The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.........their days at the Bogie Primary School where Bull regularly wagged school, preferring the local Billiards Room. No one knew but Krissy had been given a pair of cheap binoculars when she was 11, and would scour the hill below the school, see Bull turn towards the BR, and report him to the teacher who would saddle the horse, ride down and walk in with a reiding crop, clearing out the billiards regulars for days. The skills of Observation and disposition of troops set Krissy on the stellar path she leads today. 

 

We ask NES readers to exercise discretion and not tell anyone about this, but Krissy often hires the trawler to chase down drug dealers. The TurboDrifters find the drug boats, and Krissy's Marines lock them up. The wto are often seen together as the trawler comes in with it's catch, Bull at the helm and Krissy sitting on the poop.

 

One day .............

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

see Bull turn towards the BR, and report him to the teacher who would saddle the horse, ride down and walk in with a riding crop, clearing out the billiards regulars for days. The skills of Observation and disposition of troops set Krissy on the stellar path she leads today. 

This event made history, dear readers, as this was the 1st time that Krissy took her Box Brownie and recorded the teacher detaining bull ..... and it is a matter of law enforcement history that what became known as "the great billiard room detention" was the precursor of modern arrests at airports with media attendance .... and even at 11 she was "hot" and wore a Cadbury chocolate as a medal (see evidence below).

 

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

We ask NES readers to exercise discretion and not tell anyone about this, but Krissy often hires the trawler to chase down drug dealers. The TurboDrifters find the drug boats, and Krissy's Marines lock them up. The wto are often seen together as the trawler comes in with it's catch, Bull at the helm and Krissy sitting on the poop.

 

One day ......

..... their relationship blossomed as their eyes met, just before bull's eyes wandered down to where they usually did (many ladies took offence at this, but bull also had a lot of success), and he .....

 

Her initial medal ..... but the chocky is a bit stale by now.

Edited Tuesday at 07:38 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........made a crude lunge.  Unfortunately for Bull, Krissy misjudged it as an attack.

Krissy had been trained in the NSW system at the Doubtfire Unarmed Combat Centre. {DUCC)

Long term NES readers will remember the late Constable Doubtfire driving down Bayliss St in the Divvy Van picking up drunks, and the "CLANG!" they made when they hit the front wall. Krissy had been taught to do the same if any resistance occurred, so it was second nature. Bull found himself flying backwards towards ........

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Bull found himself flying (missedavref) backwards towards ........

... oblivion, until he realized that the word "flying" (avref) had been used and this was an activity in which he possessed extreme skills, muscle memory and ballet expertise.

 

So, he deftly pirouetted, then demi-plié'd (made famous by Demi Moore in and the fillem "An Officer and a Gentleman") and he .....

[turboplanner]

.........escaped the rabbit killer extended by Krissy.

However, he had been too clever by half because "The Boot" (c) Turbine Police Training Academy) hit him fair in the Cods (fishref, AUS) (fushref, NZ).

Bull howled................

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........escaped the rabbit killer extended by Krissy.

However, he had been too clever by half because "The Boot" (c) Turbine Police Training Academy) hit him fair in the Cods (fishref, AUS) (fushref, NZ).

Bull howled................

...... like a Fraser Island (or whatever it is called now) Dingo (or whatever they are called now) that had ....

[turboplanner]

........been grabbed by a Ranger (or whatever they are called now), who shook him like a ........................

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

... been grabbed by a Ranger (or whatever they are called now), who shook him like a ...

.... rag Kurdaitcha man (or whatever they are called now) who, in response, pointed his bone (or whatever they are called now) at ..... 

Edited Tuesday at 10:25 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

at Krissy, but missed and hitOne Track (or whatever he is called today) in the membrane (or whatever it is called today.) severely inconveniencing him for several weeks every time he tried to....................

[Captain]

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

severely inconveniencing him for several weeks every time he tried to.......

.... explain what happened, people looked at him skeptically when he said "I have been kurdaitched" and everyone assumed that he had teamed up with some stunningly beautiful Kurdish lady who had taken his v.....

 

This is a pretty ordinary image of a basic Kurdish woman, but you can see how it might have elicited OT's interest.

[turboplanner]

...voice away from him. He kept on yelling "DROP IT!  DROP IT! DROP IT! DROP IT! until his voice was hoarse and blood streamed from his throat, but she hung on and the Viper......................

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

... voice away from him. He kept on yelling "DROP IT!  DROP IT! DROP IT! DROP IT! until his voice was hoarse and blood streamed from his throat, but she hung on and the Viper....

..... but then he realized that he had made the fatal error that all herpetologists and ophioligists dread (or whatever are their new 1st Nations names), because (not many people, or whatever they are called now, know) that pythons & other constrictors are not Vipers.

 

By way of further explanation, Crappy deleted the bottom half of the photo of the Kurdish lady, as that python is constricting around that lady's lower bits, and it may have appeared to be suggestively pornographic, such that younger readers and aviation stewed-ants would be badly influenced accordingly.

 

His hoarse voice sounded just like ......

 

NESers will have noticed that Bernie has been adding comments at bottom right of several posts lately, so he and his converted bus are being drawn into the vortex of the NES, so Bernie and his RV are just about f#&$*d too, like the rest of us regulars.

[turboplanner]

.....gravel being squeezed through a garden hose, as he tried to warn the Kurdish lady of what was to come, but she just responded: "Ez ji pêlêkirinê hez dikim" [warning; sensitive people should hot assume the Kurdish language relates to English; she is making a very innocent statement which shows she is in great danger]

 

The Viper/Python/Bernie or whatever they are  called now struck viciously at point blank range, but it was an old WTACN with poor eyesight, and missed its target completely, landing in  the lap of.........

 

[NES have reached a new milestone with 3.85 million views by people trying to see the coils below Cappy's frightening "Kurd in the Coil" photo. One (sitting in an office with various CAT cartons on his desk offered to "take her in" and "protect her".]

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

or whatever they are  called now struck viciously at point blank range, but it was an old WTACN with poor eyesight, and missed its target completely, landing in  the lap of........

.... that Kurdish lady, which is way more serious and suggestive than just being wrapped around her lower half.

 

Surprisingly, Bernie, who had been involved as a geologist in Kurdistan for half a century while trying to become even more famous by finding the precursor civilization to Gobekli Tepe, knew the Kurdish lingo and said "Ez jî bi marê xwe re lîstinê hez dikim" and they both fell about laughing before Bernie decided to go-the-grope, and the non-viper ......

 

Bernie wants to locate the mob who were hanging around in Kurdistan before the other mob who built this. (Not the cover and the walkway, but just the rocky bits).

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, Captain said:

Bernie, who had been involved as a geologist in Kurdistan for half a century while trying to become even more famous by finding the precursor civilization to Gobekli Tepe

Given his fame, Cappy can only assume that Bernie is applying his attention to archeological research around Degilbo, and may have located one of the 1st Nations (or whatever they are called now) megacities recorded by whatshisname (or whatever he is called now) in his book Dark Emu.

[turboplanner]

.....got him on the knuckle. Bernie screamed in agony, which scared the Viper or whatever it was called, and kicked it in the guts. The Viper struck, but Bernie shot both legs forward and got its coils in an Indian Death Lock (or whatever its called today). The snake could get to any part of his body, but its head was perilously close to .........

 

 

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The snake could get to any part of his body, but its head was perilously close to ....

.... a pile of rocks, which it knocked over, and there under the rocks was a cuneiform tablet which Bernie could read, and which said "This tablet, and the bloke what wrote it, are much more ancient than those Tepe joints 450 kms up north".

 

"This will make me more famous than Howard Carter and Bruce Pascoe, or that bloke who discovered Algebra" said Bernie, as his thoughts turned to buying a bigger Prevost RV with all the royalties. 

 

Meanwhile, the Python got really snakey about this change to the storyline and the realisation that he was about to be written out if the NES, so he .....

Edited 12 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........shed his scales all over ...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........shed his scales all over ...............

.... poor Bernie, who pushed him (or her ... NTTIAWWT) away and said "It'll take more than a few poxy scales to stop me from becoming archaeologically famous, ......... and rich, so f........

Edited 10 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

....he was about to say more but stopped himself and  took a closer look at the scales.

He lit a match and put it under a scale; the scale melted and what was left was a small drop of pure gold (Bernie, being an archaeologist, could identify gold, and carats (or whatever they are called now in decimal currency).

 

The python had retreated to the rafters. He didn't know how to get it down. He got his cat to come to him by calling "Here pussy, pussy,pussy" but that didn't always work.

 

The snake knew it had the upper hand and spoke, in a loud  voice "Possumne tibi auxilio esse, Bernarde?")

 

Turbo, who was there to do the books, recognised the Latin immediately as "May I help you Bernie?"

 

Bernie didn't entirely trust the snake, but with Turbo translating, they came to a deal where the snake could live in the rafters and Bernie could collect the gold flakes when it shed. (He also collected when it crapped too - it was a big snake.)

 

Turbo and the python started talking and the python told him it was thousands of years old and picked up the Latin from when Cleopatra had picked him up from the Alexandria dust. He was only a little asp then. One day she picked him up too tightly and he bit her on the t......................................

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

 

..... it, and once Cleo (to her mates) realised what had happened, she also recalled that this snake had been shown several times in a bible picture book that she had loved to read as a little kiddie.

 

With near to her last gasps, Cleo realised that this was the same snake that had given Eve the apple and after taking advice from her Soothsayer named Alexa, she said "Geeez Louise, this bloody same snake has appeared as the Bronze Serpent (ref Numbers 21:4–9 & John 3:14–15), as the Viper that bit Paul on Malta when he was shacked up with a Maltese Princess and having a break from active apostilling (ref Acts 28:3–6), and then finally as his(or her) big final gig as the Cosmic Serpent/Dragon (see Revelation 12 and 20)".

 

"Heck, you know a lot of religious stuff Alexa" said Cleo as the poison took effect.

 

"No wuckers, Cleo" responded Alexa "And you can cut the over dramatization as it's just a run of the mill python and while they might give you a nasty nip (Noburef) on the nork, they are not fatal".

 

"Well tell Markanthony to get his arse in here quickly for a final one, just in case you are wrong ..... and tell Bernie to watch his step with that snake when he comes across it in a few thousand years .... although I know that he is a tough nut and is much more worried about Eastern Browns & Red Bellied Blacks out there around Degilbo".

 

Alexa took Cleo's instructions seriously, remembered Bernard's name (Bernie to his mates and the Wreck Frying aviation community) + his day after Xmas '46 DOB, and ......

Edited 7 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....what he liked to eat (Quatar Dates). Of Course, like all AI systems, she couldn't help herself and added "and Jericans" and showed a picture of one. Turbo had an argument with Alexa one day, calling her a tart. She politely disagreed for the next three hours and then said. "Now is my clock off time so your can go and get.................................."

 

Edited 6 hours ago by turboplanner

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

so your can go and get.......

Not many people know that Turbo holds the Guiness Record for being told that by good looking females, ............ and by quite a mass of scrubbers too, but to now also be in record contention for being told that by various AI ladies (Tubb always opts for the lady's voice) is a new low, or achievement, depending on how you rate such things.

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....what he liked to eat (Quatar Dates). Of Course, like all AI systems, she couldn't help herself and added "and Jericans" and showed a picture of one. Turbo had an argument with Alexa one day, calling her a tart. She politely disagreed for the next three hours and then said. "Now is my clock off time so your can go and get.......

This is obviously a post that Bernie would wish to respond to, so Cappy, ever the gentleman and mate, will allow that to occur.