planedriver

Oh bother! or words to that effect,

must have forgotton to lower the gear.

Never skimp on the pre-landing checks.

:england:It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they

haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and

walks to the gate.

"McTavish, Scotland " he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his

shoulder.

"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and

tucks it under his arm.

"O'Malley, Ireland :ireland:," he says, "Fencing"

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truckfixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he decided he

 

would just walk home.

 

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a

 

bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store

 

and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However,

 

struggling outside the store he now had a problem -- how to

 

carry all of his purchases home.

 

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little

 

old lady who told him she was lost. She asked: "Can you tell me

 

how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

 

The farmer said: "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very

 

close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry

 

this lot."

 

The old lady suggested: "Why don't you put the can of paint in

 

the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under

 

each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?"

 

"Why, thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the

 

old girl home. On the way he said: "Let's take my shortcut and

 

go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

 

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said: "I

 

am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know

 

that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the

 

wall and have your way with me?"

 

The farmer said: "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a

 

gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world

 

could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

 

The old lady replied: "Set the goose down, cover him with the

 

bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the

 

chickens.

 

Just write BOB on a piece of paper and hand it to a cabin attendant, they'll divert the flight to your favourite destination and give you a priority departure off the plane.

and the next half a dozen houses over the hill towards Camden.

Poor DaveC won't recognise the place and will them blame me

If you can't really afford a doctor, simply go to an airport and you'll get a free x-ray, breast- examination, and if you utter the word Al Queda, a free colonoscopy as well.

Also done, Motz.

Turbos suggestions appear well worth investigating.

There are so few residences close to the strip, surely there can't be too many whingers?

I know everyone trys not to overfly nearby residences a much as possible, so would have thought there weren't too many objections to overcome.

Kind regards

Planey

Hi Peoples,I'm looking for a damaged plane either a recrreation plane or something the size of small cessna... happy just for main part with or without wings...

 

I want to make it into a pretend plane for my son to play in out in the yard and making a sandpit etc around it... I have my cert to fly rec planes...

 

where would I find such a thing? ive been looking on net but cannot find.

 

Thanks

 

Dave

Rgds

Planey

Alan .... I thought you may have forgotten that 5 quid by now .... I was at both the 1975 and 1976 Jersey Air Rallies . If remember correctly , in 1975 I flew down in a Robertson STOL conversion C337 and back in a C310 . Do you recall the rego of the Bo Junior . I may well have a photo of it somewhere ..Dave C

I remember I went with a guy I met at Heathrow, while we were busy getting the automation up and running for the then new freight terminal for BEA/BOAC.

What ungrateful sods they were on that job. 20 miles of automated conveyor network under two roofs and on the second day of operation, the Daily Mail had headlines "New Freight Terminal Disaster! Goldfish for Amsterdam, end up in Cairo". Anyway, hopefully someone fed them, or, had them with chips?

Couldn’t resist a little humour this week…the world is so full of sadness and mayhem right now.']This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina (only in America!). A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

]In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued - and WON! Read on:

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires.'

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in gaol (our spelling) and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

Thank God this wasn't our Darky, because the soaring eagles would miss her, and so would we.

No, I'm single. (But looking)

Alan .... Thanks for posting that shot .. I last flew into Guernsey aboard a Cessna 337 in 1976 ish .. The airport has changed a little since then hey .. I was a regular at the Jersey and Guernsey Air Rallies back then ... CheersDave C

I think it was probably 1975 maybe 76 that I flew to the rally's with a neighbour in a Bolkow Junior.

By the way, were you the bloke I lent 5quid to?

Rgds

Alan

This looked like a very short version of the Breguet Deux Pont but from the 'clue' given its a M.57 Aerovan - made by Miles aircraft.

Noisey and slow by modern day standards, like the Prestwick (Scotish Aviation) Pioneer and Bristol 170.

Rgds

Planey

Miles Aerovan

So you must be Guernsey from Guernsey i'd guess?

Kind Regards

Planey

:rilla:Dating in 1960 :rilla:

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.

'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?

Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,

Maybe take a walk on the beach...'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows rose.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued,

'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.

'Yes,' said the mother.

'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture,

Wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.

She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mom!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.

'The bloody dance is called the Twist!'

You know me Captain, what goes on in the flight-deck, stays on the flight-deck, said the AHdecky.

Sometimes my actions may be questionable, like those of higher rank, but not like when the Brazilion hostie was asked to clean up the coffe you spilt in your lap. I'll not spill the beans on that saga, retorted the bloke in the right hand seat with a naughty wink because i'm also on the return flight:thumb_up:

I had a little titter (pommy term for laugh) over this one.

Rgds

Alan

I cant see the humour in this

DFI was remote quoting here because he had only ever seen them in photos taken on the mainland/Australia.....but..

he replied indignantly, don't give me that cr*p. I've known how to drive the things for years.

You put your left foot in, left foot out, in, out, in, out, and shake it all about.

Some of the morons on here, just don't seem to realise that Tassie drivers learned a hell of a lot from the TV documentary 'On the buses"

An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a young woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Scuse me miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it? Go on----- rack-off".

So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them and burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"God no," says the little old man... "costs far too much when you're on the pension!"

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice on a matter that deeply concerns me. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs occured; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.

I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight, I hid in the garage behind the aircraft fuselarge i'm building so I could get a good view when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls."

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her handbag and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind the landing gear, that I noticed a hairline crack where the starboard strut attaches to the fuselarge.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I contact the kit supplier?

Signed...

Concerned Aviator

Malnutrician is an awefull thing, presumeably the flight caterers were on strike

Wot it is to be pure and innocent!!

Sounds like you are on your way. All the best, and congratulations.

Welcome to Oz, and hopefully i'll catch up with you one day at The Oaks. They're a top bunch of guys out there.

Rgds

Alan

Never even knew a Savannah had a "Toilet Vacant" sign

Never mind Doug. the only one I can find is :csm::peepwall:

PS. Ive also heard that Asprin can help headaches.