turboplanner

Tubbypenner was watching from below and thought the conversation was going to get off Bingles, but saw that Bignoter was getting faster and faster so he agreed that Kaptain should sit the Turing test (was that suppost to be touring, Bignob?).

To everyone's surprise, Kaptain..

he was in dire straights, but suddenly remembered he'd installed the altimeter upside down (didn't matter, he liked it better that way) and he was really only at 901 feet. Sputnik 1 by now was fast overtaking him. He looked in the mirrors again and saw the beady eyes of Bumper from Adlinger....

The carpet underlay he had used to cover the wings doped by a mixture of sheep dip and molasses (a local dairy farmer had said "Don't listen to those aviation pricks, we've used this for years) began to unravel..

(emoticon, emoticon, emoticon)

Jabba the Hutt in a rare release of volubility, pushing his throttle wide open.

FastPete pulled his throttle back to idle and set up for best glide speed and the Jabiru quickly caught up with the wide open Corbet Startle.

Jabba, realising it was all over flicked off for Girlburn and after overflying at exactly 120 feet dodge an Ag pilot who was 119 feet below him and landed to meet an excited Slarti who proudly showed him a trophy he'd won in a local competition for the best example of recycling match sticks, milk bottle tops and crushed aluminium cans...

What's HGTTG?

Think I'd just like an acronym book.

tell EagerPete you're in Shepparton - It worked with me"

BigLes who by now had graduated to navigating by using his dry cleaning receipt, a Commodore hub cap, and for remote areas, a fox whistle had become very sensitive, and while orbiting Ayers Rock where there were absolutely no features, graduated from reading maps to taking digital photos and asking the entire recreational aviation network to tell him where he was. No one was quite sure because one was of ExtraPetes back yard, one was the Ord River system, two were of northern Tasmania and one was of Bloemfontein, South Africa.

"BigLes is getting too much exposure" said the Captain, polishing his Jabiru 121 which is an upmarket 211 with the wings from a 130, fin from a surfboard and flap switch located outside on the tail because real men don't use them anyway.

Tubby was embarrassed at getting caught pinching a poem he'd seen on a dunny wall in France in World War one when he was flying Sopwith Pups with AncientPete, and was momentarily lost for words.

Suddenly a yellow Corbet Startle flashed into view at a precise 120 feet AGL. It was Jabba the Hut "Brut works best" he said, and people noticed how he usually spoke in syllables of three words.

Desperate for some action, SlipperyPete turned around and said...

said a stunned Pete.

"Well sir", said the ASIC inspector affecting his best highway patrol I'm being nice to you cos you're about to cop a $1000 fine voice, "you did have a bit to drink on the way down it took two B doubles to cart all the empty stubbies back to the Echucaca tip where all the skiers stubbies are recycled into glass Cheetahs.

Pete was stunned, but proud in a way that he was now as notorious ass .222big$

He headed on up the Hume highway only to be confronted by..

I just bought the DVD "One Six Right" through Amazon, cost USD$14.99, delivery tyree weeks, which someone else mentioned in a post.

Traces the history of Van Nuys airport - Sydney Polack is a flier, worked on it.

Brilliant film which shows the importance of General Avaiation - All pilots should buy one and keep it for situations like Goulburn Airport.

Soilplanner recently made a point about the unthinking attempt to shut down fuel supply at Leigh Creek - right on a critical refuelling point.

We cannot afford to lose the aviation network, and so while RA is having a boom due to low costs,its critical to helpo GA lower theirs to keep the network afloat.

realised he'd just flown into Captain's post..

which he got from Bingles, who swears by a single Ipod battery connected through 47 Supercheap connectors, which are soldered...soldered...soldered. :laugh:Tubbocharger had just used the obligatory number of smilies, in this case laughies, which was what people were doing when they saw his Jabiru with the John Deere nosewheel. It had cut down on prop strikes though, mainly because there was no room to fit one.

Bingles (yes he has had a bit too much exposure) came by and said "God made S*** and Jabiru gave it wings!", but tubbocharger realised that this related to the accidental omission of a single Jab decal in his engine kit, and anyway Bingles knew very well that this came from a Bathurst saying about the very car he was driving.

He suddenly realised that evasivePete had twisted the story to cover up what happened on the way to Melbourne.

Pulling off the Hume Highway into the Superwe'vegot nolightbulbsorfusesserviccentre he was surprised to see an ASIC inspector in the entrance. "Let's see your card" said the inspector, apparently oblivious of the other three hundred tourists entering from adjoining lanes. "What's this for?" asked InCre:pig:DulousPete, "We're nowhere near an airport!"

"We've extended the programme to all towns, so I expect Echucaca will get it around 2012" said the Inspector opening his $compassnotebook:helmet::helmet:smash pc:clown:(anotherone).

"How many terrorists have you caught?" asked incredulousPete

"Ah, about 18 million so far" said the ASIC man looking at the traffic pouring past his checkpoint, "but let's have a look at your record"

Starting back, he said "You've got warrants outstanding!"

DisbelievingPete (sorry disbeliev:yin_yan:ingPete) reeled back in shock

"What does it say? he asked, with rising apprehension:

"I'll read it to you: said the inspector...

A country dog once came to town

His Christian name was Pete

His pedigree was long

And his looks were hard to beat

As he trotted down the road

Was beautiful to see

His work on every corner

His work on every tree

He watered every gateway

And never missed a post

For piddling was his masterpiece

And piddling was his boast

The city dogs all stood and stared

With jealousy and rage

To see a simple country dog

The piddler of the age

They sniffed beneath his stumpy tail

Their praise for him ran high

But when one sniffed beneath

Pete piddled in his eye

Then to show the city dogs

He didn’t give a dam

He walked into the grocer shop

And piddled on a ham

He piddled on the onions

He piddled on the floor

And when the grocer kicked him out

He piddled on the door

Behind him all the city dogs

Decided what they’d do

They’d hold a piddling carnival

To see the stranger through

They showed him all the piddling posts

They knew about in town

But Pete just piddled on and on

And wore the champions down

For Pete was with them in every trick

With vigour and with vim

A thousand piddles more or less

Were just the same to him

On and on Pete sought new ground

In which to lay the dust

Till every other dog was dry

And gave up in disgust

But on and on went noble Pete

To water every sandhill

Then Pete an exhibition gave

Of all the ways to piddle

Like double drops and fancy drips

And now and then a dribble

And all the time the country dog

Did never wink or grin

But piddled blithely out of town

As he had piddled in

"Since you were dobbed in by a Mr tubbocharger, who was obviously running out of things to say we'll let you off this time" said the inspector "but you have to remember we drink from the Yarra"

VeryrelievedPeter turned the BMW (which was nicely in line with the image of his puce Jabiru on to the highway.

There was a flash of yellow - it was the Corbet Startle with Jabba the Hut at the wheelstickthingy cruising at a precise 120 feet.

The Startle hadn't always been yellow, it's just that it was parked under a mango and the yellow spots eventually covered it all.

Jabba was looking over his left shoulder. "That was lucky" he said

He turned his head and to his horror...

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

-=-

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

-=-

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous any more. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

-=-

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 7

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.

Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

-=-

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All #%&$ing Employees

DATE: December 10

RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday Party

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

The B!tch from HELL!!!!!!!!

-=-

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 14

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!!

David received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was

fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive.

Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to improve the parrot's attitude and was

constantly saying polite words, playing soft music,

anything he could think of to try and set a good example...

Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled

back. He shook the bird and the bird just became more angry

and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David

shoved the parrot into the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and

scream - then suddenly, there was quiet. Not a sound for

half a minute.

David became frightened that he might have hurt the bird

and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly

stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I do

believe I may have offended you with my rude language

and actions. I will endeavour at once to correct my

behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your

forgiveness."

David was astonished at the parrot's change in attitude

and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change

when the parrot continued,

“May I ask what the turkey did?"

Planer. he'd used it when building the Sheeter, and two naonseconds after he'd pressed the button, half a tonne of metal had been cust away, which is why the sheeter always flies one wing down. (Trust someone from Wagga Wagga Wagga to feed me a line like that!

Now awake from his dream which had taken place on the Riverland town's apron he brushed aside the Asic man had turned to see why Kevin Rudd was calling him, and realised it would have someting to do with the $27 billion about to go down the tubes (which would have to be made up by a grommet tax), and raced for the toilet, where he ,lost track of time learning gliding checks which someone had pasted up on the wall.

Falling asleep with the boredom he..

finally had a call of nature.

He realises he's in trouble; last month when he dropped in for fuel the airport refueller had cleverly disguised the phone numbers using a World War 2 Enigma coding machine from the local car museum (which mostly has engines and caravans), so he could sit around sucking on stubbies, growing whiskers and losing teeth.

Using his $2 Dick Smith Compass, which, as not many people know, contains an enigma decoder taken from a German submarine, he cracked the code instantly and asked politely for some fuel. "Got a card?" said the clearly miffed refueller, and Bingles flashed his Pee card "We take the other ones" said the refueller. At considerable expense, Bingles phoned Bilmo headquarters and obtained a line of credit for $300,000.00 for the 3.5 litres he needed.

This cornered the refueller for a minute, then he said "Left Handed?" "Yes" said Bingles

"Castrated?" At this point Bingles drew the line, but in a case of mistaken identity gave a massive spray to the Mayor, police sergeant, the girls in the Latte precinct, the gliding guys (although they didn't hear it), the Council's ACI (Asic Card Inspector) and Mrs Johnson, which was his big mistake).

He knew there would be trouble, but nature was starting to do more than call, so he gave a very tentative Inbound call. "This is Murray Bridge" came the reply "Do you really want to land here?"

"I couldn't have" thinks Bingles looking at the $2 Compass, then realises that in a rare lapse he's called on the wrong frequency.

He starts again, and six glider pilots all call at once saying "That's where I am"

Fortunately the poison-green sheeter has exceptional all round vision through the missed rivet holes, and Bingles sails through the first barrier.

Just then a bright yellow Corbet Startle flashes over the runway at a precise 120 feet. It's Jabba the Hut, who's retired now as a Jedi (was he?)and a man of few words, but always wise ones.

"Don't do it" he said

Nature was beginning to make Bingles very fidgety by now, so he ignored the call and descending into the circuit he came out from under the trees, and there they were; gliders to the left of him, tugs to the right, crop dusters flying the circuit at six feet, and Mrs Johnson with a broom.

He landed quickly, using the double roll method, and leapt out of the poison-green machine, skipping across the apron with knees clamped tightly together.

With an artful swerve he missed Mrs Johnson's swipe but that's when he noticed the Asic Card Inspector, feet planted apart, directly between him and the dunny..

I think the main problems occur with aluminium components.

hair drier. Big2$ was now a bankable star and needed to keep up appearances, or that's what he told people. Really he'd been hanging it out the window because it had more thrust than the Retrex.

"Come here Carolyn" he said ":ah_oh: :thumb_up:" said Carolyn (I looked on facebook) I'm busy talking to ..

Planey, but the former club mate of Captain was too smart.

"Shoot me instead" said Captain.

Planey, the former champion of the north Grong Grong clay pigeon club fell for it and cried "Pull!"

In an instant planey flicked his bright white ASIC Card in the air.

Before he could stop himself Captain blew it to pieces.

"I'll have to hang you again for destroying Government property", he said. "I've been appointed the Grong Grong ASIC Card Inspector, and we can't tolerate that"

"You pulled the trigger" replied Planey

"I think you've turned into a terrorist" said Captain

"You've got the gun" said Planey taking the opportunity to sprint round the end of the 20 metre long security fence, straingt into the arms of..

You're a bit quiet Ewen?

Student Pilot, take off your Ag hat for a minute:

The Ag reasons and fire reasons for short cuts are financial/production - exactly the same reasons for a Qantas 747 to jump in if he could save time or a private pilot to jump in to save flying costs.

Without extending into the line of the other thread where this has been canvassed, there are people who work in with each other and make sure there is clearance, there are others who won't, and there are others who have an expectation that everyone will be following recommendations.

Going back to Ewen's issue, he appears to have been taken by surprise to find an aircraft in an unexpected position and nthat could have been avoided by some communication from the more experienced pilot.

On the other hand it would have been driven into Ewen to stay in the expected locations for the circuit so I find his reaction understandable.

As soon as sweetheart deals start and pilots start taking short cuts a visitor to the circuit will be in a less safe position.

Starti marvelled at the gentle touch of Big2$ as the Ipod boosted machine roared into the sky.

He wasn't prepared for the swerve to the left though, and they almost collided. Looking again he saw the problem was only that Big2$ was in map reading sequence, the only problem being that the map was of the whole of Australia and he was shuffling paper to get to the right hand side of it. suddenly his prop started to windmill, apparently as the blackbird's nest had fallen out and he flicked the switches, smirking at his ingenuity in fitting a glider release during the rebuild, and floated away with a salute to Big 2$.

It was just as well because Big2$ had just realised there was no step to allow him to get out and add the extra 20 litres of fuel from his jerry can in the rear luggage compartment, so with magnificent presence of mind he set up for the glide.

At this point he was fast running out of ideas on where this story was going when he saw a small country airstrip and a lot of flashing lights...

What a disaster

fall on my face" he said looking at BigLes, who wasn't helping him with any inspiration at all.

"I'm in Cairns" said Riverlass, who really was over Hoxton Park looking for a grader..

"Keep it clean!" said BigLes "We have a reputation to maintain!", but no one believed him because they all saw he was making a..

Chaplain looked at BigLes, who is turning out to be a real enigma with super powers "What music DO you like", he said "next you'll be offering me Aled Jones"

Chaplain looked at the two sheeter jocks, and as diplomatically as he could said "Guys, I think you are getting too big for model planes now".

Slarti's head jerked up and he said...

"Wake Up! Wake Up!" Slarti said to Chaplain - "I need more power for this Cheetah - do you have any more rubber bands?"