The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

when Turbo "purges"

...."Purges" is the kind & gentle word for it. Based on Cappy's decades as a leading Veterinarian (in the field and also in academia), what Turbo does is probably better described as "Scouring" in the worst possible sense of that term.

 

Apologies for belaboring this point, but the NES always demands that we get the terms correct and accurate.

Edited Friday at 12:21 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......purge your friends, purge shop attendents who are a nanosecond slow in genuflucting, purge the local cop when he/she want a breath analysis for for tham matter purge the.................

 

 

Not many people know that Cappy has been writing a book, "The History of the English Language"........for 47 years.

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Not many people know that Cappy has been writing a book, "The History of the English Language"........for 47 years.

And has needed to make 60 annual edits to include new yuppy multi words like "Hii guuyys" and "Turbine Enterprises" to reflect their domination of western culture.

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......purge your friends, purge shop attendants who are a nanosecond slow in genuflecting, purge the local cop when he/she wants a breath analysis for for that matter purge the...........

.... riff-raff off Aircraft (avref) Pilates, who are often scouring themselves all over various topics and forums (forae) that .....

 

Please note Cappy's spelling corrections to Tubb's post as we can't have anyone "genufucting" here during hours when school kiddies and Stewed Ant Pilates (SAPs) might be lurking about.

Edited Friday at 02:21 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

This is much better, gives the site that "leotard" feminine touch.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

that "leotard ....

Hey Onesie. I have very poor reception here in Tahiti and can't read that correctly after the authorities automatically translate all posts into French, but did Turbo just refer to me as "that retard"?

Edited Friday at 06:41 AM by Captain

[onetrack]

.........dear Cappy, No, it appears your translation is exceptionally bad - Turbs actually said, you look good in a leotard - and he also said, you're very slow on genuflucting with those Asians girls in Tahiti. However, I know that can't be correct, because we all know your family has always had its primary tendencies towards the Wahines, and as such...........

 

Edited Friday at 01:01 PM by onetrack

[Captain]

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

.........dear Cappy, No, it appears your translation is exceptionally bad - Turbs actually said, you look good in a leotard - and he also said, you're very slow on genuflucting with those Asians girls in Tahiti. However, I know that can't be correct, because we all know your family has always had its primary tendencies towards the Wahines, and as such...........

Thank you for your response, OT, and I will of course accept Turbo's apology through you.

 

..... Cappy is always wary of responding to any accusation that he has 'tendencies", however given the high standing of the NES and the attendant need/obligation for truth in journalism, Cappy is prepared to admit an unhealthy tendency towards Tim Tams and particularly to eat them out of a .......

 

Cappy and his 3 brothers in leotards in the Cook family colours, taken a couple of years ago.

As you can see, Cappy's has been air brushed so as not to embarrass the others.

Edited Friday at 06:20 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Bentley Continental GT boot with ..............

[onetrack]

.........regular sips from a Magnum of Moët & Chandon, all the while puffing on a Bolivar Belicoso Fino Cuban cigar, and puffing smoke rings for the entertainment of the small boys gathered at his...........

[turboplanner]

.......feet where now and again he would throw a farthing. Such is the generosity of old Cookie.

 

This all came to an end...................

 

NES easterners note the ease and correctness used by Onesy quoting the name of luxuries most of us have only dreamed of.

[onetrack]

......when Cappy was ejected from the Club Aficionado, for bring good Cuban cigars into disrepute, by casually smoking one out of the boot of a car.

 

Note that Cappy was absolutely dismayed when he received this news - because as everyone knows, Cuban cigars are rolled on the inner thighs of 17 yr old Cuban virgins, and this fact alone was a huge drawcard for Cappy, as he fondly remembered.............

 

(Dear NES readers, the following video is definitely not a video of Cappy smoking a Bolivar Belicoso Fino, but it does show a couple of very refined members of Club Aficionado showing Cappy how Cuban cigar smoking should be done.......)

 

https://www.cigaraficionado.com/top25cigar/bolivar-belicoso-fino-2017

 

Edited Saturday at 10:38 AM by onetrack

[Captain]

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

Cuban virgins, and this fact alone was a huge drawcard for Cappy, as he fondly remembered.....

...... the smell of cow manure, working for decades as a Chippy, and talking to his dad, Joe, about his mum's claim of being a virgin too, all while living in the West Bank of NSW, and all the time fostering good relations with the adjoining non-state of Palestoria, where ......

[onetrack]

.......the defacto President of that State, one Luigi Alfonso Aloysius "Turbo" Turbine, effectively ran the State as a personal business monopoly - despite the official Govt Premier and Ministers thinking they were running the State. No State decision of any kind could be approved without it going past Turbo for approval - or refusal.

 

When a major Govt decision was overturned, it was because it didn't meet Turbo's aim of getting 10% of the cut of the monies involved. But the refusal was always couched in subtle terms, such as "the project failed to reach the viability objectives", amongst other obtuse and seemingly political reasons.

 

Turbo's defacto reign over the State decision-making, led to many would-be small-time dictators trying to emulate Turbo's success, which then led to............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Luigi Alfonso Aloysius "Turbo" Turbine

Known to his mates as Yessir Crack-a-Phat Turbine.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Turbo's defacto reign over the State decision-making, led to many would-be small-time dictators trying to emulate Turbo's success, which then led to............

.... dictatorial competition that for a short time saw The Turbine Corporation move into tunnel systems and offices below most of Melbournistan's municipal hospitals, and that really .....

Edited yesterday at 03:29 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....caused problems when the wine flowed and the weed smoke drifted through the nurses' quarters.

As they went on shift to their allocated wards, patiemts reported they'd had the best night of their lives and .........................

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....caused problems when the wine flowed and the weed smoke drifted through the nurses' quarters.

As they went on shift to their allocated wards, patiemts reported they'd had the best night of their lives and .........................

.... privacy screens + weed fuelled nurse's uniform malfunctions were the order of the day.

 

"And it's all on medical benefits" said Clarry, who voluntarily extended his hospitalization and .....

Edited 12 hours ago by Captain

[onetrack]

......who ordered in another 50 sets of short-skirt nurses uniforms, to replace the standard nursing long pants. Clarry was looking forward to another night of entertainment with high hopes of all the nurses changing into the short skirts - but he was horrified at the shift change to see Ted the gay male nurse walk up to his bed, and say...............

[Captain]

49 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......who ordered in another 50 sets of short-skirt nurses uniforms, to replace the standard nursing long pants. Clarry was looking forward to another night of entertainment with high hopes of all the nurses changing into the short skirts - but he was horrified at the shift change to see Ted the gay male nurse walk up to his bed, and say...............

..... "Me and the Matron are doing your sponge bath tonight, and if there is any sign of arousal the Matron will ......

 

The Matron when she was 25 and good looking.

She could pop the top off a coke bottle with her little finger.

Edited 4 hours ago by Captain

[Captain]

I hope this this is not telling tales out of school, but when Turbo and Cappy were up the Khyber, and when Turbs was delirious after Cappy shot him near his freckle with Cappy's Three-Oh, Turbo would often mumble about the delights, the thrill, and the majesty, of "undoing 18 buttons".

 

Cappy never understood Turbo's fixation with that action until he saw the Matron's photo, and he now has even more respect for his best mate than he had previously.

Edited 2 hours ago by Captain