The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and no one ever found out about the Latitude and Longitude of the Time Door. It was almost discovered when it was thought that Captain Cook VIII might be about to become the father of his own great grandfather, but nothing came of it, and the Golden Star just moved along with trip times similar to a Boeing 707 until one ......

.... of the midshipmen realized that all of the 707's are parked up in Arizona, except the one that John Travolta has, which is parked up at his joint, so all of a sudden, the crew realised that the 707 analogy was a curse and the Golden Star(Liner) became same like the Boeing Starliner and was stuck in Tahiti, as its namesake was at the ISS.

 

This made finding the Time Door (TD) doubly important, so they went to look in the ......

[turboplanner]

........Caribbean.

They found 178 people whose surnames were "Cook"...............................

[onetrack]

.........and Petty Officer Joe Cook was the one holding the key to the Time Door.

Now, not many people know that Petty Officers get their name from ... well ... just being petty.

Joe Cook was well known to walk the deck, and complain about the grubbiness of it. "Avast ye swabs!" he'd cry out, "I want this deck scrubbed spotlessly clean!!"

 

And Midshipman Turbosail would run up and say, "But Sir! We've just scrubbed that deck clean!!". Whereupon Petty Officer Cook would say, "Well, I want it swabbed again, until I'm satisfied with the cleanliness of it!!

Set to, or I'll order some lashings to improve the cleanliness!!" And at that, 20 sailors would dutifully start swabbing the deck again, all under the watchful eye of PO Joe, who would twirl the key, thinking about what to do..........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

Set to, or I'll order some lashings to improve the cleanliness!!" And at that, 20 sailors would dutifully start swabbing the deck again, all under the watchful eye of PO Joe, who would twirl the key, thinking about what to do.....

.... , until Semen bull pointed out that while possessing a key was interesting & symbolic in itself, a key that was without a lock that was without a Time Door (TD) to fit into, is like a red corvette on a sunny (optimisticref) Melbournistan day, without a .....

[turboplanner]

.........set of N65 injectors. PO Joe's problem was CCVIII, that dastard who nearly stitched up his great grandmother; you have to be carefull with time machines. PO Joe was just the Kepper of the Key. It was Sir Horatio Turbine who was in charge of the door, and he was known for slipping in and out buying cheap wines, taking them through the door, selling then as aged wine for $3,000 a bottle, and then walking back through the door, his pockets bulging with cash which he.......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........set of N65 injectors. PO Joe's problem was CCVIII, that dastard who nearly stitched up his great grandmother; you have to be carefull with time machines. PO Joe was just the Kepper of the Key. It was Sir Horatio Turbine who was in charge of the door, and he was known for slipping in and out buying cheap wines, taking them through the door, selling then as aged wine for $3,000 a bottle, and then walking back through the door, his pockets bulging with cash which he.......

.... reinvested at the Blue Oyster, where they have a couple of doors behind which was populated with off-shift itinerant Firies and bored Cocky's wives .... which, once thru and closed again, it is said that time "stands still" to quote Semen bull.

 

Pee-Oh Joe, the Kepper of the Key felt that he was under appreciated, as being just a Kepper meant that he was a long 2nd to Harry Turdbine, and Joe resolved to ...... 

[onetrack]

....be more than just a lowly Kepper (and OT notes that a Kepper is a split, salted and smoked, herring or salmon), so to that end, PO Joe set about graduating into a Great White Shark, whereby he could command some real attention, and put the fear of "having the bite put onto you", into...................

 

Edited May 19 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

xicating as that fear seems to be for WAs who keep jumping into the jaws of GWSs month after month in WA.

It was that great surfing legend Kelly Cook who finally overcame the Great White Shark problem by ........................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

xicating as that fear seems to be for WAs who keep jumping into the jaws of GWSs month after month in WA.

It was that great surfing legend Kelly Cook who finally overcame the Great White Shark problem by ........................

..... always surfing in a big aluminumium cage that he pinched from a shark dive boat at Port Lincoln.

 

Not many people know that Port Lincoln (then called Lincoln, because it was just a beach and a kabab shop) has been home to CCi and the Endeavour, which was originally named the "Strive-Very-Hard" until 2 of the crew were taken by Great Whites as they frolicked naked on the Lincoln foreshore, so CCI renamed it so that the stigma of having crew eaten would not stick, and frighten the tourists away.

 

WA is still learning that lesson today, known in scientific circles as the "Jaws Conundrum".

 

As a result of Kelly C's great example, the Geraldton Industrial Park filled with aluminumium fabricators and the WA Premier, (another Cook from a branch of the family arising from Jimmy's time as a young, but obviously fertile, cabin boy having fun with the ladies from the Batavia), little Roger Cook, said that this boost for Geraldton would soon overtake the rock lobster industry (which Labor & the Greens espouse should not be eaten, as they are nice little crustaceans that actually have nicer personalities than they taste), and would .......

 

Below is a recent photo of Kelly C taking a right at Margaret River.

Edited May 19 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........die out if people ate them. Not many people know that the massive fall in popularity of Labor and the Greens is due to that Great Fish and Chip Statesperson xxxxxxxxxxx. whose One Nation team has been letterboxing Australia with a leaflet showing her red hair in a photo of a Rock Lobster in cooked red. People have been trying them, love them, and voting for them. These people have obviously missed the message "Brains in its axxx and a head full of xxxt", but the WA rock lobster market is thriving, and Turbine Rock Lobster farms, incubating millions of RL eggs will be able to supply the world withing the next six months. The only issue has been the hatchlings which come out of the eggs and flick their tails heading north, south, east and west, however, Turbine Driving is training throroughbred Kelpies fitted with masks and snorkels, to round them up and the outlook for high volume production is ................

[Captain]

57 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The only issue has been the hatchlings which come out of the eggs and flick their tails heading north, south, east and west, however, Turbine Driving is training throroughbred Kelpies fitted with masks and snorkels, to round them up and the outlook for high volume production is ........

..... such that Elon wants to include Turbine Rock Lobster Farms (TRLF) in his upcoming Starlink IPO (SIPO), however Tubb (who is a good mate of Elon as well as best mate of Cappy) has strategically excluded Turbine Yabbies Inc (TYI) and the Turbine Refined Marron Conglomerate (the TRMC) from any access by the Musk machine. (While Turbo's people are talking with Elon's people, so far it is at a stalemate bigger that the US and Iran).

 

Not many people know, as you would never suspect it, that some cynical members of Wreck Frying, or whatever it is called now, think that the NES may be far-fetched, yet here we are with proof positive that ..... 

Edited May 19 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........some of the world's greatest influencers are wanting to get involved in the projects we humbly write about. Without giving anything away, and NES readers, please don't mention this you your friends but during one meeting with Elon, Turbo asked how the electric cars were going. Elon candidly admitted they'd made a mistake. "They're fine when they're stationary" Elon said, "but it's the fires that are holding us back, so we're working on a new model now without batteries."

Talking to famous people like that is gold and Cappy quite often.....................

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Talking to famous people like that is gold and Cappy quite often.......

.... purchases shares & other equities based on what Turbo discusses with him when they meet to have their coffee and cake every few days in Lygon St.

 

Crappy has found this to be well worth his while, despite the drive-by shootings because the various Melbournistan Crews mistake Turbs for Carl Williams or Mick Gatto.

 

Why, just last week poor Gavin "Capable" Preston was mistaken for Turbo "You-Can-Do-Anything" Turbine, who was sitting with Crappy discussing the SpaceX IPO just before he had to duck in order to ......

 

 

[turboplanner]

.........avoid the rattle of shotgun pellets hitting the coffee machine. Turbo has developed a dread of the sound of plastic chairs hitting concrete, and sometimes has nightmares about that. When he wakes up ................................

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........avoid the rattle of shotgun pellets hitting the coffee machine. Turbo has developed a dread of the sound of plastic chairs hitting concrete, and sometimes has nightmares about that. When he wakes up .....

..... , and when he is lucky, he has Mrs Turbine or some floozy sitting on his lap, sometimes even facing him, but just at the crucial time one of the plastic chair legs always gives way and folds in that "pierce-ya-bum" (pyb) kind of a fashion that causes an involuntary clench which kills the ardor, and also the ......

 

If Turbs had just $1 for every time this happened, he would be an even richer man.

But on the bright side, he has used them as free birth control for almost 3/4 or a century.

[Captain]

46 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

avoid the rattle of shotgun pellets hitting the coffee machine.

There is a very well-known expression in Melbourne that gets a giggle from all underworld hard-men and it is "Shotty pellets on the aluminium nameplate make Lavazza really p!ssed off". 

[turboplanner]

.....Loxie wasn't one of those men, and didn't understand the pecking order.

His mistake was loudly treating the family to "Dago Spaghetti" and it silenced the room.

Locie knew something was wrong, but his years as Captain Fairie of Wagga Wagga prevented him making another gaffe when he .....................

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....Loxie wasn't one of those men, and didn't understand the pecking order.

His mistake was loudly treating the family to "Dago Spaghetti" and it silenced the room.

Locie knew something was wrong, but his years as Captain Fairie of Wagga Wagga prevented him making another gaffe when he ....

..... tried to prove that he wasn't just focused on Dagos & their tucka, but to be specific, he went on to list Eyeties, Lebs, Ruskys, Maltesers and various other wops, but once the Chinese or WA came up for a mention, it was .....

Edited May 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........on. Plates of Spagbol flew past his ears and hit other indigenous diners who retaliated by aiming at the throwers, not Loxie. The quick Mediterranean tempers came to the boil with their name calling, finger gestures and base swearing. They started calling each other Wocks, but none of them were brave enough to fight. Loxie's party finished their meal and walked outas the insults continued. The locals didn't notive them go. Loxie was to tell friends later it was the best floorshow he'd ever seen. Way better than what he paid for at the BoB or ........

[Captain]

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Loxie's party finished their meal and walked outas the insults continued. The locals didn't notive them go. Loxie was to tell friends later it was the best floorshow he'd ever seen. Way better than what he paid for at the BoB or .....

.... every time that Robin-of-Loxley heads out to do some antisocial circle work at the Deni Ute Muster, where a Chicko Roll is classed as exotic wog tucka ..... except perhaps for when they go super exotic cannibal, and someone sets fire to another of the attendees like they did last time, because in the region around Deni that is called .....

[turboplanner]

........Tagging the ticket dude; something to remember for the next AUF event if there are ramp checks,or.......

[Captain]

.... if you have a spare jerry can of avgas and trail it around the paddock to light it, in the shape of a bunny rabbit that can be just about seen from space.

 

Not many people know that there has been a short supply recently of good fires associated with Denni UM attendees or bunnies in dry grass at fly-ins, and the NES is committed to supporting such causes to ....

[turboplanner]

......help the farmers, who are doinmg it tough now with Wind Farms in their dairies, and no water to wash with slabs of coke, because the Murray Darling has run out, or even.....

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......help the farmers, who are doinmg it tough now with Wind Farms in their dairies, and no water to wash with slabs of coke, because the Murray Darling has run out, or even.....

.... Billabong Creek and its numerous anabranches, the longest creek in the world, had wombats and wallabies with parched tongues and busting for a sip. (Even the Eastern Browns have stopped hissing and lie around looking like emaciated sticks).

 

Cappy-the-daring-Flyboy (CtdF) has flown the full 600 kms length of the Billabong Creek, just because he could, and at the time somebody cruelly commented ......

Edited May 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......that it was creek as p!ss. Long, it is but a puny drain until it reaches the Henty Pub toilets where Google Earth shows it exploding into a large lake, driving west almost to Robinvale. The creeks and rivers in this part of Australia snake sideways trying to get some grade, then change their minds and snake back again. The Murray and Darling take about 3 kmn of river to get 1 km in the direction of travel.

 

Cappy's brave creek trip in the Jackaroo 230 may have been missing a few bolts and seemed to have 1 leg shorter than the other but Capp drove it like it was stolen around every kilometre of bends at time chopping up the branches of gum trees, right to the end where there to greet him on this exciting achievement was Don Savage the BP Agent from Swan Hill with a can of Fosters.

 

Turbo tried the people of Swan Hill hoping to get a thousand people there and a story in The Land, but ........................................