The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo is embarrassed to report that he failed the recent CIA Gun Tests. Sure, he had been out the night before at the IRISH bash and crash but it's just not fair.

Worry not Tubb, as Crappy has just now had a quick word with John Ratcliffe, ahead of my secure discussion with him to work out who will be next for the high-jump in Iran, and I pointed out that your activities on behalf of the CIA were just going to mainly be in Australia, so who cares, and it doesn't matter that much, therefore your Gun Test Score was still good enough to hit the important bits on and around an explosive vest. 

 

You are therefore approved to concealed carry again, and I will email you the approval paperwork as soon as I complete this. (Is your emails address still [email protected]?).

[turboplanner]

.....tattooed Gurrugurrang style and dyed with Candy Apple Chevrolet Yellow.

The GG Bros were into recreational flying with a smart line up of curved wing Thrusters.

When Turbo asked them why the curve, Anthony replied, "Dey come back always then",

and Turbo nodded his head with agreement. He was agreeing with everyone this week because you never know if Langley's looking at you, and for Cappy, this ................

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....tattooed Gurrugurrang style and dyed with Candy Apple Chevrolet Yellow.

The GG Bros were into recreational flying with a smart line up of curved wing Thrusters.

When Turbo asked them why the curve, Anthony replied, "Dey come back always then",

and Turbo nodded his head with agreement. He was agreeing with everyone this week because you never know if Langley's looking at you, and for Cappy, this ....

..... makes his life as the Pacific Region Station Chief, more difficult than it should be, as while he enjoyed it that Turbo was going through another "agreeable" phase, given their time up the Khyber and during other operations that must remain secret, to have a best mate & colleague with a candy apple yellow tattooed nose does seem to stand out, and Cappy still relied on Tubb for his incognito undercover work + to give him his best reading of each ......

Edited Monday at 03:39 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....So when Turbo wasn't looking, Cappy furtively brought out his "One Can Per Car" paint stripper, and removed the nice paint. Turbo was coughing for days and had lost most of his face, but Cappy helpfully said it would grow back again.

 

When Turbo offered Cappy a Welcome to country, it became clear it didn't pay to be a First National or whatever they are now, so........................

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

When Turbo offered Cappy a Welcome to country, it became clear it didn't pay to be a First National or whatever they are now, so.....

..... Cappy offered Tubb a Welcome to Partial Facial Regrowth Ceremony, gave him a slab of VB, and a large gold framed mirror which was actually a lifelike photo of Turbo, pre paint stripper, and as a result Turbs was unusually quiet and content .... probably because ......

[turboplanner]

.......he knew that Cappy never gives up. He was 33 before he could ride his bike without falling off. His race car was a Gone Car because it was rarely off the grass,

He flew like a kite; the J230 would be wallowing more than they normallydo; and he was sure to quietly reach into his pocket and pull out a can of OCPC...............

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He flew like a kite; the J230 would be wallowing more than they normallydo; and he was sure to quietly reach into his pocket and pull out a can of OCPC.......

..... "Coordinated Flying Paint", which did nothing for his crappy flying and the ball still dangled off to the side where it was accustomed to be, but he "felt" that it was better because that OCPC contained nothing other than some of the "Truckie Upper" white powder that Turbo used to supply to the industry Aussie wide, when he controlled the Trucking Industry.

 

Cappy put on his blue singlet, Stubbys & sockless Blundstone or Redback pull-ons, pushed the 230's throttle to the firewall, and he zoomed up the ......

[turboplanner]

.......runway, flicked it into a roll as the wheels left the ground, wings 90degrees on the roll into crosswind where he made his departure. And then the alarm clock went off, and he ..........

[onetrack]

......suddenly realised he'd be late for work at his job at the Cat farm, where Turbo had given him the position of Manager of Cat Escape Control and Security, his job being simply to ensure all the gates were shut, and all scratching posts were a decent distance from the fences, so the cats couldn't launch themselves from a scratching post, to the top of a perimeter fence, and thence to freedom.

 

This position had become inevitable as Turbo had engineered for a substantially increased size in the cats, to increase profitability, and to meet the major demand for meat and fur, that couldn't be met by ordinary-sized house cats.

 

Then came that fateful and dreadful day in Cappys life, when a kitten escaped and wrought havoc in the city, causing massive damage to infastructure and making people flee in terror, as the kitten rampaged through the city, bringing............

 

[turboplanner]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

......suddenly realised he'd be late for work at his job at the Cat farm, where Turbo had given him the position of Manager of Cat Escape Control and Security, his job being simply to ensure all the gates were shut, and all scratching posts were a decent distance from the fences, so the cats couldn't launch themselves from a scratching post, to the top of a perimeter fence, and thence to freedom.

 

This position had become inevitable as Turbo had engineered for a substantially increased size in the cats, to increase profitability, and to meet the major demand for meat and fur, that couldn't be met by ordinary-sized house cats.

 

Then came that fateful and dreadful day in Cappys life, when a kitten escaped and wrought havoc in the city, causing massive damage to infastructure and making people flee in terror, as the kitten rampaged through the city, bringing............

 

.......down tower after tower,solider's memorials all over town. Cappy  was in a panic; it wasonly one cat, they'd all say. He reached for his 357 Magnum, aimed for the nearest tower and shot it in the pussy. The reaction was unexpected.................

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......down tower after tower,solider's memorials all over town. Cappy  was in a panic; it Wasonly One Cat, they'd all say. He reached for his 357 Magnum, aimed for the nearest tower and shot it in the pussy. The reaction was unexpected.................

..... as Wasonly-One-Cat (WOC), as the moggy is known in 1st Nations creational dreamtime narrative, always gets snarly when shot there or anywhere else on her body.

 

WOC is depicted in the narrative dreamtime stories as the natural enemy of the Rainbow Serpent (RS), and the problem had been getting worse since 1770 as 1st Nations Peoples became more affluent, bought their nippers a kitten for Christmas from Turbine Cats R US, then released them into the wild instead of eating them when the WOC became too big and a disciplinary nightmare ........ as they all established the rule, country wide, that once you give an animal a name you cannot eat it, ....... hence why sheep and cattle all agreed to give each other names as a means of remaining vegan.

 

So, OT's video of that WOC was just one of many, Rainbow Serpents and cute little finches were being killed with gay abandon so that the FNSPCA issued a kill order + a free Mackas branded plastic boomerang (not many people know the true story that Uncle Turbo often relates at Welcome-To-Cuntry ceremonies, that as well as inventing AFL footy and those flags that the goal umpires use, FN peoples also invented the 1st Mackas about 20,000 years ago).

 

Soon little warriors and Mackas plastic boomerangs were out hunting WOCs like crazy and in big numbers, such that the Save-the-Gay & Trans WOC Palestinian Activist Group, with Greta Numbnuts, were calling for ......

Edited Tuesday at 07:42 PM by Captain

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, Captain said:

FN peoples also invented the 1st Mackas about 20,000 years ago).

Not to mention that they also invented the rifle that Aussie warriors used in Vietnam.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 08:26 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........WOC protection throught the world. 

It's interesting the Cappy has brought us in print to the interesting prehistory of our Country. Not many people know the Dreamtime was real........but Uncle Turbo cautions that all the Bros know that it refers to BS stories. That's where the European saying "Yer Dreaman Eh"

Some aboriginal historians have written amazing stories of the dreamtime, how aborigines were cropping most of Australia and breeding huge herds of sheep and cattle 60,000 years ago.

 

Cappy's WOC story explains why we never see any evidence of this, and the reason is the sheep and cattle back 60,000 years had all named themselves. 

 

When the first settlers arrived they knew animals couldn't talk, so they killed and ate them, often at the BSB weekly Balls in the 1830s. They ran out of sheep and cattle, and had to import meat from His Majesty's Birmingham Meat Packing Ltd, but THEY, unlikee their predecessors learnt to breed sheep and cattle, and .......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

he European saying "Yer Dreaman Eh"

All NESers please stay calm, as I have just received a letter-of-demand from Working Dog Productions which states "Some dickhead has used our signature line from The Castle, eh, and we demand restitution."

 

I have replied admitting to the "dickhead" accusation but putting on my Barista's hat I can advise all NESers (and Eeeean) that it is Turdy that will be under the pump on this, so there is no need for the rest of us to worry or care a jot, as he'll just have Turbine Media buy them to make the problem go away ..... like usual.

 

 

Edited yesterday at 01:36 AM by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

When the first settlers arrived they knew animals couldn't talk, so they killed and ate them, often at the BSB weekly Balls in the 1830s. They ran out of sheep and cattle, and had to import meat from His Majesty's Birmingham Meat Packing Ltd, but THEY, unlikee their predecessors learnt to breed sheep and cattle, and .......

... this is when the term "Riding on the sheep's back" became legend ...... as there were hundreds of single pommy soldiers and convicts in OZ, there was a shortage of female humans and there were no goats, so the sheep copped it.

 

However, Australia, then and now is too strong & resilient to allow the adverse effects of a little bit lot of sheep based s........

Edited yesterday at 01:35 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......studies. Albo in particular was not keen to lift the lid on this part of history, maintaining that there was enough New Zealand data out there already. I've read the book "The top one hundred sheep runs" That's what they are called over there, not "Stations" or "farms" - the NZ sheep are perpetually running and that's why...............

[onetrack]

.......NZ shepherds are some of the greatest runners the world has ever seen. In fact, they developed their national sport, Rugby Union, by running down sheep and tackling them from behind.

As a result of some mis-identication of sheep gender one day, a group of NZZ shepherds actually found the sheep had turned to face them - because it was a ram. 

 

Thus, the "scrum" came about in RU, because the shepherds decided to take on the headbutting ram, and it was 8 shepherds to one ram, all with heads down, and going head to head.

Then the ram backed off for a charge (as rams do), and the shepherds in the scrum all fell over. Of course, some said they didn't fall over, they were actually looking for a ball, which was supposed to be around there somewhere, but.......

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

Then the ram backed off for a charge (as rams do), and the shepherds in the scrum all fell over. Of course, some said they didn't fall over, they were actually looking for a ball, which was supposed to be around there somewhere, but......

.... then the lock saw a ball and kicked it, and that front rower has never been the same since.

 

"How can anyone grab them and then keep holding them for so long" asked Sam the Shepherd the Second Rower as he .....

[turboplanner]

.......nursed his bruises. This was in the Real Time, when the bros switched from digging up clams,  to eating fush and chups.  New Zealand was getting a name as a tourist destination (if you like grass and sheep). A tourist couple from California had noticed the clever rugby play in the paddock, swore each other to silence, flew [avre] back to California and Copyrighted "The Los Angeles Rams" They quickly learned OT's moves, and became the most feared team in football. It's said that if you played them you always had to count your bits before you left the ground.

 

In Western Australia (always know as "New Holland" because of their Dutch ........

[onetrack]

......poffertjes, red-light districts (Kalgoorlie was originally called New Amsterdam, until Paddy Hannan found gold, and renamed it), sailing ships, and generally world-leading marine manufacturing skills (OT swells with pride whenever he travels the world, and almost everywhere, sees fabulous huge ferries and mega-yachts with "Made in Western Australia" written on them).

 

However, I digress. The West Australians are also known as pioneers in aviation, as witnessed by the little-known Kalgoorlie men who built Australias first aircraft, the Kalgoorlie Biplane in 1915.

It's an unfortunate twist of fate that the Kalgoorlie Biplane failed to develop further, almost certainly due to a poorly designed and unreliable engine provided by Josiah Turbine Aviation Engines Inc. 

 

This engine was apparently designed in hurry, with the full intention of capturing a big slice of the booming aviation engine market at that time. It was reported in newspapers of the era, that the design blueprints were purloined from a manufacturer in Europe, in a clear case of industrial espionage. It was reported that huge profit potential was the primary driver of the engines entry to the market.

 

Unfortunately for Josiah Turbine, some of the blueprints ended up being torn during the industrial thefts, and ended up with sections missing, which led to a whole lot of "guesstimates" as to what was supposed to be in that section of the blueprint.

 

As a result, the engine, touted as being "an example of the finest cutting edge European design, substantially modified to meet Australian operating conditions" (just as Turbo would claim in later decades, with his truck modifications), turned into nothing more than the biggest disaster to ever enter aviation history, on a par with........

 

Edited 18 hours ago by onetrack

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

As a result, the engine, touted as being "an example of the finest cutting edge European design, substantially modified to meet Australian operating conditions" (just as Turbo would claim in later decades, with his truck modifications), turned into nothing more than the biggest disaster to ever enter aviation history, on a par with........

..... the Turbenberg, sometimes referred to as the Hindenbine, which had been filled with Tubb's personal methane that he had saved up since he was his most flatulent as a teenager (so he could never let rip with his teenaged mates, but boy does he make up for it now), but this was a mere .....

[turboplanner]

....ripple in the aviation industry, long forgotten compared to the Captain Cook II, a replica of the Endeavour made from South American balsa. Cappy was no Chemist, but he was pretty sure mentane would not lift anything. He knew though, that a cup of Nitro-Methane would blow up a basketball stadium. Nitro, after all, would send a dragster down the quarter mile in 3.51 seconds, so surely iit would hold the balsa ship in the air, and the sails would give him renewable energgy, but...........

[onetrack]

......sourcing the mentane very quickly turned into a problem. Every fuel supplier he asked, looked at Cappy askew. Some suggested he should look in the "rare gases" dept of the local University. Some even went so far as to send Cappy off to the Greases and Solid Lubricants Dept, and told him to ask if they could supply a tub of mentane. Of course, the Greases and Lubricants Dept obliged by giving Cappy a huge tub of.........

[Captain]

..... lard, which Turbo had often called his best mate when his guts were sore from holding in the methane, until he could get home and plug in to the bayonet fitting on his gas storage facility. 

 

But mentane was another thing entirely, and ......

[Captain]

Hot off the press ....... it looks like TCF have been sprung in Vietnam. More details expected soon.

 

Police Rescue Hundreds of Cats from Being Eaten in Vietnam with Bust of Major Animal Theft Ring

Edited 11 hours ago by Captain