turboplanner

Close Tomo, but Turbo was caught climbing to the top of the tail fin without a wrist band and is now answering questions......

Try this

Proof that Deccadence was there last - note - no oil!

Helpful New South Wales road signs, dog feeing on a pib in the background - it was delicious!

Helpful wing skid idea for Sartipharti

Japanese crew, don't worry, Turbo is building up material.

Note: Turbo obvisouly failed to hold his tongue the right way, or more probably Slarti zapped the very telling photo.

.........."and as an automated varmint killer in the block buster movie epic..The Ratinator"

Turbo was in Longreach carefully studying the 747, particularly for crevices where Rats may be lurking, and he wondered why rats aren't such a problem on the 747 until he realised they keep well clear of Wagga.

He sat in the Captain's seat and realised the visibility wasn't as good as the Jab, and it didn't seem as comfortable, then he realised it must have been built in Eastern Europe because 3 million rivets were used in its construction, and it did have that uneasy Spartsczar feel.

He noticed that Deccadence had obviously just left the Flight Engineer's station because all the oil gauges were showing zero capacity.

There was an unfortunatel argument when Turbo returned with a pair of bolt cutters and a can of aerostart, but that's another story.

The main purpose of his trip had been to find an alternative to the leaking submarine, but it must be said Tomo, and Turbo never put a preposition at the beginning of a sentence, that the plan was foiled by a Queenslander.

Now all he had to look forward to was the return trip, cooking up a meal of road kill every night....

"Verdigris....regularly pops up in casual conversation dunnit?" :ne_nau: McLoch thought quietly to himself, as he pondered a way to introduce something even more abstruse into the yarn. (but was pipped by Lat before he'd hit 'SEND' )

 

"Land ho!" Tubz bellowed out. "I am not!" snapped Nanna ....

"I'm a respectable woman!" and everyone fell about laughing.

They had landed on the island of Midway.

"This look different to last time I saw it" said Nob

"It's amazing what a few hundred thousand tonnes of high explosive will do" agreed Turbo, and they went looking for mud crabs...

"No Tack, it's made in central Europe and it's a ..................

Congratulations Ah-Low, as I had never anticipated seeing the word "verdigris" used in the NES. You will win the NES equivalent of the Brownlow for that.

".......Short Stack"

Turbo had managed single handedly, with the aid of the cricket bat and sledge hammer in the single hand to put together an Enigma machine.

Darkasm tapped out, with a single finger, as lawyers do, the message "Come home Kommandant, Ve giffing you the Iron Cross", and the Kommandant dutifully turned the threatening Rivet Ridden vessel away.

As an afterthought, Turbo fliocked the bat and the torpedo went wide......

Alarm! Alarm! shrieked the Kommandant of the unterseeboot. "Make ready ze torpedos." he barked, in anticipation of the crew's first kill in over sixty years. :raise_eyebrow:

"See Willhiem!" He scolded the first officer as he scratched at the verdigris on his monocle, "I told you ze war vasn't over! :patch: Make revolutions to intercept and ve'll blow ze NES swine off onto another tangent and well past three thousand posts!"

 

With a wheeze the sub's mighty engines rolled over and settled into a rythmic pulse of precision german engineering. Propulsion officer Rotorax, who had enjoyed a brief fling :FeelGood: (and game of 'hide the bratwurst') with an austrian engine maker's daughter while on his last shore leave, signalled the Helm.

 

"If only you had let me modify the engines Herr Kommandant, I am sure I could haf made them rev to over 5 thousand and not self destruct....."(aviation reference )

"Leave this to me" said Shin "I know how to deal with former Ally

The others noted the word former and realised things had changed a lot over the years.

"Good Evening Jelly" Shin Radioed "This is your Arrie, so don't shoot, and while deliberately holding the mic open said "Sirry iriots shoot anything, mostly miss!"

which got the German's blood right up, and he resumed the firing sequence.

But Shin knew just how far to push things. "hey Jelly, we got Schnapps, jerried eers and schitzels, having party, wanna come over.

"What you got in that thing?" asked the Kommandant regretting his decision not to upgrade the Rotorax, "it's going like the clappers"

"A Jabilu" said Shin, "the smaller one, and now we out of range Slit for brains, see ya".....

But the Captain had been idly flicking the switches as he often did at the Wagga Inn while waiting for customers to leave so he could see whether they had damnaged their rooms. Suddenly the engine faltered........

"We need it opened in less than 2 weeks" said Tubbs.

"Oh, geeeez" said AhLo "That's a big ask and I'm .................

"I show you how it done" said Motoo "need Lubber Band, Right Bulb, Rettuce Reef and some Blasso."

He disappeared into the Head, and came out 30 seconds later with the box opened.

"That's what we used to do at Cowla to go to Saturday night movies" he said "we sit up in plojection loom with plogectionist and feed him home made Saki. People thought Keystone Cops, Charry Chaprin, bucking horses and jumping Indians all part of show, but it was plojectionist rolling on floor getting wound up in spool......"

"This is a bit of a worry for the other NES'ers" said SteveLoh in an PM to his neighbour neighbour "As the Darkster fixes her stuff in the same way The BangolmeButcher fixes his EvenRuder."

"Yes mate" came the ratitious reply "We are outnumbered with percussive maintainers and Queens(landers)........EH! Where is the NES going with all this?"

 

"It's where-else but in the middle of the Coral Sea in a Corolla based Submarine heading for .........

"Badu", side Turbo, "the Captain now has such fine control over this machine, after he managed to get his hand off the other yoke, that we should take a careful look for the old wrecked Dakota that was carrying General MacArthur's gold out of the Philippines when the old poser fled in the face of the advancing Japanese to base himself in Brisbane and try to show the Australians how to fight on the Kokoda Trail, but that's another story.

"We need to look of a V shaped promontary", he said, "there's a couple of tonnes of gold down there......."

Which translated Tomo, reads "WHILE 6E RW GOT A BEWING FROM BE N@A?"

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Queenslanders, but it does make you wonder whether they went short of water when they were young.....

Come to think of it that's the way they sing too.

". --...-- -.---.. !!! " exclaimed:faint:as he feverously tapped out his new message....

Turbo was hittin

Amelia was knockin

Thompson was tappin

Feeling immemsely proud of cracking the code "Lock> Unlock<" McLoch was out of the Head and an hour or so later everyone was most relieved.

Darky was in the radio room, and there wasn't much, but she picked up this message, which lacked a little in formality.

"Hey dude! What's the best way to Darwin?"

This was clearly a Jetstream professional pilot

It was answered by "Jetstreamwanker this is Darwin approach descendtoFlightlevelwun zeerocallDarwinon 12something dayseemalsomethingelseat somwhere else"

It was answered with "What was that mate"

Darky called in "Darwin approach this is Flying Sub Yamaha..........."

There was a deafening silence......

Use -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . to talk with................

....Oblivion who has certain powers and will guide them to the Pub and back, not that the Counter meals, which all consist of possum are anything to rave about......

The Casm thought long and hard, (a bit like Deccs at that stage), and said ".......

"Let's try the Snake Gully Pub" she said but just then the craft rocked violently due to the Rat's sloppy flying.

"Careful now, you're not flying a Jabatoo you know" said Turbo "You can't just treat the controls like a shovel!..........."

Dit Dit Dit Dit Dot Dot Dot Dot = one big ? :pc strikes back:

Dalby egg.

It was quite concerning that ditDot didn't know his history and hadn't read the very plaque at his airport which said "I shall return"

It was Amelia knocking.......

Darkasm hoped, however, that their sub was still Toyota Corolla shaped, because if we float into enemy territory that red and black monster (see earlier photo) is going to be rather difficult to explain...

 

"We did it before, and we'll do it again", said Michio, thinking of earlier visits to Sydney harbour, but forgetting that NESSERS (except the Rat who was snoring beside the sliding door) had twisted the story to make a perfectly good submarine into an A330 (which some people think is a very good comparison).

Shaking the cobwebs out of hbis head the Captain grabbed the controls and adjusted the course for Dalby.

He'd just asked Darkasm for a cup of coffee (he was like that) when she heard it......

dit dit dit dit dot dot dot dot.......there was an incoming message from Bigglesworth, who had flown to the Phillipines, only to find Carolyn had already gone on to Saipan......

The shocking photos of the Rat passed out against a door while a very important conference was taking place shocked the NES group for a moment until someone said that after all, he did come from Wagga, and they turned their attention to the job at hand.

"Yes" said the Bunghole 'It's ............

"......all in the soil". (He was an amateur philosopher at times.)

Darkasm's hopeless attempt at converting the Corolla into a flying machine resembled the outfit of a certain Doctor's squeeze at the AFL Brownlow medal night - it wasn't going to fly.

This was another job for Turbo.

Remember (especially Darkasm) that the Corolla had already been substantially enlarged (see earlier photo) and painted dark red and black. All it really needed was wings.

Turbo thought of Utralights flying shoopping bags, picked up a tube of plastic, attached a pump, and we had an aircraft.......

The situation wasn't getting any easier with Tomo raving out of his mind after being knocked into oblivion.

Certainly someone flew backwards to Antarctica as a result of a strong northerly combined with a Rotactional engine.

"OBRIVION!" came a cry from the storage area and the remaining escapees appeared from their hiding place.

"We miss you Obrivion" said Nobushi, we already sick of Lice and Law fish every day, no0t to mention miso soup - taste like lat's pee.

"Not you Lat" he said quickly, fearing a torpedo tube getaway.

They noticed that the Rat had trimmed his whiskers so he looked like a RAF Wing Commander.....

When they heard a "Phffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttt".

"Who did that ................ and who's the dirty bugger that has been eating haggis? You all know full well that is banned on a Submarine (and in a Corolla too when playing Dutchies amongst consenting adults)" yelled the Skipper as the crew started to drop like frys.

 

"It was me" said Mc..................

".....Lochs, and I've accidentally locked the door to the head"

[At this point newer readers should be made aware of the Jabiru fire at Bundaberg, where the fire crew found an airport gate locked, and had to sit there and watch the aircraft burn to the ground because of a legal requirement to have an Authorised Person unlock the gate]

The Rat turned white. Isn't it strange how your need to go is in direct proportion to the unavailability of facilities.

A sub isn't the place for someone to lock the door of the only point of relief.

Combine this with Planey's curry and you have a Situation.

Soon everyone was crossing legs, and the noises echoing through the sub were much like the tern colony on the Galapagos.

The Captain gave the only order he could.

"PREPARE TO SURFACE!" he yelled...........

"So" said the ASIC Inspector "If got youze for having an expired card, for shoving penguins up teeeensy little torpedo tubes, for drowning pidgeons (but who cares about those Lats-with-Wings), for gazing on the Little mermaid with intent, for clappy Japanese accents, for neglecting your law studies, for loose livets ......... & all I need now is to catch the BungholmeBandit touching ..........

But he didn't get any further. Ex SAS Colonel, Turbo had seen the Inspector, grabbed him by the collar flung him into a torpedo tube and FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT - he was well on the way to the North Korean shore.

"Let him ask those guys for their ASIC cards" said Turbo to the assembled crew "they'll probably nuke him"

"Now Darkasm", said Turbo, this is no Tardis. If you'd read the story of Tomo's backward flight to the Tartic, where I had to brave the ice in my open boat to tow him home, you'd know that this sub can take may shapes and the story can take many twists.

"For example, look at Tomo over there desperately trying to turn himself into a merman....."

They heard a slapping sound from the rear and found Planey flagellating himself in frustration over the lack of continuity and aviation terms, so they put him in charge of the galley.

Turbo had found a sledge hammer and went back to adjusting the tappets.

Deccadence had studied the engine control panel (aviation term) and although this was a big step up from the four switches and seven dials for the three holer, he figured he could handle it.

The Rat was sitting in the huge Captain's seat peering through his bifocals at his instrument.

Darkasm had been made Radio Operator (surely she had that friggin headseat by now!)

They were operating in silent mode.

...a compass so they can find where they're going...

 

Sarkdarcasm thinks the image of a penguin reading a map was too good to give up...but how would they hold it without opposable thumbs??

...So Turbo attached the famous $2.00 compass he'd bought from Bigleswirthless (who has been quiet for some time now) for 20 cents.

In their biks Darkasm - their eyes are in the side of their head, so they can take a one eyed view.

as TurboSan rechecked the compass and set a course of 290 degrees for the run south to home.....

....which explains why Avlovaks frequently goes missing for days on end when he goes flying.

There was a shuffling sound from the rear and it became obvious that Akahiko had stowed away. The boys had bought him a camera, and in the finish had become heartily sick of him stopping every few steps top take a new shot.

There was no magic to the Toyota Corolla boot into submarine magic, they'd been down at the Naval area in Kure and Aki called over a young girl to take a group photo.

Just as she said "Say Cheeses!" they bundled Aki and Turbo into the sub, slammed the hatch, and got a Cat D7 to push it into the water.

Meanwhile back at sea Aki was showing Turbo and The Rat around.

"This the controls" he said. "As you can see pretty rough, much like Tecram"

"This the engine controls" and Turbo turned white

"We operate under Led Right all way to Sydney" he said

"This peliscope, has sound recorder as well - boys put in tape for you, and as he pressed the "Play" button they heard "Crick go the Shears boys, Crick..Crick...Crick.."

"This the Toiret he said"

"What's that big lever with the ratchet handle?" asked Turbo

"Hard to squeeze a turd out against water pressure" said Aki "this give you reverage"

There was a thud down in the crew's quarters as Tomo rolled off a top bunk and hit the floor, he'd been at the Cowra BBQ, had too much to drink and passed out and the escapees had decided to carry him with them as hostage.......

Dat's the best ding I heard for a rong time mused the Lat... Toyota Coralla made into a submarine... dat's de best place for dem to be said the Rattatatat, outa sight, outa mind.....................

Turbo was feeling very nervous - with marine engines 20 minutes was a long time for him.

He dropped the revs and headed south below periscope depth, navigating with the gps from his car and a 10 Yen compass he'd managed to buy from a guy outside Yokohama Wharf, who was also selling XRay sunglasses, so he'd bought a pair for the Rat.

He jumper at every little rattle from the engine.

About an hour later there was a loud knocking from the engine room, and with his heart in his mouth, for there were no xoy torches or crow bars down here, he opened the hatch.........

Out stepped The Rat, coughing and sneezing from the fumes......

The Cowra escapees were having breakfast in Hiroshima, when Shinichi came running up to tell them about the increased NES activity.

“Darkasm posted” he blurted out, and they all dropped their rice balls off the chopsticks into their miso soup.

Remember, they were old world Japanese from a time when the wife walked behind the husband and didn’t give him any sh*t, and they had missed the westernisation of Japan, so there was a lot of sucking air through their teeth as they contemplated this horrendous development.

Shinichi passed his Iphone around and they all read the posts with increasing concern.

“Decca up to his old tlicks again” said Nobushi “rike a moth to the flame”

Just then Michio arrived in a taxi “What’s with these things” he said “first I get hit in nuts when reaching for door, then power door closes over my flaperon” (aviation term for Planey).

“Never mind that, look at this”, said Nobushi.

Michio read for a while, then said “What story with this BigPete?”

“I can explain that’, said Turbo, who was in Japan as a result of unusual circumstances.

With blackened face he had been following the Japanese escapees across the paddocks when the ASIC card inspector pounced. Realising who his true enemy was, Turbo had rushed forward and was successfully choking the Inspector when more rushed in, overpowered him, and before anyone could ask any questions had given him a free trip to Osaka.

“Let’s see him get back without a passport” said the ASIC card inspector, and Turbo had been bumming around the streets of Japan ever since, so he went on to explain.

“BigPete was an alien from Emoticon, and only spoke emoticon, so he gravitated to Rec Flying and would frequently criticise posters who dared to write in English.

“This was in the days of the Previous Administrator who allowed the emoticon supply to run out and BigPete was silenced forever.

“He tried to return to Emoticon, making two trips to Melbourne to buy Christmas lights and things to attract other Emoticonites, but the Jab voltage was too low and we never heard from him again, more’s the pity because he could pull on a good story when he was needled”

“How you going to get back?” asked Nobushi

“Easy” said Turbo, “in the boot of a Toyota Corolla…….”

........ so with a blur, Turblow spun around rather perturbed.............

...pulled the cattle prod from his hip pocket and headed for the glossy orbs of The Rat...

"Too right, cobber" whispered Turbo through clenched teeth while he sucked in air to disguise the pain."That's because I ...........

"....should have known the rat would dodge out of the way, leaving me to face the fur....."