The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......it in position.

There's always someone with a camera or a tape and ............

..... and I'm well known as an inspiration in B&S rooting circles. Why, my king-sized double swag has known some .......

[onetrack]

.........really long, hard nights, when I accidentally positioned the swag on top of a few of the biggest roots around, at the B&S Ball. It made for a very uncomfortable night, especially with several roots, all vying for attention in the swag. It was only after I got up.......................

[turboplanner]

......got the chainsaw and cut their tops off that it got a little less gnarly and .........

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......got the chainsaw and cut their tops off that it got a little less gnarly and .........

..... Turbo could sleep the sleep of the righteous on a bed of mallee roots, as he usually does (10 hrs of deep sleep, no wuckers" is the way in which he often describes it).

 

As most members of Aircraft Pilates and Wreck Flying well know from his posts in the technical Fora, Turbo is what we call in Australia "Fair Dinkum Righteous" or FDR, because, as it says in the Bible, The Koran, the Torah, and the Kharma Sutra "Ye verily, anyone who is shot in the freckle by his best mate, and survives, is both righteous and blessed" and that is why Turbo has formed the ..... 

Edited Sunday at 09:41 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

......Church of the Massive Root Disciples Filled With the Flame of Righteousness. The followers of this new and exciting religion were encouraged to seek out roots wherever they could be found, and to gather around those roots, to worship them as Gifts from God. 

Pastor Turbine adopted the classic religious clothing of long flowing purple robes, and this outfitting was enhanced by his glowing tanned complexion and carefully-coiffured, platinum-coloured hair.

 

"Hallelujah!!", cried a number of his followers, when he appeared on stage at the rented factory, temporary gathering place - which site was simply being used while a new Temple was being built.

Turbo encouraged his followers to give freely for Temple funding, because as he intoned, in his sonorous tones, "Only those who have contributed more than $1000 towards the Temple, will be given access to Heaven! Thus it is written in Antioch Chapter 23, Verse 13, of the Holy Book of the Massive Root Disciples!! Furthermore, we must be relentless in smiting our enemies, who seek to stop us from constantly looking for roots!"

 

This intonement led the assembled gathering to hurry to find their Officeworks copies of the Holy Book, which comprised no less than..............

[Captain]

55 minutes ago, onetrack said:

This intonement led the assembled gathering to hurry to find their Officeworks copies of the Holy Book, which comprised no less than.........

.... a 4 hole punch, 200 clear plastic paper holder (foolscap size because they are cheaper) & 6 reams of A5 recycled paper from India, so that the ....

[turboplanner]

........Word could be spread quickly if not with any sir of long term understanding like the Bible or Koran.'

A few people commented on the ads every few pages, such as "second hand CAT D3 grousers,$50.00 - dirt cheap for moving dirt fast. Onetrack Esperance, Phoe Esperance 1 for your .....................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........Word could be spread quickly if not with any sir of long term understanding like the Bible or Koran.'

A few people commented on the ads every few pages, such as "second hand CAT D3 grousers,$50.00 - dirt cheap for moving dirt fast. Onetrack Esperance, Phoe Esperance 1 for your .....................

..... unearthly prices on CAT & Komatsu spares. (He doesn't really have Komatsu spares, so when needed he just puts 5% black in the CAT yellow and sprays old clapped out CAT pieces as new for Komatsu gear).

 

As well as Esperance #1, OT also lists "Pearly Gates #3" for those wanting Leave Passes (The Big Fella is Pearly Gates #1 and Onesie's mate Peter has been issued with, & has signed for, PG #2.

 

On the other hand, Esperance #2 connects the caller with .....

[turboplanner]

........RootsRUs in the Mallee town of Quambatook, where there are more .........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........RootsRUs in the Mallee town of Quambatook, where there are more .........

..... hydroponic mallee root shops, all designed so that city people can sneak them home to grow them on their apartment balconies.

 

As a result of great marketing by the Quambatook Country Women's Progress Association, mallee roots became a fashion accessory.

 

This fitted in perfectly with the new tree-hugger fashion of having the outside of buildings covered with vines and flowers, except that once the mallee roots exceeded the 5 cubic metre hydroponic pot & had sucked the 100 mm dia hydroponics water/food supply pipe dry, the "Roots-de-Mallee" (as they became known in Venice, Paris & their twin city of Moorabbin) went berserk & took over the ......

 

Once the "Roots-de-Mallee" got a foothold, they were able to strangle all of the plants shown below in just one month, and take over the entire area.

Mallee Roots therefore became the Cane Toads and Rabbits of the 2025.

(Some Trendies even tried to flush the mallee roots down the dunny, like they had done when the crocs got too big, during the 1980's pet baby crocodile fad).

Edited 6 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......tall building and in after six months it was rooted.

The root craze provided a convenient outlet for the Turbine Cat Farm. The farm scientists had succeeded in lowering the appetite of the rats to match lowering cat meat sales but the formula was a little too string so there was a surplus of cat meat. TCF began marketing this as  "Fertiliser for your roots; best roots in town." and the money poured in, albeit with some returns.

 

Then a Root Scientist came up with a method of producing renewable electricity. He explained; "You buy a packet of mallee seeds, scatter them in the back yard and withing six months they'll be rooted. Dig the roots up, boil them and the capillary action when connected to 240 volts will produce enough power to make a light bulb glow.................

[Captain]

.... and within 15 minutes of Turbo's last post, Chris Bowen was on the blower.

 

"Hey Tubb, It's Chrissy B here" he said "Will this new power source get me out of the poo with net Zero?"

 

"No Chris" replied a rather surly Turbo "But I can give you a couple of free moggies if you like, however there is no net and there is no ......

[onetrack]

........chance of your energy plans succeeding, unless you factor mallee roots into the equation. Because, you should know that Turbine Roots Inc has an option on every mallee root left lying in farmers paddocks - and when my company employees gather them all up, I'll be in possession of enough thermal energy to fill the major gaps in your dubious long-term renewables energy plan, via burning those roots in those currently-coal-fired power stations, that are a real burr under your saddle!"

 

"You see, dry seasoned mallee roots burn hot and clean, and have no nasty emissions, unlike coal. It's a win-win situation for everyone here, (especially me, muttered Turbo under his breath) - we clean up farmers paddocks, resulting in great farmer joy - we reduce emissions from coal to zero, because we no longer burn any coal - and you can keep the thermal power station supporters on board, by not dismantling those old coal-fired power stations!"

 

"That is absolutely brilliant, Turbo!" cried Chris Bowen. "I'm going to propose a new 'Alternative Energy Commissioner' position for you to slide into, so you have full reign over the energy generation systems throughout the entire Eastern States!" (he purposely omitted mentioning or including W.A. - as like many East Coast residents, he fully believes that there's nothing but wasteland to the West of the S.A. Border).

 

"That's extremely generous of you", said Turbo, "but I'm going to have to ask, what is...............

 

Edited 1 hour ago by onetrack