The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"........always look to the front!"

No one there at the Bone International Airport that day can really pinpoint what happened first that day, but Herb left the Raptor in an arc at 700 feet clutching his 'se; the Raptor went nose up but the cunning bluehead quietly put out a claw and it levelled off on final. The other bluehead hurled its pistons left and right and the Raptor glid [Raghead ref] down to a perfect landing. The adoring crowd clapped, the Velcraptor bowed and then walked over and gave Chalie a good belt in the ........

..... ding and said "Quiet while I play the "Welcome-to-Cuntry" recording that Quaintarse have lent me, followed by those cute yet snotty nosed private school kiddies singing that Peter Allan ditty as a bonus cultural embellishment." (Those kiddies were all checked out and endorsed by The Leprechaun himself).

 

Charlie, ever the opportunist, grabbed a bunch of mango leaves and tried to kick off a Grade 3 Smoking Ceremony (There are 5 grades of Smoking Ceremony, each with their own scale of charges), but like everything else in Bone, those leaves were water-logged, so he ...... 

Edited March 18 by Captain

[Captain]

Once Charlie got the leaves dried out a bit, the ceremony was undertaken by someone who was obviously a very successful hunter.

[turboplanner]

12 hours ago, Captain said:

Once Charlie got the leaves dried out a bit, the ceremony was undertaken by someone who was obviously a very successful hunter.

Note the school teacher has ditched the shoes ready to join the guy with flour all over himself. This is a Bone Tribe man abd this tribe was the one tnat was always pointing the Bone.

[turboplanner]

.........sneaked into the Bone CWA Rooms (Remember them, the CWA women always said "CWA Rooms" but they only had on pokey little room) and quietly  nicked a dried arrangement from the wall. Mavis woke from her afternoon nap and.......

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Note the school teacher has ditched the shoes ready to join the guy with flour all over himself. This is a Bone Tribe man abd this tribe was the one tnat was always pointing the Bone.

Turbo the Urban Archeologist (UA) is 100% right about this. Bone & the bloke with the flour are definitely the origin of the term "Pointing the Bone" ........... and bull is the origin of the term "Having a Boner".

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........sneaked into the Bone CWA Rooms (Remember them, the CWA women always said "CWA Rooms" but they only had on pokey little room) and quietly  nicked a dried arrangement from the wall. Mavis woke from her afternoon nap and.......

..... said "Someone has knocked off my dried arrangement", but then she put on more makeup and spent an inordinate amount of time explaining that hers is not dry and is arranged in a conventional fashion.

 

While bull doesn't mind that, he actually prefers the arrangement from the country that includes the major city of Sao Paulo. (It is little known, dear NES readers, that this town is the origin of the famous Arnotts dry bickie, which was developed in Sao Paulo by a bloke named Raul Vovo, who sold the recipe to Turbine Bickies and Cakes PL, and they on-sold it to Arnotts for a fortune and a royalty deal. As part of the original contract, TB&CPL also owned any future recipes that Raul might come up with, so when he perfected the Iced Vovo in a favela above Rio, TB&CPL moved quickly to ...... 

[turboplanner]

........lock up the royalty. 

This involved flying in to Sao Paulo in a [warning, non-recreational aircraft] DC3, which was OK unless it was raining, but they handed out plastic raincoats and Iced Vovos (c).

Not many people know that one of Australia's most notable Prime Ministers from the Country that includes the major city of Sao Paulo, was born in that city.               

His name was Sao Paulo Keatinodad.                                                                             

Sao's father had shot through pre-nuptially so he was a bastard.

 

His mother worked hard in the streets of Sao Paulo selling Sao biscuits, and made enough to take young Sao Paulo on a freight ship to Australia.                                   

 

Brought up on the dry biscuits, young Sau Paulo was very skinny and remained so for the rest of his life.  He changed his name and became a proud Australian citizen, Paul Keating, who never missed.................

 

A few years ago one of the better Victorian Planning Ministers was being squeezed out of office by a campaign of bullies against him, so Turbo took part in the below the line SM campaign. The sh!t was flying fast  when out of nowhere the Great Headkicker Himself joined in with eight words. The Minister was back in a landslide upset.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..... so Turbo took part in the below the line SM campaign. .....

Dear NES readers. While Turbo would prefer that this abbreviation stand for Social Media campaign or Samsung Mobile campaign, Cappy knows from his time up the Khyber with Turbo, and from seeing the post politics behavior of little SPK, that Turdy is actually referring to a Sado Masochistic Camp-Pain.

 

Hence why both SPK and Turbs have been rejected as One Nation candidates in the next Vicmanistan State Election, as they both cum with too much baggage, even for Mextoria.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Brought up on the dry biscuits, young Sau Paulo was very skinny and remained so for the rest of his life.  He changed his name and became a proud Australian citizen, Paul Keating, who never missed.......

..... his life in the favelas of SP and who never again sucked on a dry Sao, because the packet after packet that his mum had forced him to eat had damaged his saliva glands (sucked 'em dry they did) to the point where he needed to .....

[turboplanner]

.........avoid spitting on the floor of the House.

This came to the attention of the Speaker over time, and he spoke (which was his job) to the Labor Party recommending this skinny South American,whose nickname was "Snarler" Keating, be pushed up the tree.

And so it was that Snarler .....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........avoid spitting on the floor of the House.

This came to the attention of the Speaker over time, and he spoke (which was his job) to the Labor Party recommending this skinny South American, whose nickname was "Snarler" Keating, be pushed up the tree.

And so it was that Snarler .....

.... was relocated into a half-grown eucalyptus tree that was growing in a big pot at the back corner of the chamber, which was so placed as to be available to provide leaves if a short notice smoking ceremony was called for, ..... or if Parliamentarians wanted to disguise the smell of weed smoke.

 

A stuffed Koala made from kangaroo skin (surely an ironic feature of the Aussie tourist industry) had been zip tied into the tree by Lidya, and the other 2 non-Christian ladies had also attached a snow globe containing the likeness of the Ayatollah (they all look the same, so nobody knows which one it is).

 

"Snarler" (no, not Jacky Lambie) found that when perched in the 2nd Y in the tree, he could still spit on the floor and also on the back 2 rows of the Labor Party, so he made more friends due to his ....

Lid's Koala

Edited March 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............ascerbic aim at Pauline Hanson when she started eating her fish and chips, or farm wrestling with Lidya, who was .................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.............ascerbic aim at Pauline Hanson when she started eating her fish and chips, or farm wrestling with Lidya, who was .................

.... not known to own a farm.

 

"Check the ROPE" said Pauline, which had been digitised and enlarged a few years in anticipation of Turbo getting elected and doing a Winston Churchill to save the country. 

 

The Register Of Pecuniary Entries was examined,  and it showed that Lids owned the footboards on her CFMEU boyfriend's Harley , plus her entry was wide and had been used as a ......

[turboplanner]

.......Yardstick for teaching young bikies how tp enter corners with any hope of getting out and how to stck the parts trailer and camouflaging it, and how to do a pot change on the side of the road as well as ...........

[Captain]

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....Yardstick for teaching young bikies how tp enter corners with any hope of getting out and how to stck the parts trailer and camouflaging it, and how to do a pot change on the side of the road as well as .....

.... being able to be loyal to HD, even as you pick up the footpegs and other bits that have fallen off on the way to the pub.

 

Many Senators secretly stick up for Lidia, as she, Mehreen & Fatima are the life of the party at the Senate Easter and Christmas shindigs .... and when Lidia and he Bikie Boyfriend (BB) do their Laurel and Hardy comedy routines, the Knees-Ups really kick on, to the extent that .....

[Captain]

The following document is particularly relevant to the recent discussion, and Snarler also gets a guernsy in his dinner suit (or could that perhaps be PD?).

 

I am yet to speak with Johannes to see whether the character at left is meant to be Cappy, Turbs, Onesie or the bull.

 

[turboplanner]

..........Turbine Promotions Inc. has booked them for a 2026 tour up the east coast to Cairns.

This of course puts them into the heart of the Orange Fish and Chips State and Queensland Bitter herself.

Cappy was not brave enough to identify the person on the right of that cartoon, and we shouldn't disclose who it is, but recently he took Onesy in the Challenger up to the Spratleys as a trial and the photo shows Onesy in Party mode with XI. Or it did until someone from the Chinese Embassy came out to Moorabbin and cut Xi out of the photo with a pair of scissors after asking Turbo what he would prefer.

Earlier in the night Turbo mentioned that he was getting short of fuel and XI promised.................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Earlier in the night Turbo mentioned that he was getting short of fuel and XI promised......

.... that Onesie could have the next batch that makes it through the Strait of Hummus.

 

OT settled down to wait patiently, so he borrowed War & Peace from the Spratley Book Exchange.

 

The book was printed in Mandarin, so with his phone he was able to translate each page and .....

 

OT reading War & Peace. His phone is on charge off to the right.

[turboplanner]

.......explain the story to Chairman XI, the cause of the American Civil War, how General Ulysses S Grant  deployed his troops in battle etc, but XI brushed OT aside saying "Yeh I read it one afternoon last time I was here."

Ot's face must have dropped because he was only up to Chapter One, and ......

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......explain the story to Chairman XI, the cause of the American Civil War, how General Ulysses S Grant  deployed his troops in battle etc, but XI brushed OT aside saying "Yeh I read it one afternoon last time I was here."

Ot's face must have dropped because he was only up to Chapter One, and ......

..... as he was sitting outside for the reading, he alraedy had Spratleys windblown sand chafing inside his undies.

 

But Xi just laughed at OT's discomfort and said "Werr, U R rucky that it is not led sand rike that clap that you have in the west".

 

Then Xi added "Hey Onesie old mate. U wanna know a rittle seclet? Western Austlaria is the onry leason why we have not yet invaded, because I'd lather have the Uiga & Tibetan issues than to have to bugger alound dearing with ....... 

Edited Wednesday at 08:34 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

..... a bunch of One Nation voters, sand in evelything, scleaming constant wind, and unberievable heat! To add to that, we already own most of W.A.'s ploperty anyway, own half the mines there, have got the EV car market stitched up in W.A. - so it would just be confusing trying to figure out what we alleady own, and what the Ozzies own!

 

Besides, they got no subs, they still talking about getting some flom Amelica in 30 years time, and they got no fuel, so I not waste time with pushover regions!

 

But if we talking Taiwan, that place is diffellent story! Taiwan is thorny ploblem! That's why it important to keep Orange Hair One occupied in Middle East, so it makes easier our move into..........

[Captain]

29 minutes ago, onetrack said:

But if we talking Taiwan, that place is diffellent story! Taiwan is thorny ploblem! That's why it important to keep Orange Hair One occupied in Middle East, so it makes easier our move into........

..... sullounding Taiwan, which as I have said is an issue I have handed over the Won-Ton Thorn, or Thorny as we call him."

 

"Thorny has already impremented a pran to cut off Taiwan's supply of Dim Sims, after which he will strangle their supplies of Oyster sauce and flench flies." said Xi, then he quickly added "Oh clap, Thorny thought that when I said we needed 100% of their suppry of chips I did not mean flench flies, so Thorny is a bit of a dope and I'll have him strapped to the sharp end of a cannon this arvo, then send him, or part of him, acloss the Stlait to .......

[Captain]

Further to the above note, I have just been informed by my media monitoring contractor (MMC) that the Shanghai Daily Bugle has reported that W-T Thorn is a good and faithful member of the Party, President Xi has full confidence in him, and Thorny is an all-around good broke, but he has appalently disappeared and was rast seen standing in front of a 150 mm howitzer down near the coast.

Edited Wednesday at 11:05 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Lotness I-land.

One track was positively fawning at the Great Man, and kept on selling, selling, selling WA, eventually among the bowing and scraping, inviting Chairman Xi to visit the Western tate itself.

 

The reaction wasn't what he expected.

 

Why? asked Xi, Pipple call me wi man fum ees!, shark it me, and that XXXXArriun Bon charge me to drink swanwater!!!!

 

Not many people know that XI's father mindfull of the importance of iron ore had sent youg Xi to study at the University of Western Australia.

 

It didn't teach much because....................

[onetrack]

.....all the lessons were in the Queens English and Xi was still having trouble understanding it. Plus, he got laughed at a lot, because of his Chinglish style of writing and speaking. 

However, Xi persisted at the UWA, and came back to China with a Masters in Chinglish - thus the reason all our Chinese products come with instructions in Chinglish today.

 

Furthermore, Xi learnt many good Aussie swear words while at UWA (as well as learning how to drink like an Aussie - Oi, Oi, Oi!)

The problems started when Xi met up with foreign leaders and started using all the lessons he'd learnt at the drinking sessions at Steves in Nedlands.

 

So, when Xi met up with Donald Trump, he slapped Donny on the back and said, "How the hell are ya, ya fat bastard! You look like ya slept with the.....................

 

Edited yesterday at 01:07 PM by onetrack