The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Ooooh!!", said PA, "I must say, I do prefer a man who rips things off in a hurry, when it comes to getting access to the important parts!"

 

"Well", said Cappy, "Talking about ripping off things, did you ever.........

..... see the video of bull after he stitched extra wide industrial strength velcro to all of the conjoined surfaces of his seduction clothes, ready for a quick exit if the opportunity arose? He is still trying to get out of them, and in addition, the hook bits have almost rubbed through his .......

Edited yesterday at 01:55 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....armpits........and Turbo trembled as he remember that cold June morning when he decided to go duck shooting in his boiler suit to keep warm. As he waited in the pre-dawn, unbeknown to him, the press studs had frozen and by a million to one chance something was caught in them. Suddenly there was a whistling sound and a flight of black ducks came in hugh. As the Holland and Holland fired off the frozen studs tore off a piece of his.........................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

... armpits ... and Turbo trembled as he remembers that cold June morning when he decided to go duck shooting in his boiler suit to keep warm. As he waited in the pre-dawn, unbeknown to him, the press studs had frozen and by a million to one chance something was caught in them. Suddenly there was a whistling sound, and a flight of black ducks came in high. As the Holland and Holland fired off the frozen studs tore off a piece of his .....

..... pet rooster.

 

This 1st became known during a physical inspection in the Regimental Barracks (where they grab 'em and say "Cough") ..... and while Cappy tried not to look, he became aware of the damage, but just assumed either Turbo's Mohel had used a rusty set of clippers, or Turbo had been inducted as a First Nations Warrior and been done with a broken oyster shell.

 

Now that we know the full story, and I'm aware that PA knows too (I admit it, I told her), there is a chance that even though it is a bit of a mess down there, it appears to have a certain attraction for the ladies (& the aristocracy) so Turbo is likely to get an increased number of offers for a .......

Edited yesterday at 02:12 AM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....display of his seriously damaged and majorly distorted manhood. In fact, anytime he puts it on display, there's a collective gasp, with some viewers recoiling in horror, while others, totally fascinated, move forward for a closer inspection.

 

However, Turbo has a clearly-delineated policy during display, of "no touching, or it might go off" - which policy he learnt from his time up the Khyber, whereby the troops often discovered some ugly but fascinating explosive devices, that promptly made the older and wiser men amongst them, warn off the younger members from touching them, for fear of........

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....display of his seriously damaged and majorly distorted manhood. In fact, anytime he puts it on display, there's a collective gasp, with some viewers recoiling in horror, while others, totally fascinated, move forward for a closer inspection.

However, Turbo has a clearly-delineated policy during display, of "no touching, or it might go off" - which policy he learnt from his time up the Khyber, whereby the troops often discovered some ugly but fascinating explosive devices, that promptly made the older and wiser men amongst them, warn off the younger members from touching them, for fear of........

..... them getting damaged and being similarly afflicted to Turbo ..... and therefore, needing to flop it out occasionally for the rest of their lives.

 

The Troops did not fully understand, as they were all invincible young bucks who thought themselves bullet-proof, but Cappy is respected & had always interacted well with young fighting men, so when he sat the regiment down over lunch and spoke to them about the issue, he made some progress, but not enough.

It was then that he wheeled out his pièce de résistance, and trotted Turbo out onto the stage dressed only in his undies (many admired his firm muscles and great fitness up top, but that only made them suspect that there must be something terribly wrong elsewhere).

 

Many were physically ill once they saw the ooze from the three-oh wound, but before Turbo dropped his badly stained jocks (erky perky).

 

Once they were down around his ankles the outcome was horrific, the mental scarring of the troops was terrible, so thank goodness Cappy had had the foresight to arrange for 5 Chaplains to attend to handle the counselling.

 

Four Ministers and a Rabbi walked into the room and the Rabbi said "......... 

Edited 11 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........."Priceless acting Turbo, you can peel the latex and ooze pouch off now."

and he turned to the room and said " If you, as soldiers ever get into a situation where the enemy has duped you and you may be mentally scarred as a result, always come to the clergy; we a trained in the psychology to get your minds straight again.

We come from a long line that used to walk with God and he smote down this person and smote down that person all dat long, so we became hardened and wise to the tricks of ............ 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..."Priceless acting Turbo, you can peel the latex and ooze pouch off now."

and he turned to the room and said " If you, as soldiers ever get into a situation where the enemy has duped you and you may be mentally scarred as a result, always come to the clergy; we a trained in the psychology to get your minds straight again.

We come from a long line that used to walk with God and he smote down this person and smote down that person all day long, so we became hardened and wise to the tricks of ...

.... the Devil (CFIavref), and look out, as when Satan gets into your life you can end up like ....

Edited 8 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

...that Cook character, smarmy but very prickly and prone to............ 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...that Cook character, smarmy but very prickly and prone to............ 

.... that healthy mix of Godliness and Satanic virtues, while observing Venus at will ("There it is" he would say while pointing up) and occasionally discovering a new continent or 2.

 

As a result, the Cooks, and Cappy in particular, were always in demand/great fun at Dinner Parties and could speak in a captivating and interesting way (He is in more demand on the speaking circuit than was Chopper Reid in his prime) on almost all subjects that the ....

Edited 4 hours ago by Captain

[onetrack]

.......plebs wouldn't be interested in. Subjects such as the life cycle and mating habits of the dung beetle (i.e. - the Scarabaeinae and Aphodiinae subfamilies, for the unknowledgeable), because Cappy enjoys digging up cow pats, dissecting them, and examining them in great detail.

 

This was a childhood habit that carried over into adulthood, and now he's become a recognised expert in digging up s**t on...........