bull

On 18/01/2025 at 2:34 AM, Captain said:

.... activated as Dan clones.

 

"The big issue is smuggling them into Tasmania" explained the cartel's Public Relations Officer (they are yet to hire Turbine Marketing) "As these reprobates are classified by the Tassy government (sic) as being somewhat similar to Foxes & Syphilis, so they are banned on the Spirit of Tasmania (and also even banned on the new ferry that is stuck in England as it is too long to fit the SOT docks at either end)."

 

"We bring them in on surf skis via Strachan, take 3 days to get the sand out of the undies of the Waliens & the chips off the shoulders of the Queenslanders, then up the historic railway to Queenstown, where there is an underground WW2 Migrant Camp. This is where they are re-edumacated to .......

...........Dear NES readers , Bull would like to take a moment to defend the fine state of Taswegians and refute the said claims of dan the man reedumacation camps down here!!! WTF why do you think we have a MOAT ,to limit people from Prictoria from access. And being a former Queenslander with strong ties to the WAliens as well  i can evoquvically state that Dan is and never has been [well within the last 5 years as Bull has only been a devil since then ] welcome in Tasmania ,,although the stupid fight to build a bloody 70 million plus sports ground for 5 arseslapping rounds of afl ,not even real footy.......astounds me,,,,,the roads here are fucked fix them first! Any wayback to the story.................................               .find that the camps where not really in Tasmania at all as whilst they blissfully thought they where coming into Strachan they where really coming into the north island of New Zealand on the famous 70 mile beach. As they looked again at the railway thingy they realised it was a ................

7 hours ago, Captain said:

...... and this dear NESers is a key issue for Turbine Marketing, as Cappy has taken on the task of securing the world-wide rights to market the PNG Rugby League team.

 

Therefore, given that bull has 1st hand knowledge from participation in the PNG corruption network and practices, my question to bull is how much of Albo's $600 million grant will actually be seen by the team and their management and how much will Turbine Marketing be able to skim out of that, as well.

 

"So bull, old friend" said Crappy "given that you were embedded in the graft of the country, albeit that things have deteriorated since 2004, do you reckon that the normal 10% of aid will actually make it to the ground for TM to take their usual 50% (so still a worthwhile $30 million to keep grog on the Boardroom table at TE), or will .......

......the PNG government [really just a few mates from the highlands who conned the local lowlanders that they where really high landers,,,,,,it's complicated ok] would probably pay towards the team what visibly needs to be seen .  The rest will be seen on the gold coast and brisbane casinos as well as Cairns casino,,this i also had an inside view once when Turdine industries was involved with the Holmes a Court scandal we all remember the time that the CEO old Turdy himself had been..................

......they want by air from Daru,said ,Bigchief poilceman you fix me with 50000 Kina cash my friend you can import or export anything you wan my man................                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            [Bull agrees here as that is how he got his full unlimited Png drivers licence back in 2004 after having a beer with the said police man in the expats bar on Daru, when he was trawling for prawns between Daru and Port Moresby but the licence only cost me 150 kina{75 Aus] 🤣

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......The Torres Strait Islands.

Not many people know that the Papua New Guinea government shows two flags in government buildings, one of them the PNG national flag with bird of paradise and the other a rich blue with tiny light green dots representing the thousands of Torres Strait Islands.

Each Island got a budget of one million dollars from the PNG people for bets and roads and picking up rubbish and stuff.

This might come as a surprise to the thousands of Shire Councils who show a completely different flag; the rear end of a bull with his nuts represented by a star.

And of course we pay $5 million per island just so they don't start dreaming up old massacres and their kids being stolen.

Turbo once spoke to a group on one of the islands when he was doing one of his around Australia outboard trips and old Merc seized near Mer Island "Dat Aussie Bull flag not our flag" he said, "we not Australian, they just showed it to us and asked what we like to make it and we said Bullsh!t. You funny people Australians, dumb too" and Italian suit shimmered in the cool island breeze.

 

Over on the Mainland (PNG) .......

.as he was speaking from Daru Island on the southern coast sw of Moresby.............they can send as much as .....

28 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... Tic Toc had banned the LokLok, X had Sanctioned the LekLix and Facebook had ....

,..banned "jiggy jiggy" whatever that is?Now the local rascals from Port Moresby had heard about the flying car thing and has come up with a scam of their own. They sent out people to secretly cut the power cords halfway way along and steal the power for the grow tents as the.....

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......the XT582 Microlight can fly by itself. 

When the designers were developing this aircraft, research showed there was a gap in the market; scottish flyers weren't buying Trikes.

Further investation revealed that Scottish buyers had to sell their trikes when they found out they went blind while flying them.

This was not due to what Cappy might be thinking, but with one hand on the throttle and one hand on the bar, their kilts would fly up and cover their faces.

The designers got some Sceet, some light cable, some pulleys and a small lead weight and produced a cheap and effective autopilot, so our Scottish friends could have one hand on the throttle and one on the kilt. Vision was restored.

By cutting the Sceet and making it tapered, the tumbling habit of trikes could be eliminated because the lead weight couldn't climb the taper.

Scottish sales exploded as reported by Alistair McQuorkindale (who goes by the name of Mate.)

Another .........

....DEI hire who  miss read the report and sales had actually fallen and was now almost to the break even line and investors where starting to...................

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......something else happened during that dreadful aviation experience, that Turbo is playing down. As most NES'ers know, when Turbo tells a story, it's always......errr....."embellished" shall we say - and that there's always a lot more to the story than Turbo is prepared to reveal.

 

So, while he's keeping the audience enthralled with stories of Churchillian bunkers, previously-unrevealed assassination attempts, secret meetings that changed the course of the worlds history, etc, etc, - the real truth of what actually happened, is far more mundane.

 

In the case of the XT582 Tundra Microlight and the dust devil, it was actually revealed during an RS-Aus investigation (which investigation records seem to have mysteriously disappeared), that Turbo took off with BOTH legs outside the cockpit - as well as no hands on the control bar, in a daring display of showoff, gung-ho flying - which silliness led to Turbo being unable to avoid the dust devil that promptly appeared at the end of the runway, and which dust devil promptly turned the XT581 Tundra on to...........

.a point that Iannn had to moderate So lets just say that [having a tumble in the tundra is not what its made out to be!]and move on from this to a...........

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......flying an XT582 Tundra Microlight 250 km west of Longreach when he was caught by a Willy Willy and thrown about so violently that all but his left leg was outside the aircraft and he had to hang on by his toes.

It's a long title but the story is short and .........

.........that is why he walks in circles. Now we can only surmise that.................

latest info,,,,     https://www.watoday.com.au/national/western-australia/three-people-feared-dead-after-rottnest-island-seaplane-crash-20250108-p5l2rd.html and  https://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-updates/seaplane-crashes-into-water-off-rottnest-island-off-perth/news-story/d035bcea937d106c7bad59bd911140a8 

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......AirOar.

Boaties used to wave their oars in the air laughing when they saw Orville T standing on the said waiting for that sea breeze to subside.

The breakthough came when Orville T was talking to a fellow student Mathisa Einsten who got interested, cracked the numbers and said, "If you got 150 oars in a row and moved them forward the thrust would be greater than....... but youg OneShaft broke in with "you could tie them onto the spokes of wagon wheels.

 

The others all chuckled but Orville spent a few nights over his parchments by the light of a bullock-fat candle re-did Einstein's calcs and  set up an axle with four oars, ran a fitted a flat pulley in the centre and ran a belt down to a Steam engine powered by distilled gin.

 

He built a dreaw bar behind the engine and hooked up an onld baby's pram from where he could reach the steam engine's knobs and levers.

 

He knew he had something when he started passing horses and carriages down the main street.

 

He knew there were a few "issues" to sort out when he ran off the bridge on the curve at the end of the street.

 

But there was no doubt that a new era of the AirOar had started and ........

.so it begins,,,,,people now started to................

This was the aircraft,,https://www.jetphotos.com/photo/8464334

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......grab when a shark saw the enormous body in the water (head out of the water of course), concluded it was a female shark and started to mate.

 

The Drifter, its silk wings groaning lifted out of the water, Turbo screamed, Xi's eyes bulged and the shark, a young one, thought WTF. 

 

Xi was in the most comfortable position as they climbed through 50 feet, and started to laugh. When he opened his mouth .............

...............a fish popped out and fell onto his enormous .......................

14 minutes ago, onetrack said:

The aircraft in the crash event above was written off? They must have acquired a replacement, and kept the rego?

 

EDIT: Aircraft in above crash that was written off, was C/N: 20800552, ex N1027V.

 

Crashed aircraft off Rottnest is C/N: 20800586, ex N7129S.

 

I just realised, two different companies are involved, although both are registered in FNQ.

 

It was on flightaware...https://www.flightaware.com/live/flight/VHWTY

4 hours ago, Captain said:

.... which was quite successful in the one race in 20 that the head didn't warp or crack.

 

Cappy apologizes personally, and on Turdy's behalf, for the personal reminiscences that are creeping into the NES. We are long term best mates as you all know (including time in combat when Cappy also had the pleasure of actually plugging Turbs under rule 303), but we will try to be less indulgent in all future posts.

.yes Cappy the memories we all have created on the great NES will now stand the test of time and be recorded forever,,Now those cracking heads [not the smoking kind OT settle down] created another money spinner for Crappy and Turdo as they...............

9 hours ago, Captain said:

Triple commas and no capital letters eh Turbo? That is the younger generations for you.

 

It's a disgrace and can be blamed on the schools.

 

Why, in our day, we couldn't even afford one comma.

What,s a comma? is it like a cobba,? 

5 hours ago, Captain said:

.... was still having trouble grappling with his time spent as the 1st Mate of the Manawanui, when the entire NZ Navy had run aground in Samoa, and they didn't have enough fuel in NZ, nor a serviceable aircraft, to send to rescue them.

 

So, the entire crew, including I'm Bob and the DEI Captain, had gone feral on Upolu for a few weeks in a fair dinkum version of the Turbine Media's productions of Survivor or I'm a Celebrity Get me out of Here.

 

I'm Bob had escaped after only being taken advantage of a few times, and he was ......

.sent off on a new career as a utuber,,, filming all over the world using drifters to sneak into places like fort knox etc with his starting punchline:: Hi I'm Bob............now this was one of his best,,,,  Well as you can imagine this cause such an ............  

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........the AUF Aerobatics team, and the CASA Ramp Check Team.

Turbo started to get nervous. Sitting in the Moth before his turn in the box at the Grong Grong Advanced Aerobatics Week, he noticed his hands shaking and he was sweating with fear. He got out of the Moth and tried to roll it back out of the queue, but the way was blocked by an over-eager Cappy who'd pushed two wide, so there was nothing for it but to face the music. "Toughen up!, you're an ace aerobatics pilot! he told himself but an unhelpful voive came back "No I'm not" and he wondered if he could pull it off this time. He sat looking up at the box, and noticed OT (sponsored by Kalgoorlie Tarts) making mistake after mistake, losing points by the second and he relaxed "I couldn't do worse than that" he said to himself and no one disagreed, so he kept rolling until it was his turn...............

..............but suddenly there was a commotion up in the queue in front of him,some jackaroo pilot was arguing with the casa jerk and the jerk tried to arrest him , But Bull was too smart for that and had planned ahead as with a giant roar , OT flew overhead at zero feet taking off the casa jerks hat and nametag! So Bull took his chance and the jackaroo could be heard screaming down the runway to.................. 

4 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....gets a top-class proctologist to give him a bypass and a colostomy bag. "Well, he's already in possession of what would pass for a pouch, around his gut now, so I don't see what the problem is?"

 

"Well, the problem is", said the Doc, "someone has to break the news to him gently, and as he's obviously already endured a considerable amount of trauma, I'm not sure that he could absorb the trauma of being advised he now needs to have a colostomy bag?"

 

"He'll handle it", said Cappy. "This is my Khyber Pass compatriot, we've endured a lot more up the Pass". The Doc took this in, and then said...........

are you sure?🤷‍♀️ .....but the point became mute shortly as 😎 Bull strode into the room and straight up said to Turdo ,,Hey one good thing about the bag thing old mate ah ,,,you wont have to worry about buying shit paper ah.....Tubbs looked around at the doc and Cappy and then turned back to Bull and said.............

8 hours ago, Captain said:

..... cocked his Piggy-went-to-market thumb and pointed his Piggy-stayed-home finger at gutso (in a .22 behind the ear out behind the barn, type of gesture that all country dogs know, after they have eaten a few chickens or upchucked on their owners).

 

gutso thought that this was the end and went wee-wee-wee all over his seat in the Jackoff.

 

To say that bull was disappointed was an understatement, but in usual bull form, he just ......

.just banked to Gusto,s side and let it dribble down and out the...

29 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... Herb Williams came to mind, because he harvested and sold Patterson's Curse commercially to most of the florists along the east coast, and in addition had found a way to extract the copper from the blossoms and make copper wire.

 

Herb also had a passionate interest in ......

.ultralights and has been a life long member of the AUF and bemones about the "so called" RAA all the time whilst drinking beers with Bull and CT down at the local rissole.Now what this has to do with "Pattersons Curse" i have no idea but i'm sure that Cappy has it all .........

54 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... that always gave Crappy the willies, hence the name.

 

It was when they got to Base Camp, after picking up the bodies of 6 earlier failed attempted climbers (which Cappy used to keep the beer cold), who for some reason did not become as famous as Ed and Tensy, that an issue arose ....

 

Just for the record Tensing Norgay was neither Norwegian nor gay ...... NTTIAWWT.

.............as it was then found that the bodies had somehow......................

13 hours ago, spacesailor said:

Zepplins in a fog ! .

" short order cooking " ,

Sounds American . They give everything a nickname .general purpose.  JP . Now Jeep .

spacesailor

Zeppelins in a Fog, the modern naval name for sausages and mashed potatoes. Zeppelins , Railway Canteen sausages. A supper of sausages and mash, referred to these days as zeppelins in a cloud .

9 hours ago, Captain said:

.... their scrambled eggs, until the Cookie, who was a Japanese Walter Brennan type said "Ohh, gosh darn it, I am so solly, because I thought that the scramble was the breakfast order, so let's not waste all those googies, scoff then down than jump into your .....

............zeppelins in a fog [bangers and mash] .and make sure to...............

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... pulled up and grabbed him, a little roughly.

 

Cappy (now given [and liking] the title of Marco (of italian derivation and meaning Marco) Polo, being the heir to all of Mongolia and the Polo Mint confectionary fortune that goes with the territory.

 

"Where are you taking me boys?" He asked the Secret Coppers.

 

"Mrs Xi wants another crack at you" they replied, and gave him a new ....

 

....pair of jocks and a shower in a can deodorant and some imported flavoured..............

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......classified as Chinese, but of course there were some members of AUF who were, Like Mr Magoo, a few hours late in the Greenwich Meantime world. Cappy raced for the bathrooms   but in has haste dropped his Panda shorts in the floor slot. He was frowned upon by several old men squatting and grunting and while quickly pulling his red shorts out of his pocket caught a compact gin bottle and it flicked straight towards the nearest old man who caught it and held it up, with a delighted grin to his mates. Cappy left that room with the code identifying him as a genuine Chinese of Mongol Ancestry (M. Polo 1210 - 1264)

 

He strode confidently back into the meeting room and Chairman Xi welcomed him with open arms.

 

"Should I buy these machine guns from Turbine Firearms, and Cappy the Nouveau Chink that he was said "No, I can supply cheaper".

 

XI looked him straight in the eye and said "How much"

 

Nes readers will know that Cappy never quite understood the skills required for marketing and at that crucial moment Cappy froze, much like his ancestor had done on Waikiki beach..........................

........in 1777 as old Cooky landed ashore with rum and food and sperm etc and the crew made the most of it ! This goes part way to explain old Cappy,s ancestry and race, Now some say he was mixed welsh and irish and several other countries but no one really knows much about our very own [NES] el Capitano/Cappy/ Rat whatever pronoun he is using that day. He is a man of mystery amongst us all and so intrenched into the higher levels of the NES that he has missed scrutiny and now it is time for him to...............