bull

On 01/04/2026 at 8:10 AM, Captain said:

Cappy apologizes for interjecting here, but having been contacted by numerous interstate and overseas NES readers over the past few minutes, I wish to make the following points:

 

1.  While Turbo has admitted here to following the "Maccas" principle, I must stress that he has not been investigated nor indicted for following the "Epstein" principle .......... although, on reflection, I do need to disclose that Tubb does have a PA who is the daughter of a Mossad agent.

 

2. Turbo's latest post would appear to confirm, thankfully, as it had been suspected/asserted by some of his detractors on Wreck Flying, that Tubb was not Dezi Freeman in real life.

....................and to get back to the story! Turbo now faced the dog head in front of him whilst thinking about hitting up Xi to host the inaugural JUST BULL flying machine competition [LONG OVERDUE AVREF] of intrepid ex ................

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........smut.

Like Ho Chi Min, Stalin and Gerald Ford, Xi had been educated at Oxford, and if there was one thing that made him screw up his face, it was English jokes because he never got the punchline and they would never tell him. The photo above shows Turbo's mistake, he was just about to be given "No tariff" status buy XI whan it slipped out. Xii turned and said, you getting Ingrish no XXXXXXX tariif now - we buy nothing, or grain from Potter in Russia.

Turbo sniggered, but ...............

...............Xi cut him off with a tray held out and said,,,To our esteemed guest Turbo we present the delicacy of the head with the eyes ,,all you do is prise..............

12 hours ago, Captain said:

..... Wuntrak's Homestead Paddock was the site where Xi's Goldey had a cr@p on his astroturf, then dragged his bum (the Goldey, not Xi) in order to get rid of the sand and the tapeworms, before it ..... 

..................became the main course for that night s dinner. Xi looked at Cappy and....................

13 hours ago, Captain said:

I assume that all NES readers are of the high IQ variety,

What?????

1 hour ago, Captain said:

... with that, Dear Readers, you may possibly have gained the impression that Onesie has the typical WA chip on both shoulders + one on the head of his ....

..........quite extraordinary................ 

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......do what soldiers do like shoot'n and shxt, and crawling along in drains.  They were dragn their bellies on the ground when...........

............. the sound of a screaming 503 rotax could be heard above the bedlam as.................

3 hours ago, Captain said:

and wait, here on my own?

You are not on your own Elratto some of us :Elders : like a snooze every now again {though not recommended at 100klms on the way home from the rsl in a charger]  and take a break when due. all good for you whippersnapperss...

On 22/02/2026 at 12:43 PM, Captain said:

.....gest bits, because he still had on board the super sharp damascus steel filleting knife that bull had bought for him in Japan.

 

But he needed to move quickly, and he did not have time to toss anything off because that would not weigh enough to make a difference anyway, so he decided to dump fuel like the big boys do.

 

This would be a delicate balance between remaining fuel and the distance to the "1st bit of the runway" (an important technical term), but he was a well-trained AUF pilot who also watched all of the Blancolerio UTube vids while having breaky each day, so he was well prepared and gave a landing briefing to his passenger "Combine 3 of those seatbelts and shut TFU until we are down, stopped and alive".

 

Then he commenced the really difficult bit, which was to .......

......and at that moment the engine sputtered and died,,,oh shit thought Bull i forgot to turn off the fuel dump!!  Now the situation had turned to...........

12 hours ago, Captain said:

..... he was not certain that being Moses Henriques like, is high enough up the divinity totem pole.

 

"Geez" he said "Being just pure, old, honest & innocent Turbo is higher up, pole-wise, than someone who just plays for NSW and the Sydney Sixers."

 

"In fact' he added "Now that I can catch bullets with my teeth, instead of my freckle, by using my inate divinity skills, I might duck up to DG with BULLET and the C^*T for a bit of bunny busting and whilst there I shall verily ducketh (note his natural divinity type talk) into the local from whence cometh the ......

.....the gun protestors!  Bull Cappy and"Moses" where soon surrounded by red and green haired freaks who........................

On 01/02/2026 at 7:09 PM, turboplanner said:

.......Turbo had to add a powdered glue to the product, which hurt the back pocket a bit. but  The TurbineSandsOfTime company raced back into the Market Share lead.

 

It started to rain......

 

Going back to Turbo's last ride........Mel McDaniel wrote a song about Turbo - "Stand On It". Turbo had superglued all the bikes on full throttle and Mel didn't mince words

 

 

 

...............and the glue he had used was water soluble !!! So the protests started and very soon Turdo was facing.......

21 hours ago, Captain said:

bull, ever the one to think his inventions through in advance, replied "........

Mate,,,the prototype hand extension was originally a closed secret government program, Now Bull with his extensive extension experience was made program director and...................

On 04/01/2026 at 2:22 AM, turboplanner said:

............discredited the family. Sir Edmund's brother had made millions on his Tipperary Station, and returned to England. A chance liaison with a barmaid named Smythe produced a son, Rhyce Wuntrak-Smythe, who btw married a local BNS belle Ethel Cook, the daughter of you know who.

 

 It was found that the only academic schooling provided to Rhyce came from the Balham pub, and he had landed in Australia as a Jackaroo (not that Jackaroo). Here he had met up with crackers bull, and they developed the lucrative artifact business run out of the National Gallery in Melbourne.

 

Sir Edmund didn't know this until CT Archaeological Investigators reported that their ace investigator, Bill Weston Smythe VC had plugged a  fake Archaeologist in his bronze from 300 yards with his 362 hand gun, and that's when ...............

......the subsidies began! Now hands where starting to be extended out and it resembled the great hand extension day of Cape York when they................

On 01/01/2026 at 6:06 AM, Captain said:

BEST WISHES FOR 2026 FROM CRAPPY TO OUR THOUSANDS OF NES READERS ..... AND PARTICULARLY TO EEEEAN, WON-TRACK, bull, AND THE TURGID- PLONKER.

 

IT HAS BEEN FUN AND LET'S HOPE THAT WE ALL SURVIVE THE NEXT 12 MONTHS.

 

JUST 48 MORE PAGES AND WE'LL PASS 1000, SO NO-WUCKERS.

What,s with the lower case mate??? ps,Happy New Year to you all from Bull and co.

On 17/12/2025 at 3:57 AM, turboplanner said:

..........bull who, of course, having been brought up in Bone, then going offshore to Tasmania, could not be expected to know about BNS Balls and Mallee Roots. Chrissy was preparing a press release which outline why solar "farms" couldn't cause grass fires and the latest, huge, grass fire was just a Welcome to Country gone wrong.

 

He misheard bull, thinking he'd joined One Nation and let go a sarcastic expletive at bull.

 

For readers new to the NES who may only have read the more recent measured, authorative, and informative posts of bull the prawn trawler captain, he was a vastly different piece of work if someone upset him ion bone.

 

On one occasion a Jabiru owner parked in his spot and he pulled it apart like a bon bon  .................

 

Well he should not have left it there ah?

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

........chance of your energy plans succeeding, unless you factor mallee roots into the equation. Because, you should know that Turbine Roots Inc has an option on every mallee root left lying in farmers paddocks - and when my company employees gather them all up, I'll be in possession of enough thermal energy to fill the major gaps in your dubious long-term renewables energy plan, via burning those roots in those currently-coal-fired power stations, that are a real burr under your saddle!"

 

"You see, dry seasoned mallee roots burn hot and clean, and have no nasty emissions, unlike coal. It's a win-win situation for everyone here, (especially me, muttered Turbo under his breath) - we clean up farmers paddocks, resulting in great farmer joy - we reduce emissions from coal to zero, because we no longer burn any coal - and you can keep the thermal power station supporters on board, by not dismantling those old coal-fired power stations!"

 

"That is absolutely brilliant, Turbo!" cried Chris Bowen. "I'm going to propose a new 'Alternative Energy Commissioner' position for you to slide into, so you have full reign over the energy generation systems throughout the entire Eastern States!" (he purposely omitted mentioning or including W.A. - as like many East Coast residents, he fully believes that there's nothing but wasteland to the West of the S.A. Border).

 

"That's extremely generous of you", said Turbo, "but I'm going to have to ask, what is...............

 

.....that all meant to mean??? Please explain said.........

7 hours ago, Captain said:

.... Albo, who had changed his name to Raj, and his latest wife, Rajeena, because they .....

.......had changed religion so they now had to......

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".........I started a Company called BitPrawns. The problem with Bitcoins, Cappy, is that everyone sits on them and is too afraid to trade in case the value drops.  That's its weakness. If someone decides to sell out there'll be an avalanche and Bitcoin will be worthless in a few hours of trading. My prawns on the other had start to smell after a week [a day for most of us non-trawlers] and this solves the non-trading issue. In fact BitPrawns are sold faster and faster and faster ................."

...........so much so that Bull had to outsource the smelly side to.............

On 26/10/2025 at 4:03 AM, Captain said:

NES Comments - It is wonderful that the NES can seamlessly allow the literary license that is needed to accommodate the fact that Cappy's 40 ft container full of ping pong balls was located in a suburb of Bangkok close to the Nightclub District, yet the balls have been released on the Swan River.

 

When Turbo wrote about Ping Pong Balls, this was not a reference to Penny Wong, and hers.

Such is the vast and wonderful world of the Never Ending Story,,!!!

6 hours ago, Captain said:

..... gave Cappy no way to get rid of his container of ping-pong balls, except to ......

.slowly flush them down his toilet..by morning he was happy having tossed in the last final bucket of balls! Unbeknownst to Cappy the balls where causing chaos down town by blocking the sewerage system until the pressure built up and then exploded out of gutters/manholes/toilet seats and every other air vent in the city! Faeces was pouring into.................

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......played several more bars to cover up the sound of three more of Nipper's deposits, and they were never heard when the records were pressed.

 

Not many people know that RCA were involved in the original Space Program, before NASA started the BS of measuring CO2 on Mount Mauna Loa, an active volcano which is a gigantic CO2 producer. What RCA did is still classified, but when NASA decided to put an animal up in space, RCA volunteered to send Nipper, and as far as we know he's still up there farting and dropping parcels ..........

 

 

 

One of the last photos ,before being sent into space.

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... were ready to take on Liberace and Elton John (who cannot be differentiated from Liberace these days) in the Vegas Strip show scene.

 

bull's son was also keen to race down and reduce the number of virgins, but the more experienced bull suggested that they just stroll down to the enclosure of maidens and ....... 

wak on these white coats with a pair of blue examination gloves on our hands and just stroll in like we belong and then.

12 hours ago, Captain said:

..... and doing a Chinese/Vietnamese Siamese-twins, ass conjoined double-act outside Jimmy Turbine's Boxing Tent at the Easter Show.

.and some chinese influencer posted it on tik tok and it  went viral all over the world!  now this caused.......

49 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... asking for their money back.

 

That is never good when you are a One-Man-Show and when the takings have already been spent on .....

....hookers and alcohol,,,,he had to think quick now so he............ 

On 13/10/2025 at 4:32 AM, Captain said:

STOP PRESS - Eean has seen fit to nominate Turbo, oneroot, bull and Cappy for an AO, each, next January, for services to the NES.

 

Thank you Eean. It is well deserved.

Wow cheers from Bull mates,,,,,,is you know just asking any coin attached to this AO thingy?

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... everyone realized what pain Sir Onetrack must have been in, as if you have 2 enormous teeth down there, they would we worse than impacted or infected wisdom teeth.

 

These enormous bottom teeth, sometimes known as "clacker-fangs" (CFs) are also a pain in the bum on very long cross-country flights, when they ......

.......tended to pierce the rectum in .................