The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

A Shanty

Generally similar to where Cappy was born ..... but his was with cows, a little drummer, plus wise men and stuff.

 

THE Shanty at Alfredtown (pre Rebels).

Edited Friday at 08:06 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........because at the back of the horde of leathered and patched bikies came Loxie, dressed in Alexander the Great hand tooled leather, the Sergeant at Arms Crest, and leather pants which clung too tight to his skinny legs. On his back insead of a patch was "IN CASE OF FIRE CALL 000

ask for Captain Lox"

For some reason the bikies weren't happy he was there, and after Skye got his autograph on her ........................

[Captain]

.... left one, the bikies .....

[onetrack]

......started hassling Loxie as to why he was wearing a CFA jacket, and not a Mongrels one. As Loxie backed into a corner with several threatening bikies surrounding him, up stepped Turbo to rescue him.

 

As we all know by now, Turbo is also know as "Turbo of the Bailey", due to his intensive legal knowledge and constant court appearances, where he's gained notoriety as a gritty slugger, taking on some of the toughest prosecuting lawyers (often known for their shark-like bites) - so the simple task of taking on a bunch of threatening Mongrels bikies, was childs play for him.

 

He stood between Loxie and the bikies and waved his Victorian Law & Statutes book - a mighty tome, if ever there was one. The bikies took a step back. They recognised when the "book was ready to be thrown at them". Turbo spoke, and this is what he said, "................

[turboplanner]

or was going to say, when the heavy book started to slide out of his hands (he had been eating the usual Friday lunch of jellied Quail with his bare ones.)

He made a grab and saved the tome but a corner of it .....................

[Captain]

Ratty hopes that the following will be of assistance to new NESers to picture the scene described in the 2 most recent posts, ..... and the dynamic gravitas that Turdy brings to everyone's life.

He's always been a bit of a butterfingers, and this photo shows the great man just before he dropped the grimoire.

 

Edited Saturday at 08:14 PM by Captain

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

or was going to say, when the heavy book started to slide out of his hands (he had been eating the usual Friday lunch of jellied Quail with his bare ones.)

He made a grab and saved the tome but a corner of it ......

..... had become smeared with quail jelly, the same as was splurged all over Tubb's ample waistcoat & down the front of his dacks, so that the ....

[turboplanner]

........dogs from the streets followed him around wherever he went. He was second only to David Attenborough in terms of the birds and animals he cared for and could often be found eating his lunch outside the Courtroom and feeding the little sparrows. The fact that his wife's sandwiches were inedible was never picked up by the public. It was here that crooks started to join the sparrows, and pleaded their cases before they began, and ...........

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It was here that crooks started to join the sparrows, and pleaded their cases before they began, and .....

.... Tubb's great brain allowed him to retain every detail of every crook on every one of their cases .... much in the same way that he can remember every one of the ~ 24,500 posts that he has made since joining Wreck Frying. (As an aside Turds has averaged something like 3.6 posts every day since he joined this dynamic site ..... but why the heck would he have only completed 0.6 of a post every day and not have completed that particular post until the morning .... and then repeat that dysfunctional process every day since 2007? (Turbo is obviously compulsively quirky ....... or worse).

 

This partial completion of posts has carried over to his .....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

Ratty hopes that the following will be of assistance to new NESers to picture the scene described in the 2 most recent posts, ..... and the dynamic gravitas that Turdy brings to everyone's life.

He's always been a bit of a butterfingers, and this photo shows the great man just before he dropped the grimoire.

 

The artist removed all the jellied quail juice off the front of his waistcoat and pants in the above painting, as a matter of artistic license, plus the artist has also shown him this time with the fly done up too, as jellied quail juice down an open fly, while it may be fun, is not a good look.

[turboplanner]

CIA work where he deliberately appeared to slip up, thus giving would-be opportunists the chance to slip in a clever post or two; Cappy would become so excited that he'd slip down to the BoB for a celebration, leaving Turbo to slip out..............................

[onetrack]

........to scoff more jellied quail on the quiet, as he wasn't inclined to share his jellied quail with anyone - especially Cappy, who was known to take all that was on the plate, when it was handed around.

 

However, there is an interesting backstory to the jellied quail. Turbo stumbled upon jellied quail when he was looking for cheaper and more readily available foodstocks for the cat farms.

He soon realised that not only could he get a lot of jellied quail cheaply by breeding and cooking his own quail - but he could also breed up lot more cats, because cats love jellied quail, even more than Turbo does.

 

So, it was a win-win situation, as the Turbo Quail Farms sprang into operation on a grand scale, and all chef de cuisines of Melbourne soon came regularly to Turbo, begging for more supplies of his fabulous quail, which their diners couldn't get enough of.

 

But Turbo was torn between supplying the chefs or the cats with the quail, and this terrible conundrum plagued him at length, until he decided to...............

[turboplanner]

.......issue "Jellied Quail Contracts"  with the Chefs where they would pay a secret kickback, called a "processing fee", and this fee paid for the development of new quail breeding facilities, and this just kept up with the demands of the Restaranuts and Cat Farms until........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......issue "Jellied Quail Contracts"  with the Chefs where they would pay a secret kickback, called a "processing fee", and this fee paid for the development of new quail breeding facilities, and this just kept up with the demands of the Restaranuts and Cat Farms until........

... there was the breakthrough of all breakthroughs. (Perhaps a little overstated, but the NES needs drama, so you be the judge, Dear Reader).

 

Not many people know this, and it is not unique in nature, that once the cats had a good gutful of jellied quail, some started to taste like jelly and were sold to the Aeroplane (avref) Jelly Company for processing, and the others tasted like quail so were sold nationwide to restaurants, and Turbine Cat Farms, hiding behind the clever name of name Turbine Quail Farms, even sponsored a season of MasterChef + brought out a range of poncey TCF cravats, with the C overprinted with a Q.

 

Early doors there was a bit of an issue with the 5 Star Michelin restaurant dudes finding fur in the quail instead of feathers, but Turbine marketing explained that away as .....

[turboplanner]

.........part of the AI+Laser process used to ensure unrivalled freshness, which reduced feathers down to the constitution of hair fibres thus saving that pesky plucking of the tiny birds.

TQC helpfully advised that this was for the convenience of customers.

TQC also registered a remote Institute of Professional Quail Plucking Inc. (Reg. in Cyprus), so that any stray AI hits would pick this supporting information up, thus supporting the TQC statement.

Bull, who often maintains a respectful silence, but is right on any financial development added feathered prawns to his array of those flick-tail sea creatures, and pushed the line that "Natural Fibre is Good for Your Health" and was in the process of introducing ............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Bull, who often maintains a respectful silence, but is right on any financial development added feathered prawns to his array of those flick-tail sea creatures, and pushed the line that "Natural Fibre is Good for Your Health" and was in the process of introducing ......

.... quail (or cat) flavored sea Urchins.

 

Not many people know that this was a melancholy event for bull, as when he was an ankle-biter he was always referred to as an urchin himself, although bull favors the word lugubriousness, rather than to say that he was in a state of melancholia.

 

The cats were useful on the trawler, before they went into the blender, and bull found that .....

 

Don't worry about the picture, just listen to the sound as this is what the cat blender sounded like on the poop deck of bull's trawler

 

Edited 23 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

......his sales increased exponentially. He made the Marketing mistake of grinding up the local strays and some had bells on them which gave ...................

[onetrack]

........shiny, glittery sheen to the end product. When queried about the change in appearance, bull glibly explained, that as it was coming up to Christmas, there was a need to add glitter to the product, in line with all the other products with Christmas glitter. The customers seemed to accept this, but it was noted that there was an increase in adverse Google reviews of bulls food products.

 

However, the biggest thorny problem bull was facing was how to get his blended product to market more quickly. It was a costly chore having to keep going back to port to unload. Accordingly, in bull's fertile brain, a plan developed, which involved air-freighting (long-overdue avref) his product, direct from his trawler to the food agents warehouses.

 

Of course, bulls trawler was big enough to add a decent small runway to the deck (elevated, of course, so the deck could do double duty as a tropical shade roof), and he had all the right contacts in the steel industry to acquire cheap steel, and have it welded into position - so, within a very short time frame, bull's trawler was becoming the "talk of the town" as the work progressed, and the locals buzzed with gossip over what bull was actually doing with his trawler. Then came that fateful day, when..........

 

(and here, dear NES readers, we have the original press-release photos of bull's heavily-modified trawler, steaming out to sea off Rockhampton, for her initial sea trials.....notice the Turbodrifters on the flight deck, fully loaded with product for the mainland.......)

 

[Captain]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

Then came that fateful day, when.......

.... bull got the trawler going flat out and when the Turbodrifters lifted off (avref) from the deck, they flew backwards off the stern of bull's good ship ........... like DH4 Caribous used to do if the wind (avref) was over 30 knots.

 

bull's excuse about Xmas glitter on his quail/cat flavored sea urchins was accepted for a while, but the Albanese government is as sharp as a tack, and when they came back to question him again he came up with his master stroke when he said "Tell Anthony not to worry, these Sea Urchins are kosher (which they weren't, neither were they halal, but that's another story, where bull succeeded in uniting the Jewish and Muslim peoples of the world against his kosher lies, and that was when he was accused of creating the 1st ever case of Jewlimaphobia) and then he expanded and said that they are a new species that I caught when working within 5 kms of the Galapagos Islands".

 

The sea urchin inspector had previously worked for CASA, so bull slipped him a .....

[turboplanner]

.......bag of doctored prawns. He was going to be sitting on his long drop in the Islands for some time.

 

It's amazing how when AUF planes are being ramp checked all around him, Bull just taxys around the line of waiting RA aicraft with their shaking jockeys and takes off with no restrictions.

 

Same happens with his ship. Technically its a war ship with its TurboDrifters with the secrey Turbine bits, but he's never been stopped. No one had questioned his Philippino............................

[onetrack]

........military uniform with all the gold braid on the epaulettes, the 5 stars of an Air Force General, the rows of medals, and the calf-length black leather boots.

 

In fact, the CASA operatives all stood to attention when he taxied past, and bull gave them a courtesy wave as he went by. After he'd got airborne (in record time), one CASA operative turned to the other CASA operative, and said, "Who was that..............

[Captain]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

After he'd got airborne (in record time), one CASA operative turned to the other CASA operative, and said, "Who was that.......

.... bloke that looks like a clone of Angus "Medals" Taylor, but with a quirky Philippino short-arse stance, where the calf-length black leather boots reach up to his waist and are obviously chafing his .....

 

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... bloke that looks like a clone of Angus "Medals" Taylor, but with a quirky Philippino short-arse stance, where the calf-length black leather boots reach up to his waist and are obviously chafing his .....

 

Here is what the bloke looks like .. but wait a minute, that's not the bull that we know and love from all the time that we have all spent together as mates.

 

The bull that I know is shorter, and we call him bull because of the size of his bits that those boots are certainly chafing. 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......gongs."

They had to admit they didn't know.

When all 18 who were taking part in the Jerilderee RA Breakfast sat down to lunch they agreed the day had been a success with 15 groundings on the spot for minor issues such as exhaust pipes exiting in the cockpit, no registration, flat tyres, fuel tank sitting on top of the motor, clamped by bungee cords, no previous history of flying, and using a pee pipe in front of a CASA FoI, but but the subject of the mystery General was raised.

 

You would think anyone who flew, or tried to fly a GT500, sportair and jackaroo would have a subbstantial record, but not this General; what was his ......................

 

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

FoI, but but the subject of the mystery General was raised.

 

You would think anyone who flew, or tried to fly a GT500, sportair and jackaroo would have a subbstantial record, but not this General; what was his ....

.... real name? 

 

And there, dear readers (and particularly our KGB, CIA and Mossad lurkers), you can see how key information can be leaked ..... and how loose lips can sink ships (nautref).

 

For the General's name was Butt Butt (or in bull's parlance "but but") and the top of the boots are giving that grief too.

 

The General's/bull's lack of a substantial records shows that he has had it scrubbed by ASIO and perhaps also by Krissy, with whom bull has maintained a relationship since .....