planedriver

I couldn't agree more with motz, even if the report was acurate, there are certain protocols that should be followed.

Thats crap journalism at it's best, and I hope they read how we feel about it.

They need more training, or, another job.

A battery experts opinion about the use of lithium-iron batteries in aircraft.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57565753/battery-expert-i-would-not-fly-in-a-dreamliner/

An elementary school kid’s composition of why he wants to be a pilot:

I want to be a pilot when I grow up because it is fun and easy to do.

Pilots don't need much school; they just have to learn numbers so they can read instruments.

I think they should be able to read maps so they can find their way if they get lost.

Pilots should be brave so they won't get scared if it's foggy and they can't see or if wing or motor falls off they should stay calm so they'll know what to do.

Pilots have to have good eyes so they can see through clouds and they can’t be afraid of lightning or thunder because they are closer to them than we are.

Pilots are always rich, they make more money than they can spend.

This is because most people think airplane flying is dangerous except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.

There isn't much I don't like, except girls like pilots and all the stewardesses want to marry them and they always have to chase them away so they won’t bother them.

I hope I don't get airsick because if I do I couldn't be a pilot and would have to go to work.

Real Top Guns RAAF F-111 Belly Landing

If you're into special airplanes even a little, here is a video I’m sure you’ll enjoy if you haven't seen it. These guys do a remarkable job getting their aircraft back on the ground with a minimal amount of damage. It could have very easily gone the other way. Also, notice early in the video there is a sequence showing a F-111 dumping fuel with the afterburners on lighting up the night sky. Something a little unique to the F-111.

The Australians flew the F-111 a lot longer than our Air Force. The airplane was originally designed to land on a carrier deck so the gear structure is very strong. Even landing on a long runway you just maintain 10 degrees angle of attack until the runway stops your descent. Because this is the way the airplane was designed to be landed it felt just fine inside the airplane, but for an observer outside the aircraft it looked like you forgot to flare and really clobbered the landing. I don't know if metal fatigue was a factor in this accident but they are fortunate the wheel fell off upon lift-off and not while accelerating down the runway in full afterburner. Using the tail hook to catch the arresting cable was a great idea, as you will see. Arresting wires on runways are not like the ones on the flight deck of a carrier. They provide less resistance and let you decelerate over about a 900 ft. range, something you wouldn't have room to do on a carrier.

Beware of the black cat when flying.

\http://www.wimp.com/catowl/

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible mishap when he groud-looked his aircraft and his scrotum was completely crushed.

The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as

they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "For those who do not know me, I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

A Priest was seated next to a Jockey on a flight to Melbourne

A short while after the plane was airborne, the drinks trolley arrived.

The Jockey asked for a can of Bundy rum and Coke, which was quickly placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor pass my lips."

The Jockey then handed his drink back to the attendant and said:

"Me too. Virgin offers a great in-flight service, but I didn't see that offer on the sheet in the seat pocket" ?

a quick flash from elrattos smile high club

There's actually another reason for the staggered seating, in that where you have an aircraft with the pilot in the front, then generally he/she is the balance weight for the aircraft.And if you take the misses flying, it's so easy to ignore her.

 

I knew your designs always had a lot of merit Arthur.

 

That's so thoughtful!

Mavis said it's the soft bit that's of concern to me.

If you have 4 stripes, that doesn't always equate to 4 ticks in my books.

However, if Turbo has the know-how to adjust that blow-valve, the performance is a lot better than a normally aspirated Rat running up a drain-pipe.

trying to come to grips with myself, because as you all know............

My Minister had a new set of dentures which caused him a lot of discomfort, so his sermon only lasted about 4 minutes, the following week it lasted 6 minutes.

The next week it dragged on for 2 1/4hrs. After the service a parishoner asked him why? He replied "I'm very sorry if if it caused you any anguish, but this morning I picked up my wife's dentures by mistake:bash:

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Lovers help each other undress before sex, however, after sex, they always dress on their own.

 

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

 

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

 

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say,

 

"Congrats",but none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".

 

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."

 

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

 

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a

 

Corvette than on a bicycle.

 

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.

 

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you

 

when they're in trouble again.

 

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

 

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

 

Bonus:

 

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.

 

A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's

 

husband.

You're a bad man Frank, leading us innocent folk astray. I love it

...... when it rains the limestone gnomette partially disolves and Ratty gets a stalagmite that would ................

be held tightly in the highest esteem by Nana, where'as the stalagtite is simply for loosers ,because the blue pills don't work ......

Yesterday, shortly after coming out of Liverpool Hospital for a day surgery procedure, I had the urgent need to call the "Incontinence Hot Line".

The bloody phone just rang and rang and rang.

I was just about going red in the face, when, I suddenly thought I was getting somewhere, beacause I eventually heard a voice say "Welcome to the Incontinence Hot Line".

"If you would like to take part in our current survey, please press1

If you would like to change the answers you gave last time you called, please press 2.

For your information Coles currently have a 1/2 price special on Sorbent long rolls.

If you are unable to take advantage of that offer, please hang on.

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's well after midnight.

While en-route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip-toe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your Piper Cub.

HE paid for our house at the lake.

HE paid for our country club membership, and

HE even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.

He looks over at the cabby and says "What would you do?"

The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket

before he catches a cold."

These Brits cheat a bit. They often change the squadron markings and nose art of the one Lanc they have so that it flies as a memorial to some particular Squadron or operation.OME

Some say "imitation is the finest form of flattery" and with whats available at their disposal, surely that's simply a reflection of the esteem held of those that they wish to be honoured.

This sort of thing happens wordwide with historic aircraft.

The replica Avro 504K with it's Sunbeam engine at Sydney Airport is no different.

It looks good, creates the right atmosphere for what's intended, even if you can't get the ok for a couple of trial circuits:tongue in cheek:

Well done Ian. I had every faith in you, when I realised the site was up the sierra hotel india tango

Don't take offence, advice, or betting tips from that Neil:no no no:, he's been know to stir the pot a bit before today:stirrer:.

Well there really hasn't been anything too wrong with the airframe ever......just the fan up the front

Rgds

Planey

When I was in the pub earlier today, I heard a couple of bogans saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.

What a pair of sexists boof-heads. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the damn thing! (sorry Kaz, Sally, and others)

Is she the one dancing and chanting and throwing chicken bones?

A healthy wife. :roflmao:Alan.

Was it you who advertised your misses for sale in "Wife Trader", claiming that she was in pretty good nick for her age, because she'd already had both hips replaced and a new set of top and bottom dentures?

Hi Planey,There is actually a book produced by Brian Goulding and Dick Taylor (Revised Edition 2010) called "Story of a Lanc" NX611 - "Just Jane" which details the entire history of this plane, and I bought it at the Museum when over there. It doesn't seem to have an ISBN that I can see but gives details as :-

 

Printers :- Melton Printers of Lincoln, Industrial Unit 3, Sleaford Road, Bracebridge Heath, Lincoln LN4 2ND, UK

 

Website :- www.meltonprinters.co.uk

 

Publishers : Brian Goulding and Dick Taylor on behalf of

 

Lincolnshire Aviation Heritage Centre, East Kirkby, Near Spilsby, Lincolnshire PE23 4DE, UK

 

Website :- www.lincsaviation.co.uk

 

Perhaps if you contact one of the above you may be able to get a copy sent to you. It is good read, and lots of great pix! It cost 10 pounds from the museum.

 

Cheers

 

Neil

I checked out the lincsaviation site, and they obviously have a wealth of information on there, books and dvd's etc.

That certainly points me in the right direction for information that I want to persue, as it brings back many memories for me.

Many thanks

Planey

Good to hear of your progress Mark.

The old ticker doesn't have through-bolts, so your halfway there already.

How good is that?