The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the flying version of putting lipsstick on a pig.

The Jab jockies, in this case flying Jab drones in Iran from places like De Moins, Iowa or Mesa Arizona in air conditioned comfort......

And there, dear readers, is proof of the influence of the NES, and of the turgidplonker himself, as an individual poster.

 

Prior to this post, the Strait of Hormuz, and the Ayatollah's Theocratic Regime were the big concentration, and now the conflict has moved back to Iran, with Jab based death and destruction raining down again on Tehran just like Operation Desert Storm.

 

As a result, the Mayor, Alireza Zakani, was wearing clean undies & having coffee and cake in the main drag with lipstick on his best looking pet goat, (and not many people know that Tehran is twinned with Hiroshima), so when the 1st of the Jab drones hit the capital, the goat dropped a load and Alireza said in arabic & backwards "that was f@#& the What?", and he automatically blamed Marco Turbine and his brother Donald Turbine in the US, but instead, the driver of the Jab Drone was a bloke named Bruce from  ......

Edited Sunday at 09:14 PM by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......the flying version of putting lipsstick on a pig.

The Jab jockies, in this case flying Jab drones in Iran from places like De Moins, Iowa or Mesa Arizona in air conditioned comfort..................................

... with their feet up on the desk and a Maccas happy-burger stuffed in their cakehole, while a .......

Edited Sunday at 09:13 PM by Captain

[Captain]

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Glider Pilot whipped into a turb

Crappy hopes that we have no readers who are homophobic, as here we have a rather frank, shocking and disturbing admission by Turbo of his carnal (or canal) relationship with a GFA member, ..... NTTIAWWT.

Edited Sunday at 09:25 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......little Jab bravely winds its way toward the enemy ready to strike like an F35.

Many a desert tent full of overconfident fidels smiling and laughing about us infidels, hes been buried under the Jabiru holocaust. Quite a few ................

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Quite a few .......

..... fidels have also been struck by thru-bolt shrapnel (not may people know that some have claimed that it was a "shaped-charge", but it has since been proven that it was just thru-bolt shaped), which the UN have declared to outside the Geneva Convention, and the fidel bomb-chuckers have subsequently filed a class action with the ICC to receive compensation for their ......

[turboplanner]

......numerous injuries. "It's new secret weapon of West!" Halal al Alalahaka cried his eyes watering at the thought of a thru bolt taking out his nuts. "It's Trump!"  "Nah" said Akaha al Akakaha who was the son of an ISIS fighter and an Australian ISIS bride, and knew a bit about Australia although he'd never been there.  Akaha went on "It's not Trump, it's. that Infidel Albo!!!!!!!! and a chorus went up "Death to the Infidel Ablo, death to Ablo, death by Thru Bolt!!!!!!!!"

The fermented goast milk was flowing, and the mob started to get excited and.............

[onetrack]

......then the goasts of ISIS fighters from the past started to appear, and the mob scattered in terror - even faster than if someone had yelled out, "LOOK OUT!! A THROUGH-BOLT BOMB!!" .......

[turboplanner]

.....and then one of the goasts speaking in that unmistakeable Shark Bay accent moved in on them and threw a grouser into the middle. The Arabs demonstrated trotting in reverse, expecting the grouser to blow up, but...............

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....and then one of the goasts speaking in that unmistakeable Shark Bay accent moved in on them and threw a grouser into the middle. The Arabs demonstrated trotting in reverse, expecting the grouser to blow up, but...............

..... it just lay there, like it was still on the spare parts shelf at OT's Earthmoving Emporium and Foundry.

 

But everyone was amazed when one of the goasts started to levitate above (avref) the crowd.

 

"Don't worry about him" assured Halal al Alalahaka (Harry to his mates) "As that's just his party trick when he's been into the hash. We just call him "Casper" when he does this and then ignore him."

 

But Casper had something else in mind, and he ......

[turboplanner]

.......levitated left, then levitated right, then ........

[Captain]

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......levitated left, then levitated right, then ........

.... zoomed (avref) up (avref) the .....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

We just call him "Casper" when he does this and then ignore him."

"But" Harry whispered in the ear of the swarthy bloke next to him "BOCTBCG (Beware of Casper the bomb-chucking goast".

[bull]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

"But" Harry whispered in the ear of the swarthy bloke next to him "BOCTBCG (Beware of Casper the bomb-chucking goast".

 This one was.....

[Captain]

16 hours ago, bull said:

 This one was.....

..... quite effective, but was a one-off, and that was the central problem ....... what with the cost of skydive training, aircraft hire, skydive club membership, and Semtex, belt, webbing vest, stain proof undies, and single use white sheets etc, the costs rose to a point where even Iraq sent down a bean-counter who asked for audited copies of all accounts, and the flow of cash then .....

[turboplanner]

........dried up. Bomb chucking payments were reduced to six shekels a throw.

It was hardly worth it given that if you didn't hit the target you had to blow yourself up, although it must be said that if Cappy blew up it would take out half of Wagga.

 

The solution was eco goasts who walked the streets picking up every old drink can or bottle and .................

 

[Captain]

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The solution was eco goasts who walked the streets picking up every old drink can or bottle and .....

..... deposited them in only to the green bins ..... from whence they will be recombined with the other garbage once the council truck turned the corner.

 

The skint Hezbollocks and the broke Hamas hit teams hit, from financial necessity, on a new environmentally friendly way to kill fadels and a few infadels with equal efficiency.

 

They bought Yangzi flood damaged BYD sedans and drove them to infadel infested coffee shops, parked them close by and waited for them to catch fire. Sure, a few of the terrorists fell asleep in the comfortable Chinese front seats after the adjusters broke, or snoozed post coitally with their favorite Capra Aegagrus Hircus cuddled up in the back seat, + went to see their 72 virgins (hard to find in Moorabbin or WW ..... and many preferred the Capras rather than having to teach stuff to the Virgins) when the lithium hit the road, and the term self-immolation became well known, and barbecued Capra became as popular as shonky tobacco products on the black market, where ......  

Edited Wednesday at 11:06 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....the black-marketeers were always desperately trying to find new blackmarket products and to keep one step ahead of the Law. To that end, the black-marketeers soon realised there was scope for huge profits in the aviation (long-overdue avref) sector, simply because they could see the huge profits made by legit businesses.

 

With no need for legitimacy, black-marketeers eyes went like poker machine reels, as they calculated the monstrous profits to be made from backyard aviation parts and component dealing.

And where else was there a huge supply of parts and components for black-market aviation - but the Middle East! - where aviation parts and components regularly and literally, fall from the sky! Especially right after some aerial action by the USAAF or Iran.

 

To that end, the black-marketeers only had to decide on the modus operandi involved to gather up and catalogue all those (only lightly-used!) aviation parts and components from the deserts of the Middle East, so they investigated the companies most likely to take on the job, no questions asked, and with corporate headquarters about as traceable as a Facebook-ad "wonder cleaning product" company.

 

To their great relief, they found a dubious corporate operator in the Moorabbin region (although the company was registered in Afghanistan, with associate operations in Lichenstein and Monaco), and the CEO was noted for his ability to turn his hand to anything that involved "edgy" products and services, so it was a no-brainer to............

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, onetrack said:

To their great relief, they found a dubious corporate operator in the Moorabbin region (although the company was registered in Afghanistan, with associate operations in Lichenstein and Monaco), and the CEO was noted for his ability to turn his hand to anything that involved "edgy" products and services, so it was a no-brainer to.....

..... extend their operation to take complete control of the Aviation (avref) industry.

 

In combination with the Hells Angels they developed a completely tax-free AUF and the old phart pilots flocked there to save a heap of cash ..... and with the Mongels as their main partner, they opened a black-market office named CASA, which shocked the industry as it was 3000% more efficient plus treated pilots and LAMES with respect .... which is previously unheard of .... and both organisations processed paperwork within 30 minutes, and each response contained a yellow smiley stamp.

 

Therefore, outlaw motorcycle gangs became a valued and essential part of aviation, some repatched themselves with a big yellow smiley stamp on leather vests, and even in desolate lawless outposts such as QLD and WA, the average aircraft owner and pilot was ......

[onetrack]

....soon proud to become a Patched associate of CASA (#nottherealCASA#) and the orders for leather jackets with the yellow smiley face poured into .... yes, you guessed it ..... Turbine Leather Jackets Inc., a subsidiary of #nottherealCASA#. 

 

However, it wasn't long before there were a long list of complaints from old phart pilots (because they aren't happy, unless they're complaining), that the leather wasn't real leather, the yellow smiley face actually looked more like it was sporting a scowl, and the.............

 

Edited Thursday at 01:30 AM by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....patches were laughed at by other bikies.

First things first, the patch complaints were fixed by giving the Mongrels a commission to give each complainant a good smack in the teeth. Complaints dried up. 

 

The OP Pilots returned to abusing their mates and splitting hairs just in case they were being watched (and sure enough had five "Guests" guarding the firm from malfacts every day).

 

So the Old Pharts had to ride their Yamaha Ag bikes (and the pink Suzuki - Jesus!) after quietly buying leather jackets. Victorian NES readers will notice that Jacinta Allen quickly gave up her leather jacket and now wears fuoro after a group of bikies made the news (which we can't print here), so ...................

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So the Old Pharts had to ride their Yamaha Ag bikes (and the pink Suzuki - Jesus!) after quietly buying leather jackets. Victorian NES readers will notice that Jacinta Allen quickly gave up her leather jacket and now wears fuoro after a group of bikies made the news (which we can't print here), so .....

.... the CASA 1%ers and Turbine Ag Bikes P/L teamed up, sourcing a Chinese copy of the "Yamaha Blu Cru" initiative (call the Spratrey Bru Clu Aggy (avref) Bike).

 

Not only did they offer off-licence smokes and tax-free grog at each of the CASA 1%er RAGE parties, but all the wives of CASA employees became known by the Bikie term "That's his Old Lady" and some of them really liked this new 1%er Old Lady lifestyle, where, on the drop of a hat (or undies), they could have whoever or whatever they .....

 

The Turbine Chines Ag bike BRU CLU initiative mirrored this one.

[turboplanner]

.....they wanted. This was enough to move them on and clear the decks for the hot....

[onetrack]

......, next lot, of "real leather" jackets, which had "BoB" outlined in big letters on them. Now, everyone knows that "BoB" stands for "Band of Brothers" - but the old phart pilots didn't know this (as most were classed as "antique", using the kindest description possible) - so they all thought it meant "Blue oyster Bar" - and they were greatly chuffed to think that wearing one of these jackets would show that they were all welcome at the BoB, anytime, day or night.

 

However, when several of the old phart pilots rocked up to the BoB wearing their new jackets - fully expecting the red carpet treatment, and free drinks - they were astonished, aggrieved, and upset, when the bouncers on the door unceremoniously turfed them all out onto the street, telling them, "No patched bro's allowed in here! - Bro's!" 

 

So it came to pass that the old phart pilots decided that they would............

[turboplanner]

......go out to the Gumly Gumly pub.

Now first you have to understand Riverina Wheat Cockies - short blond hair sticking straight up, a wide face wit two flat sides, a full set of teeth eh, a body the size of a John Deere RX, and arms the size of OT's thighs................and there were ten of them in the GG with their wives and kiddies, the kiddies being miniature versions of the fathers.

 

Now visualise the dozen Old Pharts talking loudly, and arguing like they do on WF? patched with BoB.

 

It was Skye who shrieked ..............................................

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Now visualise the dozen Old Pharts talking loudly, and arguing like they do on WF? patched with BoB.

It was Skye who shrieked ....

..... "Look children, there are prime examples of shriveled up old prunes who constantly live in the past, drive classic sports cars & pink Suzukis etc .... and speak constantly & somewhat boringly of Blue Heads, Drifters, Thrusters as well as Rag & Tube more generally (how sad is that?) .... then when they feel strong and aggressive after taking their meds, they chuck in denigrations in order to speak ill of the great public servants at CASA ..... and yet they call box headed Cockeys whingers when it doesn't rain for 5 years.

 

On hearing this expose, the Riverina Wheat Cockies' kiddies all reflexively gave the Old Pharts the bird (avref), then loudly proclaimed "There is no Gumly Gumly pub, you dill. It's called The Shanty & it's @ Alfredtown, ..... having been previously owned by one of Cappy's mates before the Rebels took it over and it was shut down [There may be a good opportunity here for Turbine Licensed Premises PLC].

 

Not many people appreciate that Crappy is one of the few individuals in OZ with the twisted yet dynamic personality to bridge the gaping divide between Cocky Grazier/Expansive Landowner, AUF membership, BOB attendee (non-gay division), and NES contributor..... yet nevertheless, here he is, live on the NES and available to all, such that even Bernie cannot resist the in-depth discussions on the NES (which is now larger and more popular than the host organization of Wreck Frying, hence Eeean's jealous disposition recently).

 

But then Skye got her second wind (it's the cabbage in the Chicko rolls) and she commenced to shriek ".....