The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

Cappy apologizes for bringing the NES back to matters aviation (avref), but he just came across a hand cranked movie (Cappy (c)) of Turbo and his 1st aircraft build.

 

He still starts all of his aircraft that way, even after being sanctioned numerous times by the AUF and even by EEan ...... and he has trouble running like-the-wind these days.

 

 

Edited March 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....he would have to go into the Horsham Base Hospital; the pain was terrible; there's nothing quite like a backfire through the Stromberg and the fix is so embarrassing because they use a chimney brush. They don't call it a Base hospital for nothing and the nurses ...................

[Captain]

53 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....he would have to go into the Horsham Base Hospital; the pain was terrible; there's nothing quite like a backfire through the Stromberg and the fix is so embarrassing because they use a chimney brush. They don't call it a Base hospital for nothing and the nurses .....

.... were dedicated professionals, so went straight to work.

 

One even inserted a finger covered in Vicks Vapor Rub, which she had mistaken for Vaseline (either that, or it was deliberate as a nursey prank to see how high (avref) he would jump ... and it must have been the latter as there were pencil marks on the wall measuring past insertions, with names shown on each height mark).

 

Turbo, who had always been a little over sensitive in the region since he had been reamed by a CASA (avref) Inspector in 1949, set a new height record, and once he had landed the pulled the nurse close and said ".......

[turboplanner]

Is your first name Lucretia......................and she hit him in the mikunis with a bed pan.     Turbo ................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Is your first name Lucretia......................and she hit him in the mikunis with a bed pan.     Turbo ....

.... stood, as he always does, proudly but a little stooped, wiped the excretal matter from his face, and wondered aloud why anyone would hit him in one of the finest motorcycle carburetors that were ever produced in the 70s.

 

But then Tubb thought it through a little more, and it .....

[Captain]

Dear NESers and our thousands of readers.

 

Cappy is very concerned for the future of the NES at the moment as bull appears to have gone missing (again) so I assume that he has had success and is shacked up with a bovine lover for a prolonged session, Onesie continues to provide signs in the bottom right corners, so at least I don't have to go over to sandman-land to meet with him to discuss this malaise, Bernie is lurking occasionally but is otherwise silent, and Turbo, my best and longest mate, has gone missing in the wilds of Mextoria, (a cold, lawless and dangerous place) ..... so I fear the effects of a machete attack or he has been caught up in some gangland power struggle with his Moorabbin Crew.

 

(Or is Turbo actually Sammy Newman in real life and has been off in the RPA having some holes cut & tubes fitted).

 

So what do I do? ..... recruit more NESers from the Accidents and Incidents forum page (where there appears to be a lack of a sense of humour) or do I just wait ..................... and wait ........................ and wait, here on my own?

Edited March 9 by Captain

[bull]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

and wait, here on my own?

You are not on your own Elratto some of us :Elders : like a snooze every now again {though not recommended at 100klms on the way home from the rsl in a charger]  and take a break when due. all good for you whippersnapperss...

[turboplanner]

.....and loungerss.

Turbo is back again having been on a call from his CIA mates to help with a litte matter in Columbia involving a house made from hundred dollar bills a fleet of fast boats and  a big Columbian knowm as El Tourisimo.

 

Bruised, battered with one eye bandaged Turbo was lucky to get out of there with his clothes on his back, he didn't have time to put them on when the flame thrower poked through the window..............................

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Bruised, battered with one eye bandaged Turbo was lucky to get out of there with his clothes on his back, he didn't have time to put them on when the flame thrower poked through the window ....

..... but Turdy remained cool as he had been there before and that always provides an advantage. (Turbo is even tougher than Bernie).

 

It is little known that TFL (Turbine Flamethrowers Ltd) had used Ukrainian technology which was way ahead of its time because the ignition system was both .....

[turboplanner]

.....active and passive. 

When it was passive you pulled the trigger and a 10 metre spurt of sticky Napalm fried the enemy. 

When it was active, if the enemy overran your base and pinched the flame thrower out of your hands, you could use your Iphone (IOS 18 or later) to reverse the direction of flame  to fry the basXXXXX!.

Not many people know this so NES readers are asked to keep it quiet.

When Cappy and Turbo were seconded to the Afghanistan War, they...............

 

 

Edited March 11 by turboplanner

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....active and passive. 

When it was passive you pulled the trigger and a 10 metre spurt of sticky Napalm fried the enemy. 

When it was active, if the enemy overran your base and pinched the flame thrower out of your hands, you could use your Iphone (IOS 18 or later) to reverse the direction of flame  to fry the basXXXXX!.

Not many people know this so NES readers are asked to keep it quiet.

When Cappy and Turbo were seconded to the Afghanistan War, they....

.... (the Afghans) had trouble with the concept as they all had Iphone with IOS 20, thanks to little Joey Biden and the Kamel, plus in the Afghan lingo, the words for "active" and "passive" only vary by their inflection, & add to this that most Afghans are left handed in order to better hold the goats, so that when it really hits the fan, flamethrower action-wise, it's a bit hard to use an optimistic upwards inflection in order to get your TFL unit active, when the Pakistani Special Forces equivalent of a Ghurka (although taller, fatter and smellier) is wanting to .....

[Captain]

On 10/03/2026 at 7:05 PM, Captain said:

.... (the Afghans) had trouble with the concept as they all had Iphone with IOS 20, thanks to little Joey Biden and the Kamel, plus in the Afghan lingo, the words for "active" and "passive" only vary by their inflection, & add to this that most Afghans are left handed in order to better hold the goats, so that when it really hits the fan, flamethrower action-wise, it's a bit hard to use an optimistic upwards inflection in order to get your TFL unit active, when the Pakistani Special Forces equivalent of a Ghurka (although taller, fatter and smellier) is wanting to .....

Do not be impatient dear NESers. We need to give them time to respond as Tubb has probably been punted off to an undercover role in Iran, perhaps as the body double for the next Supreme Leader, and Onesie will certainly be down at Swanbourne lifting up the SAS's training regime by running up and down bigger sandhills.

[turboplanner]

......do what soldiers do like shoot'n and shxt, and crawling along in drains.  They were dragn their bellies on the ground when...........

[bull]

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......do what soldiers do like shoot'n and shxt, and crawling along in drains.  They were dragn their bellies on the ground when...........

............. the sound of a screaming 503 rotax could be heard above the bedlam as.................

Edited March 12 by bull

[turboplanner]

..............it approached. They frantically shovelled a trench and covered themselves with a thick layer of dirt and rocks. They were Members of the AUF (Afghanistan Ulltralight Federation) and they'd been hit by the schrapnel of a screaming 503.

 

Mustapha Krapp yelled ".................................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..............it approached. They frantically shovelled a trench and covered themselves with a thick layer of dirt and rocks. They were Members of the AUF (Afghanistan Ulltralight Federation) and they'd been hit by the schrapnel of a screaming 503.

 

Mustapha Krapp yelled ".................................

...... "It's a Rotax powered, Pakistani assembled drone, maaate, as you could hear the whine of the gearbox before it got over the Packi border. And watch out if you hear the clunk of the gearbox backlash as that means that the engine has stopped (or self-destructed) and she's on her way down to zap some poor unsuspecting .....

Edited March 12 by Captain

[Captain]

17 hours ago, Captain said:

.... Tubb has probably been punted off to an undercover role in Iran, ....

It is a little-known fact that Turbo was the founding member of the charitable (at least that's its tax status) organization named Soldiers-Without-Borders, ..... who also do good work providing patients for Doctors-Without-Borders (or Medicines sans Frontiers, if you are a Francophile poser).

 

Turbo also set up Fathers-Without-Borders, as there are little Turbos wherever he goes, or shortly thereafter, and the Turbine clan base is ever expanding worldwide (Alexander the Great, eat your heart out). 

Edited March 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......and in fact Turbo (or Alexander the Greater as he liked to be called) had been activated in the middle of the night (at first he thought it was bad fish) by a phone call  from Trumpy. "Alex," he said (he was trying to ingratiate himself with Turbo, wanted to come to the Spratleys), "These XXXXXXX ships  in the Hormoose corner of whatever it is are being sunk by the Iranians that we beat, and good too. Can you stop them?" Of course Turbo said "Yes Sir" like Albo does, and he now found himself leading a pack of modified Pterodactyls all with 503s, taking off from a base just far enough to guarantee destruction over Hormuz Strait [why to they call it a straight when it's a corner], As they came into a Strait formation, 503 bits came raining down.........

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Of course Turbo said "Yes Sir" like Albo does, and he now found himself leading a pack of modified Pterodactyls all with 503s, taking off from a base just far enough to guarantee destruction over Hormuz Strait [why to they call it a straight when it's a corner], As they came into a Strait formation, 503 bits came raining down.....

.... and all of the Iranian military guys below did a whoopsy, then slipped over on it.

 

"It's almost a pleasure to be killed by the Alexander-the-Great of the 21st century" said Mohammed Mohammed bin Mohammed of the Woulda-if-they-Kuda Quds Force, as he ......

[turboplanner]

.........bowed to the Greater Alexander. The Iranians  left the ships and swam for their lives. On reaching the shore they threw their flags away and ran until the realised the were in Al Hadistanitan where the were safe from The Iranian Palace Guards who carried Elastrators in their holsters; a terrifying weapon.

 

The 503 bombing run had been a success. They'd lost a few pilots but being AUF hardened, they didn't worry. Donny phoned up and grovelled to be allowed to stay at the Spratleys. One Track who'd been carefully studying the military skills of Cappy and Alexander .........................

[onetrack]

...........said, "These blokes live in Fantasy Land! They couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag! The only fighting they've done, is with the demons in their nightmares! They shouldn't be allowed near anything more dangerous than a rubber sword!!"

 

bull was a bit appalled at OT's outburst. "Geez, that's a bit rough on Cappy and Alex, they thought their trip to the Spratleys was all sewn up, now you're saying they shouldn't even pick up a weapon? How are we going to take part in this Iranian stoush, if we don't have some decent military blokes step up to the plate?"

 

"Look", said OT, "We've got a regular Army for that! I bet this pair even stamp out their own medals, out of aircraft they've crashed - probably using Turbine Medals and Great Military Awards Inc!

You know how they keeping talking about 'wise men from the East'? - well, I can tell you this much, there was a lot of crap written in the early days, and there are no wise men in the East, they all came from the West, and............

 

Edited March 13 by onetrack

[Captain]

34 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Look", said OT, "We've got a regular Army for that! I bet this pair even stamp out their own medals, out of aircraft they've crashed - probably using Turbine Medals and Great Military Awards Inc!

You know how they keeping talking about 'wise men from the East'? - well, I can tell you this much, there was a lot of crap written in the early days, and there are no wise men in the East, they all came from the West, and............

... with that, Dear Readers, you may possibly have gained the impression that Onesie has the typical WA chip on both shoulders + one on the head of his ....

[bull]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

... with that, Dear Readers, you may possibly have gained the impression that Onesie has the typical WA chip on both shoulders + one on the head of his ....

..........quite extraordinary................ 

[turboplanner]

.....mongrel British Bulldog which roams the streets at night in Rockingham, the dirt streets of Rocky where....................

 

 

[onetrack]

.....even W.A.'s Premier (who lives there) fears to tread. It was in this cut-throat, dangerous environment, that some of Australia's finest men were produced. Men who could tell instantly if an approaching individual was "friend or foe". Men who could spot a bulge in clothing that meant trouble - big trouble - or not.

 

It was no error of geography that led to the SAS barracks being established at Swanbourne, because these heroes were first found in W.A. These were no "cut lunch commandos", these men were the real thing, and they shipped the weaklings in from the East, to try and bring them up to the standards of the West Australian heroes, amongst the massive Swanbourne sand dunes.

 

OT has climbed many of these sand dunes (especially after he found the nude beach there), and he now knows why the SAS were feared worldwide, after they were seen making short work of those dunes.

It was during one particularly hot day, that OT climbed a massive Swanbourne dune and spotted a large collection of..................