The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

Turbo was moved to tears at this note from his dear friend Cappy.

 

With the greatest of respect, Turbo points out that it wasn't him, although he is quite capable of it, but a Great Uncle, the son of Wilhemina Turbine .

 

Wil, as she was known used to shoot off with Annie Oakley.

 

His father was Jonathan Jones who carried a big knife like Davey Crockett and was the only survivor of the Alamo, who was saved by climbing up a chimney when the Alamo was overrun by Mexican immigrants.

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo was moved to tears at this note from his dear friend Cappy.

 

With the greatest of respect, Turbo points out that it wasn't him, although he is quite capable of it, but a Great Uncle, the son of Wilhemina Turbine .

 

Wil, as she was known used to shoot off with Annie Oakley.

 

His father was Jonathan Jones who carried a big knife like Davey Crockett and was the only survivor of the Alamo, who was saved by climbing up a chimney when the Alamo was overrun by Mexican immigrants.

Crappy apologizes to his best mate and all others who are involved with the Turbine franchise.

 

Crappy was sucked in, again, by the accuracy of the Turbine family's intergenerational aural storytelling, and the realism of it all, as he could immediately see Turbo (the great man himself, and not his GU), sailing through the air like Nadia in a tutu, then skidding to a halt on the veranda in his R M Williams kangaroo leather high healed brothel creepers.

Edited Tuesday at 08:41 PM by Captain

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Wil, as she was known used to shoot off with Annie Oakley.

Crappy's great uncle, Winchester Cook, used to shoot off with Annie too, but he boastfully maintained that his had a different meaning.

[onetrack]

......"You're in the wrong saloon and the wrong movie, pardner! You need to be in Alice Springs, and featuring in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!"

 

Turbine Jones was horrified to receive this response, and immediately fired back, "I can't believe I'm receiving treatment from a saloon in this manner! I know my rights, and I'm going to sue you (utilising Turbine Legal, of course) for refusing to serve me, based on my appearance, my gender, and the product I asked for! If it's good enough for President Trump to sue every time he gets offended, then it's good enough for me to.............

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Turbine Jones was horrified to receive this response, and immediately fired back, "I can't believe I'm receiving treatment from a saloon in this manner! I know my rights, and I'm going to sue you (utilising Turbine Legal, of course) for refusing to serve me, based on my appearance, my gender, and the product I asked for! If it's good enough for President Trump to sue every time he gets offended, then it's good enough for me to.......

...o, .....

Edited Wednesday at 02:58 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......the NES lapsed into silence at this profound statement by Mr Jones, or Jonesy as his mates called him.

Interestingly, he was one of the pioneers of the Recreational Aircraft industry, living in a time when fathers would carve out a solid piece of wood into an aircraft (even though Wright Bros Exhibitions hadn't yet been started).

These model aircraft flew extremely well - into Mum, the cat, the dog or the horse waiting patiently outside harnessed to the cart. Many carts were wrecked due to low flying aircraft.

 

Turbine Jones thought on this as he read his Bible, and when he got to where Moses parteth the waters with just a speech, he decided to carve a full RA size aircraft from a Giant Sequoia.

 

The finished design was beautiful when the carving was polished. He  had a body contour seat, a ........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The finished design was beautiful when the carving was polished. He  had a body contour seat, a ........

..... shape of which would put Formula 1 seat molding technology to shame.

 

As a result Oscar Piastri showed a lot of interest and contacted Turbine Moulded Seat Technologies P/L who, ever astute, had picked up the licence worldwide.

 

"Why did you spell "Moulded" that way?" asked Oscar "And can I have a drive of your Little Red Corvette (thanks Prince), as I have never been in something with that much grunt and finesse?"

 

Turbo thought about it and said ".....

[turboplanner]

".........Formula One people were always a little bit different with their technology. Jack Brabham, although a world champion would walk into the Repco workshops and yell out to Phil Irving "Where's the Injun!.

Phil, who could smoke a cigarette so precisely without touching it that when he finished it, would drop his, ash, thinking they were under attack."

 

"In your case, Oscar, you raced Go Karts from the age of three, and spelling wasn't a number one priority in that group. Just look how they spelled cart, and no you can't drive the Corvette; you might break it.

 

They both stood there a while looking at the carved Sequoia aircraft,  and Oscar mused "I wonder where the Time-Travel (TT) module is located.

 

Turbo grabbed a chisel and ...........

 

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo grabbed a chisel and ........

... he proudly held it aloft, as it was a timely reminder of back in the days when he drove a battered FE, when the 'Vette & the Turbine Conglomerate were just a gleam in his eye, back when he was famous & known around the docks, the markets & within Pentridge as "The Moorabbin Chisler".

 

Some of his scams were legendary, and he often sat Chopper on his knees while inside H Division, and regaled him with the MC's exploits, many of which Chopper subsequently used in his books.

 

(It is little known that during his various stretches in Pentridge, Turbs celebrity criminal status meant that was always given the place of deference & honor, and used Ned Kelly's cell, which was never locked & had been tastefully decorated with period furniture).

 

That Chisel was a candidate to be a prime exhibit in the Vicmanistan Criminal Museum & Hall-of-Fame (TheVicmanHoF, which, given Mextoria's proud & dominant criminal culture, is regarded with similar status as the Smithsonian), and Tubb had rejected several offers from Jacinta & the Vicmanistan Governor General, who wanted The Chisel to be gold plated & placed between the Machete exhibit and the ......

[turboplanner]

.......Country Fire Authority members letters of appreciation to Jacinta.

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Country Fire Authority members letters of appreciation to Jacinta.

And so, Dear Readers, it is my melancholy duty to inform you that the NES has ground to a halt ...... a little like Mextoria.

 

And it is too late for Turdy to add some dots via an edit, so the NES is basically fxxxxd .... again, like Vicmanistan.

 

But it has been a good ride, while it lasted and 954 pages is not to be sneezed at.

Edited Friday at 01:59 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

......    Cappy, in the past, has often tried on stunts so he can be the last or the first, once jumping into Paul Keating's lap, but readers can be assured that the show will go on. It was just a glitch on Turbo's lap top that kept the dots in the feed, then spat them out here as Jacinta .................................................... 

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......    Cappy, in the past, has often tried on stunts so he can be the last or the first, once jumping into Paul Keating's lap, but readers can be assured that the show will go on. It was just a glitch on Turbo's lap top that kept the dots in the feed, then spat them out here as Jacinta .................................................... 

Oh, ..... so the computer ate his homework again.

 

Oh well, at least we are off and running again.

 

But, Dear Readers, was that actually a shoddy reaction to Tubb's past criminal exploits being exposed to sunlight ........... or the fact that you all now know that he drove an FE?

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......    Cappy, in the past, has often tried on stunts so he can be the last or the first, once jumping into Paul Keating's lap, but readers can be assured that the show will go on. It was just a glitch on Turbo's lap top that kept the dots in the feed, then spat them out here as Jacinta .................................................... 

..... said "Alan?"

 

"Yes" she continued "But with 2 L's, and that means .....

[turboplanner]

........you're an Allen key?"

She gave Cappy the coldest glare he had ever seen; it was saying "Land Tax, Land Tax" and frightened Cappy so much that he blurted, "I'm from New South Wales" This really tipped the bucket over and ........

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........you're an Allen key?"

She gave Cappy the coldest glare he had ever seen; it was saying "Land Tax, Land Tax" and frightened Cappy so much that he blurted, "I'm from New South Wales" This really tipped the bucket over and ........

.... Crappy bought a bucket hat just to commemorate it.

 

However, in true Mextorian fashion, and just like Jacinta, the bucket that tipped over was full of s.....

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......hampoo. Jacinta was giving one to every CFA volunteer as a small token of thanks to help them clean up after fighting the fires for 25 hours every day. She had mistaken Cappy for a hose volunteer.

As NES readers know, Cappy wouldn't volunteer to get out of bed in the morning unless it was to build his kit Jabiru 235. Cappy of course had a latte friendship with Goldilocks the Fireman and every morning they'd sit in the Bayliss St joint and slag Turbo and call us mextorians. Turbo, a close friend of Jacinta, had informed her of this, and also that Cappy was always coming on to girls. While "girls' might be a stretch in the Victorian Cabinet, the 50% share had grown to 98% squalling females, who'd cut you down if you didn't smile and clap............

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......hampoo. Jacinta was giving one to every CFA volunteer as a small token of thanks to help them clean up after fighting the fires for 25 hours every day. She had mistaken Cappy for a hose volunteer.

As NES readers know, Cappy wouldn't volunteer to get out of bed in the morning unless it was to build his kit Jabiru 235. Cappy of course had a latte friendship with Goldilocks the Fireman and every morning they'd sit in the Bayliss St joint and slag Turbo and call us mextorians. Turbo, a close friend of Jacinta, had informed her of this, and also that Cappy was always coming on to girls. While "girls' might be a stretch in the Victorian Cabinet, the 50% share had grown to 98% squalling females, who'd cut you down if you didn't smile and clap............

.... , and woe betide you if you stood back to let them into the lift first."

 

It is little known that at the 1st meeting between Goldylox and Crappy, convened to slag off Turbo while sipping caffein, (27 other members of Wreck Flying wanted to attend too, for that very purpose), Crappy asked Loxy for a length of fire hose and a shiny brass nozzle with which to impress receptive ladies and the vulnerable public.

 

"Those were the days" recollected Crappy as he dwelled on his close association with AhLox and flying in close company with his beer-can all over southern NSW and south of the Rio-Murray.

 

As Goldylox so often said "You'd think that we would run out of issues about which to slag off Mextoria and TurdBoy, but the opportunities just keep on coming like a shooting gallery".

 

"I don't like those needle joints either" said Cappy, ever the stalwart for civic morality. "And I'll tell you another thing Loxy" he added "......

[turboplanner]

.........dropping in to his Captain Cook authoritative voice...........Goldylox could see a four hour sermon coming up and he was busy trying to fit crossover pipes to the latest RFS trucks which was all sirens and no drive wheels. So he started to talk about the Bombay days. As some of us know to our cost, Loxy is a rabid researcher. Nothing escapes him. He even found out Turbo when in Primary school had tied his girfriend's knickers to the school flagpole. Cappy quickly changed the subject and remembered he had to be out at the airfield polishing up his round outs ..........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........dropping in to his Captain Cook authoritative voice...........Goldylox could see a four hour sermon coming up and he was busy trying to fit crossover pipes to the latest RFS trucks which was all sirens and no drive wheels. So he started to talk about the Bombay days. As some of us know to our cost, Loxy is a rabid researcher. Nothing escapes him. He even found out Turbo when in Primary school had tied his girfriend's knickers to the school flagpole. Cappy quickly changed the subject and remembered he had to be out at the airfield polishing up his round outs ..........

.... (Plethora of avrefs), but then the penny dropped for poor old Crappy, when he realised that Loxy was just trying to drive a wedge into the relationship to have Crappy dump on his best mate and comrade of many decades.

 

Crappy turned and said "A pox on you Ahlox (Shakespearref), for while I am prepared to grant you a conditional coffee-drinking & flying mateship, I cannot entertain attacks on the TurgidPlonker even if he isn't entertaining."

 

Then Crappy continued on "As Turbo so often says to me, Amicus est amicus and then as I so often respond Sodālis est sodālis, so sod-off-Ahlox (discede Ahloxus) if you cannot accept my loyalty to a long-term mate, or my penchant for Latin on occasions.

 

Ahlox immediately replied "I, capetane, in malam crucem!" (because AI does not translate "F U Crappy" which is what he actually said), and Loxly then .......

Edited Saturday at 08:25 PM by Captain

[CT9000]

.......turned to look at the 35 year old CFA fire truck struggling by as he heard the polly voice in the radio rabbiting on about all the new trucks the Vic guvmnt had bought ......

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.......turned to look at the 35 year old CFA fire truck struggling by as he heard the polly voice in the radio rabbiting on about all the new trucks the Vic guvmnt had bought ......

.... and with that Crappy remembered Ahlox's prophetic words "We only fight fires that are on the flat, because we can't get up any big hills ........... and if it gets over 40C at any time, we are entitled to stand down & go home, just like the teachers and the polys do".

 

This reflected badly on the NSW & Vic Gumnts and they issued a statement that said ......

[CT9000]

......these CFA volunteers complain and winge when we let them work 18 hour days for no payment with old sub standard equipment. Don't they realize we have their best interests at heart ........ 

[turboplanner]

"Crappy turned and said "A pox on you Ahlox (Shakespearref), for while I am prepared to grant you a conditional coffee-drinking & flying mateship, I cannot entertain attacks on the TurgidPlonker even if he isn't entertaining."

 

This is the Riverinan, magnificent in his generosity, defends his friends to the death, but always watch for that smack when the tail goes past. As old pilot from Sydney once said "They've got the personality of a pieballed camp drafter!"

[turboplanner]

...they all turned to each other and started saying "We didn't realise that" Eventually with sone prodding........