The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo tried the people of Swan Hill hoping to get a thousand people there and a story in The Land, but ....

.... Crappy had bought their secrecy, because some argued that clipping the tops of river gums meant that he was below 500 ft minimums and that 90 degree of bank, while essential to follow the meandering of the Creek, were unwise in conservative flying circles.

 

But Cappy bought a round of drinks at the pub, so that shut them all up, he said again that he never flies below 500ft unless on final and that the appearance of a 90 degree bank was just the sun reflecting off the 230's perfect paint job, .......... or swamp gas.

 

So while The Land didn't pick up the story, the fully coordinated flying has entered the realm of aviation folk lore (in Crappy's mind anyway), and is well regarded in ......

 

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Murray and Darling take about 3 kmn of river to get 1 km in the direction of travel.

As does the Murrumbidgee, all proven to Ratso when he naively took his Hobie canoe 15 road kms upstream ready for a quiet afternoon's paddle back to Wagga X 2.

40 kms later, an emaciated and collapsed Crappy needed help to exit the canoe and even more help to load it back onto the troopy, and has never fully recovered since ..... but he had seen 1 platypus so it must have been all worthwhile.

Edited May 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......the lower reaches of the rivers in South Australia where, along with Captain Sturt, Cappy's Billabong Creek flight is still revered and copied wherever possible. Many a cockatoo waking up from a night sitting on eggs in a gum hollow has crapped itself with the scream of an LSA55 following a creek at daybreak. It's also true that the South Australian Riverland is a fertile place to pick up recreational aircraft in working order except for the wings, and sometimes............................

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It's also true that the South Australian Riverland is a fertile place to pick up recreational aircraft in working order except for the wings, and sometimes........

..... the splatterings of oranges and various other stoned fruits on the beautifully blended Jab winglets (avref - which scythe through the orchards and pot crops with ease), and .....

[turboplanner]

....sometimes with BB pellets embedded in the fibreglass if they happen to stray into some of the bigger plantations where ...................

[onetrack]

......the stoned fruits barely know what's going on, thanks to that regularly-available supply of mind-altering weed, for which the Riverina is well known. Of course, despite Cappys protests that his low level flight was merely recreational, everyone else knows that his flight was merely a test of "flying below the radar" (so to speak) to see if his "Riverina consumer supplies" activities would arise any interest from the local constabulary - let alone any CASA representatives.

 

To Cappys huge relief, as he waited on tenterhooks for an extended period after landing, there was no knock at the door, no unmarked grey cars mysteriously parking near his favourite cafe on a regular basis, no strange glint from something reflective in the distance - so after a couple of weeks, he became less nervous, and didn't jump at the sound of a paddy-wagon door closing, so he could now..............

[turboplanner]

..........rest easy. He was sitting in the Bayliss St 1000Coffiesrus when a short, furtive, olive skinned man slinked in, sidled up to Cappy's table and said ".....................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........rest easy. He was sitting in the Bayliss St 1000Coffiesrus when a short, furtive, olive skinned man slinked in, sidled up to Cappy's table and said ".....................

...."The pen of my aunt is in the garden" to which Cappy replied "The juniper berries get eaten by the starlings" and once those security protocols were successfully resolved they both hugged, felt each other up for concealed carry, then both said, in a pre-arranged collegiate manner while giving high fives "The Raptor Squad are wankers, Krissy is a medal junky, and ......

[turboplanner]

.......so began one of the most dangerous eras in the Riverina, and it's history includes Ned Kelly.

This was one of the frustrating times when Cappy wouldn't tell Turbo what he was doing.

It wasn't that Cappy had to ask permission from Turbo, it was that all these top secret schemes seemed to drag Turbo in, usually in handcuffs.

 

Cappy put down his mug of cocoa, ate a chcolat snowball, stared at Turbo for what seemed like ten minutes and ..........................

[onetrack]

.....said, "Have you ever seen what $10M in $100 notes, in a suitcase, looks like?" Turbos brow furrowed (indicative of his intense thought application to all thorny problems), he thought silently for maybe 20 seconds, then said............ No".

 

"I thought not. Neither have I. But if we keep in with this Riverina Mob, we're eventually bound to see what it looks like. And I was just wondering if $10M in a suitcase would put a Jab well over MTOW?"

 

Turbo replied, "Not if you throw out the...............

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

"I thought not. Neither have I. But if we keep in with this Riverina Mob, we're eventually bound to see what it looks like. And I was just wondering if $10M in a suitcase would put a Jab well over MTOW?"

 

Turbo replied, "Not if you throw out the.......

..... the cash ............. and then Turbo laughed that mischievous laugh that we all know so well, and which makes him so loveable to all members of Wreck Frying, (and everyone knows that you don't worry about MTOW in a 230, which was designed as a 4-seater).

 

When Tubb goes all loveable (for he can also be a nasty killer as shown in the next part of the NES), the wrinkles in his furrowed brow moved down and out, to become laughter lines that look a little like the Grand Canyon.

 

But after the giggle, Turdy's eyes then rolled around like a cash register (young NESers need to get their AI to search for info on this mechanical relic) as he toted up the $10 M and considered how much of that he could scam from poor old lovable Cappy the Rodent (tested as Hanta virus free, so new NESers should not panic).

 

The short, furtive, olive skinned man and Cappy then took a penknife and there, in the main street of WW, joined their blood (which splashed the coffee shop table, and into the froth on his capuchino, when Cappy nicked an artery) and took an oath which committed them to .....

Edited May 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........joint activities, and both knew these weren't activities at the BoB joint.

When Turbo parked the Challenger at Wagga Wagga International Airport, Chicken Farm and Safety Complex, he noticed Cappy's white Jab had a sign on the side "Safety Official".

 

Cappy explained that he got $5000 a flight in note to fly along Billabong Creek and visit the green patches offering them fire protection for $10,000 per month.

 

The first week was tough; most either shoved a shotgun barrel up his nose or said XXXX off!

 

Then the first farm caught fire. Two thirteen year olds were seeing escaping on their new quad bikes but extensive questioning by detectives only threw up a couple of messages on the phone of one of the boys.

 

Cappy's flights immediately became successfull as the "Traveller" moved from farm to farm selling Insurance policies. It was legit business; each farmer received an official Certificate from Cappy. He began to look at the more upmarket aircraft suitable for the back country, but one morning as he was sitting in his favourite sunny window in Bayliss Street................................

 

[Captain]

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy's flights immediately became successfull as the "Traveller" moved from farm to farm selling Insurance policies. It was legit business; each farmer received an official Certificate from Cappy. He began to look at the more upmarket aircraft suitable for the back country, but one morning as he was sitting in his favourite sunny window in Bayliss Street....

..... an anonymous passer bye dropped a note on his table and disappeared with a sidestep into Woolies.

 

When Cappy looked at the note it was all black, and he immediately realised that this was a photo of the Woolies carpark slab in Griffith .................... from the underside.

 

The message was clear and Crappy called his swarthy little blood-brother mate, who was still getting over the infection that he picked up from Cappy's fox skinning and lamb de-nutting knife, but he .....

Edited May 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........'d done a runner and was sipping coffee from a cup the size of a coke bottle lid in

Ajaccio, Corsica.

This was one of the few places Cappy hadn't lived in his time, and he had to check a map, but he was soon confidently warning that if the little prick didn't get back fasty and start bodyguarding like he was contracted to do, Cappy would give him a whiff of the Elastrator (which was what real people from the land call a de-nutting knife.)

Brazzio reacted with a squeal that he was busy, and Cappy gave the elastrator a few squeezes. 

Once you've heard an elastrator being squeezed on a thousand lambs with pink nuts covering the grass by the stockyards, that sound over the phone leaves a lasting impression, and Brazzio knew there was nowhere to hide. He reluctantly packed his bag for the Riverina where there was double trouble with One Nation sacking its Riverina President before the locals got to taste andy real advantahe of the recent win in the polls. This worked for Cappy.....................................................

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He reluctantly packed his bag for the Riverina where there was double trouble with One Nation sacking its Riverina President before the locals got to taste andy real advantahe of the recent win in the polls. This worked for Cappy......

.... who was a bigger name than Barnaby at that time and Pauline had been trying to get him over the line ever since Pauline's daughter was born. (Pauline's hair is slightly red, her daughter's hair is blonde, Cappy's hair was blonde at that time ..... so don't tell anyone, and there is nothing definite, but astute NESers can draw their own conclusions).

 

Cappy had always been earmarked for ON's first Lower House seat and for immediate progression to PM over the following 2 years, but had knocked it back as not being an interesting enough challenge, plus it left no time for making numerous NES posts each day ...... and NES-wise, the click-meter shows that the posts by Crappy, Tubb and the Singularoot get more visits and attention than does Trumpy on Truth Social + Elon on X, so Eeeeeean is also keen that we stay here and continue to make Wreck Frying, or whatever it is called now, the financial success that it has been ever since Turdy 1st joined on that famous day on 15th September 2007.

 

(Not many people know that Turdy's join-up date was merely the length of an elephant's gestation period after Crappy 1st lifted the international profile of this site, just a short 20 years ago last week. .......... It is also notable that OT is just a new-boy blow-in by comparison).

 

One Nation had never stopped chasing him, but .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

...............Cappy had always implied he was busy in talks with this Mogul or that Mogul, and always gave it's Leader a quiet wink.

 

The people of the Riverina had become very protective of Cappy and were quick to shoo the Orange people away from "their" Captain Cook. The headlines of this week are a good example of what can be expected from the locals when Cappy is disturbed from his morning routine in the Riverina.

 

It has indeed been a long time since those struggling days when Cappy and Turbo decided to lend a hand with the NES, and pulled their talents from writing Les Miserables, a movie to be shot around the Murrumbidgee River featuring Loxie with his muscular arms and gold locks, and a little scrubber from the Deni Muster Cappy had met one night and was pushing for the female lead, but ...........................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..Cappy had always implied he was busy in talks with this Mogul or that Mogul, and always gave it's Leader a quiet wink.

Dear NESers - Please make allowance for Turbo's industrial deafness, or more likely caused by that other more obvious method.

It was Motul not Mogul, as needed because of Crappy's elevated position, like Turdy, in Aussie motorsport and aviation circles (avref) (Both have declined numerous suggestions of Hall of Fame inductions in both disciplines).

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

It has indeed been a long time since those struggling days when Cappy and Turbo decided to lend a hand with the NES, and pulled their talents from writing Les Miserables, a movie to be shot around the Murrumbidgee River featuring Loxie with his muscular arms and gold locks, and a little scrubber from the Deni Muster Cappy had met one night and was pushing for the female lead, but ....

.... after his time producing JC Superstar in Sydney in the 60's, and his memory of the controversy based around Marcia Hines playing Mary, Cappy decided to give Loxy and the Deni Scrubber the flick, and Crappy's "hook" to raise the profile of Les Miz, which has been a bit of a flop worldwide so far, is for the Riverina Tour to employ Marcia again to play opposite Mike Tyson in the lead roll + with George Floyd playing the Ghost, so that ......

Edited May 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....the show would be understood by the local communities as similar to their own.

Turbo went to a few of the Grong Grong Country dances, and in his opinion was lucky to get out alive.

"Carols by the Rock" at Christmas time wasn't much better..............

 

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....the show would be understood by the local communities as similar to their own.

Turbo went to a few of the Grong Grong Country dances, and in his opinion was lucky to get out alive.

"Carols by the Rock" at Christmas time wasn't much better..............

 

..... as once the Carolers were full of "soup", the rocks started to be relocated from the scenery backdrop and to be chucked at the audience, ....... and so, dear City NESers, the fun-loving Riverina folk saw in another yuletide season, all the while as the Tocumwal cross-cuntry sailplanes made their designated turn overhead, and some wag pulled out a 243 and acted like a Bedouin wedding, putting 10 into the air, which caused one of the ex-military pilots of one of the sailplanes to say FXXX and to release a flare, so that ..... 

[turboplanner]

.......the locals understood there was an important Glider Captain overhead.

This set off a barrage of 222, 308, 303, 270 and a few 351s sailing upwards.

The Glider Pilot whipped into a turb and headed west,

There wasn't much lift in the cool conditions as he passed over fox country and the 222s and 243s gave him the message to move along.

Seriously fightened now the raghead moved further west, losing altitude as he hit duck country and a thousand BBs, SGs and No 6s filled the sky. One wing was fractured about a metre from the tip and sitting up at a 5 degree angle; the other looked like a seive when he passed over Yorta Yorta country.......................................

[onetrack]

.........and he promptly decided that area could be lit up for a targeted air strike by the new F-36 Drifters. Yes, dear NES'ers, you heard it here first (from the new kid on the block, apparently - but don't let that bother you, as it doesn't bother OT. "A new breath of fresh air" [to the NES] were the words used when OT joined the NES).

 

But I digress. As you may be aware, the Govt is less than impressed with the underwhelming performance, the high maintenance costs and the poor parts availability of the F-35's - so they quietly contracted a "behind the scenes" deal with Turbine Exotic Fighter Planes, a little known military equipment manufacturer, located in a semi-rural factory on the outskirts of Moorabbin.

 

This contractor purposely kept a low profile to keep out any Defence Dept snoops, who might give away the companys manufacturing secrets. And of course, the credentials of the CEO were impeccable, being an Afghanistan veteran, a veteran of the Road Transport Wars, and also highly skilled at keeping grubby unwanted fingers off exotic products, such as American muscle cars.

 

TEFP realised early on, that all warplanes were completely expendable, and as such, it was a total waste to spend $16B on 72 fighter planes, only to have them turned into scrap in the sky within minutes.

The CEO of TEFP cunningly devised a plane to recycle end-of-life Drifters into new fighter aircraft at extremely low cost and with minimal effort. 

 

He was quoted as saying, "Why waste $16B on high-tech, overseas built fighter aircraft, when for $15B, I can supply reconditioned and upgraded F-36 Drifters in larger quantities, knowing full well, they'll still only be turned into scrap in the sky, within 5 mins of takeoff, anyway? This is a no-brainer, this is how the Ukrainians are winning their war!"

 

Of course, the CEO kept the information highly confidential, about how he would turn ancient, lightweight flying pieces of scrap, into new, hi-tech flying pieces of scrap, until one day, a "Military News" photographer, bored with endless "delivery updates" on long awaited Military products that took decades to appear, decided to crawl through the hedge of the adjoining property to the TEFP factory, to try and snap some "exclusive" shots of F-36 Drifters being rebuilt and armed to the teeth. What he saw horrified him, and he could not believe his eyes. There was the CEO, barking orders to...............

 

Edited May 24 by onetrack

[Captain]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

There was the CEO, barking orders to.....

.... employees who he recognised from last night at the Moorabbin soup kitchen and doss house.

 

But as the CEO so often spruiks "We are an equal opportunity employer and it was Clarry over here, with 57 years on the dole & therefore the much admired record holder, who came up with the designation F-36, which automatically devalued those poxy 35's and the dills at the Dept of Defence snapped these 36's all up via a 25 Year Supply Contract (the much vaunted "FYSC") and we were off to the ....

[turboplanner]

.........the slots at the Casino.

Of course being highly paid, valued employees, they never talked, and the production line had to be duplicated. Soon there were seven lines, and there wasn't a face at any soup kitchen in town. The F36's were coming off line straight into battle up against the Jabiru drones. Jake the Mongol rider who'd received the mandatory five hours flight training had racked eight kills against the Jabs. mostly they'd go down by themselves, but he knew he could turn tighter and he'd lure the Jab into a tight descending turn and shoot its guts out. This only worked until..........

[Captain]

... the Jab jockeys realized that this was undesirable, and that the F36's were ......

[turboplanner]

.......the flying version of putting lipsstick on a pig.

The Jab jockies, in this case flying Jab drones in Iran from places like De Moins, Iowa or Mesa Arizona in air conditioned comfort..................................