Captain

achieve 8/8's on a good day with a lot of practice but then that would mean he would have to...

...... undertake a risk analysis in accordance with AS9017 (as the end might pop off) and complete another Human Factors Indoctrination on the risks of flying in 8/8th's conditions."

"Eeen must be judging everyone else based on himself if he is talking 8's" said Ahlow.

"And if bull can do it till his hands hurt, he would be a good candidate for CEO" said Tubbs, with a gleam in his eye and a ............

My-hands-hurt-from-trying-to-start-my-ruddy-zero........................

"He's been doing that since he was about 13years old" commented bull's mum "And for some reason he has always called it a zero, whereas I would estimate that it is about a 6 1/2 on a good day".

"But to do it till his hands hurt must be some sort of record (and would even beat Ahlock's)" commented Nanna "I like the boy ........ and believe that I could easily teach him to ..............

Turbo had been to Hammo with a relo in an A320O, but had never tasted the coral trout protected turtle soup.He had been to Townsville to inspect the entire 3RAR arsenal, and had taken photos, but really it wasn't much different to the Datsun Sunnys and Dodge super spreaders and Motor Homes made out of Bedford buses lined up at Fowles Auctions.

 

He did see a Major clicking his heels together on one side of the Parade Ground and assumed that would take a lot of practice.

"I can click my heals together too" said Poxy Loxy "And mine is hard (is it ever) as they are high heals and platforms that go terribly well with the Fishnets and pale chiffon number that I wear on 1st dates. I've also been to Hammo with a relo that was a homo (sapian) in cammo, who I heard yell "Ohhhhhhhhh, wammo" in the middle of the night, because Salty and Madge had o.......

... the national athem was played.

"Oh that tune gives me the urge!" stammered Mini Madge . " Makes me want to stand to attention and....."

... salute the flag, while singing "I love a maroon land of Queens, a land of cyclones and humiditity" while we'll all have an election, voting Anna Blight in for President, Alfie Langer for Prime Minister and Minister for Racing, the Runcible Spoon for Aviation Szar, and bringing back Russ Hinz for the .....

..For some reason Ratsy had been avoiding the Blue Oyster Bar...............

.......... as he and Nanna were still scratching the itch on his Ratsack, which was similar, at least in colour, to the one that Santa had draped over his shoulder that infamous and forgetable night at the MontPerrier Aero Club B&S Ball (scratch scratch) when Madge and bull were seen in a compromising position just after the ..........

"I've got them" said MajorMajor aka BigM, and they wondered......

..... "Do you get fries with that?"

"Only if the Frinders Fryer is involved and that would mean that .................

.... But no. It was actually Salty, who had gone from Dandy-Nong to MtPerrier in one hop (he has the big Cricket with extended tanks) and he yelled to Madge, who was using the NES to include factual photos (which nobody had ever thought to do before).

"Have any of you Queen'th thlanderers theen my teeff (see pos #6361 and never leave it to the BOB Locky to find anything like that or they'll end up down at Cashies with his lock-picks and his chastertitty belt)?"

Madge thought for a long time so as to be at his most creative, ebuliant and humourous, and replied "No, and ...............

..fixer of family fights, tourist manager for the Ram of Dalby, had more flies than Mortein.....

... and more flies that she could fit in her Log Book, where the column on the right said ............

"In the distance came the sound "dit dit dah, dah dit dit, dit dah dit, dit tit dah, dah dah dah" and a reflection from a row of shining teeth, it was the alien...............

....... darling of the Darling Downs, and all around good person, aviation enthusiast of the year, and mother of five, ........................

As a last resort we'll get the Minor major to fire up a GT 400 and take them all on" he continued to snort in his Major manner. Major minor was not impressed and suggested under his breath, that instead of calling him Major major, we should be calling him Major bumsaw..................................

...... just like they do at the Blue Oyster.

The almost Colonel thought about that, stood, took the microphone, stole the show, ignored the rest of the blokes and blokettes at the front table and said "We got it all wrong, I'm gunna ...................

..... to assemble at the Mont behind Montperrier, on which I deliver my sermons.

Just then the Major major grabbed the microphone, ignored everyone else & jumped to his feet in a repeat of the Temora Meeting of Members.

"I'm sorry" he said "We got it all wrong. Leave it to me. I will single handedly make everything hunky-dory again, and I will right all wrongs."

"What's he on about?" asked Bull (who had finally grown a capital "B" in post # 6356) "There must be another election on the way, .............. and Madge is also trying to steer the F'n Q centre of attention away from good old Bone (which followed Bull into the world of capital letters) to Town's Ville, which is close to Hick's Ville."

"Did someone call me?" asked David, who was being retrained in F'n Q, because it is the closest simulation to Pakistan that .............

... ripped a bit of rag from a nearby tyrajackacricket to clear the dust off the Tzara.

"Ewww it's got lumpy bits all over it!" gasped RivetlessRat who'd become accustomed to bland white plastic. "..and how would I lure one of those blonde dollies under the wing to ...."

... practice a 5G wing-over and a triple Immelman (just like the Red Bull pilots do in their hangars).

"No" said an RV7 Dolly Bird with indignation, "I need to do this in stages so find me a tyrojackacricket owner as the 1st stage upgrade from the RV7 (because it was just a nose-wheel 'A' version [real men fly tail-draggers etc etc]) and I'll take a ride with him first, before upgrading further to the Szara, which turns me ............

started negotiations for the purchase of 6 black rv7,s all fitted with the complimentery blond women in a black lycra bodysuit CHECK their hours ,cried Turdy We dont.......

.... allow body suits with fishnets and Uncle Sam hats (and the latter have trouble fitting under the canopy of an RV7, when you are eating a canape.)

"Check your own" responded one of the RV7 dolly birds "And don't worry about checking ours (which are all in perfect working order)."

"Hey said Robin of Loxley. "Forget those RV7's, girls. How would yez like an upgrade to a SportStar?"

The silence was deafening, before someone ................

A couple of my Aunt's friends who are both certified RV7 copilots, and licenced lycra owners.

XXX the pruner, also known as BrentC who was an X short of a beer,Macoates and MrRowtek all of who had P'dOff Eeeen and had the UnkaSam figer of going awayness pointed at them, so off went Turdy to set up YASG, Yet Another Splinter Group. They Immediately......

..... sat around like Monty Python's Life of Brian and the "People's Front of Judea" sketch (splitters), and started sticking pins in Eeeeen dolls. One dirty bugger (but it wasn't the TurdBro) even stuck a pin in Eeeen's ...................

"No that's Eeeen!" interrupted Turbo

From my earphone

............. and Turdy was immediately banned, then moved to another sister site (see PratsinRecreationalAviation.com.au) where the Bro was in good company, including .....................

"That poster looks a bit like Eugene with a goatie & without the epaulettes" commented the Rodent "Or is it a young See-if-I-give-a-damn?"

"No it's not" said Eeeen the Add-minimum "It's bull in his Mardi Gras-a-cricket suit, with his ......................

"......pont where a beau wave est created, and I have to....."

..... start zeee outboard.

"Oh Oh" responde the Pooy403 "Zeees is where zay all peeek on moi, because je suis une master of outboard repair and .........

"......avions grosse, est as Foxhanter.

Owever, if passink water skiairs, then vous must be at deux foots, unless at ze brain oiseau rallye in which case c'est trois foots and un inch."

"But" said AhRoxoff again expansively "Mon CrappyCitroen, zee probleme when mon water skees, eees zat mon plonkeur drags in zeee water slowing mon down (rag & tube aviatione terme) to a ............

..... Ah bien, mon should perhaps put ze finger on ze piano key instead of sh$tt$ng upon it

"Non, mon TurdyPeugeot" responde Le Rodente-handsome "Vous should still be at 50 ft (15.24 metres et non une cm lower) when crossing zeee keys, just like zeeeee .............

such a thing would never had happened at the blue oyster club!! back to bull ,now as he dodged and weaved away from the fantastic plastics ,he had acloser look and realised that [shock horror]some of them were spam cans not plastic at all ,he could tell this from all the xxxx labels from straightened beer cans on the wings .....................

...... "But" said AhLoxley, who often put such long sentences together "Bull's dodging and weaving looks a lot like his skipping and prancing at the bone Mardi Gras or his PIO in the jack-a-cricket when he is flying illegally at 300 ft X-country mid summer, when the thermals are making his jacques-a-grillon dance through the sky like a ....................

"Booger" said mon Tante "Zee software has done it again, throwing 2 posts up after mon worked up mon responde. Mon are getting seek & peeesed off at zees".

the major had found that possum fat didn,t really work at all and was just a myth that had become law through ignorance of the southerners [which happended every day so turdbro said] just check out their reasoning for an increased mtow [but still call their aircraft [which now needed reinforced runways to land on]ULTRALIGHTS .Pretty flawed reasoning said..............

.... Allan Qaida who was responding to the need for a resistance movement to be formed.

"And while you set that up, let's shoot a few Mallards" said Stiffy.

'I'm having trouble keeping up with all these posts on the NES from all these new players" said SuperchargerPlanner.

"And I've got the irits with whoever it was that called my SportSzara a Plastic Fantastic. They mustn't have read our rivetting tales from about 3,756 posts ago." said the Masterrebater.

But all went silent when ................

main frame .I give up cried bull as his hills hoist went spiralling towards the ground trailing smoke from all the bullet holes in his shopping bag wing covers.overhead like vultures circling a kill ,were a whole passel of fantastic plastics,ha ha they cried we told you we had the numbers to stamp out this desire to fly for fun [on his own too shock horror only one seat ,and no auto pilot cried andycoffs [i think hes russian ]................

..... and the tyrojackacricket accelerated like a bullet into a graceful 5G wingover follwed by a triple immelman then a CaneToad roll, as bull floored the throttle & smiled.

"I wonder what he'll do when all the shoping bags will be those terrible green Coles bags that passengers now use as the equivant of Qantas bags?" asked Boris to his wife Natasha Andy@coffsova.

"His jackacricket will start to look like the Locky's Szara that is covered in XXXX cans, and the scars on his .............

......green mangoes, sour coconuts, scrub turkeys, midges, and cane toads and rain under the disguise of free beer, street dining ("you never know what might fall into your lape (sic)" said the blurb), beautiful women in bikinis, and..

..... the humidity ............ OH the humidity (which is something, because there ain't too much "humanity".

"And then there's the Cyclones" he added 'Don't forget the Cyclones ......... and the humidity. (to the tone of "What have the Romans ever done for us?")"

"What's wrong with that?" retorted Madge indignantly "As the trade-off against the humidity is that you get me, The Mallard, that beautiful spaceman bull, plus f'n queen's land also contains the heart and sole of the RAA, because the other major with his runcible spoon is also posted up here getting ready for war."

"Forget about the bikinis then" said the Fryer, "I'm gunna ................

.........Pudden came from the sub continent of Western Nowhere, where they all walked around with bandy legs from doing it doggy style, and Turbo made a mental note to carefully avoid getting Pudden upset if he ever went over to WN, although............

..... that description of WN sounds spookily like the catch-cry used last year by the FNQ Tourism Commission and Progress (sic) Association, where they used Don Brahman's image under a voice-over by bull (to retain the bovine flavor), in a script written by Madge (so it was a major f'n queen's land effort) to lure rich unsuspecting southern aviators north to .............

..........bat on a sticky wicket.

"My wicket is NEVER sticky" said "the Don" (Major wanted to be called "The Major", but that all ended when $#$%^%$# walked in and declared HE was the REAL Major.....and some people said he was) "I clean it with kerosene after every game, we were a poor family, and ......."

.... I am also a tough-nut, as I have been widely reported as having used my stump to whack my balls against a corrugated iron water-tank in Coota ..... and that hurts more than the last time that the Laconic Locky (The Tumbler Whisperer) and Madge the Duck (The 2200 Whisperer) flew in formation with Salty (The fast-as-a-Gazelle & Tall-as-a-Texan TC whisperer) and the Frinders Fryer (The South Aussie Whithperer) up to ............