the student performed a ........

 

 

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

 ........in uigerese. "Xisht anr uf eyswch eee"

 

RA pilots at the stage will have some idea of why his students never pass official exams, or are always zooming when they should be landing.

 

"Xisht anr uf eyswch eee" the instructor repeated, and the student performed a ........

.... zoomy barrel roll, which a 380 achieves effortlessly, as they were initially & actually designed as a strategic bomber with windows, and have been seen barrel-rolling across Iran and dropping the French equivalent of Bunker Busters (the barrel roll enables the 380s to chuck the BBs sideways too, which is a major strategic advantage when you have an Iranian missile up your clacker).

 

This confused the heck out of the Iranians and many Control Centers (most of the staff of which were members of the Iranian version of the AUF before their admin center was blown to Smitherines [a small-town 200 kms NW of Bethlehem] by the IDF) were all heard to say "WTF is that .......

Edited Thursday at 10:52 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....and a faint echo came back "Oh Nooooo, don't say that........" It was the Mayor of Hiroshima waving his hands and crossing them.........................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....and a faint echo came back "Oh Nooooo, don't say that........" It was the Mayor of Hiroshima waving his hands and crossing them ......

..... as he had found Christianity but was not yet confirmed.

 

The same thing goes for the Mayor of Tehran, as he has been the 8th one in the last 4 weeks to wear the blood-spattered chain, and he wanted to ......

[turboplanner]

....try to break the chain, so he quietly boarded a C130 returning to the US to get some more 50 cal ammunition because the Marines had been wasting it. No one noticed him and he hunched over to be less conspicuous, and three quarters of the way through the flight a loud ....................

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....try to break the chain, so he quietly boarded a C130 returning to the US to get some more 50 cal ammunition because the Marines had been wasting it. No one noticed him and he hunched over to be less conspicuous, and three quarters of the way through the flight a loud ....................

.... bang made him .....

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... break "The Chain" ....

Dear NES investigative branch. Could Turbo actually be Mike Fleetwood using a VPN and dropping promotional hints as per the above? I fought with Turbo up the Khyber and thought I knew him well (he was always a good drummer), but perhaps with his side hair and beard longer, and after his infamous facelift, he spent a short while unrecognizable and displaying his musically creative side, ...... plus trying to crack on to Stevie Nicks, as he always liked blonds (and they were few and far between up the Khyber, hence why he gifted all the native girls peroxide in old hair shampoo bottles).

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

....was heard. The crew realised they hadn't unshackled the tie down chain from the C130!

The Radio operator said "play me another" to the Hawaiian Controller who immediately broke into ............

 

How do you know she's not a man? Her name's Stevie. Always remember Loxie got into awful trouble even though his name was Stevie (wasn't it?)

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

.... bang made him .....

 

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...was heard.

Dear Turdy. It appears that one of your posts, or one by OneRoute, or from bull, has gone missing and this lack of continuity is disarming for older NESers like Crappy.

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The crew realised they hadn't unshackled the tie down chain from the C130!

The Radio operator said "play me another" to the Hawaiian Controller who immediately broke into .......

... the theme from Hawaii 5-0 and the RO replied with the theme from Kojak.

 

This all did nothing to solve the aviation (avref) issues as the ground (avref) got closer (avref), but everyone had a good giggle and thought .....

 

Note Max Klinger as one of the drummers, after Korea and he flicked his dresses.

 

Edited Friday at 08:25 PM by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

How do you know she's not a man? Her name's Stevie. Always remember Loxie got into awful trouble even though his name was Stevie (wasn't it?)

Yes Tubb, you are correct as usual, but Loxie was more like the dark-haired lady in Abba ..... and he could put on a beaut Swedish accent too, when the time was right. Loxie was the Swiss army knife of accents ..... and I suspect that he still reads the NES occasionally too.

Edited Friday at 08:57 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

"......... what about if we take this chain of that hook. There was a "Clunk" and the chain slid out of the C130 taking one of the little scrubbers, but hey, you win some, you lose some. The C130 settled again on a course for ..................

 

Loxie may not read the NES. Since becoming a Captain, he's now throwing orders every day anmmd polishing his tankers. It takes a long time to polish a tanker, or it did the last time Turbo visited and tipped a can of coffee into the polish.

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"......... what about if we take this chain of that hook. There was a "Clunk" and the chain slid out of the C130 taking one of the little scrubbers, but hey, you win some, you lose some. The C130 settled again on a course for .....

..... the Albury side of Albury-Wodonga, and they were of course at pains to always remain in NSW airspace, as straying over Vicmanistan is similar to wandering into Nth Korea, except that instead of a missile up the freckle like in Nth Korea, in Mextoria you are forced to shoulder part of their debt, so that every adult onboard the Herc would then owe Jazzi Allan about $247,000, and that would also mean that .....

[turboplanner]

9 hours ago, Captain said:

..... the Albury side of Albury-Wodonga, and they were of course at pains to always remain in NSW airspace, as straying over Vicmanistan is similar to wandering into Nth Korea, except that instead of a missile up the freckle like in Nth Korea, in Mextoria you are forced to shoulder part of their debt, so that every adult onboard the Herc would then owe Jazzi Allan about $247,000, and that would also mean that .....

you'd be partly responsible for paying penalty fees for allowing your taxes to be used for $15 billion to pay the CFMRU to grease the wheels of the BIG SPEND$ which also generously paid the full cost of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games as well as the P!ssUP after the G's won the head butting c.ompetition. It was almost .............

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

you'd be partly responsible for paying penalty fees for allowing your taxes to be used for $15 billion to pay the CFMRU to grease the wheels of the BIG SPEND$ which also generously paid the full cost of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games as well as the P!ssUP after the G's won the head butting c.ompetition. It was almost .............

.... out of control, but now under the non-elected Jazzi, Vicmanistan is on the way back.

 

And Cappy's Corruption Report is about to drop, also, ....... so stay tuned.

 

Not many people know that Crappy has been consulted by most state based higher courts, and when it comes to the history of Mextoria, Crappy has been kept very .....

[turboplanner]

.......much in touch with the wishes of a person which nobody mentions, but who has not been happy about The Dayglo Blonde, or her predecessor Danny the Marauder.

It was Danny who brought in Rule after Rule to stop RA pilots building their own aircraft then dive bombing his secret Mansion. A source, who was not authorised to speak on this matter, said it was the Dayglo Blonde doing this in her Drifter, and repainting it after each bombing, but ...............

[Captain]

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......much in touch with the wishes of a person which nobody mentions, but who has not been happy about The Dayglo Blonde, or her predecessor Danny the Marauder.

It was Danny who brought in Rule after Rule to stop RA pilots building their own aircraft then dive bombing his secret Mansion. A source, who was not authorised to speak on this matter, said it was the Dayglo Blonde doing this in her Drifter, and repainting it after each bombing, but ...............

..... she was last week out of new paint so repainted the Drifter again the same colour that it was 15 dive bombings ago, and the coppers moved in to arrest her based on photographic evidence.

 

As this was of major public interest, the wallopers arranged to arrest her the next time she flew to Sydney, and the AFP's Krissy Barret arranged a new medal with a Dayglo ribbon, and a ......

 

Edited yesterday at 08:24 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

........very short speech about her achievements. Inadvertently this incensed Dayglo, who had been a Prefect at Bendigo High School and didn't take any crap. She sacked another three Ministers just in case there was any more leakage, and showed up with a beautiful bunch of purple lilacs just to annoy "Ironsides" Krissy. 

With the medal in hand,needle outwards, Krissy narrowed her eyes. Keen NES readers will realise her eyes were narrowed enough as it was. Her medals rattled as she shook herself ready for a fight. Not many people know that Krissy had been trained at Cappy's Kapooka Khyber Pass Unarmed Combat Shed. Don't let that innocent name fool you; many people are sorry they put down that chubby, half asleep teddy bear Cappy sitting in the Bayliss St Coffee shop and found they were facing a whirling dervish of muscle, fists and boots which sent them sailing out into the traffic. Krissy was a graduate of this establishment, and also learned a few tricks like how to ring the steel panel on the front of a Divvy van with a drunk. As Dayglo approached, she seemed much milder .........................

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

With the medal in hand,needle outwards, Krissy narrowed her eyes. Keen NES readers will realise her eyes were narrowed enough as it was. Her medals rattled as she shook herself ready for a fight. Not many people know that Krissy had been trained at Cappy's Kapooka Khyber Pass Unarmed Combat Shed. Don't let that innocent name fool you; many people are sorry they put down that chubby, half asleep teddy bear Cappy sitting in the Bayliss St Coffee shop and found they were facing a whirling dervish of muscle, fists and boots which sent them sailing out into the traffic. Krissy was a graduate of this establishment, and also learned a few tricks like how to ring the steel panel on the front of a Divvy van with a drunk. As Dayglo approached, she seemed much milder .......

...... but that is one of the most effective disarming tactics that Cappy teaches at the KKPUCS, and once relaxed, Krissy consulted with her public relations advisors (Turbine Public Personas Pty Ltd) who had previously advised her to get more medals in order to disguise her ample chest, and whose other clients Gracie Tame, Chris Bowen, Ayatollah Khamenei, Joey Starlin and Benito Mussolini, all thought that TPPPL were the .......